Hello! Do you speak English sir? Parla usted Ingles? I'll say it again. Did I urinate on your rug?
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski
Jeff Bridges · 59 quotes
Walter Sobchak
John Goodman · 49 quotes
The Stranger
Sam Elliott · 7 quotes
The elder Lebowski
6 quotes
Brandt
Philip Seymour Hoffman · 5 quotes
Donny
Steve Buscemi · 4 quotes
Jesus Quintana
John Turturro · 4 quotes
Most scenes together: Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski & Walter Sobchak (5), Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski & Brandt (2)
The Big Lebowski quotes
Page 3 of 9I just want to understand this sir-- every time a rug is...micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the person?
I'll say it again. You told Brandt on the phone. He told me. I know what happened. Yes? Yes?
Nothing is ****?! The god-damn plane has crashed INTO THE MOUNTAIN!
Okay sir, you're a Lebowski, I'm a Lebowski, that's terrific, but I'm very busy, as I imagine you are. What can I do for you, sir?
I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs - some Ch***man took them from me in Korea. But I went out and achieved anyway!
He's cracking.
Wu
****in' timewaster.
Uh, our guest needs to be going now, Mrs. Lebowski.
Oh, you're Bunny.
Bunny Lebowski I'll suck your **** for a thousand dollars.
Bunny Lebowski Brandt can't watch, though, or he has to pay a hundred.
Ha ha. That's marvelous.
Uh, I'm just gonna go find a cash machine.
Maude Lebowski
What do you do for— for recreation?
Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback.
The Big Lebowski
What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski?
Dude.
The Big Lebowski
Huh?
Uhh... I don't know sir.
The Big Lebowski
Is it being prepared to do the right thing, whatever the cost? Isn't that what makes a man?
Hmmm... Sure, that and a pair of testicles
Nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man.
Blond Treehorn Thug
Your name's Lebowski, Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny.
My— my wife, Bunny? Do you see a wedding ring on my finger? Does this place look like I'm **** married? The toilet seat's up, man!
Where was she, man?
Visiting friends of hers in Palm Springs. She just picked up and left, never bothered to tell us.
Well, I guess the **** nihilists knew where she was.
Jesus, Dude. She never even kidnapped herself.
Who is this gentleman, Dude?
Who am I? I'm a **** veteran! That's who I am.
You shouldn't go in there, Dude. He's very angry. [Dude and Walter enter Lebowski's office]
The Big Lebowski
So, she's back. No thanks to you.
Where's the **** money, Lebowski?
A million bucks from **** needy little urban achievers! You are scum, man!
The Big Lebowski
Who the hell is he?
Who am i? Who am i? I'm the guy that's gonna kick your phony goldbricking ass! That's who I am!
We know the briefcase was **** empty. We know you kept the million bucks for yourself.
The Big Lebowski
You have your story, I have mine. I say I entrusted the money to you and you stole it.
As if we would ever DREAM OF TAKING YOUR BULLSHIT MONEY!!!
You thought that Bunny had been kidnapped and you were **** glad, man. You could use it as an excuse to make some money disappear. All you needed was a sap to pin it on! You'd just met me! You....you.... human paraquat! You figured "oh, here's a loser", you know? A deadbeat, someone the square community won't give a shit about.
The Big Lebowski
Well, aren't you?
Well, yeah! But--
The Big Lebowski
Get out, both of you!
Look at that **** phony pretending to be a **** millionaire!
The Big Lebowski
OUT OF THIS HOUSE, NOW!!! YOU BUMS!!!
Let me tell you something else, I've seen a lot of spinals, Dude. And this guy's a fake [slowly approaches Lebowski] A **** goldbricker!
The Big Lebowski
[becomes scared]
Stay away from me, mister!
This guy **** walks! I've never been more certain of anything in my life
The Big Lebowski
You stay away from me!
Walter! For Christ's sake, he's a cripple, man!
I've never been more certain than anything in my **** life! Come on! [grabs Lebowski out of his wheelchair]
Put him down, man!
Yeah, I'll put him down, Dude! Walk! Achtung, baby! [throws him to the floor. Lebowski weeps. Walter's dog checks on him, but Lebowski pushes the dog aside]
Come on, man. Help me put him back in his chair.
**** dog has **** papers— Over the line!
Smokey Huh?
I'm sorry, Smokey. You were over the line, that's a foul.
Smokey Bullshit. Mark it 8, Dude.
Uh, excuse me. Mark it zero. Next frame.
Smokey Bullshit, Walter. Mark it 8, Dude.
Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.
Hey, Walter. Come on. it's just– Hey man, it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over a little, you know. It's just a game, man.
This is a league game. This determines who enters the next round robin. Am I wrong?
Smokey Yeah, but I wasn't—
Am I wrong?
Smokey Yeah, but I wasn't over. Give me the marker Dude. I'm marking an 8.
Smokey, my friend [pulls out a Colt M1911A1 from his bag] you're entering a world of pain.
Walter, man.
You mark that frame an 8, you're entering a world of pain.
Smokey I'm not—
A world of pain.
Smokey Look, Dude, I– This is your partner.
[rises out his chair]
HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY?!!! AM I THE ONLY ONE AROUND HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES?!!! MARK IT ZERO!!!
Walter, put the piece away.
Smokey Walter?
YOU THINK I'M **** AROUND HERE?!!!! [racks slide] MARK IT ZERO!!!!
Smokey [marks the card]
All right. It's **** zero. [Walter sits back down] Are you happy, you crazy ****?
It's a league game, Smokey.
**** Germans. Nothing changes. **** Nazis.
They were Nazis, Dude?
Oh, come on, Donny. They were threatening castration! Are we gonna split hairs here? Am I wrong?