Dan quotes from Billy Madison (1995)

Dan

Wa-wa-wa-once th-th-th-there wa-wa-wa-was a-a-a-a g-g-girl...who wa-a-an-

Billy

Pffft! Kid can't even read.

Cut it out dude, you're gonna get us in trouble.

Dan

An air-air-air-p-p-p-p-plane f-f-flying t-t-t...

Billy

T-T-T-Today, Junior! Ha-ha-ha! [Veronica sends him out of the classroom, the kids laugh; overreacting dramatically] OW! YOU'RE TEARING MY EAR OFF!

Veronica

Making fun of a little kid trying to read! Are you psycho? Do you not have a soul?

Billy

I'm sorry I can't hear you, I've been physically abused in the ear.

Veronica

You keep your mouth shut for the next two weeks or I'm gonna fail you. End of story. [leaves]

Billy

I see your lips moving, but I can't make out the words. I'm deaf! Ohh, Veronica Vaughn. Soooo hot! Want to touch the hiney! [howls]

Dan

Hey, I dare you to throw your sandwich at the bus driver. Do it. Come on.

HEY!

Veronica

Hey, who threw that?

I'll turn this damn bus around! That'll end your precious little field trip pretty damn quick, huh?! You little shit! [quivers lips up and down while face gets red]

Billy

Hey I'm trying to score points with the teacher today. DON'T SCREW IT UP.

Dan

I dare you to touch her boobs.

Billy

Touch her boobs? That's assault brotha. You double dare me? [walks down the bus to Veronica] Uhhh Miss Vaughn, I was wondering how long there's to get there, I need to go to the bathroom.

Veronica

Not too long now...

Billy

Oh, I'm sorry! Damn bus driver drives like an animal!

Veronica

That's alright, Billy, why don't you go back and sit now? [smiling] I double dare you.

Billy

That...tit...accident...

Veronica

Go back to your seat now.

Billy

...I...Yes... [looking embarrassed now]

How's high school Billy?

Billy

High school is great. I mean I'm learning a lot. And all the kids are treating me very nice. It's great.

Dan

Gee, I can't wait till I get to "hike" school.

Billy

Don't you say that. Don't you ever say that. Stay here. Stay here as long as you can. [grabs Dan's face and shakes him violently] For the love of God, cherish it. You have to cherish it.