Most scenes together: Roger Rabbit & Eddie Valiant (13), Eddie Valiant & Judge Doom (9), Eddie Valiant & Jessica Rabbit (8)
You crazy rabbit! I'm out there risking my neck for you, and what are you doing? Singing and dancing!
But I'm a toon. Toons are supposed to make people laugh.
Sit down!
You don't understand. Those people needed to laugh.
Then when they're done laughing, they'll call the cops. That guy Angelo would rat on you for a nickel.
Not Angelo. He'd never turn me in.
Why? Because you made him laugh?
That's right! A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it's the only weapon we have.
Happy Trails.
No, thanks, Eddie. I'm tryin' to cut down.
Drink the drink!
But I don't want the drink!
He doesn't want the drink.
He does!
I don't!
You do!
I don't!
You do!
I don't!
You do!
I don't!
You don't.
I do!
You don't!
I do!
You don't!
Got you, kid! [knocks over the barrel of dip to slow down Doom]
Come on, Eddie! Let's get outta here! Move it, pops! YIKES!! [he and Eddie rush outside] Yeah! That was quick thinking, Eddie! Nothin' like using the ol' spine flower, the wise noodle, the smart puddin'!
Roger, let's use this! [grabs Roger and throws him in the weasels van]
Let's get outta here! What are you waiting for?!
THERE'S NO DAMN KEY!
HEY, YOU WEASELS! LET ME OUTTA HERE, WILL YA?! COME ON! I'VE GOTTA MAKE A LIVING!
Eddie! We got ourselves a ride! Open the doors!
Ah! That's better! I can't believe they locked me up for driving on a sidewalk!
Oh, no. Where's Roger?
Roger? He chickened out on me back at the studio.
No, he didn't. I hit him in the head with a frying pan and put him in the trunk, so he wouldn't get hurt.
Makes perfect sense.
Well, we're not going anywhere in my car. Let's take yours.
I have a feeling someone already did.
From the looks of it I'd say it was Roger. My honey bunny was never very good behind the wheel.
Better lover than a driver, huh?
You'd better believe it, buster.
You don't know how hard it is being a woman looking the way I do.
You don't know how hard it is being a man looking at a woman looking the way you do.
I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way.
Can you guess what this is?
Oh my God, it's DIP!!!
That's right, my dear! Enough to dip Toontown off the face of the earth! A vehicle of my own design. Five thousand gallons of heated dip, pumped at enormous velocity through a pressurized water cannon. Toontown will be erased in a matter of minutes.
Several months ago I had the good providence to stumble upon this plan of the city council's. A construction plan of epic proportions. They're calling it a freeway.
Freeway? What the hell's a freeway?
Eight lanes of shimmering cement running from here to Pasadena. Smooth, safe, fast. Traffic jams will be a thing of the past.
So that's why you killed Acme and Maroon? For this freeway? I don't get it.
Of course not. You lack vision. I see a place where people get on and off the freeway. On and off, off and on all day, all night. Soon, where Toontown once stood will be a string of gas stations, inexpensive motels, restaurants that serve rapidly prepared food. Tire salons, automobile dealerships and wonderful, wonderful billboards reaching as far as the eye can see. My God, it'll be beautiful.
Come on! Nobody's going to drive this lousy freeway when they can take the Red Car for a nickel.
Oh, they'll drive. They'll have to. You see, I bought the Red Car so I could dismantle it.
You wouldn't have any idea where the rabbit might be, Mr. Valiant?
Have you tried Walla Walla? Cucamonga? I hear Kokomo's very nice this time of the year.
I'm surprised you're not more cooperative, Mr. Valiant. A human has been murdered by a toon. Don't you appreciate the magnitude of that?
Judge Doom killed Marvin Acme.
And R. K. Maroon and my brother.
That's what I call one seriously disturbed toon.
How much do you know about show business, Mr. Valiant?
Only that there is no business like it, no business I know.
Yeah. And there's no business more expensive. I'm 25 grand over budget on the latest Baby Herman cartoon. You saw the rabbit blowing his lines. He can't keep his mind on his job. You know why?
One too many refrigerators dropped on his head?
Nah, he's a toon. You can drop anything you want on his head, he'll shake it off. But break his heart, goes to pieces just like you and me.
Kinda jumpy, aren't you, Valiant? It's just Dumbo.
I know who it is.
I got him on loan from Disney. Him and half the cast of Fantasia. the best part is, they work for "peanuts".
What are you going to do to me, Valiant?
I'm going to listen to you spin the Cloverleaf scenario; the story of greed, sex and murder. And the parts that I don't like, I'm going to edit out.
You got it all wrong, I'm a cartoon maker, not a murderer!
Everybody's gotta have a hobby.
Cut!
All right. That's it, Jack!
Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut!
What the hell was wrong with that take?!
Nothing with you, Baby Herman. You were great. You were perfect. You were better than perfect! It's just Roger, he keeps blowing his lines! Roger, what is this?
A tweeting bird?
"A tweeting bird?!" Roger, read this script! Look what it says. It says, "Rabbit gets clunked, rabbit sees stars." Not birds, stars! Can we lose the playback, please! You're killing me, killing me!
For crying out loud, Roger! How the hell many times we have to do this damn scene?! Raoul! I'll be in my trailer, takin' a nap! [Walks between a woman's legs]
Wooo!
'Scuse me, toots.
My stomach can't take this. This is a mess, clean this set up! Get him out of there, or seal him up in it. Lose the lights! Say Lunch! That's lunch we're on a half!
P-p-please, Raoul. I can give you stars. Just drop the refrigerator on my head one more time.
Roger, I've dropped it on your head 23 times already.
I can take it, don't worry about me.
I'm not worried about you. I'm worried about the refrigerator.
No! Not my Jessica! Not patty-cake! This is impossible! I don't believe it! It can't be! It just can't be! Jessica's my wife! It's absolutely impossible! Jessica's the love of my life. The apple of my eye. The cream in my coffee.
Well you better start drinking it black, Acme's taking the cream now.
Okay, nobody move! All right, weasel, grab some sky or I'll let the judge have it! You heard me, I said drop it!
Roger, darling!
That's right, my dear. I'd love to embrace you, but first, I have to satisfy my sense of moral outrage!
Put that gun down, you buck-toothed fool!
That's it, Doom. Give me another excuse to pop you full of lead. So you thought you could get away with it, didn't you? Ha! We toons may act idiotic, but we're not stupid. We demand justice. Why, the real meaning of the word probably hits you like a "ton of bricks"!
Look, stars! Ready when you are, Raoul.
Tie the lovebirds together.
