Squidward Too bad SpongeBob's not here to enjoy SpongeBob not being here.
8th most-quoted character in The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004): in 8 of its 96 quotes
Most scenes with: SpongeBob SquarePants (4), Plankton (3), Patrick Star (2)
Get out!
Scenes with Squidward Tentacles
7 scenes Squidward Squidward [Mr. Krabs has been frozen solid]
Who turned on the A/C? [sees a frozen Mr. Krabs; screams] Mr. Krabs! [knocks on Krabs 3 times] Oh, no! This is terrible! Who's gonna sign my paycheck?
Squidward Ah! SpongeBob, what are you doing in here?!
I have to tell you something, Squidward.
Squidward Whatever it is, can't we wait until we get to work?!
There's no shower at work.
Squidward What do you want?!
I just wanted to say I'll be thanking you in my managerial acceptance speech today.
Squidward Get out!
Okay, I'll see you at the ceremony.
That sounds like the manager of the new Krusty Krab 2. Oops. Hold on. Congratulations, buddy.
Thanks, Patrick. And tonight, after my big promotion, we're gonna party 'till we're purple!
I love bein' purple!
We're goin' to the place where all the action is.
You don't mean?
Oh, I mean.
Both
Goofy Goober's Ice Cream Party Boat!
Squidward $101 for a Krabby Patty?
With cheese, Mr. Squidward, with cheese.
[arriving and his squire blows his trumpet]
Greetings, subjects. I seek the one known as Eugene Krabs. May he present himself to me at once.
I am Eugene Krabs, Your Highness. Would you like to order somethin'?
NAY!!! I'm onto you, Krabs! You have stolen the royal crown, you cannot deny! For, clever as you are, you left one damning piece of evidence at the scene of the crime! [shows him a note]
"I stole your crown. Signed, EUGENE KRABS?!
Relinquish the royal crown to me AT ONCE!
B-But, this is crazy! I didn't do it!
Ahoy! This is Eugene Krabs! Leave a message.
[disguised voice, on the answering machine]
Hi, Mr. Krabs, this is Clay, the guy you sold Neptune's crown to? Yeah. I just wanted to say thanks again for sellin' me the crown. Neptune's crown. I sold it to a guy in Shell City and, uh, I just wanted to say thanks again for sellin' the crown. Neptune's crown. Which is now in Shell City. Goodbye.
MY CROWN IS IN THE FORBIDDEN SHELL CITY?! WAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! [Scene cuts to Plankton on the phone]
Plan Z, I love Plan Z.
WAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! Prepare to burn, Krabs! [lights his trident]
[sobs]
Wait, Neptune! Please, I'm beggin' ya! I ain't a crook! Ask anyone, they'll vouch for me!
Very well, then. [extinguishes his trident] Before I turn this conniving crustacean into fish-meal, who here has anything to say about Eugene Krabs?
SpongeBob, me boy, oh, you've come just in time. Please tell King Neptune all about me.
I have worked for Mr. Krabs for... [burps] many years and always thought he was a great boss.
You see? A great boss.
[off-screen]
I now realize that he's a great... big... jerk! [Mr. Krabs turns to SpongeBob] I deserved that manager's job! [grabs Mr. Krabs upsettingly] But you didn't give it to me, 'cause you say I'm a kid. Well, I am 100% man! And this... man... has got something to say to you. [takes a deep breath and blows a long raspberry] There, I think I've made my point.
[Mr. Krabs' pupils turn to King Neptune]
Anyone else? No? Well, then. [fires at Mr. Krabs, causing him to burn his butt]
[flies around the restaurant with his butt burning]
Ooh! Me pants are on fire! Me underwear's on fire! I'm on fire! [he dives into a bucket of water] Oh, yeah.
And now, Eugene Krabs, [prepares to blast Mr. Krabs again] you... will... [SpongeBob grips onto King Neptune's nose]
Wait! I'm flattered you would do this on my account, but being manager isn't worth killing Mr. Krabs over.
Quiet, fool! Mr. Krabs stole my crown, and now it's in Shell City. That's why he must die.
Doesn't it seem a little harsh to kill someone over a crown?
