I believe in you, Dad.
Lucille Warren, do not encourage your father.
Mr. Furious
Ben Stiller · 34 quotes
The Shoveler
William H. Macy · 24 quotes
The Blue Raja
Hank Azaria · 23 quotes
The Bowler
Janeane Garofalo · 22 quotes
Casanova Frankenstein
Geoffrey Rush · 14 quotes
The Sphinx
Wes Studi · 14 quotes
Doctor Heller
Tom Waits · 11 quotes
Invisible Boy
Kel Mitchell · 11 quotes
Captain Amazing
Greg Kinnear · 7 quotes
The Spleen
Paul Reubens · 6 quotes
Tony P
Suzy Eddie Izzard · 5 quotes
Most scenes together: Mr. Furious & The Shoveler (8), Mr. Furious & The Blue Raja (8), The Shoveler & The Blue Raja (8)
Mystery Men quotes
Page 9 of 10 Lucille Ya, ya, ya. We've heard all that before.
No, no, no... Rage... really taking over...
[Arguing with the Sphinx's clich?d speeches]
Okay. Am I the only one who finds these sayings just a bit formulaic? "If you wanna put something down, you gotta pick it up". "If you wanna go left, you gotta go right". It's...
Your temper is very quick, my friend. But until you learn to master your rage —
Your rage will become your master? [The Sphinx freezes, caught] That's what you were gonna say, right? Right?
... Not necessarily.
[As a training exercise, Mr. Furious is trying to balance a small hammer on his head]
Why am I doing this again?
When you can balance a tack hammer on your head, you will head off your foes with a balanced attack.
And why am I wearing the watermelon on my feet?
I don't remember telling you to do that.
[Escaping Casanova Frankenstein's mansion after bungling the rescue]
Where's Captain Amazing?
Raja murdered him!
[Rescuing Captain Amazing from Casanova's weapon of mass destruction]
Now flip the second toggle.
What do you mean?
Flip the toggle twice?
No-no-no, don't do that, just flip it again, now, one time! Flip it.
Hold on a second - Captain, exactly how many toggle flips in toto are involved in this procedure?
[The weapon begins to hum omniously and increasingly loudly]
Hold the phone! Everybody hold the phone. You phrased that incorrectly. We need to know how many toggle flips are needed not counting the gratuitous toggle flip you may have asked for in a moment of panic.
Okay, you know what, can we just start again? Is there like a reset button on this thing or something?
No you little freak, there's no button for resetting! Flip the switch, lady! Don't look at me, lift your left arm and flip it, you moron!
You're a moron! You're a moron! Flip the switch, lady!
Thank you!
Blue Raj
[Fed up]
I'll do it! I'll do it! It's this one, yes?
No!
[The weapon kills Captain Amazing in a horrific and grotesque fashion as the Mystery Men watch, appalled]
... Everybody heard me say 'reset button', right?
What do you mean, 'we'? I was right here.
[The Bowler approaches Amazing's fried, calcified and mutated corpse cautiously]
I'm gonna check his pulse...
[She gently touches his wrist; it breaks off from his arm and smashes into pieces on the floor]
... I don't think he's gonna pull through.
[Rescuing Captain Amazing]
Captain, I'm just going to ask you directly; do you know billionaire Lance Hunt?
It's me. [Shoveler looks surprised and disappointed] Nah, I'm only kiddin' ya - I always wanted to do that.
[Shoveler, Mr. Furious, and blue Raja step into Invisible Boy's living room. IB's father is sitting on the couch]
Hey dad, I'm going to my room with three strange men.
IB's father
[absent-mindedly]
Okay, son.
Mom
[The Blue Raja's mom walks in on him, in full costume, rummaging through her silverware drawer]
Jeffrey, what are you doing?
I'm, uh, I'm just... I... I... [shifts to British accent] I'm a superhero, mother.
Mom
A superhero?
An effete British superhero, to be precise. The Blue Raja is my name, and yes, I know I don't wear much blue and I speak in a British accent, but if you know your history it really does make perfect sense. I am pilfering your tableware because...I hurl it. I hurl it with a deadly accuracy. The point is, your boy's a Limey fork-flinger mother, hard cheese to swallow I know, but there it is. What will the bridge club think?
Who?
The Sphinx.
Yeah, I've heard of this guy. He's a big crime-fighter down east.
What's his power?
Well, he's terribly mysterious.
That's it? That's his power, he's mysterious?
He's TERRIBLY mysterious, actually.
Yeah, plus he can cut guns in half with his mind.
Really? I hadn't heard that.
[The other heroes try to help Mr. Furious regain his anger-feuled super powers.]
Come on, somebody do something! We need him!
Okay, let's do this. You're a very furious man. Do you understand that?
No.
No? Well, you've got a lot to be furious about, and I'll tell you why. You're - not well-liked. You're, uh, abrasive and off-putting. You try to say pithy things, but your wit is a hindrance... so therefore nothing is provacative, it's just mixed metaphors. Now doesn't that make you angry? Does it infuriate you?
No.
Well, it should! Are you angry? Come ON, man!
Your penmanship is atrocious!
You dress in the manner of a male prostitute.
Lucille [The Shoveler's wife finds superhero tryouts being conducted in her back yard]
Oh, I don't deserve this!
I know.
Lucille A lot of other men I could have married, Eddie. Still are.
I understand.
Lucille If one person vomits in my pool, I'm divorcing you.
That's fair.
Lucille Mm-hmm. Come on, kids!
[When Mr. Furious suggests they employ a publicist]
What are we gonna publicise, Roy? The fact that we get our butts kicked? A lot?
[Annoyed]
Well, maybe if you didn't smack me in the face with a shovel every time we went out, we'd have a few more victories to brag about.
All right now, I'm sorry about that. I just have a tendency to lose my concentration when I've got a salad fork stuck in my rear end.
Oh, oh — I get it! So your shovel in his face is my fault?
You threw a spoon at the guy, Jeff.
Yeah, what was up with that?
I-I, I'm embarrassed about that. I thought it was a fork.
You're the master of cutlery. You couldn't throw a knife sometimes when someone's trying to kill me?
No, I can't! You couldn't, ah, use a rake sometimes?
No. I'm the Shoveler.
Well, I'm the Blue Raja. I'm not Stab Man, I'm not Knifey Boy — I'm the Blue Raja.
Yeah, that's another thing.
Well, you could work a little blue into the uniform somewhere. I mean you've got green, you've got this little flowery thing going on, but it's like everything but blue.
Well, if we could just step out of our literal minds, just for a moment.
[When the Spleen is playing around in Heller's laboratory]
You're gonna kill someone with that.
No, no, no - you see, everything here is non-lethal.
Non-lethal? What?
I don't make weapons that kill.
Oh, I see. How delightfully eccentric of you. Whilst simultaneously being a complete waste of our time.
[After avenging her father's murder]
"Now I'm going back to Graduate School. That was the agreement."