Most-quoted character in The Big Lebowski (1998): in 59 of its 135 quotes
Most scenes with: Walter Sobchak (5), Brandt (2)
Of course the car made it home, you're calling me at home. No, Walter, it did NOT look like Larry was about to crack! Well That's your perception. You know, you're right, Walter, there is an unspoken message here. It's [Shouting] "**** YOU, LEAVE ME THE **** ALONE!" [Calm, resigned] Yeah, I'll be at practice.
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski Look, let me explain something. I'm not Mr. Lebowski. You're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That or His Dudeness... Duder... or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing...
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski Everything's a **** travesty with you, man!
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski Mind if I do a J?
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski All the dude ever wanted... was his rug back.
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski Well they finally did it, man...They killed my **** car.
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski Shit, I know that guy. He's a nihilist. Karl Hungus...
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski I've had a rough night and I hate the **** Eagles, man.
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski Mr. Treehorn treats objects like women, man!
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski Yeah, well, you know that's just, like uh ...your opinion, man.
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski Does the Pope shit in the woods?
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski And what the **** was all that about Vietnam, man!? What the **** does anything have to do with Vietnam!? What the **** are you talking about!?
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski **** sympathy. I don't need your ****in sympathy. I need my **** johnson!
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski He fixes the cable?
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski No, you're not wrong, Walter, you're just an ASSHOLE!
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski You mean...coitus?
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski Hey! Careful, man, there's a beverage here!
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski Stay away from my special... from my **** lady friend man.
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski Nice marmot.
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski This is Lebowski..on the left there? So he's a crip-uh..handicap..guy?
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski Yeah... I got a rash, man...
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski Obviously you're not a golfer
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski This is a very complicated case, Maude. You know, a lotta ins, a lotta outs, a lotta what-have-yous. And uh, lotta strands to keep in my head, man. Lotta strands in old Duder's head.
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski My only hope is that the big Lebowski kills me before the Germans can cut my dick off.
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski Fortunately, I'm adhering to a very strict drug regimen to keep my mind limber...
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski Let me explain something to you about the Dude...
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski You brought the **** Pomeranian bowling?
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski The In-and-Out Burger is on Camrose
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski The Dude abides...
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski My wife? Bunny? Do you see a wedding ring on my finger? Does this place look like i'm **** married?
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski I'll tell you what I'm blathering about... I've got information man! New shit has come to light! And shit... man, she kidnapped herself. Well sure, man. Look at it... a young trophy wife, in the parlance of our times, you know, and she, uh, uh, owes money all over town, including to known pornographers, and that's cool... that's, that's cool, I'm, I'm saying, she needs money, man. And of course they're going to say that they didn't get it, because... she wants more, man! She's got to feed the monkey, I mean uh... hasn't that ever occurred to you, man?
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski No I do mind. Uhh, The Dude minds. This will not stand. This aggression will not stand, man.
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski Walter, I love you, but sooner or later, you're going to have to face the fact you're a goddamn moron.
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski Well, the problem is... W-what do you mean "what's the"... umph... Th-there was no... We d- we didn't eh... uhumph... They're gonna kill that poor woman! Man!
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski Listen, Maude, I'm sorry if your stepmother is a nympho, but I don't see what it has to do with - do you have any Kahlúa?
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski It's all a part of your sick Cynthia thing, man. Taking care of her **** dog. Going to her **** synagogue. You're living in the **** past.
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski She's not my special lady. She's my **** lady friend. I'm just trying to help her conceive, man.
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski No, I'm saying, that if he knows I'm a ****-up, why does he leave me in charge of getting his wife back? Because he doesn't **** want her back, man! He's had enough. He no longer digs her, it's all a show! Ok, but then why doesn't he give a shit about his million bucks? I mean, he knows we never handed off his briefcase, but he never asked for it back. The million bucks was never in the briefcase! The briefcase was **** empty, man! The asshole was hoping that they would kill her! You threw out a ringer for a ringer!
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski You thought that Bunny had been kidnapped and you were **** glad, man. You could use it as an excuse to make some money disappear. All you needed was a sap to pin it on! You'd just met me! You....you.... human paraquat! You figured "oh, here's a loser", you know? A deadbeat, someone the square community won't give a shit about.
Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski Hey, look, pal! There never was any money! The Big Lebowski gave me the empty briefcase, so take it up with him, man!
The Dude Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man.
The Dude Jesus.
The Dude Thank you, Donny.
The Dude Ahhh, You're Bunny.
The Dude Uhhhh...I'm just gonna go find a cash machine.
The Dude Well, sir, it's this rug I have. It really tied the room together.
The Dude Well they were looking for you, these two guys.
The Dude Oh, so you know they were trying to piss on your rug.
The Dude You mean, did you personally come and pee on my rug?
The Dude No, like I said, Woo peed on my rug.
The Dude Nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man.
Your name's Lebowski, Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny.
The Dude My— my wife, Bunny? Do you see a wedding ring on my finger? Does this place look like I'm **** married? The toilet seat's up, man!
Uh, our guest needs to be going now, Mrs. Lebowski.
The Dude Oh, you're Bunny.
Bunny Lebowski I'll suck your **** for a thousand dollars.
Bunny Lebowski Brandt can't watch, though, or he has to pay a hundred.
Ha ha. That's marvelous.
The Dude Uh, I'm just gonna go find a cash machine.
What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski?
The Dude Dude.
Huh?
The Dude Uhh... I don't know sir.
