Dr. Wilbur Wonka Let's see what the damage is this year, shall we?
2nd most-quoted character in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005): in 43 of its 110 quotes
Most scenes with: Willy Wonka (25), Charlie Bucket (13), Mike Teavee (12)
Lollipops. Ought to be called 'cavities on a stick'!
More lines from Dr. Wilbur Wonka
4 quotes Dr. Wilbur Wonka Dr. Wilbur Wonka Candy is a waste of time.
Dr. Wilbur Wonka Do you have an appointment?
Dr. Wilbur Wonka All these years... and you haven't flossed.
Scenes with Dr. Wilbur Wonka
38 scenesI saw Willy Wonka with my own two eyes. I used to work for him, you know.
You did?
Grandma Joesephine
He did.
He did.
I love grapes!
Of course, I was a much younger man in those days.
Prince Pondicherry [about his chocolate palace]
It is perfect in every way.
Yeah, but it won't last long. You better start eating right now.
Prince Pondicherry Oh, nonsense! I will not eat my palace. I intend to live in it.
Ah yes, well, sometimes when grown-ups say "forever" they mean "a very long time".
Besides, I feel as though I've eaten nothing but cabbage soup forever.
Now pops...
There must be people working there.
Think about it, Charlie. Have you ever seen a single person going into that factory? Or coming out of it?
No. The gates are always closed.
Exactly.
But then, who's running the machines?
Nobody knows, Charlie.
It certainly is a mystery.
Hasn't someone asked Mr. Wonka?
Nobody sees him anymore. He never comes out. The only thing that comes out of that place is the candy. Already packed and addressed. I'd give anything in the world just to go in one more time and see that what's become of that amazing factory.
All you had to do was check the manufacturing dates, offset by weather and separate by the Nekei index. A **** could figure it out.
Most of the time, I don't know what he's talking about. Kids today with all the technology...
... It doesn't seem like they stay kids very long.
[After the puppet show opening bursts into flames] [clapping]
Ha ha ha, wasn't that just magnificent? I thought it was getting a little dodgy in the middle part, but that finale...Wow!
Violet Baeuregarde
Who are you?
He's Willy Wonka!
Really!
Good morning starshine, the Earth says hello! [takes out flash cards] Greetings. Welcome to my factory. I shake you warmly by the hand. My name is Willy Wonka.
Then shouldn't you be up there? [points to stage]
Well, I couldn't very well watch the show from up there, now, could I, little girl?
Mr. Wonka, I don't know if you remember me, but I used to work here in the factory.
Were you one of those despicable spies who everyday tried to steal my life's work and sell it to those parasitic copy-cat candy-making cads?
No, sir.
Wonderful, welcome back. Lets get a move on, shall we?
Don't you want to know our names?
Couldn't see how it wouldn't matter.
Well, you should care. Because I'm the girl that's going to win the special prize at the end.
Well, you do seem confident and confidence is key.
I'm Veruca Salt. It's very nice to meet you, sir. [does a curtsy]
I always thought a verruca was a type of wart you got on the bottom of your foot. Haha.
I can see that. So do I. I never expected to have so much in common. [to Mike] You, you're Mike Teavee. You're the little devil who cracked the system. [to Charlie] And you, well you're just lucky to be here, aren't you? [to their parents] And you must be their...p- p...
Parents?
Yeah! Moms and dads.
Let's be friends.
Best friends.
[both turn away, obviously hating each other]
Is it just me, or does Mr. Wonka seem a few quarters short of a buck?
I'm sorry, I don't speak American.
An important room, this. After all, it is a chocolate factory.
Then why's the door so small?
That's to keep all the great big chocolatly flavor inside.
People! Those pipes suck up the chocolate and carry it away all over the factory. Thousands of gallons an hour. Yeah. And do you like my meadow? Try the grass. Please have a blade, please do. It's so delectible and so darn good looking.
You can eat the grass?
Of course you can. Everything in this room is eatible. Even I'm eatible. But that is called 'cannibalism', my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.
