Plankton quotes from The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004)

Plankton

Who can stop me now?! WHO?!

Plankton

No resting! This monument celebrating my glory isn’t just gonna build itself. MOVE FASTER!

Plankton

Oh yes. Well done, SpongeBoob.

Plankton

Oh, don’t worry about me. My parade shall be quite dry under my UMBRELLA!!!

Plankton

Daddy, yes!

Plankton

Come on, I was just kidding. Come on, you folks accidentally knew that, didn't you? With the helmets and the monuments. [laughs] Wasn't that hilarious, everybody? I will destroy all of you!

Mr. Krabs

"I stole your crown, signed... EUGENE KRABS"?!

Neptune

Relinquish the royal crown to me AT ONCE! [points his burning trident at Mr. Krabs]

Mr. Krabs

But... But this is crazy! I didn't do it!

Ahoy! This is Eugene Krabs-- leave a message!

Hi, Mr. Krabs, this is Clay, the guy you sold Neptune's crown to? Yeah. I just wanted to say thanks again for selling me the crown. Neptune's crown. [Mr. Krabs tries to stop the machine by breaking it but it continues to play] I sold it to a guy in Shell City and, uh... I just wanted to say thanks again for selling me the crown. Neptune's crown... [Mr. Krabs rips the phone from the cord but the phone still works for a brief moment] ...which is now in Shell City, goodbye.

Mr. Krabs

Eh-heh-heh, h'well, I was... I, uh... hoo-hoo... eh... Don't'cha just hate wrong numbers?

Neptune

MY CROWN IS IN THE FORBIDDEN SHELL CITY?!! [screams]

Plankton

Plan Z, I love Plan Z!

Plankton

His chaps are too righteous. The helmets can't handle this level of rock and roll! Karen, do something!

Karen

WWOOOOOO, WHEEEEE!

Plankton

Curses! It's not fair! Krabs is being interviewed by Perch Perkins, and I've never even had one CUSTOMER! [echoes]

Karen

Don't get worked up again, Plankton, I just mopped the floors.

Plankton

Oh, Karen, my computer wife, if only I could have managed to steal the secret to Krabs' success, the formula for the Krabby Patty. Ohhh. Oh! Then people would line up to eat at my restaurant. Lord knows I've tried. I've exhausted every evil plan in my filing cabinet from A to Y.

Karen

A to Y?

Plankton

Yeah, A to Y. You know, the alphabet.

Karen

What about Z?

Plankton

Z?

Karen

Z. The letter after Y.

Plankton

W, X, Y. Plan Z! Here it is, just like you said!

Karen

Oh, boy.

Plankton

Oh! Oh! Ohhh! It's evil. It's diabolical. [sniffs it] It's lemon-scented. This Plan Z can't POSSIBLY FAIL! So enjoy today, Mr. Krabs, because by tomorrow, I'll have the formula. Then everyone will eat at the Chum Bucket, and I will rule the world! All hail Plankton. ALL HAIL PLANKT--! [gets stepped on by SpongeBob] Ow!

SpongeBob

I'm ready, promotion! I'm ready, promotion!

Plankton

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

SpongeBob

Eww, I think I stepped in something. [drags his foot on the ground while Plankton screams]

Plankton

Not "in something", -"on someone", you twit!

SpongeBob

Oh. Sorry, Plankton. Are you on your way to the grand opening ceremony?

Plankton

No, I mean, yes, I'm almost on my side over to the grand opening ceremony. I'm busy on planning to rule the world! Almost done! [laughs]

SpongeBob

Well, good luck with that. I'm ready, promotion! I'm ready, promotion!

Plankton

Stupid kid.

Patrick

Let's hear it for SpongeBob! [realizes everyone ran off] Hello? Where did everybody go? Did I miss something? Did you see my butt?

Later that evening.

Plankton

About another time to put Plan Z into effect. Starting at the undersea castle of King Neptune.

Oh, right. The royal court is now in session. Bring the prisoner forward.

So, you have confessed to the crime of touching the king's crown?

Yes, but-

BUT WHAT?!

