SpongeBob SquarePants quotes from The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004)

Get a hold of yourself, Eugene. I'm goin' in.

Take it easy, friend. I'm the manager of this establishment. Everything's gonna be just fine.

Come on, Phil. Stay with me. Let's hear about that family.

Say cheese.

Order up.

Who is it gonna be, Gary? Heh, heh, heh. Well, let's ask my wall of 374 consecutive Employee of the Month awards. SpongeBob SquarePants!

I'm ready, promotion!

I just wanted to say I'll be thanking you in my managerial acceptance speech today.

Aw, thanks, Patrick. And tonight, after my big promotion, we're gonna party till we're purple!

Well, good luck with that.

How many seconds was that?

Patrick, look! Plankton's turning everyone we know into slaves.

I believe that... EVERYBODY I KNOW IS A GONER!!

Plankton?

Sorry to rain on your parade, Plankton.

And you know? I've been through in a lot of the past six days, five minutes, twenty-seven, and a half seconds. And if I learned anything during that time, it's that you are who you are.

Are you crazy? I was gonna tell that your fly is down. Manager! This is the greatest day of MY LIFE!!!

Ah, the sea. So mysterious, so beautiful. So...uhh...wet. Our story begins in Bikini Bottom's popular undersea eatery, the Krusty Krab restaurant.

Back up! Back up!

Hey, wait a minute. What is happening?

Mr. Krabs

Please, settle down! We've got a situation in there. I'd rather not discuss 'til me manager gets here.

Look, there he is!

Talk to me, Krabs.

Mr. Krabs

Oh, it started out as a simple order: a Krabby Patty with cheese.

So, what was he wrong?

Mr. Krabs

When the customer took a bite, no cheese! [cries]

Get a hold of yourself, Eugene. I'm goin' in. Take it easy, my friend. I'm the manager of this establishment. Everything's gonna be just fine.

Who are you? I'm really scared here, man.

Do you got a name?

Phil.

Do you got a family, Phil? [Phil whimpers] Come on, Phil, stay with me. Let's hear about that family.

I got a wife and two beautiful children.

That's what it's all about. I want you to do me a favor, Phil.

What?

Bingo. Say cheese. Order up.

Three cheers for the manager! Hip! Hip! [blows foghorn from their mouth] Hip! Hip! [does it again] Hip! Hip! [and again]

Hooray! Gary, I had that dream again. And it's finally gonna come true. Today, sorry about this, calendar. Because today is the grand-opening ceremony for The Krusty Krab 2, where Mr. Krabs will announce the new manager.

Meow.

Who's it gonna be, Gary? [chuckles] Well, let's ask my wall of 374 consecutive employee-of-the-month awards.

SpongeBob "Employee of the Month" Awards

SpongeBob SquarePants.

I'm ready, promotion.

Squidward

Ah! SpongeBob, what are you doing in here?!

SpongeBob

I have to tell you something, Squidward.

Squidward

Whatever it is, can't we wait until we get to work?!

SpongeBob

There's no shower at work.

Squidward

What do you want?!

SpongeBob

I just wanted to say I'll be thanking you in my managerial acceptance speech today.

Squidward

Get out!

SpongeBob

Okay, I'll see you at the ceremony.

Patrick

That sounds like the manager of the new Krusty Krab 2. Oops. Hold on. Congratulations, buddy.

Thanks, Patrick. And tonight, after my big promotion, we're gonna party 'till we're purple!

Patrick

I love bein' purple!

SpongeBob

We're goin' to the place where all the action is.

Patrick

You don't mean?

SpongeBob

Oh, I mean.

Goofy Goober's Ice Cream Party Boat!

Squidward

$101 for a Krabby Patty?

Mr. Krabs

With cheese, Mr. Squidward, with cheese.

Greetings, subjects. I seek the one known as Eugene Krabs. May he present himself to me at once.

Mr. Krabs

I am Eugene Krabs, Your Highness. Would you like to order somethin'?

NAY!!! I'm onto you, Krabs! You have stolen the royal crown, you cannot deny! For, clever as you are, you left one damning piece of evidence at the scene of the crime! [shows him a note]

Mr. Krabs

"I stole your crown. Signed, EUGENE KRABS?!

