The Blue Raja "Allow me to introduce myself: the Blue Raja, Master of Silverware. Forks a speciality."
Played by Hank Azaria 
Mystery Men (1999) · 142 quotes
Mystery Men (1999) · 142 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in Mystery Men (1999): in 23 of its 142 quotes
Most scenes with: Mr. Furious (8), The Shoveler (8), The Bowler (6)
"I knew I should have brought my large pie-server."
More lines from The Blue Raja
8 quotes The Blue Raja The Blue Raja "He is rather ripping, isn't he? With the spinning and the hurting and the kicking..."
The Blue Raja "Well, well, well — if it isn't our old friends the Red-Eyes. Good evening, gentlemen. We weren't expecting to see you again so...spoon!"
The Blue Raja "There aren't any evil trios, are there? No — they all have to travel in gangs like little babies."
The Blue Raja "The point is, your boy's a Limey fork-flinger, mother. Hard cheese to swallow, I know, but there it is."
The Blue Raja "But, seeing as it is your first night I shall FORKgive you if you FORKget."
The Blue Raja "I say, 'What the FORK?'"
The Blue Raja "May the forks be with us."
Scenes with The Blue Raja
14 scenes
[When Mr. Furious suggests they employ a publicist]
What are we gonna publicise, Roy? The fact that we get our butts kicked? A lot?
[Annoyed]
Well, maybe if you didn't smack me in the face with a shovel every time we went out, we'd have a few more victories to brag about.
All right now, I'm sorry about that. I just have a tendency to lose my concentration when I've got a salad fork stuck in my rear end.
Blue Raja Oh, oh — I get it! So your shovel in his face is my fault?
You threw a spoon at the guy, Jeff.
Yeah, what was up with that?
Blue Raja I-I, I'm embarrassed about that. I thought it was a fork.
You're the master of cutlery. You couldn't throw a knife sometimes when someone's trying to kill me?
Blue Raja No, I can't! You couldn't, ah, use a rake sometimes?
No. I'm the Shoveler.
Blue Raja Well, I'm the Blue Raja. I'm not Stab Man, I'm not Knifey Boy — I'm the Blue Raja.
Yeah, that's another thing.
Blue Raja [Defensive]
What?
Well, you could work a little blue into the uniform somewhere. I mean you've got green, you've got this little flowery thing going on, but it's like everything but blue.
Blue Raja Well, if we could just step out of our literal minds, just for a moment.
Oh yeah, well, maybe if we had a billionaire benefactor like Lance Hunt, then we could afford some advertising.
I think that's because Lance Hunt is Captain Amazing.
Blue Raja Oh, here we go.
Oh, don't start that again! Lance Hunt wears glasses. Captain Amazing doesn't wear glasses.
That doesn't make any sense. He wouldn't be able to see!
Do you see what I see?
It's Tony C!
Blue Raja And Tony P, leader of the Disco Boys! But what, pray tell, would he be doing back in town?
Maybe it's time to do some following to find out.
What do we got here?
Tony C
I think they're supposed to be jive superheroes.
Well, they made a big mistake coming to Casanova's place. [he draws a gun; the heroes snicker.] What's so funny?
That's it? That's your power? You have guns? Couldn't you be a little more creative than that?
Blue Raja Pardon the impertinence, guv'nor, but what the devil does a pistol have to do with disco?
Disco Boy
It's a Saturday Night Special.
Weak.
Blue Raja At best. [more Disco Boys arrive, armed with a variety of blunt instruments.]
Check out the guy with the pipe. What are you, the Disco Plumber?
Blue Raja There's no theme at all here, mates!
I mean, if you're gonna carry a chain, at least make it a gold chain, and that's just off the top of my head... [To Tony C] Yo, what's up, Tiger Lily?
Tony C
Top of your head, huh?
[The Disco Boys beat the heroes up]
Have you ever heard of Carmine the Bowler?
Have we ever heard...
Blue Raja Cor blimey, miss, don't tell us you're the Bowler's daughter!
I seem to remember there being a little controversy around his death.
That's right. The police said it was an accident. He'd come home late one night and fell down an elevator shaft. Onto some bullets.
