Doctor Evil I'm sorry, you want ice cream?
2nd most-quoted character in Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002): in 24 of its 85 quotes
Most scenes with: Goldmember (7), Austin Powers (4)
One billion, gajillion, fafillion... shabadylu...mil...shabady......uh, yen.
More lines from Doctor Evil
9 quotes Doctor Evil Doctor Evil [after seeing Number 3's mole]
A-buh.
Doctor Evil Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to my new submarine lair. It's long and hard and full of seamen.
Doctor Evil Yeah Goldmember, I don't speak freaky deaky Dutch okay perv-boy.
Doctor Evil Okay, its getting crowded in here so everybody out! Not you Scotty, not you Number 2, not you Frau, not you Goldmember, not you guys back there, not you henchmen holding wrench, not you henchmen arbitrarilly turning knobs making it look like you're doing something...[Turns and stares at Mini-me]
Doctor Evil [After seeing Scott balding]
Whoa!
Doctor Evil [After seeing that Mini-Me has switched sides]
Mini-Me?
Doctor Evil [After Nigel tells a flashback about himself]
Very interesting, Mr. Powers. Of course, we will have to wait after we see the facts. Daddy! [Hugs Nigel]
Doctor Evil [deleted scene where Dr Evil is stroking mr Bigglesworth]
I like holding my kitty. Its like holding somebody's ass.
Scenes with Doctor Evil
14 scenes Dr. Evil (Deleted scene in Infinifilm edition)
Goldmember, I have an anagram for you: "i fit iron dick."
Yes. "i fit iron dick." Yes, it's an anagram, so it's a jumble word. Okay, jumbling, jumbling... Carry the 7... Divided by... Yes. (Gives up.)
Dr. Evil Yeah, can't get it? "i fit iron dick," "frickin' idiot." (Starts spelling it to the tune to Old McDonald Had a Farm) "f-r-i-c-k-i-n', i-d-i-o-t. With a frick-frick here and a frick-frick there, here a frick, there a frick, everywhere a frick-frick. Dr. Evil had a suuu-ubbb... filled with... frick-in idiots.
Dr. Evil Lower the globe.
Frau
(screeching)
Lower the globe! [Goldmember flinches, the globe falls onto Dr. Evil's head]
Dr. Evil Oww! Ow!
Scheiße!
Dr. Evil Well, congratulations, numb-nuts! You've succeeded in turning me into a frickin'g jack-in-the-box! Get it off! Get it off! It's dark, it's dark! [Number 2 pulls the globe off Dr. Evil's head.] Okay! I'm okay. [Goldmember chuckles] Release the meteor.
Frau
(screeching)
Release the meteor! [Mini-me swings a gold meteor model into Dr. Evil's groin]
Dr. Evil (falls over)
Ohh! Oh! Ohh, ohh, no way!
Right in the kniggin!
Dr. Evil God damn it! Oh! Guys! [to Mini-me who shrugs afterwards] Way to go, a-hole! Everyone, just let me find my balls here, for God's sake... 1, 2, and 3. Okay, they're all there. I'm okay, I'm okay.
Dr. Evil, we have the ultimate insurance policy; may I present to you, the very sexual, the very toit, Austin Power's fahza!
Dr. Evil His what?
Number 2
His fazha, Dr. Evil.
Dr. Evil His farjer?
Number 2
[nods]
Dr. Evil What's farjer?
His fazha, ya know the fazha!
Dr. Evil Yeah, Goldmember, I don't speak freaky-deaky Dutch, OK, perv-boy.
Fazha, his dad--dad is fazha.
Dr. Evil Oh, his dad. Oh, his father.
Yes, I have a Dutch accent, isn't that weird?
Dr. Evil Fat-ther, Fat-ther. Ah, Nigel Powers.
Hello, hello. (slaps Frau on her rear) Ha-ha-ha!
Dr. Evil Bring him to me.
Easy-peasy, lemon squeezy. Oh, put the guns down. Is-is this the first day on the job or something? Look, this is how it goes, you attack me, one at a time, and I knock you out with a single punch. Okay? Go.
Dr. Evil (The two guards listen, and Nigel does just that)
Oh, he's good.
(to third guard)
Do you know who I am? Have you any idea how many anonymous henchmen I've killed over the years? And look at you, you haven't even got a name tag. (laughing) You got no chance. Why don't you just fall down?
(The guard complies.)
All right, Dr. Evil, give yourself up while you still got a chance. (handgun chambers behind Nigel) Okay, okay, you got me.
Dr. Evil Nigel Powers, I'd like you to meet Mini-me.
Oh, blimey! (looks down at Mini-me) I thought I smelled cabbage.
Dr. Evil Take him away!
Uh-uh, Dr. Evil, can I paint his yoo-hoo go-o-l-l-l-d? It's kind of my thing, ya know?
Dr. Evil (Dr. Evil pilots his chair over to Goldmember, and swivels it to look at Goldmember.)
How 'bout no, you crazy Dutch bastard!
Dr. Evil All right, you're not going to put that skin in your mouth, are you?
[eats piece of skin]
Dr. Evil You did. Okay, that's just gross.
