Nick Kroll movie quotes

View Quote Bye, piglet.

View Quote [first lines] Oh, not again.

View Quote Modo is icon.

View Quote [German accent] A science teacher? THE PERFECT COVER!!! [laughs sinisterly]

View Quote Yeah, scram, okay? We are closed for Ebola!

View Quote WHY DO NOT YOU GO ON AND INVENT YOUR OWN SHRINKING AND ENLARGING RAY, IF YOU THINK YOU ARE SO SMART?!?! [calms down, noticing everyone staring] How much of that was out loud?

View Quote Douche: [laughing evilly] I'M **** JACKED UP NOW, BRO! [laughing evilly] WHERE'S THAT **** "SAUZEECH"?!

View Quote [Teresa Del Taco has Brenda, Lavash, and Sammy hide in the Mexican Bar's tight closet with her]
Tequila: [walks inside] Okay, I got them right here, amigo. I-- "SHIT!" [finds that Lavash, Sammy and Brenda have disappeared]
Lavash: [squeezed in the closet with Sammy Bagel Jr.] Get your nose out of my crotch!
Sammy Bagel Jr.: "Get my nose out of your crotch?" Get your crotch off my nose!
Brenda: Hey, why are we hiding?
Teresa: Shh! Cállate! He's coming.
Brenda: [gasps] Who?
Teresa: The one they call... El Dou-che. [Douche enters the bar; all the Mexican food products are frightened]
Mexican Food Product 1: [quietly] El Dou-che.
Mexican Food Product 2: [quietly] El Dou-che!
Mexican Food Product 3: [quietly] El Dou-che!
Douche: What gives, bro? You told me you had them. So, you dragged me over to this **** aisle with all these illegal products, and now I don't see them. So, where the **** are they? Spill the beans!
Refried Beans: Qué?
Douche: Beans, I swear to **** God if you don't shut the **** up!
Brenda: [looks out from the closet] Oh no! He's back! Where's Frank?
Tequila: They were just here!
Douche: What part of "I want the sausage and the bun dead, and if you see them, come and get me, and if I find out that you didn't come and get me or just couldn't find them good enough, I'll **** kill your asses" did you not understand, Tequila?!
Tequila: Well, it's a pretty confusing sentence to be honest with you, you know. I mean, this is... uh, this happens, you know...
Douche: [calms down] Ah, bro, come here, ah, it's fine, it's cool. No biggie! I'm not gonna do something **** up to you now as soon as I get you in close. Come here. [grabs Tequila and shatters him]
Salsa: No way! José!
Douche: YES WAY! José's **** dead, yo! [drinks Tequila's fluids, causing him to turn green and get stronger muscles]
Teresa Del Taco: [watches Douche drink Tequila's fluids] Madre puta, madre puta. [Douche throws Tequila's cap into El Guaco's crotch]
El Guaco: Ay! Right in my guac and balls!
Douche: And the same thing's gonna happen to all of you unless you find the SAUSAGE and the bun!

View Quote Douche: Yo! Oh, ****! Yeah, dude! Somebody call a doctor, 'cause honestly, this beat is sick.
Beet: Actually, I feel great. Real healthy.
Douche: Not you. The beat! The song, bro! [beatboxing] Holy shit, Chips! C-H-I-P-S! Chips, chips, chips, chips! I've known you forever, bro. And I would never disrespect you with a lie. I will tell you very much that you look **** disgusting, bro.
Chips: Oh, come on.
Douche: Nah, I'm just messing with you, bro. But for reals, you gotta hit the gym, bro.

View Quote Ja, the two of us, together! Are you joking me? We are going to be spicy, no?

View Quote Get ready, cause I'm warning you. This stage is about to explode with major piggy power!

View Quote [to Buster] Oh yes, I'm fine, thank you... How are you?

View Quote [Max growls] Alright doggy, bring it... [Max bites his butt] Whoa! [screams]

View Quote Snowball: Alright, let's hide him in the… Ahhhhh! Oh. I was just this weird little guy. Why'd you just go back to wherever you belong, Bonzo, because I don't want to have... Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow!
Little Sergei: Oh, hee-hee-hee! (Cackles)
Snowball: Ow, ow, ow! Look out! Whoa! Aaaaah! Oof! Ooh.