T Tape
You are powerful and attractive.
T Tape
You do not run from your problems, but confront them face to face.
Khalil Ow! What did you do that for?
Mr. Twisty? Who's there? Show yourself!
Khalil [Worm crawls up on barrel or something. He is holding headphones, which he places back in the bag of leaves. Jonah has never seen a worm exactly like this one.]
Hello!
Khalil Who, me? Oh, my name is Khalil! I'm caterpillar! Well, that's only half true. My mother was a caterpillar. My father was a worm. But I'm okay with that now.
Khalil Khalil. You've got to get your gut into it! I bet you're wondering why I'm here.
Aaah! you tidy up around the ship?
Khalil Oh, no - I do not work on the ship. I am a small business operator! A traveling salesman! I sell Persian rugs door to door! See?
Khalil By the way, do you know where this ship is going?
Khalil Tarshish! [gasps] What a trip! You know, that may be just what I need! The Persian rug business has not been going very well around here. But I still have a positive mental attitude, because of my motivational tapes!
T Tape
You are a skilled metalworker.
Khalil I am a skilled metalworker! Oh! I did not know that!
Yes! Which way is Tarshish?
A Angus
Right this way! You can't miss it!
GP God (Pa Grape)
[Jonah walks and headed to Tarshish. Suddenly, God's voice interrupts, which sounds suspiciously like Pa Grape.]
Jonah!
GP God (Pa Grape)
Jonah! Where are you going?
Oh! It's you, Lord. Um, I'm going to... I'm going...
I'm Sorry! I can't hear you!
I can't hear you! Lalalalalalala!
I... CAN'T... HEAR... YOU!
[Dream transition back to Jonah, tossing in his bunk. The hold of the ship is flooding and water is splashing Jonah's face. Pa Grape is trying to wake him.]
Jonah! Jonah! Jonah!
No! I... I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
Come on! Wake up! We got trouble!
What?! What's happening?!
We're in a storm! Like I've never seen before! If we don't do something quick, we're gonna sink!
Khalil We seem to have sprung a leak, traveling buddy!
Huh? Hey! What are you doing here?
Khalil Well, yes. But you see, my new friend and I are going to Tarshish to break the back of the camel thieves! Crime-fighting runs very deep in my family!
Why if it wasn't for this storm I'd make you walk the plank! And you! How can you sleep at a time like this?!
I'll tell you what's going on! We're all gonna be fish food if I don't get some help!
Oh! Get up and pray to your god! Maybe he'll have mercy on us and spare our lives! Hmm... Oy! Somebody up there must be really upset with somebody down here! Wait a minute! That's it! ALRIGHT YOU TWO, FOLLOW ME!
[The scene is quite dark, with JONAH forlornly sitting on a barrel or some other indigestible object inside the whale. After a moment, the bowling ball rolls up next to him.]
Oh, look... a bowling ball. If I could only find some pins.
Khalil You found better than that, travelling buddy! It's me!
Khalil So forget about Tarshish! All we need to do is get this whale to swim to Nineveh! You give the message, I sell the plush toys, we'll be right back on track!
Carlyle, please don't speak to me. I'm having a rather bad day.
Khalil Well you don't need to be so down about it - Mr. Grumpypants!
Look around you! We're inside a whale! We're going to be digested! Do you know what that means?!
Khalil Of course I do! Digestion runs very deep in my family. I'm just trying to have a positive outlook, you know! You know the difference between you and me is that you see the whale as half empty, but I see the whale as half full!
I don't know what that means.
Khalil Neither do I.
[Jonah turns away and sits down forlornly.]
Oh! I might as well face it. God gave me a job to do and I disobeyed him. I ran the other way! I've done something terrible and now I'm getting what I deserve. Oh... I'm going to die here in this whale.
Go in, give the message, get out. Go in, give the message, get out.
G1 Guard 1
Who goes there?!
Ah, yes. My name is Jonah, and I'm a prophet from...
G2 Guard #2
You're not from here, are you?
Um... No, you see, I'm from...
G1 Guard #1
That would make you a stranger, wouldn't it?
Well... Um... Yes. I suppose so... But I...
G2 Guard #2
We don't like strangers!
No... Yes, I've heard that. But you see I have a...
G1 Guard #1
So why're you here?!
Well... I have a message.
G1 Guard #1
A message? For who?
Well... For everyone! For the whole city!
G1 Guard #1
You've got a message for the whole city?!
G2 Guard #2
The whole city?!
G1 Guard #1
Oh, that's rich!
G2 Guard #2
Heh, heh! I'll alert the king! YOU'RE HONOR! A BLEACHED ASPARAGUS HAS A MESSAGE FOR US ALL!
G1 Guard #1
Most important!
Khalil I do not think this is going very well.
Oh! Let's just go home! I did what you said, I guess it just wasn't meant to be.
City Official People of Nineveh! These four men, and that small, whatever it is...
Khalil I am a caterpillar! Well, that is only half true.
City Official Have been found guilty of high thievery against the Royal City of Nineveh! For their punishment... THE SLAP OF NO RETURN!
City Official Observe!
[The Pirates and Jonah look on as the City Official places a large pumpkin on a small wooden platform in from of the fifth fish pole. There is a hush as he walks over to the rope, anchored to a stake in the ground, raises a curved sword high in the air, and brings it down, severing the rope. The fish falls, splattering the pumpkin to bits. Pumpkin hits Jonah's face. The crowd starts cheering and the Pirates and Jonah start crying like little babies.]
A All
[No! Waaaaaaaaah! Etc.]
Khalil What is happening that is making you all cry like little babies?!
Why on earth do you take snack food so SERIOUSLY?!
Alright! I did my job! So... fire! Brimstone! Whatever! You pick! Right over there! I'll just sit here under my weed and wait.