Relinquish the royal crown to me AT ONCE!

Mr. Krabs

B-But, this is crazy! I didn't do it!

Mr. Krabs on answering machine

Ahoy! This is Eugene Krabs! Leave a message.

Plankton

Hi, Mr. Krabs, this is Clay, the guy you sold Neptune's crown to? Yeah. I just wanted to say thanks again for sellin' me the crown. Neptune's crown. I sold it to a guy in Shell City and, uh, I just wanted to say thanks again for sellin' the crown. Neptune's crown. Which is now in Shell City. Goodbye.

Mr. Krabs

Eh-heh-heh. Don't you just hate wrong numbers?

MY CROWN IS IN THE FORBIDDEN SHELL CITY?! WAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! [Scene cuts to Plankton on the phone]

Plankton

Plan Z, I love Plan Z.

WAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! Prepare to burn, Krabs! [lights his trident]

Mr. Krabs

Wait, Neptune! Please, I'm beggin' ya! I ain't a crook! Ask anyone, they'll vouch for me!

Very well, then. [extinguishes his trident] Before I turn this conniving crustacean into fish-meal, who here has anything to say about Eugene Krabs?

SpongeBob

I got something to say about Mr... [gulps] Krabs.

Mr. Krabs

SpongeBob, me boy, oh, you've come just in time. Please tell King Neptune all about me.

SpongeBob

I have worked for Mr. Krabs for... [burps] many years and always thought he was a great boss.

Mr. Krabs

You see? A great boss.

SpongeBob

I now realize that he's a great... big... jerk! [Mr. Krabs turns to SpongeBob] I deserved that manager's job! [grabs Mr. Krabs upsettingly] But you didn't give it to me, 'cause you say I'm a kid. Well, I am 100% man! And this... man... has got something to say to you. [takes a deep breath and blows a long raspberry] There, I think I've made my point.

Anyone else? No? Well, then. [fires at Mr. Krabs, causing him to burn his butt]

SpongeBob

Huh?

Mr. Krabs

Ooh! Me pants are on fire! Me underwear's on fire! I'm on fire! [he dives into a bucket of water] Oh, yeah.

And now, Eugene Krabs, [prepares to blast Mr. Krabs again] you... will... [SpongeBob grips onto King Neptune's nose]

SpongeBob

Wait! I'm flattered you would do this on my account, but being manager isn't worth killing Mr. Krabs over.

Quiet, fool! Mr. Krabs stole my crown, and now it's in Shell City. That's why he must die.

SpongeBob

Doesn't it seem a little harsh to kill someone over a crown?

You don't understand! My crown is a symbol of my king like authority. And, uh, between you and me, my hair is thinning a bit.

SpongeBob

Oh, your highness, I'm sure it's not that notice... Baaaald! Bald! Bald! Bald!

Bald! Bald! Bald! Bald!

MY EYES!

Alright, alright.

SpongeBob

Uh, King Neptune, sir? Would you spare Mr. Krabs' life if I went to get your crown back?

YOU, go to Shell City?! [laughs] No one who's gone to Shell City has ever returned! What makes you think you could? You're just a kid. [throws SpongeBob to the floor]

SpongeBob

But I'm not a kid. I can do it.

Run along. I have a crab to cook. [lights his trident]

Mr. Krabs

No!

SpongeBob

No! I won't let you!

Very well, then. I'll have to fry you both!

Princess Mindy

Daddy, stop it! Can't you get through one day without executing someone?

Mindy? I told you to stay in the carriage!

Princess Mindy

Where's your love and compassion? [holds up SpongeBob] Look at this little guy! He's willing to risk his life to find your crown and save his boss.

But, daughter, I...

Princess Mindy

Please, Father, at least let him try... What have you got to lose? Might I remind you of your... special problem? [removes the paper bag, once again revealing the shiny bald spot]

Bald! Bald! Bald! Bald! Bald!

My eyes!

Bald!

Very well, Mindy. I'll give him a chance. But when your little champion fails to return, I get to splatter this crab all over the walls!

Mr. Krabs

Huh?