But it's my job, your highness. I'm the royal crown polisher.

Well then, I guess I can't execute you. 20 years in the dungeon, it is.

Princess Mindy

Daddy! You're free to go.

Bless you, Princess Mindy. [He runs away.]

Mindy, how dare you defy me?

Princess Mindy

Why do you need to be very mean?

I am the king. I must enforce for the laws of the sea.

Princess Mindy

Father, I wish you'd try a little love and compassion instead of these harsh punishments.

That would be nice.

Squire! Clear the room. I wish to speak to my daughter alone. [Everyone else leaves.] What's this, Mindy?

Princess Mindy

Your crown?

And what does this crown do?

Princess Mindy

Covers your bald spot.

It's not bald, it's thinning. This crown does much more than cover a slightly receding hairline. No, this crown entitles the one who wears it to be in charge of the sea. One day, you will wear this crown.

Princess Mindy

I'm gonna be bald?

Thinning! Anyway, the point is, you won't wear it until you learn to rule with an iron fist, like your father.

Princess Mindy

Uh, Dad? Your "crown"?

What the? MY CROWN!!!! AHHHHHH! Someone has stolen the royal crown!

Plankton

I got it! I got it!

Squidward

$101 for a Krabby Patty?

Mr. Krabs

With cheese, Mr. Squidward, with cheese.

Greetings, subjects. I seek the one known as Eugene Krabs. May he present himself to me at once.

Mr. Krabs

I am Eugene Krabs, Your Highness. Would you like to order somethin'?

NAY!!! I'm onto you, Krabs! You have stolen the royal crown, you cannot deny! For, clever as you are, you left one damning piece of evidence at the scene of the crime! [shows him a note]

Mr. Krabs

"I stole your crown. Signed, EUGENE KRABS?!

Relinquish the royal crown to me AT ONCE!

Mr. Krabs

B-But, this is crazy! I didn't do it!

Mr. Krabs on answering machine

Ahoy! This is Eugene Krabs! Leave a message.

Plankton

Hi, Mr. Krabs, this is Clay, the guy you sold Neptune's crown to? Yeah. I just wanted to say thanks again for sellin' me the crown. Neptune's crown. I sold it to a guy in Shell City and, uh, I just wanted to say thanks again for sellin' the crown. Neptune's crown. Which is now in Shell City. Goodbye.

Mr. Krabs

Eh-heh-heh. Don't you just hate wrong numbers?

MY CROWN IS IN THE FORBIDDEN SHELL CITY?! WAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! [Scene cuts to Plankton on the phone]

Plankton

Plan Z, I love Plan Z.

WAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! Prepare to burn, Krabs! [lights his trident]

Mr. Krabs

Wait, Neptune! Please, I'm beggin' ya! I ain't a crook! Ask anyone, they'll vouch for me!

Very well, then. [extinguishes his trident] Before I turn this conniving crustacean into fish-meal, who here has anything to say about Eugene Krabs?

SpongeBob

I got something to say about Mr... [gulps] Krabs.

Mr. Krabs

SpongeBob, me boy, oh, you've come just in time. Please tell King Neptune all about me.

SpongeBob

I have worked for Mr. Krabs for... [burps] many years and always thought he was a great boss.

Mr. Krabs

You see? A great boss.

SpongeBob

I now realize that he's a great... big... jerk! [Mr. Krabs turns to SpongeBob] I deserved that manager's job! [grabs Mr. Krabs upsettingly] But you didn't give it to me, 'cause you say I'm a kid. Well, I am 100% man! And this... man... has got something to say to you. [takes a deep breath and blows a long raspberry] There, I think I've made my point.

Anyone else? No? Well, then. [fires at Mr. Krabs, causing him to burn his butt]

SpongeBob

Huh?

Mr. Krabs

Ooh! Me pants are on fire! Me underwear's on fire! I'm on fire! [he dives into a bucket of water] Oh, yeah.

And now, Eugene Krabs, [prepares to blast Mr. Krabs again] you... will... [SpongeBob grips onto King Neptune's nose]

SpongeBob

Wait! I'm flattered you would do this on my account, but being manager isn't worth killing Mr. Krabs over.