Because then I wouldn't be a champion. I'd be a loser. Like you.
[After the Augustus Gloop song]
Bravo! Well done! Well done! Aren't they delightful? Aren't they charming?
I do say, that all seemed rather rehearsed.
Like they knew it was going to happen.
Oh, poppycock.
THAT pipe... it just so happens to lead directly to the room where I make the most delicious kind of strawberry flavored chocolate coated fudge.
Then he will be made into strawberry flavored chocolate coated fudge, they'll be selling him by the pound all over the world...
No. I wouldn't allow it. The taste would be terrible. Could you imagine Augustus flavored chocolate coated Gloop? Eww. No one would buy it.
Mr. Wonka, why would Augustus' name already be in the Oompa-Loompa song unless they...
[interrupts]
Improvisation is a parlor trick, anyone can do it. [turns to Violet] You, little girl, Say something. Anything.
Chewing gum.
Chewing gum is really gross / chewing gum I hate the most. See? Exactly the same.
No, it isn't.
Uh, you really shouldn't mumble because I can't understand a word you're saying.
[as the group moves on from the Chocolate Room]
Are the Oompa Loompas really joking, Grandpa?
Of course, they're joking. That boy will be fine.
[just before they walk off, Grandpa Joe's smile turns to a grim expression]
What's so funny?
It must be from all those dog-gone cocoa beans. By the way, did you guys know that chocolate releases a property which triggers the release of endorphins? Gives one the feeling of being in love.
Here, try some of this. It'll do you good. You look starved to death.
That's because it's mixed by waterfall. The waterfall is most important. It mixes the chocolate. Makes it light and frothy. By the way, no other factory in the world mixes-
You're all quite short, aren't you?
Well, yeah. We're children.
Well, that's no excuse. I was never as short as you.
You were once.
Was not! Know why? Because I distinctly remember putting a hat on top of my head. Look at your short little arms. You could never reach.
Dr. Wilbur Wonka Caramels. They get stuck in your braces, wouldn't they? Lollipops. What we call "caivities on a stick"! And all this... all this... chocolate! You know, just last week, I was reading in a very important medical journal that some children are allergic to chocolate... makes their noses itch.
Maybe I'm not allergic. I could try a piece.
Dr. Wilbur Wonka Really? But why take a chance? [burns the candy his son brought home]
We're heading for a tunnel.
Oh yeah. Full speed ahead.
What do you use Hair Cream for?
To lock in moisture, haha. [primps his hair]
[about the three-course-dinner chewing gum]
I've tried it on like twenty Oompa-Loompas and each one ended up as a blueberry. It's just weird!
[after Violet has turned into a blueberry]
But, I can't have a blueberry for a daughter. How is she supposed to compete?
You could put her in a county fair.
[Mrs. Beauregarde looks at Veruca viciously]
What's the special prize and who gets it?
The best kind of prize is a sur-prize! Haha.
Will Violet always be a blueberry?
No... maybe... I dont know. But that's what you get for chewing gum all day, it's just disgusting.
If you hate gum so much, why do you make it?
Once again, you really shouldn't mumble because it's kinda starting to bum me out.
[sees the Nut Sorting Room]
Ah, here's a room I know all about. You see, I myself am in the nut business. [gives Wonka his business card. Wonka flings it away without looking at it] Do you use the Hammermax 4000 to do your sorting?
No. Haha. You're really weird.
Daddy, I want a squirrel. Get me one of those squirrels, I want one!
Veruca dear, you have many marvelous pets.
All I've got at home is one pony and two dogs and four cats and six bunny rabbits and two parakeets and three canaries and a green parrot and a turtle, and a silly old hamster! I WANT a SQUIRREL!
All right, pet. Daddy will get you a squirrel just as soon as he possibly can.
But I don't want any old squirrel! I want a trained squirrel!
[wearily]
Very well. Mr. Wonka, how much do you want for one of those squirrels. Name your price.
If you won't get me a squirrel, I'll get one myself!
