Most-quoted character in Bridget Jones's Diary (2001): in 22 of its 29 quotes
Most scenes with: Mark (6)
At times like this, continuing with one's life seems impossible... and eating the entire contents of one's fridge seems inevitable. I have two choices: to give up and accept permanent state of spinsterhood and eventualy be eaten by alsatians... or not, and this time i choose not. I will not be defeated by a bad man and an American stick insect! Instead, i choose vodka. And Chaka Khan.
Bridget It all began on New Years day, in my 32nd year of being single. Once again I found myself on my own and going to my mother's annual turkey curry buffet. Every year she tries to fix me up with some bushy-haired, middle-aged bore and I feared this year would be no exception.
Bridget My mum, a strange creature from the time when a gherkin was still the height of sophistication.
Bridget And that was it. Right there. That was the moment. I suddenly realised that unless something changed soon I was going to live a life where my major relationship was with a bottle of wine... and I'd finally die, fat and alone, and be found three weeks later half-eaten by Alsatians. Or I was about to turn into Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction.
Bridget Resolution number one: Obviously will lose twenty pounds. Number two: Equally important, will find sensible boyfriend to go out with and not continue to form romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional ****wits or perverts. And especially will not fantasise about a particular person who embodies all these things... Unfortunately he just happens to be my boss, editor in chief Daniel Cleaver, and for various slightly unfair reasons relating to this year's Christmas party I suspect he does not fantasize about me.
Bridget Shazzer, journalist. Likes to say "****" a lot.
Bridget Tom, 80's pop icon who only wrote one hit record then retired because he found that one record was quite enough to get him laid for the whole of the 90's. Total poof, of course.
Bridget Major dilemma. If actually do, by some terrible chance, end up in flagrante surely these would be most attractive at crucial moment. (holds up thong) However, chances of reaching crucial moment greatly increased by wearing these scary stomach-holding-in pants very popular with grannies the world over.
Bridget Bridget Jones, wanton sex goddess, with a very bad man between her thighs... Mum, hi.
Bridget Where the **** is the **** tuna?
Bridget This is Bridget Jones for Sit Up Britain searching for the tuna.
Bridget Daily call from Jude. Best friend. Head of investment at Brightlings Bank, who spends most of her time trapped in the ladies' room crying over ****wit boyfriend.
Bridget I'm sorry, I'm not quite fi... [interrupted by seeing Mark]
Good afternoon.
Bridget Hi! You like me just the way I am...
Sorry?
Bridget Nothing.
Bridget No Pam. And besides I'm busy, gravy needs seiving.
Come on. Why don't we see if Mark wants a gherkin.
Bridget Maybe this was the mysterious Mr. Right I'd been waiting my whole life to meet. (Sees his reindeer jumper) Maybe not.
Mark! You remember Bridget. She used to run around your lawn with no clothes on, remember?
Daniel If walking past my office was attempt to demonstrate presence of skirt, can only say that it has failed parlously-- Cleave.
Bridget Shut up, please. I am very busy and important. P.S. How dare you sexually harass me in this impertinent manner?
Daniel Message Jones. Mortified to have caused offense. Will avoid all non-P.C. overtones in future. Deeply apologetic. P.S. Like your tits in that top.
Perpetua Anyone going to introduce me?
Bridget Ah, introduce people with thoughtful details. Perpetua, this is Mark Darcy. Mark's a prematurely middle-aged prick with a cruel-raced ex-wife. Perpetua's a fart-ass old bag who spends her time bossing me around... Maybe not.
Perpetua Anyone going to introduce me?
Bridget Ah, Perpetua. This is Mark Darcy. Mark's a top barrister. He comes from Grafton Underwood. Perpetua's one of my work colleagues.
Perpetua Oh, Mark, I know you by reputation of course.
Ah, Natasha. This is Bridget Jones. Bridget, this is Natasha. Natasha is a top attorney and specializes in family law. Bridget is in advertising and used to play naked in my paddling pool.
So, why do you want to work in television?
Bridget I've got to leave my current job because I've shagged my boss.
Fair enough. Start Monday. We'll see how we go. And, incidentally, at 'Sit Up, Britain', no one ever gets sacked for shaggin' the boss.
Bridget How's it look?
Great, it's... blue.
Bridget Blue?
No, but blue is... good. If you ask me, there isn't enough blue food.
The Darcy's Ruby Wedding of course. "What for?" Indeed! Mark will be there. Still divorced *taps nose*
Bridget He's also... still deranged. *taps nose*
Bridget Wait a minute, nice boys don't kiss like that.
Oh yes, they **** do.
I don't think you're an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements that are ridiculous about you. Your mother's pretty interesting. And you really are an appallingly bad public speaker. And, um, you tend to let whatever's in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences. I realize that when I met you at the Turkey Curry Buffet I was unforgiveably rude... and wearing a reindeer jumper... that my mother had given me the day before. But the thing is, uhm, what I'm trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, uhm, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you. Very much.
Bridget Apart from the smoking and the drinking and the vulgar mother and the verbal diarrhea...
No, I like you very much. Just as you are.
