Russell Brand movie quotes

View Quote [after Aldous sees Sarah Marshall on TV] Didn't I have sex with her once? [Pauses and leans towards the television screen] Yeah, yeah I did.

View Quote I was watching the news one day and I saw footage about, uh, war, and I think it was in Darfur, or Rwanda, or Zimbabwe, or one of 'em, and I thought, 'this isn't right, is it?' And I made some phone calls and it turns out, it isn't.

View Quote [to Aaron]Your brain is full of lollipops, rainbows, and cheese.

View Quote [to Gru] I'm happy to create an evil army to destroy the world, but nobody messes with my family.

View Quote [To Gru] I've had an offer of employment elsewhere.

View Quote [to Eduardo/El Macho; holding a fart-blaster gun] Oh, this ain't a jelly gun, sunshine.

View Quote I would rather have my testicles spread wafer thin and then sort of pasted with honey and then have wasps unleashed at my own genitals and then I would like the resulting stings to be covered in vinegar and sort of worn as a swimming cap by a Nazi.

View Quote [In response to Matthew the waiter's question about how Aldous liked his CD] Oh, I was gonna listen to your CD, but then I just went on living my life.

View Quote Rachel Jansen: Welcome to Turtle Bay. What can I do for you?
Peter Bretter: I'm checking in. My name's Bretter. Peter Bretter. But actually, I don't have a reservation. Just thought I'd... take my chances. [smiles weakly]
Rachel Jansen: Oh! Wow. Bold! [she looks through the registrar] We are all booked up, but we do have the Kapua Suite available.
Peter Bretter: Um, okay. How much is that?
Rachel Jansen: $6,000 a night.
Peter Bretter: Wow.
Rachel Jansen: Beautiful views.
Peter Bretter: I can imagine... that's a little bit out of my price range. Sorry. [he looks around] That's a shame. This is such a beautiful... ([he jumps as he looks out the window and sees Sarah walking by] hotel.
Rachel Jansen: Oh, yeah, it's Sarah Marshall from Crime Scene. [laughs] People are excited that she's here.
Peter Bretter: She's my ex-girlfriend. We broke up three weeks ago.
Rachel Jansen: Oh. I'm sorry, sir.
Peter Bretter: Okay, like, this is fine, right?
Rachel Jansen: Sir?
Peter Bretter: It's totally fine. [looks over his shoulder and sees Sarah entering the lobby] Okay, there she is. Did she see me?
Rachel Jansen: Uh-huh.
Peter Bretter: Is she coming over here?
Rachel Jansen: Yup.
Peter Bretter: I wish I wasn't wearing this **** shirt.
Rachel Jansen: Fair enough. Why don't you try unbuttoning it? [Peter opens the top two buttons of the shirt and looks at her for approval] Button it back up.
Sarah Marshall: Peter?
Peter Bretter: Hey. Hi.
Sarah Marshall: What are you doing here?
Peter Bretter: I came here to murder you. [chuckles hysterically]
Sarah: Really, what are you doing here?
Peter Brenner: I have been having a tough time, you know, back in L.A. Uh, but then, I came here, and here you are. I just think that's too crazy to...
Aldous Snow: [enters the lobby] Hey there, little sex object! [slaps Sarah's rear and kisses her forehead, catching her off-guard] I've lost a shoe [holds up a black flip-flop] Have you seen it anywhere? It's like this one, but obviously it's, um opposite of um, excuse me, Misses? [to Rachel] I've lost a shoe. It's like this one. It's like, this one's fellow. Sort of like the exact opposite of this one, in fact.
Rachel Jansen: Uh-huh?
Aldous Snow: Not like, an evil version, but just, you know, a shoe, like this, but for the other foot, otherwise I'd have to...
Sarah Marshall: Aldous, this is Peter.
Aldous Snow: Hey! Alright, Peter! Nice to meet you, mate. [shakes hands with Peter and shoulder-bumps him] Aldous. Good to meet you, man.
Sarah Marshall: My ex-boyfriend.
Aldous Snow: Oh, right! Hey, I'm Aldous Snow.
Peter Bretter: I know who you are. Yeah, you're very, very famous.
Aldous Snow: Yeah, I am, I am... for my sins. So, are you, um, staying here as well?
Peter Bretter: I'm not, as a matter...
Rachel Jansen: I'm sorry. Excuse me, Mr. Bretter, Ms. Marshall. [to Peter] But, we were, um, able to book the Kapua suite for you, sir, for four nights.
Peter Bretter: You were?
Rachel Jansen: [smiles and nods] Yes, sir.
Peter Bretter: Marvelous!
Aldous Snow: Perfect! Perfect amount of time. Listen, if you want to have dinner with us one of those nights, you're very...
Sarah Marshall: Aldous!
Peter Bretter: No. No, that's very gentlemanly of you, but, uh, you two enjoy your trip, and, uh, I'll be just fine on my own in my Kapua Suite.
Aldous Snow: Alright, Peter.
Sarah Marshall: Have a good trip, Pete.
Aldous Snow: I like your shirt. It's colorful. [he and Sarah walk away] Bye, ta-ta! [to Sarah] I was wearing two shoes this morning, wasn't I?
Peter Bretter: Bye, now. [to Rachel] Thank you. Thank you for bailing me out like that, but I still can't afford that room.
Rachel Jansen: Nobody can. It's for, like, Oprah, or like, Celine Dion. Really, it's not a big deal. So, you can stay in the suite, but since you're not technically a guest, you have to clean up after yourself. [hands him a key] Otherwise, here is your room key, and enjoy your stay!
Peter Bretter: Why are you doing this for me?
Rachel Jansen: She's here with some guy already? Kind of messed up.
Peter Bretter: Yeah, right?! Thank you.
Rachel Jansen: Really, it's not a big deal. Go, go enjoy yourself!
Peter Bretter: [tries to read her nametag] Rachel...
Rachel Jansen: Jansen.
Peter Bretter: Jansen. I mean, a thousand times, thank you! You know what I mean? I...
Rachel Jansen: Go. Go enjoy yourself!

