Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie (2002) · 28 quotes
Most-quoted character in Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie (2002): in 13 of its 28 quotes
Most scenes with: Khalil (7), Pa Grape (6), Mr. Lunt (3)
Sorry, sir! I can't sell ya a ticket to Nineveh!
Jonah What?! Who are you?!
The name's Angus! I sell cruise tickets! There's nothing like a cruise on the Great Sea ta clean the sand outa yer wicket, aye? But you can't sail to Nineveh! It's landlocked! See? [gestures with a loud bang to map with pointer] You can't go by sea, you get to go by land!
You are powerful and attractive.
Jonah What? Who's there?
You do not run from your problems, but confront them face to face.
Jonah Ah! The bag! It speaks!
Ow! What did you do that for?
Jonah Mr. Twisty? Who's there? Show yourself!
Hello!
Jonah What are you?
Who, me? Oh, my name is Khalil! I'm caterpillar! Well, that's only half true. My mother was a caterpillar. My father was a worm. But I'm okay with that now.
Jonah Khalil?
Khalil. You've got to get your gut into it! I bet you're wondering why I'm here.
Jonah Aaah! you tidy up around the ship?
Oh, no - I do not work on the ship. I am a small business operator! A traveling salesman! I sell Persian rugs door to door! See?
Jonah Oh, lovely. A...
By the way, do you know where this ship is going?
Jonah Yes, Tarshish.
Tarshish! [gasps] What a trip! You know, that may be just what I need! The Persian rug business has not been going very well around here. But I still have a positive mental attitude, because of my motivational tapes!
You are a skilled metalworker.
I am a skilled metalworker! Oh! I did not know that!
Jonah Yes! Which way is Tarshish?
Right this way! You can't miss it!
Jonah Oh! Thank you!
Jonah!
Jonah What? Who is it?
Jonah! Where are you going?
Jonah Oh! It's you, Lord. Um, I'm going to... I'm going...
Jonah!
Jonah I'm Sorry! I can't hear you!
Jonah!
Jonah I can't hear you! Lalalalalalala!
Jonah!
Jonah I... CAN'T... HEAR... YOU!
Jonah!
Jonah! Jonah! Jonah!
Jonah No! I... I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
Come on! Wake up! We got trouble!
Jonah What?! What's happening?!
We're in a storm! Like I've never seen before! If we don't do something quick, we're gonna sink!
We seem to have sprung a leak, traveling buddy!
Huh? Hey! What are you doing here?
Well, yes. But you see, my new friend and I are going to Tarshish to break the back of the camel thieves! Crime-fighting runs very deep in my family!
Why if it wasn't for this storm I'd make you walk the plank! And you! How can you sleep at a time like this?!
Jonah What's going on?
I'll tell you what's going on! We're all gonna be fish food if I don't get some help!
Jonah Well, what can we do?!
Oh! Get up and pray to your god! Maybe he'll have mercy on us and spare our lives! Hmm... Oy! Somebody up there must be really upset with somebody down here! Wait a minute! That's it! ALRIGHT YOU TWO, FOLLOW ME!
Huh?! I thought for sure...
Jonah Alright! I admit it! It's my fault! All my fault! I'm the one to blame!
But, I... The worm!
Jonah I am a Hebrew, and I worship the Lord, the God of heaven, who made the sea and the land, and I'm running away from Him! He told me to go to Nineveh, but I didn't listen! You know, I don't like those people.
Oh! Fish Slappers.
Jonah Yes! And so I ran! I ran, and I ended up here, and now everyone's in terrible danger all because of me! I'm afraid the only thing left is to be thrown into the sea!
Awww! You don't have to do that. We gotta plank. You can just walk off!
Jonah Yes, thank you. You're too kind.
Jonah Something touched me! There's... There's something in the water!
I'm hurrying!
Hold on, Jonah! Aim this time!
I was aiming!
I can never tell where you're looking.
You should talk!
