Drunk Monkey quotes from Doctor Dolittle (1998)

Owl

Okay, not only could he understand me, but it turns out he's a doctor. Look.

Whoa.

Owl

Not even a scar. And it hurt so bad. I don't know what I would have done without him.

Oh.

Huh huh.

Owl

Yup.

The problem with your equilibrium might be due to an inner ear infection.

Or it may be due to this.

I'm a social drinker. Ha, ha. Very social. Ha, ha.

Stand up. Stand up. Let me see you touch your nose and raise your left leg.

Nose. Leg. Huh? [grunting] Ha, ha.

I don't know. I think you're wasted. Let's see you walk this line.

Oh, my goodness. Well... Ohh-la-la. [hiccups]

You have a drinking problem, and I suggest that yiu stop drinking, cause I think you might be an alcoholic.

Really?

Nobody likes a drunk monkey.

Sorry.

Wow, what a night. I mean, all those animals. And I bet that's just the tip of the iceberg. When word gets around what's goes on...

Say, Doctor, you must help us, quick.

What happened? What are you talking about?

It is all my fault. I should not have let him out.

Hey, hey, all right. Now calm down.

The circus tiger, [hiccup] he will jump.

Didn't I told you should stop drinking?

Drinking, I give it up.

That's better. Come on. Let's go.

Wait for me. You don't know where it is.

And now, on the day I end it all, I'd like to leave Margaret the bearded lady my rhinestone collar and my wet-dry shaver. I'd like to leave Jack the midget nothing. It's too late for you. You're a short... Hey, get outta there. You're in my landing space.

Man!

Rat #2

See if you land on your feet, road kill.

Why don't you bloodsucking vermin take a break, all right?

Rat #1

Mmm. Bloodsucking.

Look out below.

Hey, Lucky, come on.

Lucky

Come on what?

Come on. We gotta go up there.

Lucky

Are you crazy? That's a tiger.

I'm jumping now. Don't try and stop me.

Will you come on?

Lucky

Coming right up. One order of man, side of dog.

I need a drink.

Good-bye, cruel world. Oh, no, I just remembered. I wanted to leave the whip to the baboon. Ha. One of the few animals that enjoy that kind of thing.

Hi.

Hey, who are you?

I'm Dolittle.

Yeah, well, get out of here. I'm in a lot of pain and I'm gonna jump.

Hey, whoa, whoa. Take it easy now. Listen, I'm a doctor. Maybe I can help you.

I don't need a doctor. I need a miracle. I'm a train wreck. I have headaches, nausea. The worst thing is this double vision. Ah, what's the use? It's not like anybody cares about tigers anyway, you know.

Now stop, you're being silly. Listen, there have been lots and lots and lots of lovable tigers.

Yeah? Name one.

Lucky

How about Tony?

Tony the cereal tiger?

Lucky

What? I didn't hear you come up with anything.

Oh! Remember that song "Eye of the Tiger" from Rocky III? [singing off-key] "It's the eye of the tiger, it's the da-da-da..." That one from Rocky III when Rocky was fighting Mr. T, couldn't beat Mr. T. Then Apollo Creed played "Eye of the Tiger" for him. He went back and beat the snot out of Mr. T because of "Eye of the Tiger". Because of that song. It moved him inside. Not "Eye of the Moose", not "Eye of the Bull," "Eye of the Tiger".

That's it. I'm jumping.

No, no, no, don't jump--!

Rat #2

Just jump, ya big p****!

Rat #1

Come on, ya little scaredy cat!

Rat #2

I'll catch ya! Not! [laughs]

Didn't I say take a break?! [screams]

Rat #1

All right, Doc! Then you jump!

Why do you want to help me?

Because I'm the only one who can. I don't know, maybe it's my destiny. And maybe it's your destiny to be the one tiger that everybody remembers. Why else would I be here talking to you?

Cause the drunk monkey can't keep his mouth shut.

Are you gonna let me help?

What if you can't?

If I can't help, then you can eat me and Lucky.

Lucky

Yeah. Or just him.

Really? Will you take me back to the circus?

I will take you back to the circus.

All right. But don't think I wasn't gonna jump, because I was. Uhh! Sure hope you're a better doctor than you are a singer.

Lucky

Good job, Doc. Although, you got to admit seeing a tiger jump five stories would've been really, really cool.

I heard that.

What the hell is this?

No more bacon. No more chops.

Lucky

One, two, three, four. You ain't getting through this door. No justice, no peace.

Make love, not war.

Lucky

Fur is murder. Free Willy.

Male Pigeon

Pigs go home. Pigs go home. Pigs go home.

Hmm?

Male Pigeon

No, no, not you. The police.

Female Pigeon

Wow, this is great. Are you okay?

Male Pigeon

The man's coming down hard, but we're holding strong.

Female Pigeon

Oh, I got such a chill.

Male Pigeon

Really?

Female Pigeon

Really.

I'm gonna give you a local. It's not gonna hurt. It'll feel like a little bee sting.

Ohh.

A little pressure. That's about it. Okay? Here I come.

Ohh.

Okay.

Lisa

He can't do this. He still thinks he can talk to animals.

Archer

He can, Lisa. He can talk to animals. It all started when he was a kid. I didn't know what to do.

Lisa

What are you saying, Dad?

Archer

I thought it was a handicap, but it's a gift, Lisa. Don't you believe it? Look, look, look. See for yourself.

I need you to stay alert and tell me if you feel any numbness in your paws or on down your right side.

Have you ever done this operation before?

Oh, yeah, once in medical school, but it was to a cadaver. But my professor told me I did such good job that had my patient not been dead, he would've lived.

Very comforting, Doc.

Okay.

It's like Noah's ark out here. It truly is a remarkable sight. This odd collection of animals has actually prevented San Francisco's finest from entering the building. Which is apparently where the stolen tiger is being held.