View Quote [After the girls leave Gru's house]
Dr. Nefario: I did it for your own good. Come on, let’s go get that Moon.
Gru: Right.

View Quote Doctor Nefario: [by intercom] Gru!
Gru: Ah, Dr. Nefario.
Dr. Nefario: I know how you must be feeling. I too have encountered great disappointment, but, in my eyes, you'll always be one of the greats.
Gru: What? What happened?
Dr. Nefario: It's all over the news! Some fella just stole a pyramid! He said it makes all other villains look... lame.
Gru: [responds angrily] Assemble the Minions!

View Quote [Gru and his daughters have just come back from Super Silly Fun Land, laughing together, with their faces painted and laden with sweets.]
Dr. Nefario: Gru, do you mind if I have a quick word?
Gru: Okay, girls, go play. [the girls run off; Gru approaches Dr. Nefario; in a sing-song voice] I got the shrink ray!
[Dr. Nefario doesn't respond]
Gru: Cotton candy?
Dr. Nefario: We have twelve days until the moon is in optimum position. We can't afford any distractions!
[Pause]
Gru: [normal voice] Get me Perkins.

View Quote Creek: A little positivity will go with that vest.

View Quote Creek: Whoa, whoa. [seems to levitate] Easy, Branch. Easy. [the camera zooms out, revealing that he is simply being carried by a beetle-like insect. Creek turns around and puts the insect's face to his forehead] Thank you for providing safe passage, brother. [the insect flies away and Creek puts both hands together] Namaste. [turns to Branch] Okay, first of all, mate, thanks for sharing your unique perspective on things. [mockingly] Again. [Biggie and Cooper hold back their laughter] But, just for now, why don't you try on some positivity, eh? A little positivity might go with that vest.
Branch: [sarcastically] Okay, fine. I'm positive you all are going to get eaten.

View Quote [After hearing Creek's story]
Poppy: [shocked] No! Creek, please do not do this.
Creek: Believe me... I wish there was some other "me not getting eaten" way.
Chef Bergen: But there is not.
Creek: [falsely] And now I have to live with this for the rest of my life. [mockingly] At least you get to die with a clear conscience. So, in a way... [Poppy gets more shocked] you could say... I am doing this for you. [he steals Poppy's cowbell away and touches her noise] Boop!