Transformers (2007) quotes

View Quote [Barricade transforms right in front of Sam]
Sam Witwicky: Oh God, NO!!! [Barricade chases him] Oh shit, oh shit, oh God, OH SHIT!!! It's a bad dream!
Barricade: [quickly and ferociously] Are you username: LadiesMan217?!
Sam Witwicky: I don't know what you're talking about!
Barricade: ARE YOU USERNAME: LADIESMAN217?!!
Sam Witwicky: Yeah.
Barricade: Where is the eBay Item 21153?!
Sam Witwicky: What?
Barricade: WHERE ARE THE GLASSES?!!

View Quote [Bumblebee is driving Sam and Mikaela through a tunnel]
Mikaela Banes: This car's a pretty good driver.
Sam Witwicky: Why don't you go sit in that seat there? [motions to the driver's seat]
Mikaela Banes: I'm not gonna sit in that seat, he's driving.
Sam Witwicky: Yeah. You're right. You know, maybe you should sit on my lap.
Mikaela Banes: Why?
Sam Witwicky: Well-I-I have the only seatbelt here. You know, safety first.
Mikaela Banes: Yeah, alright. [climbs onto Sam's lap]
Sam Witwicky: See? That's better.
Mikaela Banes: You know, that seat belt thing was a pretty smooth move.

View Quote [The Autobots meet Sam and Mikaela in an alley]
Optimus Prime: Are you Samuel James Witwicky, descendant of Archibald Witwicky?
Mikaela Banes: [stunned] They know your name!
Sam Witwicky: Yeah.
Optimus Prime: My name is Optimus Prime. We are Autonomous Robotic Organisms from the planet Cybetron.
Ratchet: But you can call us "Autobots" for short.
Sam Witwicky: Autobots.
Jazz: What's crackin', little bitches? [does a somersault]
Optimus Prime: My first lieutenant. Designation: Jazz.
Jazz: This looks like a cool place to kick it! [jumps onto a car behind him as if it were a chair]
Sam Witwicky: What is that? How did he learn to talk like that?
Optimus Prime: We've learned Earth's languages through the World Wide Web. [points to Ironhide] My weapons specialist, Ironhide.
Ironhide: [brandishing his weapons] You feeling lucky, punk?
Optimus Prime: Easy, Ironhide.
Ironhide: Just kidding, I just wanted to show him my cannons.
Optimus Prime: Our medical officer, Ratchet.
Ratchet: [sniffing] The boy's pheromone levels suggest he wants to mate with the female.
[Mikaela scratches her head in embarassment - Sam whistles]
Optimus Prime: You already know your guardian, Bumblebee.
Bumblebee: [does a little dance] Check to the rep/Yep, second to none.
Sam Witwicky: Bumblebee, right? You're my guardian, huh? [Bumblebee nods]
Ratchet: His vocal processors were damaged in battle. I'm still working on them.
Mikaela Banes: Why are you here?
Optimus Prime: We are here looking for the All Spark, and we must find it before Megatron.
Sam Witwicky: Mega-what?
Optimus Prime: [produces a hologram of Cybertron for Sam and Mikaela to see] Our planet was once a powerful empire, peaceful and just, until we were betrayed by Megatron, leader of the Decepticons. All who defied them were destroyed. Our war finally consumed the planet, and the Allspark was lost to the stars. Megatron followed it to Earth, where Captain Witwicky found him.
Sam Witwicky: My grandfather...?
Optimus Prime: It was an accident that intertwined our fates. [flashbacks to Archibald's discovery of Megatron in the ice] Megatron crash-landed before he could retreive the Cube. He accidentally activated his navigation system. The coordinates to the Cube's location on Earth were inprinted on his glasses.
Sam Witwicky: How did you know about his glasses?
Optimus Prime: eBay.
Sam Witwicky: eBay...
Ratchet: If the Decepticons find the Allspark, they'll use its power to transform Earth's machines, and build a new army.
Optimus Prime: And the human race will be extinguished. Sam Witwicky, you hold the key to Earth's survival.
Mikaela Banes: [to Sam] Please tell me you have those glasses.

View Quote [Glen has just eaten a whole plateful of donuts]
Glen Whitmann: Ok, Maggie, look. Let me break it down to you how it's going to happen. They're going to come through that door, be good-cop, bad-cop. Don't fall for that, all right? That's why I ate their food. See, they put the plate of donuts out here to test your guilt. If you don't touch it, you're guilty. I ate the whole plate—the whole plate, okay? So me and you, they walk through that door, you don't say nothing. [door opens and agents come in and surround them; as soon an agent drops a folder of papers on the folder, Glen jumps up and points to Maggie] SHE DID IT!!! She did it, she's the one you want! I was just sitting at home, watching cartoons and playing video games with my cousin, then she came in there!
Maggie Madsen: [in anger] Glen, you freak!
Glen Whitmann: Hey, I am not going to jail for you, or anybody else! I have done nothing bad my entire life! Hey man, I’m still a virgin! Okay, so I downloaded a couple of thousand songs off the internet. Who hasn't? Who hasn't?!
Maggie Madsen: Glen, shut up!
Glen Whitmann: No, you shut up! Don't talk to me! Don't talk to me, criminal! [suddenly clutches his stomach] Ooh... sugar rush...