Jonah Hurry! [Lunt throws the ring, it misses again.] FELLOWS, PLEASE!
Pull it back in! Hurry!
Okay, okay! I got it!
No, no! I'll throw it!
Jonah FELLOWS, PLEASE!
Come on! Give it here!
I said I got it!
Excuse me, gentlemen! Perhaps I can be of some assistance.
Oops.
Jonah Oh, look... a bowling ball. If I could only find some pins.
You found better than that, travelling buddy! It's me!
Jonah Oh, my.
So forget about Tarshish! All we need to do is get this whale to swim to Nineveh! You give the message, I sell the plush toys, we'll be right back on track!
Jonah Carlyle, please don't speak to me. I'm having a rather bad day.
Well you don't need to be so down about it - Mr. Grumpypants!
Jonah Look around you! We're inside a whale! We're going to be digested! Do you know what that means?!
Of course I do! Digestion runs very deep in my family. I'm just trying to have a positive outlook, you know! You know the difference between you and me is that you see the whale as half empty, but I see the whale as half full!
Jonah I don't know what that means.
Neither do I.
Jonah Oh! I might as well face it. God gave me a job to do and I disobeyed him. I ran the other way! I've done something terrible and now I'm getting what I deserve. Oh... I'm going to die here in this whale.
Jonah Go in, give the message, get out. Go in, give the message, get out.
Who goes there?!
Jonah Ah, yes. My name is Jonah, and I'm a prophet from...
You're not from here, are you?
Jonah Um... No, you see, I'm from...
That would make you a stranger, wouldn't it?
Jonah Well... Um... Yes. I suppose so... But I...
We don't like strangers!
Jonah No... Yes, I've heard that. But you see I have a...
So why're you here?!
Jonah Well... I have a message.
A message? For who?
Jonah Well... For everyone! For the whole city!
You've got a message for the whole city?!
The whole city?!
Oh, that's rich!
Heh, heh! I'll alert the king! YOU'RE HONOR! A BLEACHED ASPARAGUS HAS A MESSAGE FOR US ALL!
Most important!
I do not think this is going very well.
Jonah Oh! Let's just go home! I did what you said, I guess it just wasn't meant to be.
City Official People of Nineveh! These four men, and that small, whatever it is...
I am a caterpillar! Well, that is only half true.
City Official Have been found guilty of high thievery against the Royal City of Nineveh! For their punishment... THE SLAP OF NO RETURN!
What's so funny?
City Official Observe!
[The Pirates and Jonah look on as the City Official places a large pumpkin on a small wooden platform in from of the fifth fish pole. There is a hush as he walks over to the rope, anchored to a stake in the ground, raises a curved sword high in the air, and brings it down, severing the rope. The fish falls, splattering the pumpkin to bits. Pumpkin hits Jonah's face. The crowd starts cheering and the Pirates and Jonah start crying like little babies.]
What is happening that is making you all cry like little babies?!
Jonah Why on earth do you take snack food so SERIOUSLY?!
Jonah What? Oh! The Message. Yes! The message? Ah! What was the message? It's been so long, I... Yes! [clears throat] STOP IT! [All Ninevites gasping] STOP CHEATING, STOP LYING, AND ESPECIALLY STOP SLAPPING PEOPLE WITH FISHES, OR THIS ENTIRE CITY WILL BE DESTROYED! A Message From the Lord.
Jonah Alright! I did my job! So... fire! Brimstone! Whatever! You pick! Right over there! I'll just sit here under my weed and wait.
Jonah What? What happened?!
Jonah What?! How could you?!
Hmm? All your whining made me hungry! It was just a weed.
Jonah Just a weed?! It... It was my shade! It was my friend! Oh, dear Lord, how could you let this happen?!
Would you look at yourself?! You care more about that weed than about all the people in Nineveh!
Jonah Well, I...
Why are you here now? Instead of back in the belly of that whale?
Jonah Ah...