And as for you, be back here with my crown in exactly ten days.

Patrick Star

He can do it in nine.

Eight.

Patrick Star

Seven.

Six.

Patrick! [they tackle him]

Six it is, then.

Patrick Star

Five...?

Patrick, shush!

Until then, the crab shall remain frozen where he now stands.

Mr. Krabs

No, wait, I'm beggin' ya! [King Neptune freezes him]

Squidward Tentacles

Who turned on the AC? Ah! Mr. Krabs! Oh, no, this is terrible! Who's gonna sign my paycheck?

Come along, Mindy.

Princess Mindy

Listen, you guys, the road to Shell City is really dangerous. There's crooks, killers, and monsters everywhere! And what's worse, there's a giant Cyclops who guards the outskirts of the city, and preys on innocent sea creatures! Don't let him catch you, because if he does, he'll take you back to his lair, and you'll never be seen again!

Patrick Star

She's pretty, SpongeBob.

Princess Mindy

Here, take this.

What's in here? [opens the bag and wind blows into his face]

Princess Mindy

It's a magical bag of winds. I stole them from my father.

Patrick Star

You're hot.

Princess Mindy

Once you find the crown, open the bag of winds, and you'll be blown back home.

Fill 'er up, please.

What'll it be, fellas? Mustard or ketchup?

Patrick Star

Are they laughin' at us?

No, Patrick, they're laughing next to us.

Where are you two dumb kids headed, anyway?

Patrick Star

Kids?!

Now, Patrick. For your information, we're not kids, we're men, and we're off to get King Neptune's crown in Shell City.

Shell City?

Isn't that the place that's guarded by that killer Cyclops?

That's right.

Lloyd, take off your hat in respect. Respect for the dead! [both slap their knees and laugh]

You two ain't gon' last ten seconds over the county line.

Oh, yeah? We'll see about that.

Outta the car, fellas.

How many seconds was that?

Twelve.

SpongeBob and Patrick

In your face! [slap their knees and laugh]

Patrick Star

Who's the kid now?

They're dead.

Well, we lost our car again.

Patrick Star

Never mind the car, where's the road? [echoes] Road? Road? Road? [the echo turns out to be Patrick repeating in disbelief] Road, road, road, road [SpongeBob stares at him] r... sorry.

There's the road. [the road is shown on the other side of the trench] On the other side of this [Looks down the trench in front of them] deep, dark... dangerous...

Patrick Star

Hazardous.

Hazardous...

Patrick Star

Monster-infested?

Yeah, monster-infested... [gulps] trench.

Patrick Star

Hey, SpongeBob, look! [shows SpongeBob a flight of rickety, nail-ridden wooden stairs leading down] Here's the way down. Well, we're not gonna get the crown standing here. On to Shell City. [Patrick takes the first step, and a monster growls. He is shocked at first, but he proceeds to step on it over and over, making more growling sounds] Hey, look, it's making noise. SpongeBob? [sees him about to leave] Hey, where are you going?

I'm going home, Patrick.

Patrick Star

But what about Mr. Krabs?

What about us? We'll never survive in that trench! You said it yourself; this is man's country. And let's face it, Pat. We're just... kids.

Patrick Star

We're not kids!

OPEN YOUR EYES, PATRICK! We blow bubbles, we eat ice cream, we worship a dancing peanut for corn's sake! We don't belong out here!

Patrick Star

We do not worship him!

Patrick, you've been wearing the same Goofy Goober Peanut Party underpants for three years straight! [we see Patrick's underwear with the Goofy Goober pictures on it] What do you call that?

Patrick Star

Worship...? [gets tears in his eyes] Oh, you're right, SpongeBob! We are kids! [runs off while crying then falls down]

Pull your pants up, Patrick. We're going home.

Princess Mindy

But you can't go home!

Mindy!

Patrick Star

Mindy? [pulls his pants up]

How much did you hear?

Princess Mindy

I heard enough.

Patrick Star

Did you see my underwear?

Princess Mindy

No, Patrick.

Patrick Star

Did you want to?

Princess Mindy

Look guys, you may be kids, but you're the only ones left who can get that crown.

What d'you mean, the only ones left?

