The Simpsons Movie (2007) · 110 quotes
Tied for 2nd most-quoted character in The Simpsons Movie (2007): in 23 of its 110 quotes
Most scenes with: Homer (15), Marge (8), Lisa (5)
You just bought another load of crap from the world's fattest fertilizer salesman!
Bart No way. Cocoa's for wusses! [Ned leaves a mug of cocoa on the windowsill and leaves. He comes back to spray whipped cream, puts a wafer in and grate hard chocolate on it, puts more whipped cream on top of the wafer, puts a marshmallow on top, uses a blowtorch to toast the marshmallow, and leaves again. Won over, Bart creeps closer, snatches the mug, moves to a distance, and takes a sip.] Oh, my God.
Bart Lisa's got a boyfriend that she'll never see again! [gets punched in the face by Lisa]
Okay, who wants waffles?
I do, I do, I do--!
Wait a minute, what about Grampa?
Bart I want syrup!
Something happened to that man--
I'll tell you what happened: A certain someone had a senior moment. But that's okay because we love him, and we got a free rug out of it! [kisses Grandpa on the forehead]
What is the point of going to church every Sunday, when if someone we love has a genuine religious experience, we ignore it?! Right, Grandpa?
I rest my case.
Wait a minute! I'm still in the car!
Oh, right.
[Homer returns, rolls down the window, shuts the door, and leaves again]
Steady... Steady... [Homer pulls the hammer back and stabs himself in the eye] Oww!!!
Why, you little--!! [strangles Bart] I'll teach you to laugh... at something... that's funny!!!
Bart You know, we are on the roof. We could have some fun.
Bart ... How about a dare contest?
That sounds fun. I dare you to... climb the TV antenna!
Bart Piece of cake.
Aftershock!
Homer, I don't mean to be a nervous Pervis or anything, but if he falls, couldn't that make your boy a parapleg-erino?
Shut up, Flanders!
Bart Yeah, shut up, Flanders!
Well said, boy!
Steady... Steady... Steady... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!
[Homer has fallen through the roof. Bart laughs at him again.]
... Aiyee! ... Aiyee! ... D'oh! ... Oh, why did I... Aiyee! ...suggest this?! ... Ow! ... D'oh! ... D'oooo-ho-hoooh! ...
All right, boy. Time for the ultimate dare! I dare you to skateboard to Krusty Burger, and back... naked.
Bart How naked?
Fourth base.
Bart But girls might see my doodle.
Oh, I see. Then I hereby declare you Chicken For Life! Every morning you'll wake up to "Good morning, Chicken!" And at your wedding I'll sing [to the tune of Here Comes the Bride] "Bawk, bawk, bawk-bawk! Bawk, bawk, bawk--"
Bart You can't just leave me out here!
Don't worry. We found a friend for you to play with.
Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha!
Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha!
Nelson, honey, where've you been? [points at Bart] Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha!
Bart Did you at least bring my clothes?
Bart You didn't bring my pants!
Who am I, Tommy Bahama?
Bart Oh, this is the worst day of my life.
Hey, what's with you? [Accidentally spits on Bart]
Bart You really wanna know?
Of course I do. What kind of father wouldn't care about a PIG WEARING A HAT!
Action!
Hey, hey! It's your old pal Krusty for my new pork sandwich, the Clogger! If you can find a greasier sandwich, you're in Mexico! [laughs, then takes a bite of the sandwich] Mmmm!
And... we're clear.
Uggh... Perfect. Cut, print, kill the pig.
Wha--?!? You can't kill him if he's wearing people clothes!
You're coming home with me...
Bart Dad, it's not fair to use a bug zapper to catch the fish.
If you love fish like I do, you'll want them to die with dignity!
I think I have a nibble...
[Homer gets electrocuted from the fish as he picks it up, but doesn't seem smart enough to notice or care. He starts eating it, getting repeatedly electrocuted in front of a disturbed Bart.]
Look at that. You can see the four states that border Springfield: Ohio, Nevada, Maine and Kentucky.
Bart Oh yeah.
And if you look real close, you can almost -- YAAGH!!
Well, this certainly seems odd, but ... who am I to question the work of the Almighty? Oh, we thank you Lord for this mighty fine, intelligent design. [switches to the squirrels multi-eyes point-of-veiw] Good job.
Bart Jabbity-jabbity-jab-jab-jab!
Hey, jab one more eye and its a federal crime!
Bart, are you drinking whiskey?
Bart I'm troubled.
Bart!
Bart I promise I'll stop tomorrow.
You'll stop right now!!!
Bart I miss Flanders. There, I said it! [passes out]
I'm happy here. Screw Springfield!
Marge, those people chased us with pitchforks and torches. Torches! At four in the afternoon!