Quiet, fool! Mr. Krabs stole my crown, and now it's in Shell City. That's why he must die.

SpongeBob

Doesn't it seem a little harsh to kill someone over a crown?

You don't understand! My crown is a symbol of my king like authority. And, uh, between you and me, my hair is thinning a bit.

SpongeBob

Oh, your highness, I'm sure it's not that notice... Baaaald! Bald! Bald! Bald!

Bald! Bald! Bald! Bald!

MY EYES!

Alright, alright.

SpongeBob

Uh, King Neptune, sir? Would you spare Mr. Krabs' life if I went to get your crown back?

YOU, go to Shell City?! [laughs] No one who's gone to Shell City has ever returned! What makes you think you could? You're just a kid. [throws SpongeBob to the floor]

SpongeBob

But I'm not a kid. I can do it.

Run along. I have a crab to cook. [lights his trident]

Mr. Krabs

No!

SpongeBob

No! I won't let you!

Very well, then. I'll have to fry you both!

Princess Mindy

Daddy, stop it! Can't you get through one day without executing someone?

Mindy? I told you to stay in the carriage!

Princess Mindy

Where's your love and compassion? [holds up SpongeBob] Look at this little guy! He's willing to risk his life to find your crown and save his boss.

But, daughter, I...

Princess Mindy

Please, Father, at least let him try... What have you got to lose? Might I remind you of your... special problem? [removes the paper bag, once again revealing the shiny bald spot]

Bald! Bald! Bald! Bald! Bald!

My eyes!

Bald!

Very well, Mindy. I'll give him a chance. But when your little champion fails to return, I get to splatter this crab all over the walls!

Mr. Krabs

Huh?

And as for you, be back here with my crown in exactly ten days.

Patrick Star

He can do it in nine.

Eight.

Patrick Star

Seven.

Six.

Patrick! [they tackle him]

Six it is, then.

Patrick Star

Five...?

Patrick, shush!

Until then, the crab shall remain frozen where he now stands.

Mr. Krabs

No, wait, I'm beggin' ya! [King Neptune freezes him]

Squidward Tentacles

Who turned on the AC? Ah! Mr. Krabs! Oh, no, this is terrible! Who's gonna sign my paycheck?

Come along, Mindy.

Princess Mindy

Listen, you guys, the road to Shell City is really dangerous. There's crooks, killers, and monsters everywhere! And what's worse, there's a giant Cyclops who guards the outskirts of the city, and preys on innocent sea creatures! Don't let him catch you, because if he does, he'll take you back to his lair, and you'll never be seen again!

Patrick Star

She's pretty, SpongeBob.

Princess Mindy

Here, take this.

What's in here? [opens the bag and wind blows into his face]

Princess Mindy

It's a magical bag of winds. I stole them from my father.

Patrick Star

You're hot.

Princess Mindy

Once you find the crown, open the bag of winds, and you'll be blown back home.

Sheldon J. Plankton

Ding-a-ling! Hey there, old buddy. Freeze! [laughs] No, no, don't trouble yourself. I'll get it. Well, I'd like to hang around, but I've got Krabby Patties to make... over at the Chum Bucket. Plan Z, I love ya! [laughs]

Excuse me, Plankton. Perch Perkins, Bikini Bottom news. Can I get a minute?

Sheldon J. Plankton

Anything for you, Perch.

All of Bikini Bottom wants to know, how did you get the Krabby Patty?

Sheldon J. Plankton

Well, Perch, before my dear friend, Eugene Krabs. "Sell the krabby patties in my absence at the Chum Bucket," he said. "Don't let the flame die out!" [fake sobs] By the way, act now, and you get a free Chum Bucket bucket helmet with every purchase. Here ya go, Perch.

Thanks.

Sheldon J. Plankton

Evil Plan Z is way ahead of you, baby. I've already hired someone to take care of those two. HE'S A VICIOUS, COLD-BLOODED PREDATOR!!!!!

Dennis

Sesame seed.

