Rudy quotes from Kronk's New Groove (2005)

Does this look like a rash to you?

Has anybody seen my teeth?

Oy! My aching knee.

Rudy

I sure wish there was some way to stop getting old.

If only they could put youth in a bottle. [sighs] I'd pay anything for that.

Again with the youth potion. How many times do I have to tell you, there's no such thing!

But if there were...

But there's not!

I said, if!

If, schmiff!

Kronk

Rudy, Yzma's youth potion is a fake. She cheated you. [Rudy looks at his reflection, realizing he's still the same. He looks at the fake potion] And I cheated you too. I'm sorry. [Rudy pats him on the shoulder, making him feel better] I guess we better go tell the others.

Rudy

The others! I almost forgot! They're about to elect Yzma emperor!

Kronk

I never knew that was an elective office.

Yzma for emperor!

Yzma

Thank you, thank you! I'd like to thank all the little people, but what do they matter? What matters is me, me, me! And when you elect me as your new emperor, I'm going to be on top of the world!

Kronk

Stop this charade!

Rudy

Yzma's youth potion is a fake!

Yzma

Kronk, what are you doing?!

Kronk

I want you all to look at Rudy and tell me what you see.

Whoo, that is one hot hunk of man!

Kronk

He's in his golden years. Not getting any younger. Chronologically challenged. [holds up an hourglass]

Rudy

I got wrinkles, bunions, ear hair! I'm still OLD!

Hey, he's right. I'm still old too!

Me too! And Hildy looks like…

Uh-uh-uh, don't even!

Yzma's a crook! Yzma's a witch!

Yzma

Would you excuse me a moment? [runs away]

She's getting away!

Yzma

Back off, or I'll jump! [looks down below, seeing alligators and piranhas in the ravine] Wait, that can't be right.

Kronk

Okay. Why don't we all just take a step back? Not you, Yzma. [Yzma grumbles annoyingly]

Rudy

She stole everything we have!

Yeah, we didn't chase her all the way down here for nothing! Nice moves back there, Hildy.

Oh! What about you? Pouncing like a wildcat.

Rudy

Hey, I just realized something. We chased Yzma all the way down here.

Didn't I just cover that?

Rudy

Don't you see? We're busting moves like a bunch of teenagers!

So, what you're saying is, even though the potion was fake, we're only as old we feel.

Kronk

That's almost like you should (all) thank Yzma for robbing you of every last cent. [laughs; then realizes] Wait, that can't be right.

Let's get her!

Yzma

Stand back! Don't make me use this! [takes out her potion]

Seniors and Rudy

Ooh!

Kronk

Your cough medicine?

Yzma

No! My most fiendishly diabolical potion ever! When I drink this, you won't be able to lay a finger on me! [cackles evilly and then starts to choke]

GET HER!

Seniors and Rudy

Aww. How cute! She's a cutie pie!

Yzma

See? I told you so. [a condor swoops in, grabs her, flies off far away]

Kronk

That's weird. Let's all reflect on these lessons on our way home tonight.

Rudy

Well, everyone, back to the alley.

Kronk

You're living in an alley?

Rudy

Well, sure. We sold our house to you. I got dibs on the cardboard box!

Kronk

This is awful. I've got to find them a place to live. But where can I find a gigantic house with 30 extra bedrooms? Where? Think, think, think!

Angel Kronk

You thinking what I'm thinking?

Kronk

Too much salt in my spinach puffs?

Angel Kronk

No, no! Your house!

Kronk

Right!

Devil Kronk

Whoa, Nelly! Let's not overreact. You wanna lose your dream house? That house is gonna get us the big thumbs up from Papi.

Kronk

If I lose the house, I'll let Papi down. I can't let Papi down.

Angel Kronk

But you tricked Rudy out of that house!

Kronk

Oh, my! It's true! I took away Rudy's home!

Devil Kronk

Hey! You got that house fair and square!

Angel Kronk

Yeah, but he cheated his best friend!

Devil Kronk

No, he didn't!

Kronk

Yes, I did! I gotta do the right thing. [runs over to Rudy] Rudy, let's talk real estate.

Kronk

Machu Picchu!

Rudy

Kronky-wonky! [jumps into his hands]

Kronk

Rudy!

Papi

Who is this?

Rudy

Why, I'm the lovely Mrs. Kronk.

Papi

Kronker!

Kronk

Right, I'll go check on dinner. [drops Rudy and dashes into the kitchen]

Rudy

Hey, is that any way to treat the lovely Mrs. Kronk?

Chicha

I thought I was the lovely Mrs. Kronk.

Rudy

Look at us. Putting on dresses. Pretending to be women.

Pacha

Kronk, what are you doing?!

Kronk

Dinner rush. I've got four specials and I've got a party of ten coming at 8:30.

Kronk!

Papi

Kronk? [Kronk screams and runs back into the kitchen] Kronk! [follows him into the kitchen] Let me get this straight. She's Mrs. Kronk, and she's Mrs. Kronk? [points to Chicha; to Rudy in disguise]

Kronk

Papi, I can explain.

I'm the lovely Mrs. Kronk.

Ow. You're stepping on my face.

Kronk

Or maybe not.

Papi

Is there anyone in this town who isn't Mrs. Kronk?

Daddy!

Kronk

How about them?

Papi

Who are they?

We're Kronk's adorable kids!

Kronk

Oh!

Kronk!

Sweetheart!

Kronk

Tina?! Marge?!

Marge.

Tina.

Oy.

Papi

Kronk!

Kronk

Well, at least that's everybody.

Kuzco

Boom, baby! Like how I weaseled myself in the movie? Nice.

Kronk

Kuzco?

Kuzco

How you doing, hot stuff?

Kronk

Hot stuff?! [holds up a sign reading, "Uh-oh"]

Kronk

Papi, I have a confession. I'm not who you think I am. I'm just a humble fry cook. And head delivery boy. That's not all. Chicha's not my wife. None of these folks are my wives. And these aren't my kids. Not even the ones who really are kids. Yeah, and that big house up on the hill, that's not mine either. And Pachita not even a woman. [Pacha takes off his woman's hat disguise] I lied to you, Papi. I just wanted you to be proud of me. I just wanted to get one of these. [holds up a thumbs up] But all I ever got from you was… [Papi gives him a scowled look on his face] Yeah, that. I'm a failure. The truth is I've got nothing.

But Kronk, you've got us.

Kronk

And I wouldn't trade you guys for anything.

Papi

Well, that would explain why you don't have anything.

Rudy

For your information, Kronk used to have a big house.

On a hill.

But he gave it away to us old folks.

And he had a girlfriend too. They baked us raisin bread.

He gave up all those things to protect his friends.

Kronk

You were actually listening to my stories?

I was weeping on the inside.

Kronk

Wait a second. I really wouldn't trade you guys for anything. Not even for a thumbs up. You see, Papi, you may look at my life and think I've got nothing, but the truth is… I've got everything.

Papi

Not yet, you don't. [gives his son a thumbs up and smiles] I'm proud of you, son.