[Austin had just punched Basil's mother]
That's not your mother, it's a man, baby! [pulling at her hair] Get off! Get off! Come on! Why won't this wig come off?!
Basil Austin!
Yeah, hold on. Hold on one second.
Basil No, no! Unhand my mother! [Austin realizes this and let's her go] You have a lot of explaining to do!
I'm sorry, Basil. I thought she was a man.
Basil Dammit, man! You're talking about my Mother!
Well, you have to admit, she is rather man-ish.
Basil [shocked]
Austin!
Well, no offense, but if that is a woman it does look like she was beaten with an ugly stick!
[Mrs. Kensington calls her daughter on the phone from London to Las Vegas. Austin appears naked, and random stuff covers his private parts as the tune of Blue Danube plays in the background]
Hello, Mummy?
K Mrs. Kensington
Oh, hello, Vanessa. And how's Austin?
K Mrs. Kensington
You didn't.
No! I made him sleep on the sofa.
K Mrs. Kensington
Vanessa, I'm proud of you.
K Mrs. Kensington
Because you've managed to resist Austin Powers' charms.
[laughs]
Oh, well, God knows he tried, Mummy. I actually had to end up being rather firm with him. What about his teeth? It's really bizarre.
K Mrs. Kensington
Darling, you have to understand, in Britain in the '60s, you could be a sex symbol and still have bad teeth. It didn't matter.
K Mrs. Kensington
Me? No, of course not. I was married to your father.
K Mrs. Kensington
Austin is very charming, very debonair. He's handsome, witty, has a knowledge of fine wines. Women want him, and men want to be him. Every bit an international man of mystery.
Yeah, well, you didn't answer my question, Mummy.
K Mrs. Kensington
I know. Let me just say this: Austin was the most loyal and...caring friend I ever had. I will always love him.
[O'Brien is about to strangle Austin with his Good Luck Charm bracelet, but Austin gains upper hand by putting his hand into the toilet] [drowning O'Brien]
Who...does...Number 2 work for?! [still drowning him] Who...does Number 2...work for?!
[next to the stall]
That's right, buddy, you show that turd who's boss! [O'Brien starts noisily drowning] Hey. Hey, just grab ahold of something, bite your lip, and give it hell. Come on. We're gonna get through this. [O'Brien is still noisily drowning] Hey, that-that sounds pretty nasty. How about a courtesy flush over there? [Austin has finally drowned O'Brien, who dropped his broken Good Luck Charms. Austin walks out of the stall, and the Cowboy walks out of the other stall and finds the dead O'Brien in the toilet] Jesus Christ, boy. What did you eat?!
[That evening after the incident with Basil's mother]
Austin, can I have a word with you?
Look, I know I'm being neurotic, but I can't shake off this suspicious feeling about that Italian secretary. You know, Miss Fagina? I don't wanna sound paranoid, but I've had some bad relationships in the past, and I have been known to be jealous. I'm sorry.
No, don't be sorry, baby. You were right to be suspicious. I shagged her.
I shagged her rotten, baby! Yeah!
[angrily]
I don't believe you, Austin! She was repellent!
Saucer of milk, table 2. [meows like a cat]
'Course. I had my 9-millimeter automatic.
You know I meant, did you use a condom?
[laughs]
No! Only sailors use condoms, baby.
Well, they should, those filthy beggars. They go from port to port. [Vanessa huffily heads to bed] Vanessa, don't have a thrombo! Alotta meant nothing to me.
Well, it means something to me. Austin, if you want us to have a relationship, you have to get it into your head that times have changed! You can't just go off shagging anybody anymore, and if you could, I wouldn't, because I'm not like that!
[pleading]
Vanessa. You're everything to me.
You just don't get it, do you? Good night, Austin. Welcome to the 90s. You're going to be very lonely. [closes the doors]
C Clerk
[The clerk is returning Austin's personal effects after the reanimation process]
One blue, crushed velvet suit.
C Clerk
One frilly lace cravat.
C Clerk
One silver medallion with male symbol. [Austin shoots an alluring look at Vanessa] One pair of Italian boots.
C Clerk
One vinyl record album, Burt Bacharach Plays His Hits.
C Clerk
One Swedish-made penis enlarger pump.
C Clerk
One credit card receipt for Swedish-made penis enlarger, signed by Austin Powers.
I'm telling ya, baby, that's not mine!
C Clerk
One warranty card for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump, filled out by Austin Powers.
I don't even know what this is! This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby!
C Clerk
One book: "Swedish-Made Penis Enlarger Pumps and Me: (This Sort of Thing Is My Bag, Baby)", by Austin Powers.
C Clerk
Just sign the form.
Okay, thank you, handy man. I'll sign here, just to get things moving. [laughs] You know. [leaves with Vanessa, but goes back and retrieves his enlarger pump]
[They see Dr. Evil enters the cryogenic pod]
I've got you now, Dr. Evil!
[his face is still not shown]
Not this time. Come, Mr. Bigglesworth! [Mr. Bigglesworth walks up to him in the pod] See you in the future, Mr. Powers. [laughs evilly, closes and seals the cryogenic pod]
K Mrs. Kensington
My God, he's freezing himself!
Basil [The pod takes off inside a rocket-powered Bob's Big Boy statue] [narrating]
And so, Dr. Evil escaped and had himself cryogenically frozen, to return at a time when free love no longer reigned, and greed and corruption ruled again.