Hey, mister, does that hat take 10 gallons?
[Floyd and Lloyd smack their knees and laugh more. Dennis rips off their mouths]

Squidward Tentacles

So... you're selling Krabby Patties, eh, Plankton?

Sheldon J. Plankton

That's right, Squidward. And there's a free bucket helmet with every purchase. Care for one?

Squidward Tentacles

No! You may have hoodwinked everyone else in this backwater town, but you can't fool me. I listen to public radio!

Sheldon J. Plankton

What's that supposed to mean?

Squidward Tentacles

It means you set up Mr. Krabs! You stole the crown, so Neptune would freeze him, and you could finally get your stubby, little paws on the Krabby Patty formula! It was you all along! But you've made one fatal mistake! You've messed with my paycheck. And I'm gonna report you to the highest authority in the land, King Neptune!

Sheldon J. Plankton

We'll see about that, inspector loose-lips! [pushes a button on Karen and laughs]

Now activating helmet brain-control devices.

Squidward Tentacles

Huh? [A large signal tower flares to life on the roof of the Chum Bucket. An antenna rises out of each customer's bucket helmet, which completely covers every customer's head, one by one] What? [Soon, the lights dim and they all stand up, as they all speak in a drone.]

All hail Plankton.

Squidward Tentacles

What's goin' on here?

All hail Plankton.

Sheldon J. Plankton

Seize him, slaves!

All hail Plankton.

Squidward Tentacles

Ah! I'm gettin' out of here! [Runs for the door, but more slaves burst in and corner him]

All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton.

Sheldon J. Plankton

Who can stop me now? Who?!

Plankton

Well, Krabs, you know what today is? [jumps on him next to a calendar] Sorry about this, calendar. [flips page] March 14th! Wait, that's not right. It should say THE DAY THAT KRABS FRIES! [laughs evilly]

Hooray for Hasselhoff! Nothing can stop us now!

Patrick Star

Huh? Unidentified object off the hindquarters.

It looks like... Bigger boot. But how? AAHH! DENNIS!

Dennis

Did you miss me?

Sheldon J. Plankton

This is the best seat in the house. Alright, Neptune, let's get it on!

Eugene Krabs, your six day reprieve is up, and it is time for you to die.

Eugene Harold Krabs

Please, I didn't do it!

There is nothing else I can do.

Mindy

You can give SpongeBob and Patrick a little more time.

Except give SpongeBob and Patrick a little more ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-time---- WHAT? Mindy, will you butt out? I won't have you stalling this execution.

Mindy

Stalling? I'm not stalling anything.

Yes, you are.

Mindy

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are. You're doing it right now.

Mindy

I'm stalling?

Yes.

Mindy

Stalling?

Stalling!

Mindy

Stalling.

Stalling!

Sheldon J. Plankton

Oh, boy.

Dennis

Now, where were we?

Patrick, run!

Patrick Star

No! I'm tired of running. If we run now, we'll never stop- [Dennis knocks him away] Run, SpongeBob!

Ahhhhhh! [He slides down David's rear, but Dennis stabs it with his knife]

Hasselhoff

Ooh! Take it easy back there, fellas.

Patrick Star

SpongeBob, be careful!

Dennis

Come on, kid, give it up. Dennis always gets his man.

NEVER!!!!!!!!!! [jumps to Hasselhoff's other leg] Yeah, I did it!

Dennis

You got guts, kid. Too bad I gotta rip 'em outta ya.

Uh, I don't know what Plankton's paying you, but if you let us go, I can make it worth your while. [presents a stack of Goober Dollars]

Dennis

It's gonna take more than 5...What is this?

Uh, that, sir, is 5 Goober Dollars. Legal tender at any participating Goofy Goober - [Dennis furiously grabs him by the shirt] I got bubbles. Fun at parties. [Blows them at Dennis's face]

Dennis

My eyes!

Patrick Star

I got you, SpongeBob!

Thanks, buddy. Yeah, thanks a lot.

Dennis

That's it! I'm through messin' around! SEE YA LATER, FOOLS! Huh?

Patrick Star

See ya.

