Walter Sobchak **** it, Dude. Let's go bowling.
2nd most-quoted character in The Big Lebowski (1998): in 49 of its 135 quotes
Most scenes with: Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski (5)
Also Dude, let's not forget, let's NOT forget that keeping wildlife, um... an amphibious rodent, for... um, you know domestic... within the city... that ain't legal either.
More lines from Walter Sobchak
41 quotes Walter Sobchak Walter Sobchak What the **** are you talking about? The C[****]man is not the issue here, Dude. I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line, you DO NOT... Also, Dude, C[****]man is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.
Walter Sobchak Donny, you're out of your element!
Walter Sobchak (repeated line)
Shut the **** up Donny!
Walter Sobchak Life does not start and stop at your convenience you miserable piece of shit.
Walter Sobchak Smokey, this isn't Nam, this is bowling. There are rules.
Walter Sobchak Shomer Shabbos!
Walter Sobchak If you mark that frame an '8', you are entering a world of pain. (pulls out a Colt .45 pistol from his gear bag) A world... of pain.
Walter Sobchak Do you see what happens, Larry, WHEN YOU **** A STRANGER IN THE ASS? (proceeds to smash up what he believes is Larry's new Corvette parked in the street) THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS, LARRY! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU **** A STRANGER IN THE ASS!
Walter Sobchak (shouting, holding his Colt .45 pistol in the air)
Has the whole world gone crazy!? Am I the only one here who gives a shit about the rules!? Mark it zero! You think I'm **** around? (**** the hammer of his gun, "click", and says with a fierce, intolerant warrior expression) Mark . . it . . ZERO!
Walter Sobchak I think it's Pomeranian. I'm watching it while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii.
Walter Sobchak Eight year olds, Dude.
Walter Sobchak Whoo, allright! Way to go Donny!
Walter Sobchak I'm as Jewish as ****in' Tevya!
Walter Sobchak That rug really tied the room together, did it not? (The Dude laments his peed-on rug.) That's right, Dude, they peed on your **** rug.
Walter Sobchak Calmer than you are....
Walter Sobchak Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax -- YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I'M LIVING IN THE **** PAST!
Walter Sobchak Of course they were Nazis, Donny; they were threatening castration! Are we gonna split hairs here? Am I wrong?
Walter Sobchak You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. With nail polish.
Walter Sobchak (after creating a scene in the diner)
I'm stayin'!...(picking up mug) I'm finishing my coffee... (takes sip, sets mug down, gently slams fists on counter; grimly)...Enjoying my coffee....
Walter Sobchak The **** is not the issue.
Walter Sobchak Fair?? Who's the **** nihilists around here, you bunch of crybabies?
Walter Sobchak (After he defeats the Nihilists and Donny has a heart attack)
We've got a man down!
Walter Sobchak No these are nihilists, Donny. Don't worry they're cowards.
Walter Sobchak Say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.
Walter Sobchak Those ****in' amateurs!
Walter Sobchak Goodnight, sweet prince
Walter Sobchak V.I. Lenin. Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!
Walter Sobchak And, I would like my undies back
Walter Sobchak Smokey, my friend. [pulls out a Colt M1911A1 from his bag] You're entering a world of pain.
Walter Sobchak Pacifism is not...Look are our current situation with that camel ****er in Iraq, pacifism is not something to hide behind.
Walter Sobchak Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't **** ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit DON'T **** ROLL!!!
Walter Sobchak Nihilists! **** me. I mean, say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.
Walter Sobchak You're killing your father, Larry! [Larry still doesn't answer] Alright, this is pointless. [puts Larry's homework inside a briefcase] Okay. It's time for Plan B. You might want to watch out that front window, Larry. Son...this is what happens WHEN YOU **** A STRANGER IN THE ASS!!! [storms outside] We have a language problem here! The little prick is stonewalling me!
Walter Sobchak I'm saying, I see what you're getting at, Dude. He kept the money. My point is: here we are. It's shabbos, the sabbath, which I'm allowed to break only if it's a matter of life or death.
