Soapdish (1991) · 17 quotes
Celeste Talbert
Ohhh, there's so many people to thank. First of all, my fabulous supporting cast, who gives a new meaning to the word "support"...
Ariel Maloney
Bitch!
David Barnes
Hag!
Montana Moorehead
I hate her so much!
Jeffrey Anderson
Of course I can kiss her!
Lori Craven
This is ridiculous! I can kiss who I want!
Celeste Talbert
No! You can't! You can't kiss her!
Jeffrey Anderson
Why because she's your niece?
Celeste Talbert
No, you nitwit! Because she's my daughter! And your daughter.
Lori Craven
What?
Jeffrey Anderson
What are you talking about?
Celeste Talbert
We're her parents! You and I! [sobbing] We're her Mommy and her Daddy.
Celeste Talbert
I got pregnant, and I was so young! And the show made me sign a paper saying I'd never mention the baby! So I went home to Iowa, and I had you, and I gave you to Grandma to raise, and I made up a twin sister Simone who died in a car wreck and said she was your actual mom. And then the show told everyone I had TB and sent my character to a sanitarium in Tierra del Fuego...
Rose
Now why can't I write shit like this?
Celeste Talbert
And now you're back, and I've ruined three lives! Three lives! Me, America's Sweetheart! [sobbing louder] Oh, God...!
David Barnes
This is **** great!
David Barnes
I was under orders.
Celeste Talbert
So - was - Hitler! Oh, no, I don't mean Hitler, I mean the other guy, the other one.
David Barnes
Himmler.
Celeste Talbert
No, no, no.
David Barnes
Hess.
Rose Schwartz
Eichmann.
David Barnes
Eichmann.
Celeste Talbert
I never said I was the best mother in the world. Give me a little credit, will you, credit for being someone who tried... to love you the only way she knew how?
Lori Craven
I know that speech.
Celeste Talbert
You do?
Lori Craven
Yeah, it was the, uh, the Thanksgiving show, when Maggie meets Bolt's blind nephew.
Celeste Talbert
Dr. Randall, what a surprise! Are you having lunch here?
Jeffrey Anderson
I will if it's that sample. Huh... I wish it was that simple.
Edmund Edwards
This guy never heard of contact lenses?
Jeffrey Anderson
The test results have come back.
Celeste Talbert
And?
Jeffrey Anderson
And I'm afraid the results are very disturbing. It seems that Angelique has a rare case of brake fluid... [pause] Bran... fluid. Bran flavor.
What the hell?
David Barnes
Brain fever!
Edmund Edwards
Say it!
Celeste Talbert
Brain fever!
Jeffrey Anderson
Yes. Brain fever. Or what we call in Austria... [they both goggle at the word] Kopfgeschlagen. At the current rate of inflation, her brain will laterally explore the...
Celeste Talbert
Literally explode?
Jeffrey Anderson
Exactly, within the next three houses.
Celeste Talbert
Hours?
Jeffrey Anderson
Yes, will literally explode within next three hours. I would suggest leaving the restraint.
Celeste Talbert
Restaurant?
Jeffrey Anderson
Restaurant, yes.
Celeste Talbert
Her brain will actually explode?
Jeffrey Anderson
Yes, yes, I've, um, seen it happen. It's a dreadful, dreadful thug. Thing.
Lori Craven
MOTHER!
Lori Craven
No, I can't let you do this!
She spoke?
Jeffrey Anderson
She spoke!
Montana Moorehead
Sudden speech, the last stages of brain fever! She can blow up any moment!
Lori Craven
I can always speak! Mother...
Montana Moorehead
She's MY mother!
Celeste Talbert
MONTANA, SHUT UP!
Celeste Talbert
Oh, God! I got pregnant, and I was so young! And the show made me sign a paper saying I'd never mention the baby! So I... I went home to Iowa, and I had you, and I gave you to Grandma to raise, and I made up a twin sister Simone who died in a car wreck and said she was your actual mom! And then the show told everyone I had TB and sent my character to a sanitarium in Tierra del Fuego...
Rose
Now why can't I write shit like this?
Celeste Talbert
After I... After I came back from having Lori, I was terrible to you, I know that, I know that, I know that! All right? I blamed you for messing up my whole life, so I had you written off the show so you'd disappear - and you did! And now you're all back, and I've ruined three lives! THREE LIVES! Me, America's Sweetheart! [sobs louder] Oh, God...!
David Barnes
This is **** great!
