New boy in town?
Jeffrey Anderson Just got off the choo-choo... you have lovely eyes.
They're nothing compared to my tits! You should come up and see them sometime.
Played by Kevin Kline 
Soapdish (1991) · 17 quotes
Soapdish (1991) · 17 quotes
Tied for 4th most-quoted character in Soapdish (1991): in 5 of its 17 quotes
Most scenes with: Celeste Talbert (3), David Barnes (2), Lori Craven (2)
Scenes with Jeffrey Anderson
5 scenes Jeffrey Anderson Jeffrey Anderson Of course I can kiss her!
This is ridiculous! I can kiss who I want!
No! You can't! You can't kiss her!
Jeffrey Anderson Why because she's your niece?
What?
Jeffrey Anderson What are you talking about?
We're her parents! You and I! [sobbing] We're her Mommy and her Daddy.
[Reading unrehearsed lines off the TelePrompTer] [as Maggie]
Dr. Randall, what a surprise! Are you having lunch here?
Jeffrey Anderson [as Dr. Randall]
I will if it's that sample. Huh... I wish it was that simple.
Jeffrey Anderson The test results have come back.
And?
Jeffrey Anderson And I'm afraid the results are very disturbing. It seems that Angelique has a rare case of brake fluid... [pause] Bran... fluid. Bran flavor.
Burton White
What the hell?
Brain fever!
Jeffrey Anderson [as Dr. Randall]
Yes. Brain fever. Or what we call in Austria... [they both goggle at the word] Kopfgeschlagen. At the current rate of inflation, her brain will laterally explore the...
Literally explode?
Jeffrey Anderson Exactly, within the next three houses.
Hours?
Jeffrey Anderson Yes, will literally explode within next three hours. I would suggest leaving the restraint.
Restaurant?
Jeffrey Anderson Restaurant, yes.
Her brain will actually explode?
Jeffrey Anderson Yes, yes, I've, um, seen it happen. It's a dreadful, dreadful thug. Thing.
Burton White
[off stage]
She spoke?
Jeffrey Anderson She spoke!
Sudden speech, the last stages of brain fever! She can blow up any moment!
I can always speak! Mother...
She's MY mother!
MONTANA, SHUT UP!
[as Lori, Celeste, And Jeffrey kiss and make up]
WAIT! Wait! But I'm carrying his child!
Jeffrey Anderson I didn't sleep with her! Will somebody please believe me?!
[offstage, delighted]
This is what I meant. This is what I told them to do. This is soap opera!
Jeffrey Anderson [Ariel and Rose enter as doctors]
Doctor!
A second opinion... this is Dr. Frans Blau of the sex change clinic in Bethesda, Maryland.
[German accent]
Thank you. Dr. Randall, after extensive investigations, I've come to the conclusion that it's virtually impossible for you to have impregnated your nurse, Montana Moorehead, because before she came to our little clinic, she was... Milton Moorehead of Syosset, Long Island.
[Rose opens the high school yearbook showing Montana's teenage boy photo] [normal voice]
Hello.
Are you okay?