It was seven at night.
It was during Access Hollywood!
Which is on at four and seven.
D'oh!
Dad, how could you turn your back on everyone who loved us?!
Bart Flanders helped us when we were in trouble!
Who cares what Flanders thinks? He's not your father!
Bart I wish he was!
Bart Oh yeah? Look what I did to your picture! [Picture shows Homer with marker written on it to make him look like Flanders]
AAAH!
Bart Look at it, Homer! [holds it up to Homer's face] How-dilly-doodily! How-dilly-doodlily! How--
WHY, YOU LITTLE--!! [strangles him] I'll strangle-angle you!
Bart Diddily! Diddily!
In spite of everything, I miss your father.
Bart Me too. His big fat ass could shield us all.
Bart Actually, you doomed us all... again. Nice knowing you, Homer! [storms off]
Ohhhh, I can't do anything right! [kicks the bomb, causing it to go from 8:31 to 4:11 minutes remaining]
GET OUTTA HERE!
[The crowd boos Homer and throws rocks and stuff at him]
I'll let you hold the bomb...
Bart The man knows me!
I wish Homer was my father.
Bart Homer... I'm sorry I said I wished you weren't my father.
That's all right, son. I wasn't much of a father. I guess it started with the way my dad raised me... [realising] Yes, I see it all now! It's just been a never-ending cycle of--
So, we meet at last... whoever-you-are.
There's a couple of things they don't teach you in Harvard Business School. One is how to cope with defeat; the other is how to handle a shotgun. I'm going to do both right now.
Bart Wait! If you kill my dad, you'll never know where the treasure is buried.
What treasure?
Bart The treasure of... Ima Weiner!
"I'm a weiner"?
Well, always leave 'em laughing. Goodbye, sir.
Maggie! What a great little accident you turned out to be!
Steady... Steady... Steady...
Bart Here you go, dad.
Thanks, son. [concentrates on the nail again] Steady... [appears to hammer it in successfully] Woohoo!
WWWWWWWWHOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
[He runs across the roof in agony, dragging the linked shingles along with him, until he stumbles off the roof. Bart laughs at him.]
Bart Come on Dad, let's go! I've been holding it since they put the dome over the town!
You can wait. A lot of people worked really hard on this film, and all they ask is for you to memorize their names.
Well, I want to make sure no animals were harmed during the filming of this movie.
Phew!
Okay!
Wait, wait, wait! It looks like Maggie has something to say!
Oh my God, her first word!
Sequel?
[Pause] [The family finally leaves]
I'm afraid we lost them, sir.
Damn it! [throws the binoculars at the dome, but it bounces back and hits him in the face] Ow! Well, then you find 'em, and you get 'em back in the dome! And to make sure nobody else gets out, I want roving death squads around the perimeter 24-7! I want 10,000 tough guys, and I want 10,000 soft guys to make the tough guys look tougher! And here's how I want them arranged: tough, tough, soft, tough, soft, soft, tough, tough, soft, soft, tough, soft!
Sir, I'm afraid you've gone mad with power.
Of course I have. You ever tried going mad without power? It's boring, no one listens to you.
Bart, are you drinking whiskey?
Bart I'm troubled.
Bart!
Bart I promise, I'll stop tomorrow.
You'll stop right now! You come back here, little man! [Bart drinks a bottle and runs around the room]
Bart I miss Flanders. There, I've said it.
Where's your father?
He went out. Let's quickly rebuild our lives while he's gone.
Bart Did you see that?
Yes, they're going to destroy Springfield. But we're going to stop them. Homie, get your clothes on. Homie?
I'm happy here. Screw Springfield!
Marge, those people chased us with pitchforks and torches. Torches! At 4 in the afternoon!
It was 7 at night.
It was during Access Hollywood.
Which is on at 4 and 7?
D'oh!
Dad, how can you turn your back on everyone who loved us?
Bart Flanders helped us when we were in trouble.
Who cares what Flanders did? He's not your father.
Bart I wish he was.
You don't mean that. You worship me.
Bart Oh, yeah? Look what I did to your picture. Look at it. Howdily-doodily. Howdily-doodily. Howdily-doodily.
Bart Diddily-diddily.
Bart, stop it! Leave this to me. Homer, in every marriage, you get one chance to say: "I need you to do this with me."
That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.
Homer Simpson!
We're saving Springfield!
Listen to me, all of you. We are staying. We have a great life in Alaska and we're never going back to America again. I have spoken! Hmph!
Steady, steady… steady…
Bart Uh, Dad? [Hands Homer some safety googles]
Thanks, boy. Steady… [pounds in a nail] Woo Hoo! [realises where he pounded the nail: onto his ankle] Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!
Bart Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!