Princess Mindy

Things have gotten a lot worse since you left Bikini Bottom. Or should I say... Planktopolis?

Dennis

Finally. I gotcha right where I want you.

Uh, can I help you with something, sir?

Dennis

Name's Dennis, I've been hired to exterminate you.

You're gonna exterminate us? [SpongeBob and Patrick laugh] Listen, junior, you caught me and my friend here in a good mood today, so I'm gonna let you off with a warning. Step aside, and you won't have to feel the awesome wrath of our mustaches.

Dennis

You mean, these? [rips off the fake mustaches] I thought you still had a piece of salad stuck to your lip from lunchtime.

They were fake?

Dennis

Of course they were fake! This is what a real mustache looks like.

Patrick Star

Is he a mermaid?

Dennis

Alright, enough gab.

What are you gonna do to us?

Dennis

Plankton was very specific.

Plankton?

Dennis

For some reason, he wanted me to step on ya.

Patrick Star

Step on us?

Dennis

Yeah, that way you'll never find out that he stole the crown! [SpongeBob and Patrick look at each other in stunned surprise] Uh...Perhaps I've said too much.

Patrick Star

That's a big boot.

Dennis

Don't worry. This will only hurt a lot! I love this job!

Patrick Star

BIGGER BOOT!

Wait, Pat, this bigger boot saved our lives.

Patrick Star

Yay.

Thank you, stranger.

Uhh, stranger? IT'S THE CYCLOPS!!!

Patrick Star

Are we dead?

I don't think so. Artificially colored rocks?

What's he gonna do with us? Oh, no! He's going for his evil instruments of torture! Glue? Googly eyes? He's making a humorous diorama of...Alexander Clam Bell?! Patrick, he's killing sea animals and making them into smelly knick-knacks! And I think we're next.

Patrick Star

You think so?

The heat is so intense from this lamp, that I can't move.

Patrick Star

Tell me about it.

This doesn't look too good, Patrick.

Patrick Star

You mean we're not gonna... ♪ Get the crown, save the town and Mr. Krabs? ♪

I don't even think we're gonna be able to save ourselves, buddy.

Thanks.

Patrick Star

Don't mention it.

Well, it looks like what everybody said about us is true, Patrick.

Patrick Star

You mean that we're attractive?

No, that we're just... kids. A couple of kids in way over their heads. We were doomed from the start. I mean, look at us. We didn't even come close to the crown. We let everybody down. We failed.

Patrick Star

Shell City.

Yeah, we never made it to Shell City.

Patrick Star

Shell City.

Exactly, buddy. Yeah, the place we never got to.

Patrick Star

Shell City.

Okay, now you're starting to bum me out, Patrick.

Patrick Star

No! Look at the sign: "Shell City: Marine Gifts and Sundries".

Shell City is a gift shop? But if this is Shell City, then where's the...?

Crown!

Neptune's crown! This is Shell City! Pat, we did make it.

Patrick Star

Yeah, I guess we did.

We did all right for a couple of goofballs. [singing] I'm a goofy goober, yeah!

You're a goofy goober, yeah! We're all goofy goobers, yeah! Goofy... Goofy... Goober... Goober... [their last words] yeah! [SpongeBob SquarePants and Patrick Star are turned into real life sponge and starfish. The pirates are crying because SpongeBob and Patrick turned into real life.]

Captain Bart

That's the end of SpongeBob. Come here, you!

Shut up and look at the screen.

Captain Bart

Argh! The bird's right. Look! It be the tear of the Goofy Goobers.

Hey, we're alive!

Let's get that crown.

Patrick Star

Right.

On 3, Patrick. Ready? 1, 2, 3. Hey, it's lighter that I thought.

Huh?

Huh?

Patrick Star

What's happening?!

I don't know! Look!

Huh? What? Huh? [as he watches more creatures come to life, they growl angrily at him. A lobster taps on the back of his helmet, getting his attention. He turns to face it] Huh? [the lobster reveals the glue bottle and jar of googly eyes] Uh-oh. [the lobster squirts glue onto the Cyclops's face, and falls over] Whoa!