Princess Mindy

No! No! No! Oh, SpongeBob, wherever you are, you better hurry.

Hasselhoff

OK, fellas, this is where you get off. Bikini Bottom is directly below.

But we'll never be able to float down in time.

Hasselhoff

Who said anything about floating?

Initiating launch sequence.

SpongeBob and Patrick

What the...?

Did you see that?

Patrick Star

The control.

Hasselhoff

All hands on deck!

10 seconds to liftoff. 10, 9, 8...

Neptune

Eugene Krabs, the time has come... [lights his trident]

Princess Mindy

No.

Sheldon J. Plankton

Yes.

...7, 6, 5...

Neptune

...for you...

Princess Mindy

No.

Sheldon J. Plankton

Yes.

...4, 3, 2...

...to fry.

Princess Mindy

No.

Sheldon J. Plankton

Yes.

...1.

Krabs

No!

Hasselhoff

You've done good, Hasselhoff. You've done... [the ray of light zaps him] Ow.

Eugene Harold Krabs

Huh? Huh?

Hooray! We made it!

Patrick Star

We made it!

Neptune

My crown! My beautiful crown! [kisses it]

Princess Mindy

SpongeBob, Patrick? [hugs them] I knew you could do it!

Sheldon J. Plankton

Oh, yes. Well done, SpongeBoob.

Sorry to rain on your parade, Plankton.

Sheldon J. Plankton

Oh, don't worry about me. My parade shall be quite dry under my umbrella!

Umbrella?

Because I did what everyone said a kid couldn't do, I made it to Shell City, I beat the Cyclops, I rode the Hasselhoff, and I brought the crown back!

Sheldon J. Plankton

Alright, we get the point!

So, yeah, I'm a kid, and I'm also a goofball, and a wing nut, and a Knucklehead McSpazatron!

Sheldon J. Plankton

What's goin' on here?

But most of all, I'm...

Sheldon J. Plankton

Okay, settle down.

I'm...

Sheldon J. Plankton

Take it easy!

I'm...!!!

Sheldon J. Plankton

WHAT THE SCALLOP?!

I'm a Goofy Goober!

You're a Goofy Goober (ROCK!)
We're all Goofy Goobers (ROCKS!)
[Earth turns into SpongeBob] Goofy, Gooby, Goofy Goober (ROCK!)
[cues him approaching the dynamite in front of a spotlight] Put your toys away
Well, all I gotta say when you tell me not to play
I say "no way!" (NO!) No, no freakin' way! [blows up the wall freeing the toys out of a jail cell and shows Patrick's giant legs]
I'm a kid, you say?
When you say "I'm a kid", I say "say it again" and then I say "thanks"!
Thank you very much!
[SpongeBob folds his glasses and squares split into multiple sides'] ]

So if you're thinking that'd you'd like to be like me
Go ahead and try the kid inside will set you free [switches to "Just a Gigolo, screen breaks] I'm a Goofy Goober! (ROCK!)

Sheldon J. Plankton

What's happening? Huh? [sees SpongeBob doing it] His dance moves are impressive, but I'm control! Seize him!

All hail Plankton.

I'm free! I've been freed!

Sheldon J. Plankton

What? [SpongeBob uses a Goofy Goober guitar laser to free the citizens of Bikini Bottom] No! [SpongeBob zaps more helmets to free all the citizens] MY PRECIOUS HELMETS!

Squidward Tentacles

Ha!

Penelope Puff

Ooh!

Sandy Cheeks

Yee-haw!

Meow.

Sheldon J. Plankton

His chops are too righteous! The helmets can't handle this level of rock and roll! Karen, do something! Alright, that's the last straw! Neptune, I command you to-

Princess Mindy

Here you go, Daddy.

Sheldon J. Plankton

I'd better get out of here.

Look! It's the wizard who saved us!

Sheldon J. Plankton

Out of my way, fools! [gets trampled by every fish] Come on, I was just kidding. Come on, you guys knew that, didn't you? With the helmets and the monuments. [laughs] Wasn't that hilarious, everybody? I'll destroy all of you!