Chris quotes from Willy's Wonderland (2021)

Chris

Liv, you in there?

Liv

Oh, shit. Yeah, I’m in here. Can you help me out?

Chris

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Aaron Powers

Okay, calm down, dude. No need to be a superhero.

Chris

Oh!

Aaron

Oh, my God.

Chris

Oh, damn it! Oh!

Aaron

Nice one, genius. The door was unlocked.

Chris

How am I supposed to know that? [they all enter the trailer]

Aaron

Oh, shit. Let me see if we can find something to get you out of that.

Bob

She gave you a bucket? Bitch is wicked.

Chris

Liv, you okay?

Liv

Are you okay?

Chris

Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Just…

Aaron

I found a screwdriver.

Bob

What the hell are we gonna do with a screwdriver? Have y’all never worn handcuffs before?

Aaron

Oh, shut up.

Dan

Why not just look for the key?

Chris

What the hell am I looking in the fridge for?[closes the refrigerator] God, these eggs are definitely bad. [as Kathy unlocks the handcuffs, using a hairpin] We need, like, a saw or a pliers or something.

Bob

Pliers? Can’t find no key in here.

Chris

Shut up and find something.

Bob

You shut up! You ain’t had no handcuffs on.

Liv

Gee, thanks for the help, guys.

Chris

Cool. We good.

Dan

Yo.

Liv

Come on. We’re late. I saw the bait already.

Chris

Where?

Liv

Well, he was with Jed in his truck. Probably locked inside Willy’s by now.

Bob

Well, let’s roll out. I wanna see that bitch burn.

Kathy

Yeah, burn, baby, burn.

Liv

Wait, guys, this isn’t for your entertainment, okay? It’s for doing what’s right.

Bob

It’s gotta be a little entertaining. Look, I wanna see them freak bastards die for what I see ’em do.

Aaron

Shut up, dude. What have you seen them do?

Bob

Remember that one time I was…

Liv

Okay, shut up. Guys. If we’re doing this, we’re gonna do this as a mission, not a field trip. Are you with me or not?

Chris

Yeah, we’re with you, Liv.

Aaron

Whatever you say.

Bob

Yeah.

Liv

All right. Let’s do this.
[Liv turns to flip the trailer off, and closes the door]

Aaron

Hey, Chris.

Chris

What?

Aaron

Can you pour gas literally anywhere else?

Chris

I’m sorry you pour like crap, Aaron.

Aaron

You’re pouring gas on top of my gas.

Chris

All right, let me go over here and I’ll just paint the bush.

Aaron

Perfect. Thank you.

Bob

Hey, you blowing bubbles? Bring your ass.

Aaron

You forgot the lighter, didn’t you?

Chris

No, I didn’t.

Aaron

Then let me see it. Oh, my God.

Chris

There you go.
Dan: Yeah, all right.

Liv

Wait, wait, wait. Uh-uh. Not yet. [Aaron scoffs]

Liv

That guy’s still in there. We gotta get him out first. [the Janitor is cleaning the inside of an oven. Liv knocks at the window] Hey, sir! Sir! You’re not safe in there. We gotta get you out. [the Janitor leaves] Hey!

Kathy

Well, that was rude.

Bob

Hey, look, if he don’t wanna be safe, it’s his ass, not ours.

Liv

Tough shit. I’m getting him out whether he likes it or not.

Aaron

You wanna go in there with those things? Are you high?

Bob

Look, if he wanna be cremated, that’s his business.

Aaron

Yeah.

Liv

I’m sorry, but I’m just not okay with letting somebody burn alive in there if we can do something about it.

Chris

She’s right.

Aaron

Of course she is, Chris.

Chris

Oh, shut up!

Bob

Hurry this shit up so we can go home.

Liv

I’ll figure out how to get inside, but I’m not putting you guys in danger. You just figure out how to get us out once I do.

Chris

Okay.