View Quote [Mojo, Sam's dog, has just peed on Ironhide's foot]
Sam Witwicky: Mojo! Mojo! Off the robot!
Ironhide: You have a rodent infestation. Shall I terminate it?
Sam Witwicky: No! No! This is a Chihuahua. We all love Chihuahuas.
Ironhide: He's leaked lubricant all over my foot!
Sam Witwicky: He—you mean he peed on you? [to Mojo] Bad Mojo! Bad Mojo!
Ironhide: Bad Mojo!
Sam Witwicky: I'm sorry, it's a male dominance thing, that's all...
Ironhide: Hugghh... My foot's gonna rust.

View Quote [Sam asks the Autobots to keep quiet]
Optimus Prime: Autobots, fall back.
[The Autobots move away from the house]
Ratchet: Move!
Ironhide: Get away!
Optimus Prime: What's the matter with you?! Can't you be quiet? He wants us to be quiet!
Ratchet: [runs into the powerline] OW!! [siren goes off, trips and falls; the house starts shaking]
Ron Witwicky: Earthquake! Move, move, move, MOVE!! Earthquake! Judy, get under the table! Move it! Duck and cover, right now!
Judy Witwicty: [not moving] How did you get over there so fast??
Ratchet: [slightly giddy] Wow, that was tingly! [tries to get up, strains] You got to try that!
Ironhide: [sarcastically] Yeah, that looks fun.

View Quote [After his parents enter his bedroom, Sam is desperately protesting; the Autobots are secretly outside, and Mikaela is hiding in the room]
Judy Witwicky: Oh, for Pete's sakes! You are so defensive! Were you... masturbating?
Ron Witwicky: Judy.
Sam Witwicky: [frantic] Was I master... No, Mom!
Ron Witwicky: Zip it, okay?
Judy Witwicky: It's okay.
Sam Witwicky: No, I don't masturbate!
Ron Witwicky: That's not something for you to bring up.
Judy Witwicky: It's okay.
Ron Witwicky: That's a father-and-son thing, okay?
Sam Witwicky: [amazed] Father-and-son thing.
Judy Witwicky: I mean, you don't have to call it that word if it makes you uncomfortable. You can call it "Sam's happy time".
Sam Witwicky: Happy time?
Judy Witwicky: Or "My special alone time with myself".
Ron Witwicky: Judy, stop.
Sam Witwicky: [final plea] Mom, you can't come in and...
Judy Witwicky: I'm sorry, it's just been a weird night; I've had a little too much to drink.

View Quote [Sam and Mikaela's search for the glasses are continually interrupted by Sam's parents]
Ironhide: [brandishing his arm-cannons] The parents are very irritating.
Ratchet: [trying to calm him] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Ironhide: Can I take them out?
Optimus Prime: Ironhide, you know we don't harm humans! What is with you?!
Ironhide: Well, I'm just saying, we could... it's an option.

View Quote Agent Reggie Simmons: Ronald Wikity?
Ron Witwicky: It's "Witwicky". Who are you?
Agent Simmons: [shows badge] We're the government. Sector 7.
Ron Witwicky: Never heard of it.
Agent Simmons: Never will. Your son is the great-grandson of Archibald Wikity, is he not?
Ron Witwicky: It's "Witwicky"!
Agent Simmons: [steps through the door] May we enter the premises, sir?
Judy Witwicky: Ron, there's guys all over the front yard!
Ron Witwicky: What the heck is going on here?!
Agent Simmons: Your son filed a stolen car report last night. We think he may be involved in a National Security matter.
Ron Witwicky: National Security?
Agent Simmons: That's right, National Security.

