Tree! [Bob steers right towards a cabin] Cabin! [Bob steers left towards a clothesline] Underwear!
(chuckles)
Well, I'm glad that's over. [line snaps. Bob turns to Mike] Did you say something? [Mike shakes his head. Another line snaps] Oh...
Dear! [Three more lines snaps and the van continues down the hill towards the river and Veggies screams and bumped with the tree stump and two airbags]
(sniffs)
It smells like… Wisconsin. [?] (Everyone jumps out of the car)
Well, nobody got hurt. [A quill comes out of nowhere and hits Bob in the behind and Bob crying out loud in scared] Ahh! (The porcupines look down happily.)
Wow! What a shot! [Bob groans]
Hey, what's that? (They all notice a restaurant that read SEAFOOD with the letter D light out.)
A All
(The D lights up.) (O.S.)
Ahh.
[as Jonah (Archibald Asparagus) is praying in his tent.]
A new message? Yes, wha-what's that? People being unkind? Lying? [gasps] Stealing? Oh dear, sounds like a standard turn and repent to me. Alright, name the town. I'll be on my way 1st thing in the morning. Where is it? Jericho? Damascus? What? Nineveh? I'm not aware of any Ninevehs in Israel. No, I don't think- Oh. [sees Nineveh on the map] You mean that Nineveh?
[off-screen; narrating]
That Nineveh wasn't in Israel at all. It was the capital of Assyria, and it was the biggest, meanest city around! Now the people of Nineveh were particularly mean to Jonah's people, the Israelites. They lied, they stole. But worst of all, they slapped people with fishes! [One of the Ninevites does so to a gourd.] They even slapped each other with fishes. [Two peas are shown doing just that.] They didn't know the difference between right and wrong. The Ninevites were so mean in fact, that most Israelites, including Jonah, wished God would just wipe Nineveh off the face of the earth! [A fire from heaven destroys Nineveh; leaving one pea. He rants before the fire destroys him too, off-screen; narrating] Needless to say, Jonah was shocked that God would want him to deliver a message to his enemies.
You don't want me to go there! You don't know what Nineveh is like! Perhaps you've never been there! Well of course you haven't! A God like you would never go to a place like Nineveh, and for that matter neither would a prophet like me. [laughs] Oh.
J Jerry
[Jonah exits the tent the next morning, when...]
Morning, Jonah! What's the word?
What? Nothing! There is no word! [starts runs away]
J Jerry
Uh, nothing? At all?
No! Nothing at all! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm very bu-
N Mr. Nezzer
Morning, Jonah. What's the word?
Ah, stop it! There is no word! Nothing! I've got to get out of here! [continues running away] There is no word! I have no new messages! And above all, I am not... going... to Nineveh!
S Scooter
[Because he's not looking where he's going, he bumps into a sign and it hits him, knocking him back. He looks and sees that it's a map of the Mediterranean Sea.]
Sorry, sir! I can't sell you a ticket to Nineveh!
S Scooter
The name's Angus. I sell cruise tickets. There's nothing like a cruise on the Great Sea to clean the sand out of your wicket, aye?! [Jonah slightly jumps.] But ya can't sail to Nineveh! It's land-locked! See? [Angus points to a star surrounded entirely by orange, symbolizing only land.] You can't go by sea! Ya got to go by land!
But I don't want to go to-
P Penelope
[as she and Mabel spot Jonah]
Oh, hello, Mr. Jonah! What's the word?
S Scooter
He's going to Nineveh!
[frustrated]
I am not going to Nineveh! Why on earth would I wanna go to Nineveh?! In fact, I'm going in the opposite direction! [looks at map] What's the farthest thing in the world from Nineveh?
S Scooter
Well, if you have a few days, you could sail down to Egypt. It's lovely this time of year.
[Jonah isn't paying attention to what he's saying, instead directing his attention toward a star on the far left edge of the map.]
There! I want to go there!
S Scooter
Huh?! Tarshish?! Why, that would take weeks! It's the other end of the world!
S Scooter
Even if you had the money, no one around here has the time to sail all the way to Tarshi-
[Then they suddenly hear Larry, Pa Grape and Mr. Lunt singing "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything".]
[Last Lines]
What? What are you doing?!
I wanted to be big and important, just like you! But the world doesn't need more people who are big and important, the world needs more people who are nice, and compassionate, and merciful! That's what I want to be. You can find yourself a new travelling buddy. Goodbye!? [Khalil resumes walking with the new title song "God's Not Dead (Like A Lion)" Composer and Writer Michael Tait and Kevin Max Performed by The Newsboys as Jonah stares in disbelief]
Can and am. [Reginald begins to walks away as well, leaves Jonah all alone]
But who will I talk to?! You can't just leave me here all alone?! Hello? Carlyle? Reginald? Carlyle? Khalil? Khalil? KHALIL?! NOOOOO!!
