The Big Lebowski 1998 quotes, page 4

Walter Sobchak

I'm saying, I see what you're getting at, Dude. He kept the money. My point is: here we are. It's shabbos, the sabbath, which I'm allowed to break only if it's a matter of life or death.

The Dude

Will you come off it, Walter? You're not even **** Jewish, man.

Walter Sobchak

What the **** are you talkin' about?

The Dude

Man, you're **** Polish Catholic.

Walter Sobchak

What the **** are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia! Come on, Dude!

The Dude

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Walter Sobchak

And you know this!

The Dude

Yeah, and five **** years ago you were divorced.

Walter Sobchak

So what are you saying? When you get divorced you turn in your library card? You get a new license? You stop being Jewish? I'm as Jewish as **** Tevye.

The Dude

It's all a part of your sick Cynthia thing, man. Taking care of her **** dog. Going to her **** synagogue. You're living in the **** past.

Walter Sobchak

Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax. YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT, I'M LIVING IN THE PAST I'm— Jesus. What the hell happened?

Walter Sobchak

Is this your homework Larry? Is this your homework Larry?

The Dude

Look man, is—

Walter Sobchak

Dude please. Is this your homework Larry?

The Dude

Just ask him about the car man.

Walter Sobchak

Is this yours, Larry? Is this your homework Larry?

The Dude

Is that car out front—

Walter Sobchak

Is this your homework Larry?

The Dude

We know it's his **** homework! Where's the **** money you little brat?

Walter Sobchak

Look, Larry. Have you ever heard of Vietnam?

The Dude

Oh, for Christ sake, Walter.

Walter Sobchak

You're entering a world of pain, son. We know that this is your homework. We know you stole the car—

The Dude

And the **** money!

Walter Sobchak

And the **** money. And we know this is your homework.

The Dude

They're gonna cut your dick off, Larry!

Walter Sobchak

You're killing your father, Larry!

Walter Sobchak

All right. This is pointless. Okay, time for Plan B.

Walter Sobchak

You know, Dude, I myself dabbled in pacifism at one point. Not in 'Nam of course.

The Dude

And, you know, he's got emotional problems, man.

Walter Sobchak

You mean beyond pacifism?

Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski

All the dude ever wanted... was his rug back.

Walter Sobchak

I'm stayin'!...(picking up mug) I'm finishing my coffee... (takes sip, sets mug down, gently slams fists on counter; grimly)...Enjoying my coffee....

Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski

Well they finally did it, man...They killed my **** car.

Walter Sobchak

Has the whole world gone crazy!? Am I the only one here who gives a shit about the rules!? Mark it zero! You think I'm **** around? (**** the hammer of his gun, "click", and says with a fierce, intolerant warrior expression) Mark . . it . . ZERO!

Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski

Yeah, well, you know that's just, like uh ...your opinion, man.

Walter Sobchak

Nihilists! **** me. I mean, say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.

The Stranger

Say, friend - you got any more of that good sarsaparilla?

Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski

Of course the car made it home, you're calling me at home. No, Walter, it did NOT look like Larry was about to crack! Well That's your perception. You know, you're right, Walter, there is an unspoken message here. It's [Shouting] "**** YOU, LEAVE ME THE **** ALONE!" [Calm, resigned] Yeah, I'll be at practice.

The Stranger

Way out west there was this fella I wanna tell ya about. Fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. This Lebowski, he called himself The Dude. Now, "Dude", there's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then, there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And a lot about where he lived, likewise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place so durned interestin'. They call Los Angeles the "City Of Angels", but I didn't find it to be that, exactly. But I'll allow it as there are some nice folks there. 'Course, I can't say I seen London, and I never been to France. And I ain't never seen no Queen in her damned undies, as a fella says. But I'll tell you what... after seein' Los Angeles, and this here story I'm about to unfold, well, I guess I seen somethin' every bit as stupefyin' as you'd see in any of them other places. And in English, too. So I can die with a smile on my face, without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. Now this here story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early '90s - just about the time of our conflict with Saddam and the I-raqis. I only mention it because sometimes there's a man... I won't say a hero, 'cause what's a hero? But sometimes, there's a man – and I'm talkin' about the Dude here – sometimes, there's a man, well, he's the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that's the Dude. In Los Angeles. And even if he's a lazy man – and the Dude was most certainly that. Quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County, which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide – Sometimes there's a man... Sometimes, there's a man. Ah, I lost my train of thought here. But... aw, hell. I done introduced him enough.

Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski

He fixes the cable?

The Stranger

'The Dude abides'. Dunno about you, but I take comfort in those words. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals.

Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski

Hey! Careful, man, there's a beverage here!