[Jonah sits back down and forces a smile, leaning up against the weed. Without warning, the weed and Jonah crash to the ground. Jonah sits up quickly and looks around.]
What? What happened?!
[Jonah spies worm, happily munching a mouthful of weed, and sees the partially chewed weed stump.]
What?! How could you?!
Khalil Hmm? All your whining made me hungry! It was just a weed.
Just a weed?! It... It was my shade! It was my friend! Oh, dear Lord, how could you let this happen?!
Khalil [Jonah mourns for the weed like a fallen comrade, the worm can take it no more.]
Would you look at yourself?! You care more about that weed than about all the people in Nineveh!
Khalil Why are you here now? Instead of back in the belly of that whale?
Khalil Because God is compassionate! He wanted to help you! And because he is merciful! He gave you a second chance!
Oh, yes, and I'm very grateful!
Khalil Has it ever occurred to you that maybe God loves everybody! Not just you?!!! That maybe he wants to give everyone a second chance?!!!
Khalil He saw that those people needed help, that they didn't know right from wrong, and he wanted to help them! And that is why he sent you!
Khalil And when you told them what they were doing wrong they said they were sorry, they put down their mackerels and their halibuts, and they asked God for a second chance. And by golly, he gave them one! Don't you see? God wants to give everyone a second chance! And so should we!
Well... If they get a second chance, those fish-slappers, well, then... IT WOULD BE BETTER IF I WERE DEAD! [flops onto the ground] OH! I WISH I WERE BACK IN THAT WHALE! [Jonah is a basket case, the worm looks at him in disbelief.]
Khalil You are pathetic. You know, patience runs very deep in my family. But not that deep. I'm out of here!
What? What are you doing?
Khalil I wanted to be big and important, just like you! But the world doesn't need more people who are BIG AND IMPORTANT, the world needs more people who are nice. And compassionate. And merciful. That's what I want to be. You can find yourself a new traveling buddy. Goodbye!
Khalil Can and have!
But, who will I talk to?! You can't just leave me here all alone! Hello?! Carlisle?! Reginald?! Carlisle?! Khalil?! Khalil?! KHALIL?! NOOOOO!!
The End! [The Pirates slide the Plexiglas divider shut between the two booths, then flashback in episodes of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) in "Green With Jealousy", "Muckman Messes Up", "Return of the Shredder", "Super Irma", "Cry H.A.V.O.C.!", "A Thing About Rats", "Sky Turtles", "The Catwoman from Channel Six", "Poor Little Rich Turtle", "The Old Switcheroo", "New York's Shiniest", "It Came from Beneath the Sewers", "The Day The Earth Disappeared", "Shreeka's Revenge", "State of Shock", "Planet of the Turtleoids", "Turtlemanic", "Dregg on the Earth", "The Ninja Sword of Nowhere", "A Real Snow Job", "Divide and Conquer", "Enter: Mutagen Man", "Night of the Dark Turtle", "Beware the Lotus", "Night of the Rogues", "Donatello's Degree", "Ring of Fire", "Attack of the 50-Foot Irma", "The Turtle Terminator", "Turtle Tracks", "Pirate Radio", "Pizza by the Shred", "Four Musketurtles", "Mr. Nice Guy", "Rust Never Sleeps", "Turtles on the Orient Express", "Convicts from Dimension X", "Super Bebop and Mighty Rocksteady", & "Get Shredder!".]
[Last Lines]
What? What are you doing?!
Khalil I wanted to be big and important, just like you! But the world doesn't need more people who are big and important, the world needs more people who are nice, and compassionate, and merciful! That's what I want to be. You can find yourself a new travelling buddy. Goodbye!? [Khalil resumes walking with the new title song "God's Not Dead (Like A Lion)" Composer and Writer Michael Tait and Kevin Max Performed by The Newsboys as Jonah stares in disbelief]
Khalil Can and am. [Reginald begins to walks away as well, leaves Jonah all alone]
But who will I talk to?! You can't just leave me here all alone?! Hello? Carlyle? Reginald? Carlyle? Khalil? Khalil? KHALIL?! NOOOOO!!
That's [back in the present day; to everyone] the end. [closes the slider door, the Veggie Kids is initiated confusion and disappointedly/disappointion with the anticlimactickallies endingly la a Josh and the Big Wall, Text (Arial Bold White): "Veggie Kids have initiated confusion and disppointed with the anticlimactick endingly on restaurants.", includes Mike and Robert]
DR Dakota Richards
[in home]
I'm very disappointed in you, Percy, Annie, Junior and Laura.
MK Mom (Kelly Cronkhite)
[in home]
Oh, no. Dakota James, what do you think you're doing?! That's not supposed to be initiated disappointed ending here upon at the restaurants for Veggie kids, Dakota!
[confusedly; to Mike Asparagus]
Wait a minute. It's over?
MK Mom (Kelly Cronkhite)
[in home]
Dakota, no, that's not a Josh, that's a Jonah!
But what did Jonah learn?
The question, my friends, is not "what did Jonah learn". The question is — what did you learn?
Well, I learned that we need to help people who need help. And we need to give second chances, even if they don't deserve them. But what's that got to do with us?
Your friend there, the big asparagus. If I'm not mistaken, he didn't do such a good job helping you with the map.
Oh, it was a disaster! He said he was sorry and that he'd do better next time, but no way! Uh-uh! I… Oh. Mercy. I guess everyone deserves a second chance.
Yep. Now get out of here before crab legs get cold.
You know, that still wasn't a very good way to end a story.
Well, whaddya want? A big musical number?
Who do they think I am, Twippo?
VK Veggie Kids
[cheers]
TWIPPO!!