Come on, Patrick! Let's get this crown back to Bikini Bottom. Do you still have that bag of winds?

Patrick Star

I sure do. [the duo laugh as he takes out the bag] Here you go.

Umm...

Patrick Star

What?

Nothing, nothing. Okay, let's go over the instructions. Let's see, it says here: "Step 1: Point the bag away from home."

Patrick Star

Okay.

"Step 2: Plant your feet firmly on the ground."

Patrick Star

Right.

"Step 3: Remove the string from the bag, releasing the winds."

Patrick Star

Check.

Well, that seems simple enough. "Point the bag away from home, your feet firmly on the ground, pull the string, releasing the winds." Alright, let's do it for real.

Patrick Star

Uh, SpongeBob?

No, no, stop!

Patrick Star

I was bad! I'm sorry! Please, bag, I'm sorry! I just thought...It was a mistake!

Oh, no! How will we ever get back to Bikini Bottom now?

David Hasselhoff

I can take you there.

Who are you?

David Hasselhoff

I'm David Hasselhoff.

Hooray!

Um, so where's your boat?

Hasselhoff

"Boat?" [laughs]

Go, Hasselhoff!

Patrick Star

Next stop, Bikini Bottom!

Hooray for Hasselhoff! Nothing can stop us now!

Patrick Star

Huh? Unidentified object off the hindquarters.

It looks like... Bigger boot. But how? AAHH! DENNIS!

Dennis

Did you miss me?

Sheldon J. Plankton

This is the best seat in the house. Alright, Neptune, let's get it on!

Eugene Krabs, your six day reprieve is up, and it is time for you to die.

Eugene Harold Krabs

Please, I didn't do it!

There is nothing else I can do.

Mindy

You can give SpongeBob and Patrick a little more time.

Except give SpongeBob and Patrick a little more ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-time---- WHAT? Mindy, will you butt out? I won't have you stalling this execution.

Mindy

Stalling? I'm not stalling anything.

Yes, you are.

Mindy

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are. You're doing it right now.

Mindy

I'm stalling?

Yes.

Mindy

Stalling?

Stalling!

Mindy

Stalling.

Stalling!

Sheldon J. Plankton

Oh, boy.

Dennis

Now, where were we?

Patrick, run!

Patrick Star

No! I'm tired of running. If we run now, we'll never stop- [Dennis knocks him away] Run, SpongeBob!

Ahhhhhh! [He slides down David's rear, but Dennis stabs it with his knife]

Hasselhoff

Ooh! Take it easy back there, fellas.

Patrick Star

SpongeBob, be careful!

Dennis

Come on, kid, give it up. Dennis always gets his man.

NEVER!!!!!!!!!! [jumps to Hasselhoff's other leg] Yeah, I did it!

Dennis

You got guts, kid. Too bad I gotta rip 'em outta ya.

Uh, I don't know what Plankton's paying you, but if you let us go, I can make it worth your while. [presents a stack of Goober Dollars]

Dennis

It's gonna take more than 5...What is this?

Uh, that, sir, is 5 Goober Dollars. Legal tender at any participating Goofy Goober - [Dennis furiously grabs him by the shirt] I got bubbles. Fun at parties. [Blows them at Dennis's face]

Dennis

My eyes!

Patrick Star

I got you, SpongeBob!

Thanks, buddy. Yeah, thanks a lot.

Dennis

That's it! I'm through messin' around! SEE YA LATER, FOOLS! Huh?

Patrick Star

See ya.

Princess Mindy

No! No! No! Oh, SpongeBob, wherever you are, you better hurry.

Hasselhoff

OK, fellas, this is where you get off. Bikini Bottom is directly below.

But we'll never be able to float down in time.

Hasselhoff

Who said anything about floating?

Initiating launch sequence.

SpongeBob and Patrick

What the...?

Did you see that?

Patrick Star

The control.

Hasselhoff

All hands on deck!

10 seconds to liftoff. 10, 9, 8...

Neptune

Eugene Krabs, the time has come... [lights his trident]

Princess Mindy

No.

Sheldon J. Plankton

Yes.

...7, 6, 5...

Neptune

...for you...

Princess Mindy

No.