You don't understand! My crown is a symbol of my king like authority. And, uh, between you and me, my hair is thinning a bit.
Oh, your highness, I'm sure it's not that notice... Baaaald! Bald! Bald! Bald!
Crowd
Bald! Bald! Bald! Bald!
MY EYES!
Alright, alright.
Uh, King Neptune, sir? Would you spare Mr. Krabs' life if I went to get your crown back?
YOU, go to Shell City?! [laughs] No one who's gone to Shell City has ever returned! What makes you think you could? You're just a kid. [throws SpongeBob to the floor]
Run along. I have a crab to cook. [lights his trident]
No!
[runs to the Krusty Krab to stop him]
Daddy, stop it! Can't you get through one day without executing someone?
Mindy? I told you to stay in the carriage!
Where's your love and compassion? [holds up SpongeBob] Look at this little guy! He's willing to risk his life to find your crown and save his boss.
But, daughter, I...
Please, Father, at least let him try... What have you got to lose? Might I remind you of your... special problem? [removes the paper bag, once again revealing the shiny bald spot]
All
Bald! Bald! Bald! Bald! Bald!
All
Bald!
Very well, Mindy. I'll give him a chance. But when your little champion fails to return, I get to splatter this crab all over the walls!
Huh?
Eight.
Seven.
Six.
SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs
Patrick! [they tackle him]
Six it is, then.
Patrick, shush!
Until then, the crab shall remain frozen where he now stands.
No, wait, I'm beggin' ya! [King Neptune freezes him]
Squidward Tentacles Who turned on the AC? Ah! Mr. Krabs! Oh, no, this is terrible! Who's gonna sign my paycheck?
Come along, Mindy.
[to SpongeBob and Patrick]
Listen, you guys, the road to Shell City is really dangerous. There's crooks, killers, and monsters everywhere! And what's worse, there's a giant Cyclops who guards the outskirts of the city, and preys on innocent sea creatures! Don't let him catch you, because if he does, he'll take you back to his lair, and you'll never be seen again!
She's pretty, SpongeBob.
Here, take this.
What's in here? [opens the bag and wind blows into his face]
It's a magical bag of winds. I stole them from my father.
You're hot.
Once you find the crown, open the bag of winds, and you'll be blown back home.
Squidward Tentacles So... you're selling Krabby Patties, eh, Plankton?
That's right, Squidward. And there's a free bucket helmet with every purchase. Care for one?
Squidward Tentacles No! You may have hoodwinked everyone else in this backwater town, but you can't fool me. I listen to public radio!
What's that supposed to mean?
Squidward Tentacles It means you set up Mr. Krabs! You stole the crown, so Neptune would freeze him, and you could finally get your stubby, little paws on the Krabby Patty formula! It was you all along! But you've made one fatal mistake! You've messed with my paycheck. And I'm gonna report you to the highest authority in the land, King Neptune!
We'll see about that, inspector loose-lips! [pushes a button on Karen and laughs]
Karen Plankton
Now activating helmet brain-control devices.
Squidward Tentacles Huh? [A large signal tower flares to life on the roof of the Chum Bucket. An antenna rises out of each customer's bucket helmet, which completely covers every customer's head, one by one] What? [Soon, the lights dim and they all stand up, as they all speak in a drone.]
Slaves
All hail Plankton.
Squidward Tentacles [Eyes widened]
What's goin' on here?
Slaves
All hail Plankton.
Slaves
All hail Plankton.
Squidward Tentacles Ah! I'm gettin' out of here! [Runs for the door, but more slaves burst in and corner him]
Slaves
All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton.
[Squidward, cornered, shrieks in terror as Plankton's slaves capture him] [laughs evilly]
Who can stop me now? Who?!
Because I did what everyone said a kid couldn't do, I made it to Shell City, I beat the Cyclops, I rode the Hasselhoff, and I brought the crown back!
Alright, we get the point!
[A spotlight shines on SpongeBob as he is surrounded by disco lights and fog]
So, yeah, I'm a kid, and I'm also a goofball, and a wing nut, and a Knucklehead McSpazatron!