Because God is compassionate! He wanted to help you! And because he is merciful! He gave you a second chance!
Jonah Oh, yes, and I'm very grateful!
Has it ever occurred to you that maybe God loves everybody! Not just you?!!! That maybe he wants to give everyone a second chance?!!!
Jonah Uh, well...
He saw that those people needed help, that they didn't know right from wrong, and he wanted to help them! And that is why he sent you!
Jonah Ah...
And when you told them what they were doing wrong they said they were sorry, they put down their mackerels and their halibuts, and they asked God for a second chance. And by golly, he gave them one! Don't you see? God wants to give everyone a second chance! And so should we!
Jonah Well... If they get a second chance, those fish-slappers, well, then... IT WOULD BE BETTER IF I WERE DEAD! [flops onto the ground] OH! I WISH I WERE BACK IN THAT WHALE! [Jonah is a basket case, the worm looks at him in disbelief.]
You are pathetic. You know, patience runs very deep in my family. But not that deep. I'm out of here!
Jonah What? What are you doing?
I wanted to be big and important, just like you! But the world doesn't need more people who are BIG AND IMPORTANT, the world needs more people who are nice. And compassionate. And merciful. That's what I want to be. You can find yourself a new traveling buddy. Goodbye!
Jonah You can't just leave!
Can and have!
Jonah But, who will I talk to?! You can't just leave me here all alone! Hello?! Carlisle?! Reginald?! Carlisle?! Khalil?! Khalil?! KHALIL?! NOOOOO!!
The End! [The Pirates slide the Plexiglas divider shut between the two booths, then flashback in episodes of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) in "Green With Jealousy", "Muckman Messes Up", "Return of the Shredder", "Super Irma", "Cry H.A.V.O.C.!", "A Thing About Rats", "Sky Turtles", "The Catwoman from Channel Six", "Poor Little Rich Turtle", "The Old Switcheroo", "New York's Shiniest", "It Came from Beneath the Sewers", "The Day The Earth Disappeared", "Shreeka's Revenge", "State of Shock", "Planet of the Turtleoids", "Turtlemanic", "Dregg on the Earth", "The Ninja Sword of Nowhere", "A Real Snow Job", "Divide and Conquer", "Enter: Mutagen Man", "Night of the Dark Turtle", "Beware the Lotus", "Night of the Rogues", "Donatello's Degree", "Ring of Fire", "Attack of the 50-Foot Irma", "The Turtle Terminator", "Turtle Tracks", "Pirate Radio", "Pizza by the Shred", "Four Musketurtles", "Mr. Nice Guy", "Rust Never Sleeps", "Turtles on the Orient Express", "Convicts from Dimension X", "Super Bebop and Mighty Rocksteady", & "Get Shredder!".]
Jonah A new message? Yes, wha-what's that? People being unkind? Lying? [gasps] Stealing? Oh dear, sounds like a standard turn and repent to me. Alright, name the town. I'll be on my way 1st thing in the morning. Where is it? Jericho? Damascus? What? Nineveh? I'm not aware of any Ninevehs in Israel. No, I don't think- Oh. [sees Nineveh on the map] You mean that Nineveh?
That Nineveh wasn't in Israel at all. It was the capital of Assyria, and it was the biggest, meanest city around! Now the people of Nineveh were particularly mean to Jonah's people, the Israelites. They lied, they stole. But worst of all, they slapped people with fishes! [One of the Ninevites does so to a gourd.] They even slapped each other with fishes. [Two peas are shown doing just that.] They didn't know the difference between right and wrong. The Ninevites were so mean in fact, that most Israelites, including Jonah, wished God would just wipe Nineveh off the face of the earth! [A fire from heaven destroys Nineveh; leaving one pea. He rants before the fire destroys him too, off-screen; narrating] Needless to say, Jonah was shocked that God would want him to deliver a message to his enemies.
