Hank Azaria movie quotes

View Quote "I knew I should have brought my large pie-server."

View Quote "But, seeing as it is your first night I shall FORKgive you if you FORKget."

View Quote "Allow me to introduce myself: the Blue Raja, Master of Silverware. Forks a speciality."

View Quote [After the dome is placed over Springfield]
Sideshow Mel: [hitting the dome with his bone] What ruthless madmen could have done this to us?!
Russ Cargill: The United States Government. [appears on a holographic screen on the side of the dome] My name is Russ Cargill. I'm head of the EPA.
[Everyone murmurs in confusion]
Moe: The what?
Russ Cargill: The Environmental Protection Agency.
Lenny: Come again?
Russ Cargill: Look, I'm a man on a big TV! Just listen! Springfield has become...
Random Springfield Citizen: Woo! Springfield!
Russ Cargill: ...the most polluted city in the history of the planet.
Krusty: Drama queen!
Russ Cargill: To prevent your poisons from spreading, the government has sealed you all within this dome. Believe me, it's the last thing we wanted to do. I mean, I do own the company that made the dome, but that's beside the point.
Moe: What, are you telling us we're trapped like rats?!
Russ Cargill: No, rats couldn't be trapped this easily. You're trapped like... carrots.
Lisa: Wait! We couldn't be more polluted - everyone stopped dumping in the lake.
Russ Cargill: Apparently, someone didn't get the message.
Homer: [to Plopper] Act natural.
Carl: Hey, buddy, sooner or later, people are gonna come by and discover this!
Russ Cargill: You don't need to worry about that. We found a way to take you off the map.
[cuts to a man in his car with a GPS map]
GPS Voice: Coming up on your right... [Springfield is removed from the map] nothing.

View Quote Lisa: [talking about the pollution of Lake Springfield while trying to work a faulty scissorlift] Am I getting through to anyone?
Krusty: Hell yeah! We need a new one of those things!
Mayor Quimby: All in favor of the new scissorlift say aye.
Entire Town: Aye!
Lisa: No! This lake is just one piece of trash away from a toxic nightmare! But I knew you wouldn't listen, so I took the liberty of pouring water from the lake in all your drinking glasses.
[Everyone spits out their water in disgust]
Moe: This is why we should hate kids!
Mayor Quimby: This is serious, people! No more dumping in the lake! I hereby declare a state of emergency: CODE BLACK!
[The crowd gasps]
Lenny Leonard: Black?! That's the worst color there is! [to Carl] No offense there, Carl.
Carl: [not even shaken] Nah, I get it all the time.

View Quote [At a concert, Green Day are being extremely well received by the citizens of Springfield]
Billie Joe Armstrong: Well, thanks a lot for coming. We've been playing for three and a half hours, and now we'd like just a minute of your time to say something about the environment!
[The crowd is silent for a moment and then starts booing and throwing garbage]
Carl Carlson: Shut up and play!
Barney Gumble: Preachy!
Mike Dirnt: We're not being preachy!
Tr? Cool: But the pollution in your lake, it's dissolving our barge!
Lisa: I thought they touched on a vital issue.
Moe: I beg to differ. [throws a rock through the bass drum and hits Tr? Cool in the crotch]
Tr? Cool: OWW!
[The barge continues to dissolve and starts sinking.]
Mike Dirnt: Gentlemen, it's been an honor playing with you tonight.
[The band members bring out violins and play Nearer, My God, to Thee as the barge sinks in a Titanic-like manner]