Walter Sobchak Who am I? I'm a **** veteran that's who I am!
Walter Sobchak Let me tell you something else, I've seen a lot of spinals, Dude. And this guy's a fake [slowly approaches Lebowski] A **** goldbricker!
Walter Sobchak We're gonna see some tank battles. Fighting in desert is very different from fighting in canopy jungle. I mean, that was a foot-soldier's war whereas this thing here should, uh, you know, should be a piece of cake. I mean, I had an M16 Jacko, not an Abrams **** tank. Me and Charlie, eyeball to eyeball. That's **** combat. The man in the black pajamas, Dude. Worthy ****in' adversary.
Walter Sobchak [to the nihilists]
**** you! **** the three of you! No! Without a hostage there is not ransom! That's what ransom is! Those are the **** rules!
Walter Sobchak Show me what you got, nihilist!
Walter Sobchak Donny was a good bowler, and a good man. He was one of us. He was a man who loved the outdoors and bowling, and as a surfer he explored the beaches of Southern California, from La Jolla to Leo Carrillo and up to Pismo. He died, like so many young men of his generation, he died before his time. In your wisdom, Lord, you took him, as you took so many bright flowering young men at Khe Sanh, at Langdok, at Hill 364. These young men gave their lives, and so would Donny: Donny, who loved bowling. And so, Theodore Donald Karabotsos, in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been, we commit your final mortal remains to the bosom of the Pacific Ocean, which you loved so well. Good night, sweet prince.
Scenes with Walter Sobchak
7 scenes Walter Sobchak He's cracking.
Walter Sobchak **** dog has **** papers— Over the line!
Smokey Huh?
Walter Sobchak I'm sorry, Smokey. You were over the line, that's a foul.
Smokey Bullshit. Mark it 8, Dude.
Walter Sobchak Uh, excuse me. Mark it zero. Next frame.
Smokey Bullshit, Walter. Mark it 8, Dude.
Walter Sobchak Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.
Hey, Walter. Come on. it's just– Hey man, it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over a little, you know. It's just a game, man.
Walter Sobchak This is a league game. This determines who enters the next round robin. Am I wrong?
Smokey Yeah, but I wasn't—
Walter Sobchak Am I wrong?
Smokey Yeah, but I wasn't over. Give me the marker Dude. I'm marking an 8.
Walter Sobchak Smokey, my friend [pulls out a Colt M1911A1 from his bag] you're entering a world of pain.
Walter, man.
Walter Sobchak You mark that frame an 8, you're entering a world of pain.
Smokey I'm not—
Walter Sobchak A world of pain.
Smokey Look, Dude, I– This is your partner.
Walter Sobchak [rises out his chair]
HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY?!!! AM I THE ONLY ONE AROUND HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES?!!! MARK IT ZERO!!!
Walter Sobchak [points his gun at Smokey]
MARK IT ZERO!!!!
Walter, put the piece away.
Smokey Walter?
Walter Sobchak YOU THINK I'M **** AROUND HERE?!!!! [racks slide] MARK IT ZERO!!!!
Smokey [marks the card]
All right. It's **** zero. [Walter sits back down] Are you happy, you crazy ****?
Walter Sobchak It's a league game, Smokey.
Walter Sobchak You know, Dude, I myself dabbled in pacifism at one point. Not in 'Nam of course.
And, you know, he's got emotional problems, man.
Walter Sobchak You mean beyond pacifism?
Walter Sobchak **** Germans. Nothing changes. **** Nazis.
They were Nazis, Dude?
Walter Sobchak Oh, come on, Donny. They were threatening castration! Are we gonna split hairs here? Am I wrong?
Walter Sobchak I'm saying, I see what you're getting at, Dude. He kept the money. My point is: here we are. It's shabbos, the sabbath, which I'm allowed to break only if it's a matter of life or death.
