William H. Macy movie quotes

View Quote "Lucille, God gave me a gift. I shovel well. I shovel very well."

View Quote "We've got a blind date with Destiny. And it looks like she's ordered the lobster."

View Quote "We struck down evil with the mighty sword of teamwork and the hammer of not-bickering."

View Quote Well...he never done this before. My boss said I can take $100 off of that Truecoat!

View Quote I'm, uh, Jerry Lundegaard.

View Quote [Practices calling Wade] Yah, Wade, It's Jerry, I... Yah, Wade, it's, I, it's Jerry... I don't know what to do it's Jean. I don't know what to do it's my wife. I don't know what to do it's Jean. Wade, it's Jerry, I... Wade, it's Jerry! We gotta talk! Oh, geez, it's terrible... [calls the number] Yah, Wade Gustafson, please.

View Quote Timmy you've got to be strong mentally and physically ha ha!

View Quote Justin: Timmy, you've got to be ready mentally and physically ha ha. [swings on vine over a pond]
Young Timmy: Wahoo! Ready for what? Whoa! [swings on vine and falls in the pond]
Justin: To fulfill your destiny.

View Quote Justin: Tim.
Timmy: What did I do now?
Justin: You know where I can find a volunteer for tonight's collection detail?
Timmy: Me?

View Quote A tree was a friend if you let it alone. But the second the blade bit in, you had yourself a war and the tree was a killer.

View Quote The world is intricately stitched together, boys. Every thread we pull, we will not know how it affects the design of things.

View Quote We're but children on this earth pulling bolts out of the Ferris wheel, thinking ourselves to be gods.

View Quote [As he shoots someone for the first time in his entire career] 27 years. 27 years without this shit!

View Quote [Talking to the fake Jessica Martin] We had a report of a possible kidnapping. You haven't been kidnapped today, have you? [Chuckles]

View Quote [to shocked bystanders after beating up Dimitri] It's alright I'm a cop! That's a very bad man!

View Quote George: What happened? One minute everything's fine — the next... What went wrong?
David/Bud: Nothing went wrong. People change.
George: People change?
David/Bud: Yeah. People change.
George: Can they change back?
David/Bud: I don't know — I think that's harder.

View Quote George: You know, your mom went out.
David/Bud: Went out?
George: Yeah. She went out for a little while.
David/Bud: When?
George: Three days ago.

View Quote David/Bud: I've got something to say!
Big Bob: Very well.
David/Bud: You don't have a right to do this. I mean, I know you want it to stay pleasant around here, but — there are so many things … that are so much better. Like silly, or sexy, or dangerous … or brief. And every one of those things is in you all the time, if you just have the guts to look for them.
Big Bob: That's enough.
David/Bud: I thought I was allowed to defend myself.
Big Bob: You're not allowed to lie.
David/Bud: I'm not lying. You see those faces up there? They're no different than you are, they just happen to see something inside themselves…
Big Bob: [bangs gavel] I said that's enough.
David/Bud: Here, I'll show you. Dad?
George: Yeah, Bud?
David/Bud: It's okay Dad, just listen a sec. I know you miss her, I mean, you told me you did. But maybe it's not just the cooking, or the cleaning, that you miss. Maybe it's something else. Maybe you can't even describe it. Maybe you only know it when it's gone. Maybe it's like there's a whole piece of you that's missing too. Look at her, Dad. Doesn't she look pretty like that? Doesn't she look … just as beautiful as the first time you met her? Do you really want her back the way she was? Doesn't she look just wonderful? [he nods] Now don't you wish you could tell her that? [he nods, and suddenly is colored]
Big Bob: [bangs his gavel] You're out of order!
David/Bud: Why am I out of order?
Big Bob: Because I'm not gonna let you turn this courtroom into a circus!
David/Bud: Well, I don't think it's a circus, and I don't think they do, either. [David turns to look at the crowd, where many of the black-and-white people are changing into color. There are gasps and murmurs. Jennifer grins]
Big Bob: [bangs the gavel] This behavior must stop at once!
David/Bud: But see? That's just the point! It can't stop at once, because it's in you, and you can't stop something that's inside you.
Big Bob: It is not inside me!

