Renée Zellweger movie quotes

View Quote At times like this, continuing with one's life seems impossible... and eating the entire contents of one's fridge seems inevitable. I have two choices: to give up and accept permanent state of spinsterhood and eventualy be eaten by alsatians... or not, and this time i choose not. I will not be defeated by a bad man and an American stick insect! Instead, i choose vodka. And Chaka Khan.

View Quote And that was it. Right there. That was the moment. I suddenly realised that unless something changed soon I was going to live a life where my major relationship was with a bottle of wine... and I'd finally die, fat and alone, and be found three weeks later half-eaten by Alsatians. Or I was about to turn into Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction.

View Quote (Answering phone) Bridget Jones, wanton sex goddess, with a very bad man between her thighs... Mum, hi.

View Quote (Singing) And that's good, isn't it grand, isn't it great, isn't it swell, isn't it fun, isn't it?

View Quote My audience loves me. And I love them. And they love me for lovin' them and I love them for lovin' me. And we love each other. And that's cause none of us got enough love in our childhoods. And that's showbiz, kid.

View Quote (At a press conference, protesting her innocence) I bet you want to know why I shot the bastard?

View Quote Irene P. Waters: I never wanted to sleep with you, Hank! Okay, you tricked me!
Hank Evans: Yes, I tricked you. It was deceitful, it was disgusting and despicable. But just for once, see it from my side. [Shrugs] I was horny.

View Quote Charlie Baileygates: I turn my back for one moment then you stick it up my ass. Literally!
Irene P. Waters: For your information, you stuck it in your own ass!

View Quote Hank Evans: So, what's your tale, Mother Goose? Where ya from?
Irene P. Waters: Oh, all over.
Hank Evans: Omnipresence. I like that in a woman.

View Quote [In Oscar's fantasy]
Angie: Dreams can begin small. You just have to... bet it all. Bet it all!
Announcer: And Lucky Day wins.

View Quote Oscar: All right, I totally betrayed you, but before we work this out I got a small thing to take care of.
Angie: Oh, yeah? What's that?
Oscar: Sharks are coming to get me!
Angie: And they should! What did you expect? You just take credit for killing a shark and then everything would be fine and dandy for the rest of your life?!
Oscar: Uh... yeah. But don't worry. Me and Lenny, we're gonna take care of this...
Lenny: Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's with the "we"? I don't want any part of this!
Oscar: Hey, too late now, veggie boy. They'll be looking for you, too!
Lenny: Point taken. What's the plan?

View Quote Oscar: [quietly, opens the door, looking around.] Psst! Lenny? Where are you? [Oscar sneaks back to the storage room]
Angie: [suddenly appears at the storage room door] Hello, Oscar.
Oscar: [screams; then catches his breath] Angie! Hey! W-what are you doing here?
Angie: [innocently] What, Oscar, forget something?
Oscar: W-W-Well, I-I-I—
Angie: Maybe your forgot... [slams the door, revealing Lenny behind it] ...your shark?!
Lenny: [sipping the soda] Hi.
Oscar: Uh...SHARK! SWIM, ANGIE! I'LL COVER YA! Quick, before it's too late! YOU GO ON WITHOUT ME!
Angie: Oh, stop it! Your pet shark told me everything!
Oscar: [shocked] Dang, Lenny?! Why would you do that?!
Lenny: I don't know! I like her!
Angie: [friendly] Thanks you too. [then furiously to Oscar] WHAT were you THINKING, bringing him here?!
Oscar: Well...I just… I'm still working out the kinks...
Angie: Kinks?! You LIED! Everybody thinks you "slayed the shark!"
Oscar: Who am I to tell them that they're wrong?
Angie: How could you lie to me, Oscar?! ME?!
Oscar: Don't take it personally! Come on, I lied to EVERYBODY! [Angie glares at him] All right, I totally betrayed you, but but listen, I-I got just one little problem I got to take care of.
Angie: Oh, what's that?
Oscar: SHARKS are COMING to GET ME!!
Angie: And they should! I mean, what did you expect? You just take credit for killing a shark and then everything would be fine and dandy for the rest of your life?!
Oscar: Uh...yeah. But don't worry. Me and Lenny got it, we're gonna fix it...
Lenny: Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's with the "we"? I don't want any part of this!
Oscar: Hey, too late now, veggie boy. They'll be looking for you, too!
Lenny: Point taken. What's the plan?
Angie: OSCAR! Here's the plan. You tell the truth. [to Lenny] And you, go home. [Oscar and Lenny both stare at each other and then they both laugh]
Oscar: All right, look, this is what we're gonna do. We're gonna paint you up all bloody. Just a mess, right? Then you gonna swim out and meet the sharks before they get here. And you're gonna say, "Stop. Don't y'all. Don't go no farther! That Sharkslayer's crazy, man!" "He beat me senseless. He's a stone-cold killer, man!" Then you could tell 'em I'm huge. Tell 'em I'm handsome. Throw that in, say I'm buff.
Angie: You are going way too far.
Lenny: Actually, he hasn't gone far enough.
Oscar: Exactly. What?
Lenny: You need to slay a shark, and I need to disappear. Here's what we're gonna do...

