With cheese, Mr. Squidward, with cheese.
[arriving and his squire blows his trumpet]
Greetings, subjects. I seek the one known as Eugene Krabs. May he present himself to me at once.
I am Eugene Krabs, Your Highness. Would you like to order somethin'?
NAY!!! I'm onto you, Krabs! You have stolen the royal crown, you cannot deny! For, clever as you are, you left one damning piece of evidence at the scene of the crime! [shows him a note]
"I stole your crown. Signed, EUGENE KRABS?!
Relinquish the royal crown to me AT ONCE!
B-But, this is crazy! I didn't do it!
Ahoy! This is Eugene Krabs! Leave a message.
[disguised voice, on the answering machine]
Hi, Mr. Krabs, this is Clay, the guy you sold Neptune's crown to? Yeah. I just wanted to say thanks again for sellin' me the crown. Neptune's crown. I sold it to a guy in Shell City and, uh, I just wanted to say thanks again for sellin' the crown. Neptune's crown. Which is now in Shell City. Goodbye.
[chuckles nervously]
Eh-heh-heh. Don't you just hate wrong numbers?
MY CROWN IS IN THE FORBIDDEN SHELL CITY?! WAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! [Scene cuts to Plankton on the phone]
WAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! Prepare to burn, Krabs! [lights his trident]
[sobs]
Wait, Neptune! Please, I'm beggin' ya! I ain't a crook! Ask anyone, they'll vouch for me!
Very well, then. [extinguishes his trident] Before I turn this conniving crustacean into fish-meal, who here has anything to say about Eugene Krabs?
[burps]
I got something to say about Mr... [gulps] Krabs.
SpongeBob, me boy, oh, you've come just in time. Please tell King Neptune all about me.
I have worked for Mr. Krabs for... [burps] many years and always thought he was a great boss.
[off-screen]
I now realize that he's a great... big... jerk! [Mr. Krabs turns to SpongeBob] I deserved that manager's job! [grabs Mr. Krabs upsettingly] But you didn't give it to me, 'cause you say I'm a kid. Well, I am 100% man! And this... man... has got something to say to you. [takes a deep breath and blows a long raspberry] There, I think I've made my point.
[Mr. Krabs' pupils turn to King Neptune]
Anyone else? No? Well, then. [fires at Mr. Krabs, causing him to burn his butt]
[immediately snaps out of his cynical, drunken state]
Huh?
[flies around the restaurant with his butt burning]
Ooh! Me pants are on fire! Me underwear's on fire! I'm on fire! [he dives into a bucket of water] Oh, yeah.
And now, Eugene Krabs, [prepares to blast Mr. Krabs again] you... will... [SpongeBob grips onto King Neptune's nose]
Wait! I'm flattered you would do this on my account, but being manager isn't worth killing Mr. Krabs over.
Quiet, fool! Mr. Krabs stole my crown, and now it's in Shell City. That's why he must die.
Doesn't it seem a little harsh to kill someone over a crown?
You don't understand! My crown is a symbol of my king like authority. And, uh, between you and me, my hair is thinning a bit.
Oh, your highness, I'm sure it's not that notice... Baaaald! Bald! Bald! Bald!
C Crowd
Bald! Bald! Bald! Bald!
Uh, King Neptune, sir? Would you spare Mr. Krabs' life if I went to get your crown back?
YOU, go to Shell City?! [laughs] No one who's gone to Shell City has ever returned! What makes you think you could? You're just a kid. [throws SpongeBob to the floor]
[sadly]
But I'm not a kid. I can do it.
Run along. I have a crab to cook. [lights his trident]
[SpongeBob gets in the way]
No! I won't let you!
[sighs]
Very well, then. I'll have to fry you both!
[runs to the Krusty Krab to stop him]
Daddy, stop it! Can't you get through one day without executing someone?
Mindy? I told you to stay in the carriage!