View Quote Antoinette: Isn't there something you can do?!
Lester: Antoinette, stop, right now. Stop that. You have to trust them. They are the Council! They're the Council because, because they're...the Council. [sighs] They're the Council.

View Quote Lester: [as he runs home] 'Scuse me. 'Scuse me. [bumps into another mouse] Oh, sorry. Sorry.
Mayor: Tilling?
Lester: Mr. Mayor? Hello.
Mayor: Where are you going?
Lester: Oh, well, my... Uh, my baby is having a... Uh, uh, no. My wife is h-having a...
Mayor: Oh, right. Congratulations.
Lester: Thank you. Thank you, sir. I'm sorry, I-I really... Goodbye.

View Quote Lester: How was the library?
Furlough: Fine.
Lester: Spoil your appetite?
Despereaux: No. Helped it, actually. Made me hungrier.
Lester: [chuckles] Good lad.
Despereaux: [picks up the big cheese with his fork] Ha ha!
Lester: [shocked, drops his cheese] Did you see they're putting up, uh, a new front on the crumb shop? Quite modern, yes.
Antoinette: Oh, but I liked the old one. Why do they have to keep changing?
[Despereaux looks into his cup, sees a reflection of a knight fighting bandits]

View Quote Oh, someone has seen her, all right. Someone always sees a girl with $400,000.

View Quote We're always quickest to doubt people who have a reputation for being honest.

View Quote Well, if it doesn't jel, it isn't aspic, and this ain't jelling.

View Quote And I got a girlfriend. Punch that out of me, bitches. [gets knocked out]

View Quote [After getting a fist-tap from Woody and nearly wiping out] Whoa! Whoa! Oh! Man, oh, man. I almost lost it back there. I didn't know what was going on. [hits a sign face first]

View Quote Jack: You're going to pay a disobedience fee of $10,000! Plus another $40,000 to rebuild the bar! And if you want to see your friend alive again, do not call the cops! If you're not here in half an hour to settle this, I'm going to take the fine out on your friend's legs! I'm going to break them with this tire iron!
Dudley: Don't bring the money! I'm a computer programmer! I don't need my legs!
Jack: Fine! I'll break his hands!
Dudley: Oh, damn it. Bring the money!
Dudley: [upon seeing Maggie] She is perfect.
Doug: You like the waitress?
Dudley: Oh, man. I wanted to say something funny to her, but all I could think of was black jokes.
Bobby: Like which ones?
Dudley: I forget.
Bobby: Why don't you tell the one that ends with you getting your ass whooped.
Dudley: Would that be funny?
Bobby: I'll be laughing. Oh, I'll be cracking up.
Bobby: [after being called out by Jack] Anyone else getting that pre-rape feeling?
Red: [grinning] I do.
Doug: You're the sheriff, aren't you going out there?
Charley: Hey, I took my law enforcement course on the internet! For arms training, they just told us to play Doom!
Woody: [a large yard is full of a bunch of leaves] Well go home, Toby! You make me sick!
Toby: I can't do this many leaves for $10!
[Woody kicks a pile of leaves.]
Dudley: I'm looking to the parade this year. I got little Tootsie Rolls to throw to the kids.
Woody: Tootsie Rolls? You cannot even put on your left blinker without wiping out.
Maggie: That's too bad. I wanted you to try to kill my chili. It's pretty hot.
Dudley: No, I'll try it. I like your kind of hot. Chili, chili hot. Food hot. That's the hot I want to kiss. Eat.
Charley: Needless to say, we don't carry firearms anymore. Sometimes you pull them out and think they're not loaded, and...
Bobby: You blow your deputy's ear off.
Charley: Yeah.
Bobby's Mother-In-Law: In my days, The ladies stayed at home, not lazy MEN!
Bobby: In your days, The men had pyramids to build. HOW OLD IS THAT!?!?
Bobby's Mother-In-Law: [shocked] HOLY.