Will you come off it, Walter? You're not even **** Jewish, man.
Walter Sobchak What the **** are you talkin' about?
Man, you're **** Polish Catholic.
Walter Sobchak What the **** are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia! Come on, Dude!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Walter Sobchak And you know this!
Yeah, and five **** years ago you were divorced.
Walter Sobchak So what are you saying? When you get divorced you turn in your library card? You get a new license? You stop being Jewish? I'm as Jewish as **** Tevye.
It's all a part of your sick Cynthia thing, man. Taking care of her **** dog. Going to her **** synagogue. You're living in the **** past.
Walter Sobchak Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax. YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT, I'M LIVING IN THE PAST I'm— Jesus. What the hell happened?
Where was she, man?
Visiting friends of hers in Palm Springs. She just picked up and left, never bothered to tell us.
Well, I guess the **** nihilists knew where she was.
Walter Sobchak Jesus, Dude. She never even kidnapped herself.
Who is this gentleman, Dude?
Walter Sobchak Who am I? I'm a **** veteran! That's who I am.
You shouldn't go in there, Dude. He's very angry. [Dude and Walter enter Lebowski's office]
The Big Lebowski
So, she's back. No thanks to you.
Where's the **** money, Lebowski?
Walter Sobchak A million bucks from **** needy little urban achievers! You are scum, man!
The Big Lebowski
Who the hell is he?
Walter Sobchak Who am i? Who am i? I'm the guy that's gonna kick your phony goldbricking ass! That's who I am!
We know the briefcase was **** empty. We know you kept the million bucks for yourself.
The Big Lebowski
You have your story, I have mine. I say I entrusted the money to you and you stole it.
Walter Sobchak As if we would ever DREAM OF TAKING YOUR BULLSHIT MONEY!!!
You thought that Bunny had been kidnapped and you were **** glad, man. You could use it as an excuse to make some money disappear. All you needed was a sap to pin it on! You'd just met me! You....you.... human paraquat! You figured "oh, here's a loser", you know? A deadbeat, someone the square community won't give a shit about.
The Big Lebowski
Well, aren't you?
Well, yeah! But--
The Big Lebowski
Get out, both of you!
Walter Sobchak Look at that **** phony pretending to be a **** millionaire!
The Big Lebowski
OUT OF THIS HOUSE, NOW!!! YOU BUMS!!!
Walter Sobchak Let me tell you something else, I've seen a lot of spinals, Dude. And this guy's a fake [slowly approaches Lebowski] A **** goldbricker!
The Big Lebowski
[becomes scared]
Stay away from me, mister!
Walter Sobchak This guy **** walks! I've never been more certain of anything in my life
The Big Lebowski
You stay away from me!
Walter! For Christ's sake, he's a cripple, man!
Walter Sobchak I've never been more certain than anything in my **** life! Come on! [grabs Lebowski out of his wheelchair]
Put him down, man!
Walter Sobchak Yeah, I'll put him down, Dude! Walk! Achtung, baby! [throws him to the floor. Lebowski weeps. Walter's dog checks on him, but Lebowski pushes the dog aside]
Come on, man. Help me put him back in his chair.
Walter Sobchak Is this your homework Larry? Is this your homework Larry?
Look man, is—
Walter Sobchak Dude please. Is this your homework Larry?
Just ask him about the car man.
Walter Sobchak Is this yours, Larry? Is this your homework Larry?
Is that car out front—
Walter Sobchak Is this your homework Larry?
We know it's his **** homework! Where's the **** money you little brat?
Walter Sobchak Look, Larry. Have you ever heard of Vietnam?
Oh, for Christ sake, Walter.
Walter Sobchak You're entering a world of pain, son. We know that this is your homework. We know you stole the car—
And the **** money!
Walter Sobchak And the **** money. And we know this is your homework.
They're gonna cut your dick off, Larry!
Walter Sobchak You're killing your father, Larry!
Walter Sobchak All right. This is pointless. Okay, time for Plan B.
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