That's [back in the present day; to everyone] the end. [closes the slider door, the Veggie Kids is initiated confusion and disappointedly/disappointion with the anticlimactickallies endingly la a Josh and the Big Wall, Text (Arial Bold White): "Veggie Kids have initiated confusion and disppointed with the anticlimactick endingly on restaurants.", includes Mike and Robert]
DR Dakota Richards
[in home]
I'm very disappointed in you, Percy, Annie, Junior and Laura.
MK Mom (Kelly Cronkhite)
[in home]
Oh, no. Dakota James, what do you think you're doing?! That's not supposed to be initiated disappointed ending here upon at the restaurants for Veggie kids, Dakota!
[confusedly; to Mike Asparagus]
Wait a minute. It's over?
MK Mom (Kelly Cronkhite)
[in home]
Dakota, no, that's not a Josh, that's a Jonah!
But what did Jonah learn?
The question, my friends, is not "what did Jonah learn". The question is — what did you learn?
Well, I learned that we need to help people who need help. And we need to give second chances, even if they don't deserve them. But what's that got to do with us?
Your friend there, the big asparagus. If I'm not mistaken, he didn't do such a good job helping you with the map.
Oh, it was a disaster! He said he was sorry and that he'd do better next time, but no way! Uh-uh! I… Oh. Mercy. I guess everyone deserves a second chance.
Yep. Now get out of here before crab legs get cold.
You know, that still wasn't a very good way to end a story.
Well, whaddya want? A big musical number?
Who do they think I am, Twippo?
VK Veggie Kids
[cheers]
TWIPPO!!
Oh yeah, well if it wasn't for you we wouldn't be in this mess!
I said I was sorry. I'll do better next time.
There isn't gonna be a next time!
Mr. Bob, how are we going to get to the Twippo Concert?
Yeah! We're going to miss the Bald Bunny song.
I don't know! I don't know about any bald bunnies!
I'm a bald bunny, ain't got no fur. I'm a bald bunny, brrr brrr brrr.
Laura: [while Percy continues singing] Even if we do make it to the concert, I can't get in! I lost my ticket!
Serves you right! It's your own fault for waving it around in my face!
I have to go to the bathroom.
You know, I'm usually not that clumsy in the car.
Usually, I'm quite dexterous!
How in the world are we going to change two flat tires?! Where's the phone?!
If you hadn't been teasing me, we wouldn't been in this mess, Laura!
[clears thoart]
May we help you.
The asparagus whack me in the head with a guitar.
CO City Official
A decree from the King! Let everyone call urgently to God. Let them give up their evil ways and their violence. Perhaps the God that brought this man out of the Great Fish, will give us a second chance!
KT King Twistomer
[Crowd cheers and everyone was happy. Jonah looks around, tugging against his ropes.]
And let the asparagus and his friends go free!
So the king and the people of Nineveh, said they were sorry, stopped the fish-slapping, and started being nice to people.
CO City Official
People of Nineveh! These four men, and that small, whatever it is...
I am a caterpillar! Well, that is only half true.
CO City Official
Have been found guilty of high thievery against the Royal City of Nineveh! For their punishment... THE SLAP OF NO RETURN!
CO City Official
Observe!
[The Pirates and Jonah look on as the City Official places a large pumpkin on a small wooden platform in from of the fifth fish pole. There is a hush as he walks over to the rope, anchored to a stake in the ground, raises a curved sword high in the air, and brings it down, severing the rope. The fish falls, splattering the pumpkin to bits. Pumpkin hits Jonah's face. The crowd starts cheering and the Pirates and Jonah start crying like little babies.]
A All
[No! Waaaaaaaaah! Etc.]
What is happening that is making you all cry like little babies?!
Why on earth do you take snack food so SERIOUSLY?!
Alright! I did my job! So... fire! Brimstone! Whatever! You pick! Right over there! I'll just sit here under my weed and wait.
[Jonah sits back down and forces a smile, leaning up against the weed. Without warning, the weed and Jonah crash to the ground. Jonah sits up quickly and looks around.]
What? What happened?!
[Jonah spies worm, happily munching a mouthful of weed, and sees the partially chewed weed stump.]
What?! How could you?!
Hmm? All your whining made me hungry! It was just a weed.
Just a weed?! It... It was my shade! It was my friend! Oh, dear Lord, how could you let this happen?!