Is it being prepared to do the right thing, whatever the cost? Isn't that what makes a man?
The Dude Hmmm... Sure, that and a pair of testicles
**** dog has **** papers— Over the line!
Smokey Huh?
I'm sorry, Smokey. You were over the line, that's a foul.
Smokey Bullshit. Mark it 8, Dude.
Uh, excuse me. Mark it zero. Next frame.
Smokey Bullshit, Walter. Mark it 8, Dude.
Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.
The Dude Hey, Walter. Come on. it's just– Hey man, it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over a little, you know. It's just a game, man.
This is a league game. This determines who enters the next round robin. Am I wrong?
Smokey Yeah, but I wasn't—
Am I wrong?
Smokey Yeah, but I wasn't over. Give me the marker Dude. I'm marking an 8.
Smokey, my friend [pulls out a Colt M1911A1 from his bag] you're entering a world of pain.
The Dude Walter, man.
You mark that frame an 8, you're entering a world of pain.
Smokey I'm not—
A world of pain.
Smokey Look, Dude, I– This is your partner.
HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY?!!! AM I THE ONLY ONE AROUND HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES?!!! MARK IT ZERO!!!
The Dude They're calling the cops, man. Put the piece away.
The Dude Walter, put the piece away.
Smokey Walter?
YOU THINK I'M **** AROUND HERE?!!!! [racks slide] MARK IT ZERO!!!!
Smokey All right. It's **** zero. [Walter sits back down] Are you happy, you crazy ****?
It's a league game, Smokey.
You know, Dude, I myself dabbled in pacifism at one point. Not in 'Nam of course.
The Dude And, you know, he's got emotional problems, man.
You mean beyond pacifism?
What do you do for— for recreation?
The Dude Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback.
I'm saying, I see what you're getting at, Dude. He kept the money. My point is: here we are. It's shabbos, the sabbath, which I'm allowed to break only if it's a matter of life or death.
The Dude Will you come off it, Walter? You're not even **** Jewish, man.
What the **** are you talkin' about?
The Dude Man, you're **** Polish Catholic.
What the **** are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia! Come on, Dude!
The Dude Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you know this!
The Dude Yeah, and five **** years ago you were divorced.
So what are you saying? When you get divorced you turn in your library card? You get a new license? You stop being Jewish? I'm as Jewish as **** Tevye.
The Dude It's all a part of your sick Cynthia thing, man. Taking care of her **** dog. Going to her **** synagogue. You're living in the **** past.
Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax. YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT, I'M LIVING IN THE PAST I'm— Jesus. What the hell happened?
The Dude Where was she, man?
Visiting friends of hers in Palm Springs. She just picked up and left, never bothered to tell us.
The Dude Well, I guess the **** nihilists knew where she was.
Jesus, Dude. She never even kidnapped herself.
Who is this gentleman, Dude?
Who am I? I'm a **** veteran! That's who I am.
You shouldn't go in there, Dude. He's very angry. [Dude and Walter enter Lebowski's office]
So, she's back. No thanks to you.
The Dude Where's the **** money, Lebowski?
A million bucks from **** needy little urban achievers! You are scum, man!
Who the hell is he?
Who am i? Who am i? I'm the guy that's gonna kick your phony goldbricking ass! That's who I am!
The Dude We know the briefcase was **** empty. We know you kept the million bucks for yourself.
You have your story, I have mine. I say I entrusted the money to you and you stole it.
As if we would ever DREAM OF TAKING YOUR BULLSHIT MONEY!!!
The Dude You thought that Bunny had been kidnapped and you were **** glad, man. You could use it as an excuse to make some money disappear. All you needed was a sap to pin it on! You'd just met me! You....you.... human paraquat! You figured "oh, here's a loser", you know? A deadbeat, someone the square community won't give a shit about.
Well, aren't you?
The Dude Well, yeah! But--
Get out, both of you!
Look at that **** phony pretending to be a **** millionaire!
OUT OF THIS HOUSE, NOW!!! YOU BUMS!!!
Let me tell you something else, I've seen a lot of spinals, Dude. And this guy's a fake [slowly approaches Lebowski] A **** goldbricker!
Stay away from me, mister!
This guy **** walks! I've never been more certain of anything in my life
You stay away from me!
The Dude Walter! For Christ's sake, he's a cripple, man!
I've never been more certain than anything in my **** life! Come on! [grabs Lebowski out of his wheelchair]
The Dude Put him down, man!
Yeah, I'll put him down, Dude! Walk! Achtung, baby! [throws him to the floor. Lebowski weeps. Walter's dog checks on him, but Lebowski pushes the dog aside]
The Dude Come on, man. Help me put him back in his chair.
Is this your homework Larry? Is this your homework Larry?
The Dude Look man, is—
Dude please. Is this your homework Larry?
The Dude Just ask him about the car man.
Is this yours, Larry? Is this your homework Larry?
The Dude Is that car out front—
Is this your homework Larry?
The Dude We know it's his **** homework! Where's the **** money you little brat?
Look, Larry. Have you ever heard of Vietnam?
The Dude Oh, for Christ sake, Walter.
You're entering a world of pain, son. We know that this is your homework. We know you stole the car—
The Dude And the **** money!
And the **** money. And we know this is your homework.
The Dude They're gonna cut your dick off, Larry!
You're killing your father, Larry!
All right. This is pointless. Okay, time for Plan B.
Flynn
Kevin Flynn
Lightfoot
Reuben "Rooster" Cogburn
Jack Lucas
Starman
Obadiah Stane
President Jackson Evans