Mini-Me [cringes and shakes head]
Dr. Evil [To Austin from inside a cell]
Quid pro quo.
Breaker-breaker one-niner, this is Goldie Wang. Over.
Dr. Evil Ten-four there, Goldie Wang. This is Rubber Duckie. What's your ten-twenty? Over.
I've got Preparation H in my rear and Smokey the Bear on my back door. We got us a convoy. Over.
Dr. Evil Yee-haw! Copy that, you son of a bitch, pile of monkey nuts.
Young Dr. Evil
(Checking the class rankings)
Hey everybody, I'm #1!
Young Number 2
Hello. I'm Number 2.
Young Dr. Evil
Pleased to meet you Number 2. I'm #1. *evil laugh*
Young Number 2
*evil laugh*
Both
*evil laugh*
Dr. Evil Our early attempts at a tractor beam went through several preparations. Preparations A through G were a complete failure. But now, ladies and gentlemen, we finally have a working tractor beam, which we shall call... Preparation H!!
Scott laughs.
Dr. Evil What?
Scott Why don't you just call it Operation Ass Cream, ass?
Dr. Evil I-I'm sorry, did you want some ice cream?
Scott Yes, I'd love some chocolate ass cream.
Dr. Evil Perhaps later.
Number Two Dr. Evil, I love your plan.
Dr. Evil Yah, eh?
Frau
Ja, Doctor. It's a really good plan.
Dr. Evil Yes Frau, on the whole, I think Preparation H feels good.
Scott starts chuckling uncontrollably.
Dr. Evil (irriated)
What is it now?
Scott No, nothin'. You know what, I agree. Preparation H does feel good...on the hole.
Dr. Evil Well, I'm glad were sprechen sie the same lingidy... yah. Ladies and Gentlemen, using my time machine, I shall travel back to 1975, pick up Goldmember, and bring him back to the future. And the best part of the plan is, no one can stop me...not even... Austin Powers. Muh-huh-huh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Others (except Scott) Huh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Not so fast.
Several British SAS forces storm the room.
You're surrounded, Dr. Evil.
Dr. Evil Shit.
From the Movie Austinpussy:
Austin (Tom Cruise) Yeah Baby!
Dixie (Gwyneth Paltrow) Hi I'm Dixie, Dixie Normous. I may just be a small town FBI agent slash single mother, but I'm still tough, and sexy.
Austin (Tom Cruise) Well Miss Normous, shall we shag now, or shag later?
Dixie (Gwyneth Paltrow) Oh Austin, Behave!
Dr. Evil (Kevin Spacey)
Hey, Powers! You better watch your frigging self because this is one doctor who does make house-calls. Right, mini-me?
Mini-me (Danny Devito) Hey, assholes! I'm right over here! I'm Mini-me! Come and get me! (fires an automatic assault rifle in the air)
Hah-hey, assholes! Do I have time for a last shmoke and a pancake or what? I am from Holland, isn't that a we-e-eird?
Young Dr. Evil
[checking the class rankings]
Hey everybody, I'm #1!
Young Number 2
Hello. I'm Number 2.
Young Dr. Evil
Pleased to meet you, Number 2. But now, I'm finally going to be this year’s international man of mystery! [laughs evilly]
Boy
[Young Number 2 laughs along with Young Dr. Evil] [off screen]
Shut your gob! [throws a cupcake at Dr. Evil]
Young Dr. Evil
Ow! [the students laugh] Who throws a cupcake? Honestly.
Dr. Evil Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my submarine lair. It's long, hard and full of seamen! [nobody laughs] Nothing? Not even a titter? Tough sub...
Dr. Evil [After Scott gives Dr. Evil a couple of laser-beamed sharks as a present, they finally hug as father and son]
Alright, it's getting crowded in here. Everyone out! Everyone out, come on! [Scott moves to get up] Not you, Scottie. [Number Two moves to get up] Not you, Number Two. [Frau moves to get up] Not you, Frau. [Goldmember moves to get up] Not you, Goldmember. [camera cuts to various henchmen around the sub] Not you guys back there. Not you, henchman holding wrench. Not you, henchman arbitrarily turning knobs, making it seem like you're doing something. [awkward silence, as everyone turns to look as Mini-Me] Oooh, this is uncomfortable.
Haha, the tiny one can't take a hint! He doesn't understand he is shmall, haha.
[Mini-Me became sad and feels dejected. He slowly rolls out of the room in his wheel chair, but not before flipping the bird at Dr. Evil, who is shocked in rage]
Dr. Evil Get me the World Organization!
Colonel
[sounding fed up]
What is it, Dr. Evil?
Dr. Evil: Gentlemen, in a matter of hours a meteor will crash into Earth causing a global flood. That is of course unless you pay me...One billion, gajillion, fifillion, shabadoodloo, lemillron, shoing, koishilly, million...Yen.
[Austin falls and accidentally pulls Dr. Evil's pants, which reveals his butt with the tattoo on it]
You know, Dr. Evil, most people think you were crazy.
Dr. Evil I know.
Now I can see you're nuts. [to the camera] I thank you. [smiles]
