(Answering phone)
Bridget Jones, wanton sex goddess, with a very bad man between her thighs... Mum, hi.
Bridget Jones's Diary quotes
Page 1 of 2
Boss
So, why do you want to work in television?
I've got to leave my current job because I've shagged my boss.
Boss
Fair enough. Start Monday. We'll see how we go. And, incidentally, at 'Sit Up, Britain', no one ever gets sacked for shaggin' the boss.
How's it look?
Great, it's... blue.
Blue?
No, but blue is... good. If you ask me, there isn't enough blue food.
I'm sorry, I'm not quite fi... [interrupted by seeing Mark]
Good afternoon.
Hi! You like me just the way I am...
Sorry?
Nothing.
Wait a minute, nice boys don't kiss like that.
Oh yes, they **** do.
Daniel If walking past my office was attempt to demonstrate presence of skirt, can only say that it has failed parlously-- Cleave.
Shut up, please. I am very busy and important. P.S. How dare you sexually harass me in this impertinent manner?
Daniel Message Jones. Mortified to have caused offense. Will avoid all non-P.C. overtones in future. Deeply apologetic. P.S. Like your tits in that top.
Daniel Oh,**** me, I love Keats. Have you heard this one? 'There was a young woman from Ealing, who had a peculiar feeling, she lay on her back, and opened her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling!'... Oh **** me! Bollocks!
I don't think you're an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. Your mother's pretty interesting. And you really are an appallingly bad public speaker. And, um, you tend to let whatever's in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences... But the thing is, um, what I'm trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much.
I don't think you're an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements that are ridiculous about you. Your mother's pretty interesting. And you really are an appallingly bad public speaker. And, um, you tend to let whatever's in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences. I realize that when I met you at the Turkey Curry Buffet I was unforgiveably rude... and wearing a reindeer jumper... that my mother had given me the day before. But the thing is, uhm, what I'm trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, uhm, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you. Very much.
[Bitterly]
Apart from the smoking and the drinking and the vulgar mother and the verbal diarrhea...
No, I like you very much. Just as you are.
Mother
Come on. Why don't we see if Mark wants a gherkin.
Maybe this was the mysterious Mr. Right I'd been waiting my whole life to meet. (Sees his reindeer jumper) Maybe not.
Mother
Mark! You remember Bridget. She used to run around your lawn with no clothes on, remember?
Mother
The Darcy's Ruby Wedding of course. "What for?" Indeed! Mark will be there. Still divorced *taps nose*
He's also... still deranged. *taps nose*
Perpetua Anyone going to introduce me?
Ah, introduce people with thoughtful details. Perpetua, this is Mark Darcy. Mark's a prematurely middle-aged prick with a cruel-raced ex-wife. Perpetua's a fart-ass old bag who spends her time bossing me around... Maybe not.
Perpetua Anyone going to introduce me?
Ah, Perpetua. This is Mark Darcy. Mark's a top barrister. He comes from Grafton Underwood. Perpetua's one of my work colleagues.
Perpetua Oh, Mark, I know you by reputation of course.
(Natasha arrives)
Ah, Natasha. This is Bridget Jones. Bridget, this is Natasha. Natasha is a top attorney and specializes in family law. Bridget is in advertising and used to play naked in my paddling pool.