Soapdish (1991) · 17 quotes
Tied for 6th most-quoted character in Soapdish (1991): in 4 of its 17 quotes
Most scenes with: David Barnes (2), Rose Schwartz (2), Jeffrey Anderson (2)
I would like to voice my strong concern about this show's spiraling decline in ratings. David, ever since you took us to the Caribbean, it's been Jamaica homeless people sucking soup, and a big wave outside that cost a hundred thousand dollars. That's depressing and it's expensive, two words I hate. You know the words I like? I like the word "peppy" and the word "cheap". Peppy and cheap.
Edmund Edwards She's been through hell, and we're her family. So in this crisis, we have to support her.
Yeah.
Edmund Edwards We have to love her.
Mmm.
Edmund Edwards We have to care about her.
Mmm.
Edmund Edwards And we have to milk it for every drop of publicity we can get.
Dr. Randall, what a surprise! Are you having lunch here?
Edmund Edwards This guy never heard of contact lenses?
The test results have come back.
And?
And I'm afraid the results are very disturbing. It seems that Angelique has a rare case of brake fluid... [pause] Bran... fluid. Bran flavor.
What the hell?
Edmund Edwards Say it!
Brain fever!
Yes. Brain fever. Or what we call in Austria... [they both goggle at the word] Kopfgeschlagen. At the current rate of inflation, her brain will laterally explore the...
Literally explode?
Exactly, within the next three houses.
Hours?
Yes, will literally explode within next three hours. I would suggest leaving the restraint.
Restaurant?
Restaurant, yes.
Her brain will actually explode?
Yes, yes, I've, um, seen it happen. It's a dreadful, dreadful thug. Thing.
WAIT! Wait! But I'm carrying his child!
I didn't sleep with her! Will somebody please believe me?!
Edmund Edwards This is what I meant. This is what I told them to do. This is soap opera!
A second opinion... this is Dr. Frans Blau of the sex change clinic in Bethesda, Maryland.
Thank you. Dr. Randall, after extensive investigations, I've come to the conclusion that it's virtually impossible for you to have impregnated your nurse, Montana Moorehead, because before she came to our little clinic, she was... Milton Moorehead of Syosset, Long Island.
Hello.
Edmund Edwards She's a boy!
Edmund Edwards Are you okay?
