Rachel Everyone promises you happily ever after... but life turns into a different kind of fairy tale.
Most-quoted role: Rachel in Imagine Me & You (2006), 15 quotes
Movies Rachel Rachel You make me feel something I absolutely cannot feel.
Rachel What does the lily mean?
The lily means... [pause] The lily means, "I dare you to love me".
Nora Oh, honey, they were just welcoming you into the family.
They just set me on fire.
Nora Just your pants.
Sure, last time, it was my pants, but what if next time it's my face? This is how I get the jobs!
Mom, Beans is dead.
Nobody cares about your stupid frog right now, FedEx, okay?
(Annoyed and irritated)
Stop calling me that! (charges at her, causing the whole family to start a heated argument)
Don't you dare call him that!
All right! Hey!
Stop! Stop!
Cameraman 1
What's the name of this segment again?
Cameraman 2 Uh, "One Big Happy Family"?
Cameraman 1
Okay, I'm calling Oprah's family right now.
All I'm saying is families are inevitable. It's like death or taxes.
Nora Does that mean you don't want children?
Chil...?
Leave him alone!
Hello! Look at these-- They're monsters! Honey, you can't want this. That's why you're with me.
Nora! Come on! We need you down here!
You're stepping on me! You're messing my hair! Stop!
Nigel, get off your brother's head!
Nora Mark.
Nobody cares about me!
Nora (tries to comfort Mark)
Mark, what's going on? (Mark runs upstairs in despair) Mark! Mark!
Sarah and Lorraine
What are you talking about?!
Nora [on the phone]
It totally sucks. I miss you too, but, I mean, I've gotta get a job. Hi, Lorraine. Okay, I'll try and be there, honey. Hi, Kimmy. Yeah, I-I know that I haven't been very friendly recently. [to Hank] They are pulling me in again!
Just tell them you can't do it.
Nora [on the phone]
Could you guys hold on a second? [to Hank] That's easy for you to say! You're an only child! It might be fun to babysit together.
No! Whoa, no! No, you know what happened the last time we visited.
Nora Oh, honey, they were just welcoming you into the family.
They set me on fire.
Nora Just your pants.
Honey, I am an actor, okay? And sure, last time, it was just my pants, but what if next time it's my face? This is the moneymaker! I'm not that good of an actor! This is how I get the jobs! I know that! I'm man enough to admit it!
Nora Please? Please, please, please, please?
Don't look at me like that. Don't look at me like that! You always do that to me. Fine, fine, you know what? We'll go. But I'll tell you what. One thing happens and I'm gone. And no fires. And we sleep in the same room.
Nora [on the phone to Kimmy]
Kimmy, put Dad on.
She says she'll help us out if they can stay in the same room.
No, no way. No, she knows the rules. She wants to have her own room while she's here. Isn't that sweet? No.
[on the phone with Nora]
Okay, look, why don't you just come over on Sunday, and we'll talk logistics. All right, bye. [hangs up the phone]
Tell me that Mister Doorknob Man isn't babysitting too!
Yes, he very well might be, young lady!
And do not set his pants on fire again!
Yes.
Classic.
Does anyone besides me think our "happier and stronger" life, is actually code for "nastier and suckier"?
Mike First, Dad forces us to move.
Then Mom decides to become a career person and like, travel the globe.
Jessica And now we have to take orders from Hank, the model/actor?
And he hates kids, too.
Jessica Nora's blind to his evil. We have no choice but to intervene.
We've got 48 hours. Let's work up a plan.
That's Rachel, you can learn a lot from her.
Violet She just cut some guy's ponytail off.
Yeah, the court ordered her to take anger-management classes after she pummeled a customer for grabbing her ass. He pressed charges, I gave her a raise. Cheers!
I only got three rolls of film, I hope that's enough.
Violet Dad, I'm only singing one song.
Right. I better go get another one.
Violet Hi, I'm Violet Sanford, I just recently moved to New York and I was wondering if you would give my tape to one of your artists.
Receptionist
Violet, that is so cute. Now let me tell you about me. My name is Wendy, and I first moved to new York when I was 21 to be a dancer, but I broke my big toe. and then I got knocked up by this actor who dumped me to join the peace corp, so for the last 16 years I've been raising my daughter all by myself and then two weeks ago she tells me that she is a bisexual and she hates me more than any person on this planet. Now, tell me how I can help you please, cos I'm dying to make your dreams come true.
Genevieve LePlouff Bonjour, y'all.
Genevieve LePlouff Oh, Kyle, bonjour. I was just watching Starla. She really knows how to spread her legs... uh... to kick.
Genevieve I hate you, and this town and all the pathetic inbreds that live here.
Say what you want about me, but don't mess with Splendona.