Blue Raja You know, I've always suspected a bit of foul play.
As have I.
So you're a British man who converted to Islam, sort of like Cat Stevens?
Blue Raja No. Until the early part of this century, India was in fact part of the British Empire, whose government there was called the British Raj after the Hindi word for "sovereignty". Furthermore —
Wait — so sorry. [to her bowling ball] What? DAD! No, he's not a commie, nor a fruit. [to the Blue Raja] Sorry. His ignorance embarrasses me.
Blue Raja Sorry, but am I to understand that you've inserted your father's skull inside of that... ball for bowling?
No. The guy at the pro shop did it.
You guys never learn, do you?
Blue Raja Apparently we don't — ass!
[Rescuing Captain Amazing from Casanova's weapon of mass destruction]
Now flip the second toggle.
What do you mean?
Flip the toggle twice?
No-no-no, don't do that, just flip it again, now, one time! Flip it.
Hold on a second - Captain, exactly how many toggle flips in toto are involved in this procedure?
[The weapon begins to hum omniously and increasingly loudly]
Hold the phone! Everybody hold the phone. You phrased that incorrectly. We need to know how many toggle flips are needed not counting the gratuitous toggle flip you may have asked for in a moment of panic.
Okay, you know what, can we just start again? Is there like a reset button on this thing or something?
No you little freak, there's no button for resetting! Flip the switch, lady! Don't look at me, lift your left arm and flip it, you moron!
You're a moron! You're a moron! Flip the switch, lady!
Thank you!
Blue Raj
[Fed up]
I'll do it! I'll do it! It's this one, yes?
No!
[The weapon kills Captain Amazing in a horrific and grotesque fashion as the Mystery Men watch, appalled]
... Everybody heard me say 'reset button', right?
Blue Raja [Horrified]
Oh my God... Oh my God, we've killed him...
What do you mean, 'we'? I was right here.
[The Bowler approaches Amazing's fried, calcified and mutated corpse cautiously]
I'm gonna check his pulse...
[She gently touches his wrist; it breaks off from his arm and smashes into pieces on the floor]
... I don't think he's gonna pull through.
[Escaping Casanova Frankenstein's mansion after bungling the rescue]
Where's Captain Amazing?
Blue Raja [Stressed]
There's been a bit of a ****-up, actually...
Raja murdered him!
Blue Raja Sphinx, what do we do?
Sometimes, the true hero is the one with the courage to run away.
I like the way this man thinks!
Let's run.
We can't run.
Oh, yes! Oh, yes — it's been established that we can run.
Mom
[The Blue Raja's mom walks in on him, in full costume, rummaging through her silverware drawer]
Jeffrey, what are you doing?
Blue Raja I'm, uh, I'm just... I... I... [shifts to British accent] I'm a superhero, mother.
Mom
A superhero?
Blue Raja An effete British superhero, to be precise. The Blue Raja is my name, and yes, I know I don't wear much blue and I speak in a British accent, but if you know your history it really does make perfect sense. I am pilfering your tableware because...I hurl it. I hurl it with a deadly accuracy. The point is, your boy's a Limey fork-flinger mother, hard cheese to swallow I know, but there it is. What will the bridge club think?
Blue Raja I better get going. I've got a city to save.
Mom
Jeffrey? Do the accent.
Blue Raja Uh, well... [shifts to British accent] Well, I'd love to stay and chit-chat, Mother, but I fear I must away with me — our metropolis is in the clutches of madmen!
Mom
Jeff?
Blue Raja Yeah?
Mom
Cheerio.
Blue Raja Thanks, Mom.
Blue Raja [The Heroes Talk about Hero Recruits]
Well, there's The Sphinx.
Who?
Blue Raja The Sphinx.
Yeah, I've heard of this guy. He's a big crime-fighter down east.
What's his power?
Blue Raja Well, he's terribly mysterious.
That's it? That's his power, he's mysterious?
Blue Raja He's TERRIBLY mysterious, actually.
Yeah, plus he can cut guns in half with his mind.
Blue Raja Really? I hadn't heard that.
Blue Raja Cal
Blue Raja (louder)
Carmine
Yep!