Jonah You don't want me to go there! You don't know what Nineveh is like! Perhaps you've never been there! Well of course you haven't! A God like you would never go to a place like Nineveh, and for that matter neither would a prophet like me. [laughs] Oh.
Morning, Jonah! What's the word?
Jonah What? Nothing! There is no word! [starts runs away]
Uh, nothing? At all?
Jonah No! Nothing at all! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm very bu-
Morning, Jonah. What's the word?
Jonah Ah, stop it! There is no word! Nothing! I've got to get out of here! [continues running away] There is no word! I have no new messages! And above all, I am not... going... to Nineveh!
Scooter Sorry, sir! I can't sell you a ticket to Nineveh!
Jonah What? Who are you?
Scooter The name's Angus. I sell cruise tickets. There's nothing like a cruise on the Great Sea to clean the sand out of your wicket, aye?! [Jonah slightly jumps.] But ya can't sail to Nineveh! It's land-locked! See? [Angus points to a star surrounded entirely by orange, symbolizing only land.] You can't go by sea! Ya got to go by land!
Jonah But I don't want to go to-
Oh, hello, Mr. Jonah! What's the word?
Scooter He's going to Nineveh!
Oh, really?
Jonah I am not going to Nineveh! Why on earth would I wanna go to Nineveh?! In fact, I'm going in the opposite direction! [looks at map] What's the farthest thing in the world from Nineveh?
Scooter Well, if you have a few days, you could sail down to Egypt. It's lovely this time of year.
Jonah There! I want to go there!
Scooter Huh?! Tarshish?! Why, that would take weeks! It's the other end of the world!
Jonah Perfect! How much?
Scooter Even if you had the money, no one around here has the time to sail all the way to Tarshi-
[Then they suddenly hear Larry, Pa Grape and Mr. Lunt singing "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything".]
Jonah What? What are you doing?!
I wanted to be big and important, just like you! But the world doesn't need more people who are big and important, the world needs more people who are nice, and compassionate, and merciful! That's what I want to be. You can find yourself a new travelling buddy. Goodbye!? [Khalil resumes walking with the new title song "God's Not Dead (Like A Lion)" Composer and Writer Michael Tait and Kevin Max Performed by The Newsboys as Jonah stares in disbelief]
Jonah You can't just leave!
Can and am. [Reginald begins to walks away as well, leaves Jonah all alone]
Jonah But who will I talk to?! You can't just leave me here all alone?! Hello? Carlyle? Reginald? Carlyle? Khalil? Khalil? KHALIL?! NOOOOO!!
That's [back in the present day; to everyone] the end. [closes the slider door, the Veggie Kids is initiated confusion and disappointedly/disappointion with the anticlimactickallies endingly la a Josh and the Big Wall, Text (Arial Bold White): "Veggie Kids have initiated confusion and disppointed with the anticlimactick endingly on restaurants.", includes Mike and Robert]
I'm very disappointed in you, Percy, Annie, Junior and Laura.
Oh, no. Dakota James, what do you think you're doing?! That's not supposed to be initiated disappointed ending here upon at the restaurants for Veggie kids, Dakota!
Yep.
Dakota, no, that's not a Josh, that's a Jonah!
That's how it ends?
Yep.
But what did Jonah learn?
The question, my friends, is not "what did Jonah learn". The question is — what did you learn?
Well, I learned that we need to help people who need help. And we need to give second chances, even if they don't deserve them. But what's that got to do with us?
Hey, tomato?
Huh?
Your friend there, the big asparagus. If I'm not mistaken, he didn't do such a good job helping you with the map.
Oh, it was a disaster! He said he was sorry and that he'd do better next time, but no way! Uh-uh! I… Oh. Mercy. I guess everyone deserves a second chance.
Yep. Now get out of here before crab legs get cold.
You know, that still wasn't a very good way to end a story.
Well, whaddya want? A big musical number?
Well, yeah!
Who do they think I am, Twippo?
Yes? [???]
TWIPPO!!