Sheldon J. Plankton

Yes.

...4, 3, 2...

...to fry.

Princess Mindy

No.

Sheldon J. Plankton

Yes.

...1.

Krabs

No!

Hasselhoff

You've done good, Hasselhoff. You've done... [the ray of light zaps him] Ow.

Eugene Harold Krabs

Huh? Huh?

Hooray! We made it!

Patrick Star

We made it!

Neptune

My crown! My beautiful crown! [kisses it]

Princess Mindy

SpongeBob, Patrick? [hugs them] I knew you could do it!

Sheldon J. Plankton

Oh, yes. Well done, SpongeBoob.

Sorry to rain on your parade, Plankton.

Sheldon J. Plankton

Oh, don't worry about me. My parade shall be quite dry under my umbrella!

Umbrella?

Because I did what everyone said a kid couldn't do, I made it to Shell City, I beat the Cyclops, I rode the Hasselhoff, and I brought the crown back!

Sheldon J. Plankton

Alright, we get the point!

So, yeah, I'm a kid, and I'm also a goofball, and a wing nut, and a Knucklehead McSpazatron!

Sheldon J. Plankton

What's goin' on here?

But most of all, I'm...

Sheldon J. Plankton

Okay, settle down.

I'm...

Sheldon J. Plankton

Take it easy!

I'm...!!!

Sheldon J. Plankton

WHAT THE SCALLOP?!

I'm a Goofy Goober!

You're a Goofy Goober (ROCK!)
We're all Goofy Goobers (ROCKS!)
[Earth turns into SpongeBob] Goofy, Gooby, Goofy Goober (ROCK!)
[cues him approaching the dynamite in front of a spotlight] Put your toys away
Well, all I gotta say when you tell me not to play
I say "no way!" (NO!) No, no freakin' way! [blows up the wall freeing the toys out of a jail cell and shows Patrick's giant legs]
I'm a kid, you say?
When you say "I'm a kid", I say "say it again" and then I say "thanks"!
Thank you very much!
[SpongeBob folds his glasses and squares split into multiple sides'] ]

So if you're thinking that'd you'd like to be like me
Go ahead and try the kid inside will set you free [switches to "Just a Gigolo, screen breaks] I'm a Goofy Goober! (ROCK!)

Sheldon J. Plankton

What's happening? Huh? [sees SpongeBob doing it] His dance moves are impressive, but I'm control! Seize him!

All hail Plankton.

I'm free! I've been freed!

Sheldon J. Plankton

What? [SpongeBob uses a Goofy Goober guitar laser to free the citizens of Bikini Bottom] No! [SpongeBob zaps more helmets to free all the citizens] MY PRECIOUS HELMETS!

Squidward Tentacles

Ha!

Penelope Puff

Ooh!

Sandy Cheeks

Yee-haw!

Meow.

Sheldon J. Plankton

His chops are too righteous! The helmets can't handle this level of rock and roll! Karen, do something! Alright, that's the last straw! Neptune, I command you to-

Princess Mindy

Here you go, Daddy.

Sheldon J. Plankton

I'd better get out of here.

Look! It's the wizard who saved us!

Sheldon J. Plankton

Out of my way, fools! [gets trampled by every fish] Come on, I was just kidding. Come on, you guys knew that, didn't you? With the helmets and the monuments. [laughs] Wasn't that hilarious, everybody? I'll destroy all of you!

Mr. Krabs

SpongeBob, me boy! I'm sorry I ever doubted you. That's a mistake I won't make again.

Oh, Mr. Krabs, you old soft-serve.

Mr. Krabs

And now, SpongeBob, I'm gonna do something that I should've done 6 days ago. Mr. Squidward, front and center, please. I think we all know who rightfully deserves to wear that manager pin.

Squidward Tentacles

I couldn't agree more, sir.

Hooray for SpongeBob!

Wait a second, everybody. There's something I need to say first. I just don't know how to put it.

Squidward Tentacles

I think I know what it is. After going on your life-changing journey, you now realize you don't want what you thought you wanted. What you really wanted was inside you all along.

Are you crazy? I was just gonna tell you that your fly was down. Manager?! This is the greatest day of my life!