View Quote [After the dome is placed over Springfield]
Sideshow Mel: [hitting the dome with his bone] What ruthless madmen could have done this to us?!
Russ Cargill: The United States Government. [appears on a holographic screen on the side of the dome] My name is Russ Cargill. I'm head of the EPA.
[Everyone murmurs in confusion]
Moe: The what?
Russ Cargill: The Environmental Protection Agency.
Lenny: Come again?
Russ Cargill: Look, I'm a man on a big TV! Just listen! Springfield has become...
Random Springfield Citizen: Woo! Springfield!
Russ Cargill: ...the most polluted city in the history of the planet.
Krusty: Drama queen!
Russ Cargill: To prevent your poisons from spreading, the government has sealed you all within this dome. Believe me, it's the last thing we wanted to do. I mean, I do own the company that made the dome, but that's beside the point.
Moe: What, are you telling us we're trapped like rats?!
Russ Cargill: No, rats couldn't be trapped this easily. You're trapped like... carrots.
Lisa: Wait! We couldn't be more polluted - everyone stopped dumping in the lake.
Russ Cargill: Apparently, someone didn't get the message.
Homer: [to Plopper] Act natural.
Carl: Hey, buddy, sooner or later, people are gonna come by and discover this!
Russ Cargill: You don't need to worry about that. We found a way to take you off the map.
[cuts to a man in his car with a GPS map]
GPS Voice: Coming up on your right... [Springfield is removed from the map] nothing.

View Quote Lisa: [talking about the pollution of Lake Springfield while trying to work a faulty scissorlift] Am I getting through to anyone?
Krusty: Hell yeah! We need a new one of those things!
Mayor Quimby: All in favor of the new scissorlift say aye.
Entire Town: Aye!
Lisa: No! This lake is just one piece of trash away from a toxic nightmare! But I knew you wouldn't listen, so I took the liberty of pouring water from the lake in all your drinking glasses.
[Everyone spits out their water in disgust]
Moe: This is why we should hate kids!
Mayor Quimby: This is serious, people! No more dumping in the lake! I hereby declare a state of emergency: CODE BLACK!
[The crowd gasps]
Lenny Leonard: Black?! That's the worst color there is! [to Carl] No offense there, Carl.
Carl: [not even shaken] Nah, I get it all the time.

View Quote Marge: Homer, you have to go out there, face that mob, and apologize for what you did.
Homer: I would, but I'm afraid that if I open the door, they'll take all of you.
Carl: [offscreen] No we won't. We just want Homer!
Homer: Well maybe not you... but they'll kill Grandpa!
Grandpa: [offscreen] I'm part of the mob!

View Quote Chief Wiggum: Come on, Bomb-Disarming Robot, you're our only hope!
Bomb-Disarming Robot: Red wire... blue wire... black is usually the ground... ehh... so much pressure... PRESSURE!!!! [grabs Wiggum's pistol and shoots himself in the head]
Wiggum: He'd been talking about it, but I never took him seriously!

View Quote Chief Wiggum: [After seeing the Simpson family (along with their house) disappear down the sinkhole] Well... they're China's problem now.

View Quote [the dome has shattered into tiny glass shards that are falling to the city like snow]
Chief Wiggum: It's amazing no one was hurt!
Doctor Nick: [a giant piece of glass falls on him] Bye, everybody.

View Quote Lou: [To Bart, after he skateboards in the nude] Listen, kid, no one likes wearing clothes in public. But, you know, it's the law!

View Quote [the police have cuffed a naked Bart to a pole.]
Bart: You can't just leave me out here!
Lou: Don't worry. We found a friend for you to play with.
Nelson: [points at Bart] Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha!
[a few hours later]
Nelson: [hoarsely, still pointing at Bart] Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha!
[Mrs. Muntz walks in.]
Mrs. Muntz: Nelson, honey, where've you been? [points at Bart] Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha!

View Quote [Fat Tony drags a bag towards the lake to get rid of it; feet are poking out of the top and it obviously contains a murder victim]
Wiggum: Sorry, sorry, no dumping in the lake.
Tony: Fine. I will put my [air quotes] "yard trimmings" in a car compactor. [leaves]
Lou: Uh, Chief, I think he was a dead body in there.
Wiggum: I thought that too, until he said "yard trimmings". Ya gotta learn to listen, Lou.

View Quote (When his army of the Hawkmen gets wiped out by Lincoln) Well, this is awkward.

View Quote [when the tablet doesn't open] I'm afraid Mother and Father might have slightly changed the combination on me.

View Quote Kahmunrah: [defeated by Larry] What are you?
Larry: I'm the nightguard. [pushes Kahmunrah into the Underworld]
Kahmunrah: NO!!