Where all the other bad nuts go. Down the garbage chute.
Where does the chute go!?
To the incinerator. But don't worry, we only light it on Tuesdays.
Today IS Tuesday.
Well, there's always a chance they decided not to light it today...
Why is everything here completely pointless?
Candy doesn't have to have a point. That's why it's candy.
It's stupid! [Dr. Wilbur Wonka voice-over] "Candy is a waste of time!"
Dr. Wilbur Wonka No son of mine is going to be a chocolatier!
Then I'll run away! To Switzerland, Bavaria! The candy capitals of the world!
Dr. Wilbur Wonka Go ahead. But I won't be here when you come back!
You don't understand anything about science. First off, there's a difference between waves and particles. DUH!!! Second, the amount of energy it would take to convert energy into matter would be like nine atomic bombs.
MUMBLER!!! Seriously. I cannot understand a single word you're saying.
Oh thank Heaven, he's completly unharmed.
Unharmed!? What are you talking about!?
Just put me back in the other way!
There is no other way, it's teleVISION not telePHONE, there's quite a difference.
Then what exactly do you propose to do about it?
I don't know, but young men are extremely springy, they stretch like mad... [gasps] Let's go put him in the taffy puller!
Hey! That was my idea! Boy, is he gonna be skinny.
Augustus, please don't eat your fingers!
But I taste so good.
Daddy! I want a flying glass elevator!
Things are going to get much better.
Narrator And for once, Grandma Georgina knew exactly what she was talking about.
[Getting his shoes shined by Charlie, with a paper in his face]
Pity about that chocolate maker-- Wedle... um... Walter...
Willy Wonka.
That's the one. Says here that his candies aren't selling very well. But I suppose he's just a rotten egg who deserves it.
Yep.
Oh, really. Ever met him?
I did once. I thought he was great at first. But then he didn't turn out so nice. He also has a funny haircut.
Why are you here?
I don't feel so hot. What makes you feel better when you feel terrible?
My family. What have you got against my family?
It's not just your family, it's the whole idea of... [balks] You know they're always telling you what to do, what not to do. It's not condusive to a creative atmosphere.
Usually, they're just trying to protect you, because they love you. If you don't believe me, you should ask.
Ask who? My father? Ha! No way. At least, not by myself...
Do you want me to go with you?
Hey! Hey what a great idea! Yeah! [jumps up] And you know what? I brought a transporta-- [bangs into the glass elevator] I have to watch where I park this thing.
Dr. Wilbur Wonka Do you have an appointment?
No, but he's overdue.
Dr. Wilbur Wonka I haven't seen bicuspids like these since... since... Willy?
Hi Dad.
Dr. Wilbur Wonka All these years... and you haven't flossed.
Not once.
You smell like peanuts. I love peanuts.
Thank you. You smell like... old people... and soap... I like it.
How do you feel about little raspberry kites?
With liquorice instead of string?
Boys, no business at the dinner table.
Sorry, Mum.
I think you're onto something though, Charlie.
Wonka
Why would I want to do that? They don't taste very good at all.
Other characters in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Willy Wonka
Johnny Depp
Charlie Bucket
Freddie Highmore
Mike Teavee
Jordan Fry
Veruca Salt
Julia Winter
Violet Beauregarde
AnnaSophia Robb
Mr. Salt
James Fox
Grandpa Joe
David Kelly
Mrs. Beauregarde
Missi Pyle
Augustus Gloop
Philip Wiegratz
Grandma Georgina
Liz Smith
Mrs. Gloop
Franziska Troegner
Grandpa George
David Morris
Mr. Teavee
Adam Godley
Oompa-Loompa
Deep Roy
Grandma Josephine
Eileen Essell
Mr. Bucket
Noah Taylor
Mrs. Bucket
Helena Bonham Carter
More Christopher Lee characters
Count Dooku
Saruman the White
Pastor Galswells
King Haggard
Lord Summerisle
Francisco Scaramanga
Saruman the White
Count Dooku