View Quote I've listened to you all tell a thousand sob stories, and I have been very judgmental. Frankly, I think you've all been way too comfortable with your pain. I've not been fair to you. Women need to stick together, and not depend on the affections of a man to "fix" their lives. Maybe you're all correct. Men are the enemy... But I still love the enemy.

View Quote "Shut up. Just shut up... You had me at hello. You had me at hello." Note: ranked #52 in the American Film Institute's list of the top 100 movie quotations in American cinema.

View Quote Ray: What's wrong, mom?
Dorothy: First class is what's wrong. It used to be a better meal. Now it's a better life.

View Quote Janet: I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond when you yell at him.
Martin: Then why are you yelling at me?
Janet: Because you don't listen!
Martin: Agh, I'm not listening to this.
Vanessa: My only interest is flowers.

View Quote Barry: Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan.
Vanessa: Oh you poor thing. You two have been at this for hours!

View Quote Vanessa: My only interest is flowers.
Barry: Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan.

View Quote Every piece of this is man's bullshit. They call this war a cloud over the land, but they made the weather and then they stand in the rain and say, "Shit! Its rainin'!"

View Quote This war won't stand long. God won't let it stand this way long.

View Quote I despise a flogging rooster.

View Quote [on the loudspeaker] Attention Rex Manning fans, to your left you will notice a shoplifter being chased by night manager, Lucas. This young man will be caught, deep fried in a vat of hot oil and served to our first hundred customers. [chuckles] Just another tasty treat from the gang at Empire Records.

View Quote Gina: [about Debra having shaved her head] Well, Sinead O'Rebellion. Shock me, shock me, shock me with that deviant behavior!
Debra: God, that is so clever. You know, I swear you get smarter the shorter your skirt gets.
Gina: And you get smarter the shorter your hair gets, so it's probably good you went with that.

View Quote Debra: [Reading the new Musictown rules] No visible tattoos.
Gina: No revealing clothing.
Debra: We're both screwed. At least you're used to it.
Gina: Oh now, Debra, don't be bitter, certainly with your ever growing collection of flesh mutilating silver appendages and your brand new Neo-Nazi boot camp makeover, the boys will come a-runnin'.
Debra: Let's not fight, let's just rip [both start tearing lists of rules]

View Quote I'm not gonna storm out of here, Catch. And I'm not gonna admit that you got Barbara Novak to fall in love, because I'm not Barbara Novak. There is no Barbara Novak. And I didn't fall in love with Zip Martin. I fell in love with Catcher Block. And that was a year ago, when for three and a half weeks I worked as your secretary. I don't expect you to remember me, I wasn't a blond then. But you did ask me out. And it broke my heart to say no, but I loved you too much. I couldn't bear to become just another notch in your bedpost. With your dating habits I knew that even if I was lucky enough to get a regular spot on your rotating schedule, I would never have your undivided attention long enough for you to fall in love with me. I knew I had to do something to set myself apart. I knew I had to quit my job as your secretary, and write an international best-seller controversial enough to get the attention of a New York publisher as well as KNOW magazine, but insignificant enough that as long as I went unseen, KNOW magazine's star journalist would refuse to do a cover story about it. I knew that every time we were supposed to meet, you would get distracted by one of your many girlfriends and stand me up, and this would give me a reason to fight with you over the phone and declare that I wouldn't meet with you for a hundred years. And then all I would have to do was be patient and wait the two or three weeks it would take for everyone in the world to buy a copy of my best-seller, and then I would begin to get the publicity I would need for you to, one, see what I look like, and, two, see me denounce you in public as the worst kind of man. I knew that this would make you want get even by writing one of your exposés. And in order to do that, you would have to go undercover, assume a false identity and pretend to be the kind of man who would make the kind of girl I was pretending to be fall in love. And I knew that since I was pretending to be a girl who would have sex on the first date you would have pretend to be a man who wouldn't have sex for several dates. And in doing so, we would go out on lots of dates to all the best places and all the hit shows until finally, one night, you would take me back to your place that you were pretending was someone else's in order to get the evidence you needed to write your exposé. By seducing me until I said, "I love you." But saying "I love you" was also my plan. I just wanted to tell you the truth so that when you heard me say, "I love you" you would know that I knew who you were, and you would know who I was. Then you, the great Catcher Block, would know that you'd been beaten at your own game—by me, Nancy Brown, your former secretary. And I would have, once and for all, set myself apart from all the other girls you've known, all those other girls that you never really cared about, by making myself someone like the one person you really love and admire above all others: you. Then, when you realized that you had finally met your match, I would have at last gained the respect that would make you wanna marry me first and seduce me later. [Catch is staring at her in undisguised confusion and astonishment.] I just wanted you to hear all this from me before you heard it from your private eye.