[Jonah mourns for the weed like a fallen comrade, the worm can take it no more.]
Would you look at yourself?! You care more about that weed than about all the people in Nineveh!
Why are you here now? Instead of back in the belly of that whale?
Because God is compassionate! He wanted to help you! And because he is merciful! He gave you a second chance!
Oh, yes, and I'm very grateful!
Has it ever occurred to you that maybe God loves everybody! Not just you?!!! That maybe he wants to give everyone a second chance?!!!
He saw that those people needed help, that they didn't know right from wrong, and he wanted to help them! And that is why he sent you!
And when you told them what they were doing wrong they said they were sorry, they put down their mackerels and their halibuts, and they asked God for a second chance. And by golly, he gave them one! Don't you see? God wants to give everyone a second chance! And so should we!
Well... If they get a second chance, those fish-slappers, well, then... IT WOULD BE BETTER IF I WERE DEAD! [flops onto the ground] OH! I WISH I WERE BACK IN THAT WHALE! [Jonah is a basket case, the worm looks at him in disbelief.]
You are pathetic. You know, patience runs very deep in my family. But not that deep. I'm out of here!
What? What are you doing?
I wanted to be big and important, just like you! But the world doesn't need more people who are BIG AND IMPORTANT, the world needs more people who are nice. And compassionate. And merciful. That's what I want to be. You can find yourself a new traveling buddy. Goodbye!
But, who will I talk to?! You can't just leave me here all alone! Hello?! Carlisle?! Reginald?! Carlisle?! Khalil?! Khalil?! KHALIL?! NOOOOO!!
The End! [The Pirates slide the Plexiglas divider shut between the two booths, then flashback in episodes of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) in "Green With Jealousy", "Muckman Messes Up", "Return of the Shredder", "Super Irma", "Cry H.A.V.O.C.!", "A Thing About Rats", "Sky Turtles", "The Catwoman from Channel Six", "Poor Little Rich Turtle", "The Old Switcheroo", "New York's Shiniest", "It Came from Beneath the Sewers", "The Day The Earth Disappeared", "Shreeka's Revenge", "State of Shock", "Planet of the Turtleoids", "Turtlemanic", "Dregg on the Earth", "The Ninja Sword of Nowhere", "A Real Snow Job", "Divide and Conquer", "Enter: Mutagen Man", "Night of the Dark Turtle", "Beware the Lotus", "Night of the Rogues", "Donatello's Degree", "Ring of Fire", "Attack of the 50-Foot Irma", "The Turtle Terminator", "Turtle Tracks", "Pirate Radio", "Pizza by the Shred", "Four Musketurtles", "Mr. Nice Guy", "Rust Never Sleeps", "Turtles on the Orient Express", "Convicts from Dimension X", "Super Bebop and Mighty Rocksteady", & "Get Shredder!".]
Go in, give the message, get out. Go in, give the message, get out.
G1 Guard 1
Who goes there?!
Ah, yes. My name is Jonah, and I'm a prophet from...
G2 Guard #2
You're not from here, are you?
Um... No, you see, I'm from...
G1 Guard #1
That would make you a stranger, wouldn't it?
Well... Um... Yes. I suppose so... But I...
G2 Guard #2
We don't like strangers!
No... Yes, I've heard that. But you see I have a...
G1 Guard #1
So why're you here?!
Well... I have a message.
G1 Guard #1
A message? For who?
Well... For everyone! For the whole city!
G1 Guard #1
You've got a message for the whole city?!
G2 Guard #2
The whole city?!
G1 Guard #1
Oh, that's rich!
G2 Guard #2
Heh, heh! I'll alert the king! YOU'RE HONOR! A BLEACHED ASPARAGUS HAS A MESSAGE FOR US ALL!
G1 Guard #1
Most important!
I do not think this is going very well.
Oh! Let's just go home! I did what you said, I guess it just wasn't meant to be.
Something touched me! There's... There's something in the water!
[The whale approaches under the ship and Jonah.]
Hurry up! Hurry!
Hold on, Jonah! Aim this time!
I can never tell where you're looking.
Hurry! [Lunt throws the ring, it misses again.] FELLOWS, PLEASE!
[The Whale uses the water to sprinkle around]
Let me do that!
Excuse me, gentlemen! Perhaps I can be of some assistance.
[Larry tosses the ring. This time it's headed right for Jonah. The ring lands perfectly around Jonah and gasps. The pirates smiles of his achievement. The Pirates attempt to reel Jonah back in, but before they can do so, Jonah is swallowed by a giant whale. The pirates were shocked.]
Oops.