View Quote [Agent Simmons is interrogating Sam and Mikaela in a car]
Agent Simmons: Hey, you see this? [shows them his badge] This is a "do whatever I want and get away with it" badge. I'm gonna lock you up forever.
Mikaela Banes: Oh God... you know what? Don't listen to him. He's just pissy because he's gotta get back to guarding the Mall.
Agent Simmons: You in the training bra. Do not test me, especially with your daddy's parole coming up.
Sam Witwicky: What? Parole?!
Mikaela Banes: It's nothing.
Agent Simmons: A grand theft auto? That ain't nothing?
Mikaela Banes: You know those cars my dad used to teach me to fix? Well, they... They weren't always his.
Sam Witwicky: You stole cars?!
Mikaela Banes: Well, we couldn't always afford a babysitter, so he'd sometimes had to bring me along.
Agent Simmons: She's got her own juvy record to prove it! She's a criminal. And criminals are hot! Now it'd be a real shame if he rots in jail for the rest of his natural life. It is time to talk!
[The car crashes into an unknown object and is suddenly lifted from the ground, then falls back down as the roof is ripped off]
Sam Witwicky: You A-holes are in trouble now. Gentlemen, I want to introduce you to my friend, Optimus Prime.
Optimus Prime: Taking the children was a bad move. Autobots relieve them of their weapons!
[The agents point their weapons at Prime, while the Autobots jump down from a nearby bridge and reveal their weapons]
Ironhide: [brandishing his cannons] Freeze!!
Agent Simmons: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Jazz: Give me those! [uses his magnetic hands to disarm the agents]
[Optimus Prime leans in to face Simmons and the agents]
Agent Simmons: [staring at Prime] Hi there.
Optimus Prime: You don't seem afraid. Are you not surprised to see us?
Agent Simmons: Look there are—S7 protocols, okay? I'm not authorized to communicate with you... except to tell you that I cannot communicate with—you
Optimus Prime: [sternly] Get out of the car.
Agent Simmons: Uh...me? You want me to...
Optimus Prime: NOW!!!
Agent Simmons: All right, I'm getting out.

View Quote Sam Witwicky: What is Sector 7? Answer me!
Agent Simmons: I'm the one who asks questions around here. Not you, young man!
Mikaela Banes: How did you know about the aliens?
Sam Witwicky: Where did you take my parents?
Agent Simmons: I am not at liberty to discuss this. [Sam takes his ID] Hey, you touch me, that's a federal offense.
Sam Witwicky: "Do whatever you want and get away with it badge", right?
Agent Simmons: Great, brave now all of a sudden with all of your alien friends here.
Sam Witwicky: Where's Sector 7?!
Agent Simmons: [sneers] Wouldn't you like to know?
[Behind him, Bumblebee pops an oil filter and leaks lubricant on Simmons]
Agent Simmons: HEY!!
Optimus Prime: Bumblebee, stop lubricating the man!
Agent Simmons: Get that thing to stop, huh?!

View Quote Jazz: Hang back, let me check it out. Optimus, are we just gonna stand here and do nothing?
Optimus Prime: There's no way to free Bumblebee with harming the humans.
Jazz: But it's not right.
Optimus Prime: Let them leave. [recovers Archibald's glasses]

View Quote [Keller enters the FBI interrogation room]
Maggie Madsen: What's going on?
John Keller: You're coming with me. You're going to be my advisor.
Glen Whitmann: Me too?
John Keller: Who's this?
Maggie Madsen: He's... my advisor.
John Keller: He comes too.

View Quote [Sam and Mikaela are being transported in the same helicopter as Maggie and Glen]
Sam Witwicky: So...
Maggie Madsen: What did they get you for?
Sam Witwicky: I bought a car. Turned out to be an alien robot.
Glen Whitmann: [is stunned] Wow...!
Sam Witwicky: Who knew?

View Quote [The Autobots discuss their next move atop the Griffith Observatory]
Optimus Prime: [holding Archibald's glasses] Please... let this work.
Jazz: Fire it up, Optimus.
Optimus Prime: [creates a hologram of the Earth from the glasses] The code... the code on these glasses indicates the Allspark is 230 miles from here.
Ratchet: I sense the Decepticons are getting ready to mobilize.
Ironhide: They must know it's here as well...
Jazz: What about Bumblebee? We can't just leave him to die! [Bumblebee is tortuted by the Sector 7 agents] Or become some human experiment!
Optimus Prime: He'll die in vain if we don't accomplish out mission. Bumblebee is a brave soldier; this is what he would want.
Ironhide: Why are we fighting to save the humans? They're a primitive and violent race.
Optimus Prime: Were we so different? They are a young species; they have much to learn... but I've seen goodness in them. [Sector 7 vehicles pull up, Sam and Mikaela disembark] Freedom is the right of all sentient beings... you all know there is only one way to end this war. We must destroy the Cube. If all else fails, [opens his chest compartment] I will unite it with the spark in my chest.
Ratchet: That's suicide! The Cube is raw power, it could destroy you both!
Optimus Prime: A neccesary sacrifice to bring peace to this planet. We cannot let the humans pay for our mistakes. It's been an honor serving with you all. Autobots, roll out!
Jazz: We rolling!