Chris

We go in, fast, we split up, and as soon as we find Liv and this janitor dude, we’re out.

Aaron

Hmm.

Chris

What, Aaron?

Aaron

We just don’t need any more Batman bullshit, all right?

Chris

Okay. Thank you. Yeah, I know. It’s only going to make it less safe for everyone else.

Dan

You mean kinda like Liv just did?

Chris

Excuse me?

Aaron

Say what you gotta say.

Bob

Speak up. Now’s the time, Dan. You ain’t gonna say it?

Chris

Do you guys have something in mind?

Bob

Hell, yeah, we do. Everything you telling us not to do, that’s exactly what your dream girl got us up here doing. And now we probably all getting **** up because of it.

Kathy

Bobby.

Bob

What? Am I lying? No, I’m not. It’s the truth.

Chris

Fine. I’ll just go myself.

Bob

Oh, whatever, Chris. When are you getting it through your thick-ass skull, huh? Kissing that ass ain’t gonna get you that ass, playboy. It’ll more than likely get you killed, and ain’t nobody, [to Kathy] except for you, baby, [to Chris] worth none of this bullshit you got us up here doing. So you know what? I’m out this bitch. [to Kathy] Baby, let’s go.

Aaron

No, Chris! Chris!

Bob

Oh, shit!

Kathy

Bobby!

Bob

God damn!

Chris

Everybody okay?

Aaron

Yeah.

Chris

Nice of you guys to join us.

Liv

Wait, what are you guys doing here?

Chris

Oh, my God. Liv, you’re alive.

Liv

I thought we all agreed you were supposed to stay outside and help us find a way out.

Chris

Yeah, uh…

Liv

Now, how the hell are we supposed to get out of here?

Chris

I tried to keep ’em on the roof, but they wouldn’t listen.

Bob

It’s your fault we were on the roof.

Chris

It’s my fault?

Bob

It was your fault.

We’re all friends. We like to play.

Liv

Guys, guys, it’s happening. It’s happening now. [walking up to Siren Sara] Oh, that’s the nasty bitch that tried to kill me.

Chris

Liv.

Play, play, play every night and day.

Liv

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?

Chris

Hey, what the hell, man?

Liv

What are you… dude!

We’re all Friends. We like to sing.

Chris

Put her down, okay?

Liv

I’m trying to help you, you dumbass! Seriously? I’m trying to help him understand that he’s gonna die in here, but he won’t listen to me.

Sing, sing, sing. It’s a wonderful thing!

Aaron

Wait a second. Wasn’t there eight of them?

We’re all friends. We like to run.

Aaron

Oh, that’s badass.

Liv

I know the bullshit story they told you. That if you clean up the place tonight, they’ll pay to have your tires fixed by morning, right? It’s a lie. They’ve said the same story to countless other over the last 20 years. They baited you. You’re here to be a human sacrifice. You’re here to be eaten and killed. Do you understand that? This town has a dark history. And it all starts with this horrible place. You know, Willy’s may seem like a happy-go-lucky child’s play place, but it’s much, much more than that. Willy’s was built in 1996, the brainchild of Jerry Robert Willis. If that name sounds familiar to you, it should. Jerry was one of the last century’s most sick and sadistic serial killers. Jerry spent most of the time cultivating similar sickos. I mean, these were the most depraved people you could ever imagine. Often, Jerry and his crew would whisk away unsuspecting families to the Super Happy Fun Room. Once inside, the families would be treated to a birthday cake and a private show by Willy Weasel. The shows would always end the same way. [Willis, in the Willy costume, stalks behind the birthday boy. He slashes his claws at the boy and kidnaps the boy's sister while their parents flee] After numerous missing persons reports and suspicious smells coming from the inside of Willy’s, the law felt it was time to investigate. [Sirens wail outside the restaurant] Jerry and his gang refused to be taken alive. After the police finally entered the Super Happy Fun Room, they discovered that Jerry and his crew had performed a satanic suicide ritual. Instead of surrendering, the killers decided to take their own lives. Those familiar with satanic rituals speculate that the suicide ritual was some sort of a Katra transfer of energy where the memory and consciousness of the living relocate into non-living entities. In this case, the animatronic robots. Ten years later, Willy’s reopens with a new owner, Tex Macadoo. He tries to keep the current public unaware of its horrific past. Things are wrong from the start. [A little girl hugs Gus Gorilla. Gus Gorilla grabs her] There’s reports that the creatures would move on their own. [A fat little boy is about to touch Siren Sara's breasts] Some would say things they weren’t programmed to say.