View Quote [Rasputin is screaming and throwing a temper tantrum over an unsuccessful attempted murder of Anya. As he does so, his thumb pops off]
Bartok: Uh, wow. Take it easy there. You know, sir, really you should watch your blood pressure. My nephew Izzy just keeled over one day, mid-mango. Stress - it's a killer, sir. And he's a fruit bat. No meat. No blood, even. [screws Rasputin's thumb back on to his hand]
Rasputin: How could they let her escape?!
Bartok: Eh, you're right, it's very upsetting, sir. I guess this reliquary's broken. [tosses the reliquary aside]
Rasputin: YOU IDIOT! [stretches out his hand and catches it before it can hit the ground, then glares at Bartok]
Bartok: Alright now, sir, take it easy there. Just remember what I said to you about stress.
Rasputin: I sold my soul for this. [grabs Bartok] My life, my very existence, depends on it. And you... [chuckles, then turns angry] almost destroyed it! [slams Bartok nose-first against the reliquary]
Bartok: I get it, I get it! You break it, you bought it!
Rasputin: See that you remember, you miserable rodent! [throws Bartok back across the room]
Bartok: Oh sure, blame the bat. What the heck? We're easy targets.
Rasputin: What are you muttering about?
Bartok: Anastasia, sir. Just wishing I could do the job for you, sir. I'd give her a HA! And a HI-YA! And then a OUU-WA! And I'd kick her, sir.
Rasputin: Oooooh! I have something else in mind. Something more enticing. Something...really...cruel. [he scratches the reliquary with his finger nail as he grins evilly]

View Quote [Bartok just ended up in Rasputin's section of Limbo]
Rasputin: WHO DARES INTRUDE ON MY SOLITUDE?! [kicks a slab of stone with his foot] Get out! Get out! [squeezes Bartok very hardly with his hand, but suddenly realizes who it is] Bartok? Is that you?
Bartok: Master? You're alive?
Rasputin: [scoffs] In a manner of speaking. [his right eyeball falls out of its socket.]
Bartok: Whoa. That fell right out there, sir.
Rasputin: Something has happened. [Rasputin pops it back in] I can feel the dark forces stirring!
Bartok: I'm not surprised, because I saw her, Anastasia!
Rasputin: Anastasia? Alive?! [his mouth begins to sag through his beard]
Bartok: Uh, sir, your lips, they're, um...
Rasputin: That Romanov brat!
Bartok: [adjusts Rasputin's lips to their rightful place] Yeah, ain't that a kick in the head? I guess a curse just ain't what it used to be, huh, sir?
Rasputin: That's why I'm stuck here in Limbo! My curse is unfulfilled! [stretches out his arm with Bartok in his hand, his hand flies of his arm and hits a wall. He sees this, gasps, and begins to sob] Look at me! I'm falling apart! [sobs] I'm a wreck!
Bartok: Actually, considering how long you've been dead, you look pretty good! [Rasputin sadly scoffs] Sir, you do, you do.
Rasputin: Really?
Bartok: Sir, is this the face of a bat who would lie to you? [puts on a cute face] Come on, for a minute, you had your old spark back!
Rasputin: If only I hadn't lost that gift from the dark forces... the key to my powers...!
Bartok: What, you mean this reliquary?
Rasputin: [gasps] Where did you get that?
Bartok: Oh, I found it--
Rasputin: [Rasputin grabs his reliquary and his hand] GIVE IT TO ME!
Bartok: Alright, alright! Don't get so grabby!
Rasputin: [screws his hand back on] My old friend! Together again! [laughs] Now my dark purpose will be fulfilled! And the last of the Romanovs will DIE!!

