Principal Anderson [Max meets Eric in the kitchen] [soaking wet]
Hey, can you tell me where the bathroom is?
Yeah, down the hall, to your right.
Principal Anderson Thanks. [about to go to the bathroom]
Hey, tubby, how about a little bathroom reading? [shows him a magazine with a cover of the younger Max dressed in a wrestling outfit] I have the August 1983 issue of Wrestling World here. There's a terrific article about a wrestler named the Revolting Blob. Gee, you know somethin'? He kinda looks like someone I know.
Principal Anderson Where'd you get that?
I have a subscription. Bad guy. He threw one opponent out of the ring and hit a bunch of senior citizens. Boy, this wacko looks familiar.
Principal Anderson What do I care about some stupid phony wrestling guy?
My God! In June 1983 he sat on some guy's head and killed him.
Principal Anderson [bursting into tears]
It was just a stunt! He was supposed to pinch my leg if he was running short of air.
With this guy sitting on everyone's head, I wonder how he got his teaching degree.
Principal Anderson [alarmed]
No! No, you can't do that to me. Those kids are my whole life!
So you wouldn't want anything to happen that would make 'em think less of you? [then Max ignores Eric] Max, are you ready to cooperate with me?
Principal Anderson [sobs]
Yes.
Then Madison Hotels is as good as mine!
Principal Anderson [on TV]
The statement I made about Billy Madison was, and is, completely untrue.
Principal Anderson I know now that I shall never escape my fate as the Revolting Blob.
No, no, no, no, no, no, NO! [angrily throws a stapler, and it hits his secretary, accidentally knocking her out]
Principal Anderson It's something I must learn to live with.
[realizing what he did]
Joyce?
[Cut to the next scene] [livid about the set-up]
What a mess. First, this psycho goes on TV, lies, then retracts it, and now Eric's secretary is in a coma. Carl, has anyone been able to find out anything about this Max guy?
C Carl
No, sir. He's vanished. Nobody has any idea where he is.
[to Brian]
I believed in Billy all along.
[to Eric]
Oh, cut the horseshit! I know you blackmailed Max.
Take it easy, Billy. [to Eric] Things were going along great, until this wrestling freak messed things up. Billy should get another shot at high school.
Hey, rules are rules. Billy was supposed to finish each grade within the 2 weeks, or I get the company. He didn't finish 9th grade.
C Carl
Eric, certainly there are extenuating circumstances.
Extenuating, exshmenuating! We had a deal. A signed, written deal. Each grade, 2 weeks, or I get the company.
Well, technically, you're right, but-
Oh, shut up, Brian! I've had to listen to your jawing for too long. [mimicking Brian] "Well, technically, mmeh-mmeh-mmeh-" [normal voice; loudly] Just SHUT UP! [gets up] Are you ready to hand the company over to me now?
Then I'll see your ass in court.
Nice talkin' to ya, shitheads. [laughs]