Where's your love and compassion? [holds up SpongeBob] Look at this little guy! He's willing to risk his life to find your crown and save his boss.
Please, Father, at least let him try... What have you got to lose? Might I remind you of your... special problem? [removes the paper bag, once again revealing the shiny bald spot]
A All
Bald! Bald! Bald! Bald! Bald!
F Fred
[offscreen]
My eyes!
Very well, Mindy. I'll give him a chance. But when your little champion fails to return, I get to splatter this crab all over the walls!
[to SpongeBob]
And as for you, be back here with my crown in exactly ten days.
[interrupting]
He can do it in nine.
SA SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs
Patrick! [they tackle him]
[Krabs strangles him]
Five...?
Until then, the crab shall remain frozen where he now stands.
No, wait, I'm beggin' ya! [King Neptune freezes him]
Who turned on the AC? Ah! Mr. Krabs! Oh, no, this is terrible! Who's gonna sign my paycheck?
[to SpongeBob and Patrick]
Listen, you guys, the road to Shell City is really dangerous. There's crooks, killers, and monsters everywhere! And what's worse, there's a giant Cyclops who guards the outskirts of the city, and preys on innocent sea creatures! Don't let him catch you, because if he does, he'll take you back to his lair, and you'll never be seen again!
What's in here? [opens the bag and wind blows into his face]
It's a magical bag of winds. I stole them from my father.
Once you find the crown, open the bag of winds, and you'll be blown back home.
Because I did what everyone said a kid couldn't do, I made it to Shell City, I beat the Cyclops, I rode the Hasselhoff, and I brought the crown back!
Alright, we get the point!
[A spotlight shines on SpongeBob as he is surrounded by disco lights and fog]
So, yeah, I'm a kid, and I'm also a goofball, and a wing nut, and a Knucklehead McSpazatron!
[coughs]
What's goin' on here?
(ROCK!) [Plankton screams and lands through the wall] [rockstar voice]
You're a Goofy Goober (ROCK!)
We're all Goofy Goobers (ROCKS!)
[Earth turns into SpongeBob] Goofy, Gooby, Goofy Goober (ROCK!)
[cues him approaching the dynamite in front of a spotlight] Put your toys away
Well, all I gotta say when you tell me not to play
I say "no way!" (NO!) No, no freakin' way! [blows up the wall freeing the toys out of a jail cell and shows Patrick's giant legs]
I'm a kid, you say?
When you say "I'm a kid", I say "say it again" and then I say "thanks"!
Thank you very much!
[SpongeBob folds his glasses and squares split into multiple sides'] ]
[rockstar voice]
So if you're thinking that'd you'd like to be like me
Go ahead and try the kid inside will set you free [switches to "Just a Gigolo, screen breaks] I'm a Goofy Goober! (ROCK!)
[knocked unconscious]
What's happening? Huh? [sees SpongeBob doing it] His dance moves are impressive, but I'm control! Seize him!
C Citizens
All hail Plankton.
F Fred
[SpongeBob transforms himself into a wizard practicing his rock guitar solo, Patrick cheers, then actives his Goofy Goober rock guitar laser to zap the first helmet]
I'm free! I've been freed!
What? [SpongeBob uses a Goofy Goober guitar laser to free the citizens of Bikini Bottom] No! [SpongeBob zaps more helmets to free all the citizens] MY PRECIOUS HELMETS!
His chops are too righteous! The helmets can't handle this level of rock and roll! Karen, do something! Alright, that's the last straw! Neptune, I command you to-
[SpongeBob frees him, too] [giving the crown to her father]
Here you go, Daddy.
I'd better get out of here.
S Sandals
Look! It's the wizard who saved us!
[last words before his defeat]
Out of my way, fools! [gets trampled by every fish] Come on, I was just kidding. Come on, you guys knew that, didn't you? With the helmets and the monuments. [laughs] Wasn't that hilarious, everybody? I'll destroy all of you!
