Goldmember I love g-o-o-o-ld! The look of it! The shmell of it! The tashte of it! The texture!
3rd most-quoted character in Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002): in 22 of its 85 quotes
Most scenes with: Doctor Evil (7), Austin Powers (3), Nigel Powers (3)
Shmoke and a pancake? You know, flapjack and a shigarette? No, alright. Cigar and a waffle? No? Pipe and a crepe? Bong and a blintz?
More lines from Goldmember
11 quotes Goldmember Goldmember Hey, everybody! I'm from Holland! Isn't that veird?
Goldmember [After key is lost]
Luckily I keep a shpare.
Goldmember Look everyone! My vinky vas a key!
Goldmember [Pulling a piece of skin off himself]
Oh yesh, yesh, yesh, thish is a keeper!
Goldmember May I preshent to you, the very sexual, the very toit, Austin Power's fahza!
Goldmember I must shay, you look toit. Toit, like a tiger. I can tell by your toit pantsh.
Goldmember And that'sh the vay, uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it! [mutters] KC and the Sunshine Band.
Goldmember And that, for you, ish bad newsh bearsh! [mutters] Walter Matthau.
Goldmember [to Dr.Evil]
Yesh! Yesh! You look like a macho man! [mutters] Village People.
Goldmember [last words]
Fahza, Fahza, Fahza, Fazha, Fazha can you hear me... Fazha, Fazha!!
Scenes with Goldmember
10 scenes
(Deleted scene in Infinifilm edition)
Goldmember, I have an anagram for you: "i fit iron dick."
Goldmember Yes. "i fit iron dick." Yes, it's an anagram, so it's a jumble word. Okay, jumbling, jumbling... Carry the 7... Divided by... Yes. (Gives up.)
Yeah, can't get it? "i fit iron dick," "frickin' idiot." (Starts spelling it to the tune to Old McDonald Had a Farm) "f-r-i-c-k-i-n', i-d-i-o-t. With a frick-frick here and a frick-frick there, here a frick, there a frick, everywhere a frick-frick. Dr. Evil had a suuu-ubbb... filled with... frick-in idiots.
Lower the globe.
Frau
(screeching)
Lower the globe! [Goldmember flinches, the globe falls onto Dr. Evil's head]
Oww! Ow!
Goldmember Scheiße!
Well, congratulations, numb-nuts! You've succeeded in turning me into a frickin'g jack-in-the-box! Get it off! Get it off! It's dark, it's dark! [Number 2 pulls the globe off Dr. Evil's head.] Okay! I'm okay. [Goldmember chuckles] Release the meteor.
Frau
(screeching)
Release the meteor! [Mini-me swings a gold meteor model into Dr. Evil's groin]
Goldmember Right in the kniggin!
God damn it! Oh! Guys! [to Mini-me who shrugs afterwards] Way to go, a-hole! Everyone, just let me find my balls here, for God's sake... 1, 2, and 3. Okay, they're all there. I'm okay, I'm okay.
Goldmember Dr. Evil, we have the ultimate insurance policy; may I present to you, the very sexual, the very toit, Austin Power's fahza!
His what?
Number 2
His fazha, Dr. Evil.
His farjer?
Number 2
[nods]
What's farjer?
Goldmember His fazha, ya know the fazha!
Yeah, Goldmember, I don't speak freaky-deaky Dutch, OK, perv-boy.
Goldmember Fazha, his dad--dad is fazha.
Oh, his dad. Oh, his father.
Goldmember Yes, I have a Dutch accent, isn't that weird?
Fat-ther, Fat-ther. Ah, Nigel Powers.
Hello, hello. (slaps Frau on her rear) Ha-ha-ha!
Bring him to me.
Easy-peasy, lemon squeezy. Oh, put the guns down. Is-is this the first day on the job or something? Look, this is how it goes, you attack me, one at a time, and I knock you out with a single punch. Okay? Go.
(to third guard)
Do you know who I am? Have you any idea how many anonymous henchmen I've killed over the years? And look at you, you haven't even got a name tag. (laughing) You got no chance. Why don't you just fall down?
(The guard complies.)
All right, Dr. Evil, give yourself up while you still got a chance. (handgun chambers behind Nigel) Okay, okay, you got me.
Nigel Powers, I'd like you to meet Mini-me.
Oh, blimey! (looks down at Mini-me) I thought I smelled cabbage.
Take him away!
