Shampoo is better; I go on first and clean the hair! Conditioner is better; I leave the hair silky and smooth! Oh, really, fool? Really! [He notices a gold swan on the edge of the bathtub.] Stop looking at me, swan!
Billy Madison
Adam Sandler · 62 quotes
Veronica
Bridgette Wilson · 10 quotes
O'Doyle Family
8 quotes
Brian
Darren McGavin · 4 quotes
Bus Driver
Al Maini · 4 quotes
Dan
Austin Pool · 4 quotes
Ernie
Jared Cook · 4 quotes
Eric
Bradley Whitford · 3 quotes
Frank
Norm Macdonald · 3 quotes
Principal Anderson
Josh Mostel · 3 quotes
Clown
Shane Farberman · 1 quote
Game show host
1 quote
Most scenes together: Billy Madison & O'Doyle Family (7), Billy Madison & Veronica (6), Billy Madison & Brian (4)
Billy Madison quotes
Page 5 of 5That's QUACKTASTIC!
Tits!
To...to...to...today, Junior!
Well, I could think of three things I'd like to do. One would involve some ice cubes and a nine iron. Two would involve a buffalo, live or stuffed, preferably stuffed for safety sake, and three, we bring back some of those ice cubes and switch it over to a pitching wedge.
Well, I made the duck blue because I've never seen a blue duck before, and, to be honest with you, I wanted to see a blue duck.
What do I care about some stupid, phony wrestling guy?
Whoa, whoa whoa, Ms. Lippy! The part of the story I don't like is that the little boy gave up looking for his pupppy after an hour. He didn't put posters up or anything, he just sat on the porch like a goon and waited. That little boy's gotta think 'You got a pet. You got a responsibility.' If your dog is lost you don't look for an hour then call it quits? You get your ass out there, and you find that **** dog!
You ain't cool, unless, you pee your pants. All the kids my age pee their pants, it's the coolest.
You know I like Snack pack, why can't you just give me the snack pack?
[Billy after he hallucinates and sees the penguin at Veronica's house] [drunkenly]
Oh. I see how it is. So sorry to interrupt!