View Quote Rasputin: Bartok! Get me a comb! Find some cologne! I want to look my best tonight!
Bartok: That might take some work, sir.
Rasputin: Then snap to it! We're going to a party!
Bartok: [excited] Oh, boy! A party in Paris! I can teach you all the latest dance moves! It starts with a woo! And then, then you get really crazy with the hips, sir. It's fun!
Rasputin: We'll let the Grand Duchess, Anastasia have her moment!
Bartok: Who cares?
Rasputin: And then we'll kill her!
Bartok: Right and then we'll... [suddenly realizes what Rasputin's talking about] Kill her?! What happened to the party idea?
Rasputin: That's where I will kill her! Crush her at the height of her glory!
Bartok: And we're back to the crushing. Sir, I am begging you, please, PLEASE, forget the girl and get a life!
Rasputin: Oh, I'll get a life, Bartok! HERS!! [laughs maniacally]

View Quote [recites an incantation in one of his spell books, which will turn Puppy into a cat in the instincts] Claw scratched and bitten! Chew, get down, scat! Puppy become kitten! Dog become cat!

View Quote [repeated line] Azrael? Are you dead?

View Quote [Getting his net caught in a tree] Let go! Cursed nature!

View Quote [while being inadvertently flown around by his La Wanda wand] LA WANDA! NO, LA WANDA! NO! WHERE IS THE "OFF" BUTTON ON THIS THING?!!

View Quote Yes! Oh, my beautiful creation! You truly are daddy's little girl! [Cackling]