But most of all, I'm...
Okay, settle down.
I'm...
Take it easy!
I'm...!!!
WHAT THE SCALLOP?!
I'm a Goofy Goober!
(ROCK!) [Plankton screams and lands through the wall] [rockstar voice]
You're a Goofy Goober (ROCK!)
We're all Goofy Goobers (ROCKS!)
[Earth turns into SpongeBob] Goofy, Gooby, Goofy Goober (ROCK!)
[cues him approaching the dynamite in front of a spotlight] Put your toys away
Well, all I gotta say when you tell me not to play
I say "no way!" (NO!) No, no freakin' way! [blows up the wall freeing the toys out of a jail cell and shows Patrick's giant legs]
I'm a kid, you say?
When you say "I'm a kid", I say "say it again" and then I say "thanks"!
Thank you very much!
[SpongeBob folds his glasses and squares split into multiple sides'] ]
[rockstar voice]
So if you're thinking that'd you'd like to be like me
Go ahead and try the kid inside will set you free [switches to "Just a Gigolo, screen breaks] I'm a Goofy Goober! (ROCK!)
[knocked unconscious]
What's happening? Huh? [sees SpongeBob doing it] His dance moves are impressive, but I'm control! Seize him!
Citizens
All hail Plankton.
[SpongeBob transforms himself into a wizard practicing his rock guitar solo, Patrick cheers, then actives his Goofy Goober rock guitar laser to zap the first helmet]
I'm free! I've been freed!
What? [SpongeBob uses a Goofy Goober guitar laser to free the citizens of Bikini Bottom] No! [SpongeBob zaps more helmets to free all the citizens] MY PRECIOUS HELMETS!
Squidward Tentacles Ha!
Ooh!
Yee-haw!
Gary the Snail
Meow.
His chops are too righteous! The helmets can't handle this level of rock and roll! Karen, do something! Alright, that's the last straw! Neptune, I command you to-
I'd better get out of here.
Sandals
Look! It's the wizard who saved us!
[last words before his defeat]
Out of my way, fools! [gets trampled by every fish] Come on, I was just kidding. Come on, you guys knew that, didn't you? With the helmets and the monuments. [laughs] Wasn't that hilarious, everybody? I'll destroy all of you!
[Last lines]
SpongeBob, me boy! I'm sorry I ever doubted you. That's a mistake I won't make again.
Oh, Mr. Krabs, you old soft-serve.
And now, SpongeBob, I'm gonna do something that I should've done 6 days ago. Mr. Squidward, front and center, please. I think we all know who rightfully deserves to wear that manager pin.
Squidward Tentacles I couldn't agree more, sir.
Harold
Hooray for SpongeBob!
[Everyone cheers]
Wait a second, everybody. There's something I need to say first. I just don't know how to put it.
Squidward Tentacles I think I know what it is. After going on your life-changing journey, you now realize you don't want what you thought you wanted. What you really wanted was inside you all along.
Are you crazy? I was just gonna tell you that your fly was down. Manager?! This is the greatest day of my life!
Other characters in The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie
SpongeBob SquarePants
Patrick Star
Bill Fagerbakke
Plankton
Mr. Lawrence
Princess Mindy
Scarlett Johansson
SpongeBob
Tom Kenny
King Neptune
Mr. Krabs
Clancy Brown
Dennis
Alec Baldwin
Neptune
Jeffrey Tambor
Captain Bart
Bart McCarthy
Fred
Hasselhoff
David Hasselhoff
Karen
Jill Talley
Mrs. Puff
Mary Jo Catlett
Sandy Cheeks
Carolyn Lawrence
Patrick Star
Bill Fagerbakke
Plankton
Mr. Lawrence
Princess Mindy
Scarlett Johansson
SpongeBob
Tom Kenny
King Neptune
Mr. Krabs
Clancy Brown
Dennis
Alec Baldwin
Neptune
Jeffrey Tambor
Captain Bart
Bart McCarthy
Fred
Hasselhoff
David Hasselhoff
Karen
Jill Talley
Mrs. Puff
Mary Jo Catlett
Sandy Cheeks
Carolyn Lawrence
