Most scenes together: Billy Madison & O'Doyle Family (7), Billy Madison & Veronica (6), Billy Madison & Brian (4)
Billy Madison quotes
Page 1 of 5Hey, look everybody! Billy peed his pants.
Of course I peed my pants! Everyone my age pees their pants; it's the coolest!
Really?
YES! You ain't cool...unless you pee your pants.
Hey, look! Ernie peed his pants, too. Alright!
If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.
OOH! That is the grossest thing I've ever heard in my life! Let's go.
Wa-wa-wa-once th-th-th-there wa-wa-wa-was a-a-a-a g-g-girl
Kid can't even read.
Cut it out dude, you're gonna get us in trouble.
T-T-T-TODAY, JUNIOR!
You want some of this milk?
That milk belongs to that classroom.
But they don't gots to know about it. It could be our milk.
No milk will ever be our milk.
Now that wasn't very nice. How 'bout you Sideburns? You want some of this milk?
I'd rather have a beer.
I swear to God I'm sick. I can't go to school.
Juanita If you're gonna stay home today, you can help me shave my armpits.
October?
An accident? What's that mean? [notices Ernie wet his pants] GYOO!!!!
Bunt. B-U-N-T, in perfect cursive. Any more brain busters?
"Rizzuto"? [Billy ponders, then writes] "Rirruto"?
Those're Z's.
They look like R's to me.
That's not fair! Rizzuto's not a word! He's a baseball player! You're cheating!
...Then would you like to try the word "buzz"?
I hate cursive and I hate all of you! I'm never coming back to school, NEVER! [runs off]
Hey I'm trying to score points with the teacher today. DON'T SCREW IT UP.
I dare you to touch her boobs.
Touch her boobs? That's assault brotha. You double dare me? [walks down the bus to Veronica] Uhhh Miss Vaughn, I was wondering how long there's to get there, I need to go to the bathroom.
Not too long now...
Oh, I'm sorry! Damn bus driver drives like an animal!
That's alright, Billy, why don't you go back and sit now? [smiling] I double dare you.
Go back to your seat now.
...I...Yes... [looking embarrassed now]
Okay, alright...Alright, you got it. First Grade through Twelfth Grade all over again. I'll do each grade in two weeks, take the test, re-graduate, prove to you I'm not an idiot, and then I get to take over Madison Hotels.
That's some idea. You just think of that?
Yeah, I did. It's pretty good, huh?
Brian, don't you think the future of Madison Hotels and its sixty one thousand employees is too important to gamble on a game like this?
No. [to Billy] You're on.
Spanish Armada...1588!
That is correct. [takes off his shirt, leaving him shirtless while wearing a tie, much to Billy's chargin]
Billy, it wasn't just high school. Do you remember that spelling bee you won in the 1st grade?
Oh, no you didn't.
Rock...R-O-K.
Yeah, so what's your point?
R-O-C-K!
The 'C' is silent, ha-ha!
You were brought up with every advantage, I bought you everything. Toys, cars, vacations, clothes...
Actually I, uh, stole this shirt from Frank. [lifts his shirt to show "FRANK" written on the inside]
Yea, well whatever, it's all my fault. I made a mistake. [looks up to see Billy lifting his shirt] What? Are you some damned moron?
Get on the bus here. Move it. Get up there. Kyle. 1, 2, 5, 7. Move it or lose it. Get on the bu-s Hi, Ms. Vaughn. Nice to see ya. [stops Billy] That Veronica Vaughn is one piece of ass. I know from experience, dude, if you know what I mean.
No, you don't.
Well, not me personally, but a guy I know...him and her got it on! Whoooooo-eeeeee!
No, they didn't.
No, no, no they didn't. But you could imagine what it'd be like if they did, right? Huh? Huh? [Billy gets on the bus] Everybody on? Good. Great! Grand! Wonderful! [closes the door, yelling]: NO YELLING ON THE BUS!
That Veronica Vaughn is one hot piece of ace. I know from experience, dude, if you know what I mean.
No, you don't.
Well, not me personally, but a guy I know...Him and her *got it on*! Wooo-eee!
No, they didn't.
No, no, they didn't. But you could imagine what it'd be like if they did, huh?