View Quote [Smurfette wakes up from her nightmare and she starts to cry. Papa rushes in.]
Papa Smurf: Smurfette, are you okay?
Smurfette: Oh, Papa.
Papa: [hugs Smurfette] There, there. Everything's going to be fine. Having that nightmare again?
Smurfette: Papa, every year on my birthday, I have these horrible dreams about where I come from and it... it makes me wonder who I really am.
Papa: And every year, I remind you - it doesn't matter where you came from, what matters is who you choose to be.
Smurfette: Really?
Papa: Oh, don't take this old smurf's word for it. Go out there and see for yourself. This is where you belong.
Vexy: Father? It's feeding time.
Hackus: [wearily] Hackus dizzy.
Gargamel: Oh, yes, I almost forgot. Apparently, I have to keep you alive. I hope you both appreciate what a tremendous burden this is upon me. [feeds Vexy and Hackus drops of Smurf essence] All right, mind your manners.
Vexy: Thank you.
Gargamel: If you were real Smurfs, I'd be taking essence from you. [pause] I didn't hear a "thank you".
[Hackus burps]
Gargamel: Close enough.
Papa: All right, Smurfs, listen up. I saved enough grotto water from the last blue moon for just such an occasion. I was able to smurf it into smurfportation crystals.
Brainy Smurf: So you don't need a portal. Very clever, Papa.
Papa: Smurf-xactly. These will take us directly to Master Winslow's mushroom.
Clumsy Smurf: Yeah, Patrick and Grace helped us the last time we smurfed through the portal.
[Clumsy, Grouchy and Vanity are magically transported to New York, after accidentally swallowing the smurfportation crystals.]
Grouchy Smurf: This was supposed to be Hefty.
Clumsy: Sorry, my bad.
Vanity Smurf: Ugh, I get so puffy when I travel.
[The Smurfs climb up a rope during Gargamel's magic show.]
Vanity: Oh, I bet my glutes look great climbing up this rope. Grouchy, take a look.
Grouchy: I hate my life.
[Victor, Patrick and Blue walk out of the theater; Victor has been turned into a duck by Gargamel.]
Victor: What are you so cross about? I'm the duck!
Patrick: You always barge in and ruin everything. You're like a walking disaster!
Victor: Hey, look me in the eyes and say that!
Patrick: I can't.
Victor: That's right, because it's not true!
Patrick: No I can't, because your eyes are on the sides of your head!
Victor: Ack! All the better for me to see your disrespect! [notices two people staring at him] What are you looking at?
Patrick: [to Victor] Hurry up.
Victor: [to the two people] It's global warming. Buy a Prius!
[Vexy walks to Smurfette.]
Vexy: Hey blondy! Where're you going?
Smurfette: Leave me alone!
Vexy: You mean like you so called "Papa" has?
Smurfette: No, he hasn't. He will come for me.
Vexy: [laughs] He won't. Because he knows you where you really belong. I didn't kidnapped you, Smurfette. I brought you home.
Vexy: It's so nice having another girl around.
Smurfette: Yeah! [hugs Vexy] Oh!
Vexy: [pushing Smurfette away in disgust] Yecch! What are you doing?!
Smurfette: I'm just hugging you. [gasps] Haven't you ever been hugged?
[Vexy is silent and visibly sad.]
Smurfette: Vexy... [hugs Vexy again, and Vexy starts to enjoy it]
[Gargamel, Hackus, Vexy and Smurfette are riding through Paris on a Ferris Wheel magicked loose by Smurfette.]
Smurfette: Isn't this fun?
Gargamel: [frightened] Decidedly not!
Papa: I must've failed (Smurfette).
Patrick: [walks in] Oh...Sorry, I was looking for a place to think.
Papa: No, no, no, no. It's okay. I was doing a little thinking myself. Master Winlslow, it's hard for me but...well, can I ask you some advice? I mean, papa-to-papa? It's about Smurfette. [Patrick sits down and listens] I don't know what to do. I turned her blue. I taught her love and kindness. But the truth is, Gargamel made her. She's only a Smurf as long as she chooses to be. But what if she doesn't? What if she choose him? We could lose her. We may have already. I haven't done enough.
Patrick: Are you kidding? Gargamel just made her, but you...you made her what she is. You stepped in and loved her as your very own. No-one asked you to, you just did. Because you knew she needed that. And that's a...that's a pretty special kind of love. She's way too smart not to see that.
Papa: [enlightened by what Patrick said] You're right. We didn't believe in her because she changed. She changed because we believed in her. Thank you, Master Winslow. That was exactly what I needed to hear. [leaves]
Patrick: [to himself] Me too.
[Victor approaches Patrick, who is struggling to lift a sewer cover to Gargamel's lair]
Patrick: Victor, what are you doing here?
Victor: Grace called me. She said you might need a hand.
[Patrick ignores him and continues trying to lift the sewer cover. Victor begins to walk away]
Patrick: No, no. Victor, wait! [Victor stops] As usual, Grace is right. I could use some help.
Victor: [pointing in a different direction] Well, for starters, you might try lifting the sewer cover. [points at the cover Patrick is trying to lift] Unless you're planning on fixing the phone lines?
[Patrick realizes the sewer cover he is trying to lift is a telephone cover and sighs in frustration.]
Victor: I'm gonna miss you, Smurfs.
Patrick: [to Victor] Maybe you can name a corn dog after them.
Victor: Oh! Now you're talking. [to Blue] We could use blue corn!
Blue: Smurf dogs! Yum!
Victor: Yes!
[In the mid-credits scene]
Gargamel: [falling from the sky] No no no no no! Stop, stop! Help me, Wanda! Help, Help me, Wanda!
Azrael: [meowing] So long sucker! [as he jumped off of Gargamel he grabs him]
Gargamel: [grabs Azrael] And where do you think you're going?! You're coming with me! [he falls in the portal starting the rest of the credits]
[In the end-credits scene]
[last lines]
Azrael: [after a cellphone falls on his head; meowing furiously] You moron!
Gargamel: [gasps] How dare you call me that?! I have bungled nothing! [as Azrael gets off him] Well then, Paris is over my friend, because we're back here in the Dark Ages and I suggest you get used to it.
Azrael: [meowing whining] I want room service!
Gargamel: [sarcastically] Aw, you want room service? Then why don't you tell it out the window?!
Azrael: [meowing angrily] You asked for it! [shows claws as Gargamel gives him a warning]
Gargamel: [gasps] Don't you show your claws at me unless you are prepared to use them, Mr. Pussy foot! Pussy foot! Pussy foot! Pussy foot [as Azrael got angry at Gargamel for calling him pussy foot, he attacks him and Gargamel screams] Stop it! Not the face! Not the face! [He falls down cutting to the Columbia Pictures logo ending the movie with the MPAA rating]

View Quote Today is great victory... for defeat.

View Quote If you want it, you must will it. If you will it, it will be yours.