Goldmember Uh-uh, Dr. Evil, can I paint his yoo-hoo go-o-l-l-l-d? It's kind of my thing, ya know?
(Dr. Evil pilots his chair over to Goldmember, and swivels it to look at Goldmember.)
How 'bout no, you crazy Dutch bastard!
Goldmember Would you like a smoke and a pancake?
... What?
Goldmember A smoke and a pancake. You know, a flapjack and a cigarette? No?
[shakes head]
Goldmember Cigar and a waffle? No?
[shakes head]
Goldmember Pipe and a crepe? No?
[shakes head]
Goldmember Bong and a blintz?
No.
Goldmember Well, then there ish no pleashing you.
That's not right.
Goldmember [picking skin off his back]
Ooh yes. Yes-yes-yes-yes. This is a keeper.
All right, you're not going to put that skin in your mouth, are you?
Goldmember [eats piece of skin]
You did. Okay, that's just gross.
Mini-Me [cringes and shakes head]
Goldmember [clapping]
Yes, salty. Yes, that was good.
Goldmember Breaker-breaker one-niner, this is Goldie Wang. Over.
Ten-four there, Goldie Wang. This is Rubber Duckie. What's your ten-twenty? Over.
Goldmember I've got Preparation H in my rear and Smokey the Bear on my back door. We got us a convoy. Over.
Yee-haw! Copy that, you son of a bitch, pile of monkey nuts.
Goldmember Not so fast, shmarty-pants. Dr. Evil, you might not want to deschtroy the world, but I dooooooo... Preparation H goes ahead as planned. I'm going to flood the Earth!
Think again, Goldmember.
Goldmember Ahh, Foxxy Cleopatra; it is a shame I had to kill your partner. Too bad for you-u-u!
Too bad for me? How about too bad for you (holds the gold tractor beam key over the shark tank which has sharks with lasers on their frickin' heads).
Goldmember (in terror)
Ho-no!
Goldmember (Foxxy drops the key into the tank.)
No-ho-ho! No-ho-ho-ho! (composes himself) Luckily, I keep a spare.
Goldmember (Goldmember turns around and removes his genitals with a lot of racheting and twisting.)
Look everyone, my winky was a key!
From the Movie Austinpussy:
Austin (Tom Cruise) Yeah Baby!
Dixie (Gwyneth Paltrow) Hi I'm Dixie, Dixie Normous. I may just be a small town FBI agent slash single mother, but I'm still tough, and sexy.
Austin (Tom Cruise) Well Miss Normous, shall we shag now, or shag later?
Dixie (Gwyneth Paltrow) Oh Austin, Behave!
Dr. Evil (Kevin Spacey)
Hey, Powers! You better watch your frigging self because this is one doctor who does make house-calls. Right, mini-me?
Mini-me (Danny Devito) Hey, assholes! I'm right over here! I'm Mini-me! Come and get me! (fires an automatic assault rifle in the air)
Goldmember (John Travolta) Hah-hey, assholes! Do I have time for a last shmoke and a pancake or what? I am from Holland, isn't that a we-e-eird?
You're insane, Goldmember.
Goldmember And that's the way, uh huh, uh huh, I like it. [mutters] KC and the Sunshine Band.
[Foxxy rolls her eyes in annoyance]
All right Goldmember. Don't play the laughing boy. There's only two things I hate in this world: people who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch.
Goldmember [insulted]
What? Take the fahza away! [the girls grab Nigel] Dutch hater. And now, it is time to say goodbye. Dr. Evil's orders. Which, for you, is Bad News Bears. [mutters] Walter Matthau.
[After Scott gives Dr. Evil a couple of laser-beamed sharks as a present, they finally hug as father and son]
Alright, it's getting crowded in here. Everyone out! Everyone out, come on! [Scott moves to get up] Not you, Scottie. [Number Two moves to get up] Not you, Number Two. [Frau moves to get up] Not you, Frau. [Goldmember moves to get up] Not you, Goldmember. [camera cuts to various henchmen around the sub] Not you guys back there. Not you, henchman holding wrench. Not you, henchman arbitrarily turning knobs, making it seem like you're doing something. [awkward silence, as everyone turns to look as Mini-Me] Oooh, this is uncomfortable.
Goldmember Haha, the tiny one can't take a hint! He doesn't understand he is shmall, haha.
[Mini-Me became sad and feels dejected. He slowly rolls out of the room in his wheel chair, but not before flipping the bird at Dr. Evil, who is shocked in rage]
