Doctor Heller "No, no. I don't live here. I'm just here for the ladies." (at a nursing home)
Played by Tom Waits 
Mystery Men (1999) · 142 quotes
Mystery Men (1999) · 142 quotes
Tied for 7th most-quoted character in Mystery Men (1999): in 11 of its 142 quotes
Most scenes with: The Shoveler (2)
"Wait — you have a Herkimer battle jitney? That's the finest nonlethal military vehicle ever made!"
More lines from Doctor Heller
7 quotes Doctor Heller Doctor Heller "I don't make anything that's deadly."
Doctor Heller "Totally nonlethal, but totally effective."
Doctor Heller "That's a high-temperature fabric adhesive liquid projector, based on simple dry-cleaning technology. You aim that at a guy, and I'll tell you something: his clothes get so tight he can't even breathe."
Doctor Heller "I can trick that out with a clam-shell holster. It comes with a leather carrying case. It's got a wadcutter and a full warranty."
Doctor Heller "It's a psycho-frakulator! It creates a-a cloud of radically fluctuating deviant chaotrons, which penetrate the synaptic relays. It's concantenated with a-a synchronous transport switch that creates a virtual tributary! It's focused onto a biobolic reflector and what happens is, is that hallucinations become reality... and the brain is literally fried from within."
Doctor Heller "Well, actually, it's an electro-nuclear-magnet. It's the next inevitable phase."
Scenes with Doctor Heller
3 scenes
[When the Spleen is playing around in Heller's laboratory]
You're gonna kill someone with that.
Dr. Heller No, no, no - you see, everything here is non-lethal.
Non-lethal? What?
Dr. Heller I don't make weapons that kill.
Oh, I see. How delightfully eccentric of you. Whilst simultaneously being a complete waste of our time.
Doctor, you are a genius.
Dr. Heller That's what the card says.
So, this is basically a huge electromagnet.
Dr. Heller Well, actually, it's an electro-nuclear-magnet. It's the next inevitable phase.