You really wanna ****, fatty?

Liv

And others would kill and feast on customers. [The little boy cries] After several ghastly incidents, Willy’s closes its doors again. But Tex still doesn’t bulldoze it to the ground. Why, you may ask?

Aaron

Because Willy got to him.

Dan

Convinced him to make a deal with the devil. Along with all those other backwoods inbreds in this sorry town.

Chris

Speaking of backwoods inbreds, where’d Bob and Kathy go?

Liv

Have you been listening to a word I’ve been saying?

Look at all these naughty birthday boys and birthday girls.

Aaron

Oh, shit.

I think it’s time for them to go nightie night. [singing with other animatronics] It’s your birthday and we want you to have fun. [their voices distort] It’s your birthday, so let’s kill everyone... [singing] Six little chickens at the end of the line. Six Little Chickens at the end of the line. One happy weasel says, "It's dinnertime!" Six little chickens gonna be just fine! Six little chickens in the weasel's den. Four little Roosters & A Couple of Hens. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. Six Little Chickens at the END of the line! Six Little Chickеns. [speaking] Watch Out Now! [singing] Six little chickens [speaking] Herе comes the weasel! [singing] Six little chickens runnin' outta time WHOOPS!... Five little chickens at the END of the line!

Chris

Shit!

Dan

What the… holy ****! [grunts, slipping on Aaron's blood. Aaron falls flat on his back]

Liv

Go. Leave. Leave! [to Chris] Chris, go. [Liv's friends flee. Aaron breathes heavily] I’m sorry.

Sheriff Lund

Hayesville Sheriff’s Office.

Chris

Sheriff?

Sheriff Lund

This is Sheriff Lund.

Chris

It’s Chris Muley.

Sheriff Lund

What can I do you for, Chris?

Chris

Christ, I did something stupid. We’re at Willy’s.

Sheriff Lund

Prank call.

Deputy Olson

You want me to get that?

Sheriff Lund

People made their beds, they gotta lie in ’em.

Deputy Olson

Pretty sure the saying is, “Protect and Serve,” Sheriff.

Sheriff Lund

Shut your mouth, smart guy. You’re not funny.

Chris

Liv brought us here.

Son of a bitch. [on the phone] Get your asses out of there, son. [to Deputy Olson, grabbing a couple of shotguns] Put your balls on, Evan. [throwing Deputy Olson a gun] We're going to Willy's!

Hello, little boy. You don’t have to be afraid of me. I’m not the same as the others. They’re so mean to me. They call me ugly and they make fun of my colorful skin. I’m trapped in this body. I just want to be free. I guess I don’t expect you to believe me. I hoped that you were different.

Chris

I’m Chris.

Trust me, Chris. You know you can. You can feel my goodness.

Chris

If what you’re saying is true, and you’re not like the others… I could help you get to the next life?

It’s true. Evil has kept me here. You must have questions. I can tell you so much about the other side. I can answer all your questions. If you can help me.

I can show you what’s on the other side. If you could help me get there.

Liv

Oh, Chris.

Chris

Liv, Liv, it’s gonna be okay. Kay, we’re gonna make a deal and… [He grunts as Cammy Chameleon wraps her tongue around his neck, snapping it. He falls to the floor, dead. Liv gasps]

Wanna play, bitch?