J.K. Simmons movie quotes
73 quotes from 8 movies
Whiplash (2014) as Terence Fletcher
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[Repeated line] Not quite my tempo.
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For the record, Metz wasn't out of tune. You were, Erickson, but he didn't know and that's bad enough.
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Either you're deliberately out of tune and sabotaging my band, or you don't know you're out of tune, which, I'm afraid, is even worse.
Juno (2007) as Mac MacGuff
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In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty... handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.
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Next time I see that Bleeker kid I'm going to punch him in the wiener.
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Liberty Bell, if you put one more Bac-O on that potato, I'm gonna kick your little monkey butt.
Kung Fu Panda 3 (2016) as Kai
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I fought by his side. I loved him like a brother... and he betrayed me. Now I will destroy... everything he has created!
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500 years in the spirit realm, you pick up a thing or two.
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[battling Po in the Spirit Realm] It took me five hundred years to take Oogway's chi. I will have yours if it takes me five hundred more!
Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers (2022) as Captain S. Putty
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Ugh! Stupid glass. OK, I'm out. [runs off]
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[last words as he's defeated] Any last words? What? I can't hear you! No? OK, bye-bye, you're dead! [yelling]
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[Chip and Dale find out from the police that Monty has been kidnapped by the Valley Gang]
Captain Putty: Well, it eats me up inside to have to tell you this, but if he's been taken by the Valley Gang, I doubt we can help you. We've been trying for years to track those sleaze bags. A fella named Sweet Pete runs the whole operation, and he's always once step ahead of us.
Chip: What, so that's it? I-I thought that cops were supposed to serve and protect, not give up and move on.
Putty: Hey, I'd give anything to make a case against those scum. Sweet Pete's got his fingers in every illegal business from bootlegging to stinky cheese, getting rich while we look like we just fell off the turnip truck.
Ellie: [pops up from out the window, scaring Putty] All done, sir.
Putty: Oh, you scared the beans out of me, Steckler!
Ellie: Sorry, sir. I searched the perimeter. No clues.
Putty: Yeah, of course not. Why would there be? 6 missing toons in a month and not one clue.
Ellie: Well, maybe we should chick in with the neighbors? See if anyone saw anything?
Putty: Oh, yeah. You think? Why don't you just leave the real detective work to me, okay? [laughs]
Ellie: Right, sorry, sir.
Putty: Sheesh!
Sock Puppet Cop: Chief, the press are outside waiting for a statement.
Putty: [groans] Do I have anything on my back? [shows Ellie his back, which has a Monopoly iron and a bird officer stuck to it]
Ellie: Yes, sir. It looks like a Monopoly game piece and Officer O'Hara.
Putty: Officer...? What the...? [pulls O'Hara off his pack] Ugh, just want one day where my shirt stays clean. Okay, pack it up, boys. Let's go.
Captain Putty: Well, it eats me up inside to have to tell you this, but if he's been taken by the Valley Gang, I doubt we can help you. We've been trying for years to track those sleaze bags. A fella named Sweet Pete runs the whole operation, and he's always once step ahead of us.
Chip: What, so that's it? I-I thought that cops were supposed to serve and protect, not give up and move on.
Putty: Hey, I'd give anything to make a case against those scum. Sweet Pete's got his fingers in every illegal business from bootlegging to stinky cheese, getting rich while we look like we just fell off the turnip truck.
Ellie: [pops up from out the window, scaring Putty] All done, sir.
Putty: Oh, you scared the beans out of me, Steckler!
Ellie: Sorry, sir. I searched the perimeter. No clues.
Putty: Yeah, of course not. Why would there be? 6 missing toons in a month and not one clue.
Ellie: Well, maybe we should chick in with the neighbors? See if anyone saw anything?
Putty: Oh, yeah. You think? Why don't you just leave the real detective work to me, okay? [laughs]
Ellie: Right, sorry, sir.
Putty: Sheesh!
Sock Puppet Cop: Chief, the press are outside waiting for a statement.
Putty: [groans] Do I have anything on my back? [shows Ellie his back, which has a Monopoly iron and a bird officer stuck to it]
Ellie: Yes, sir. It looks like a Monopoly game piece and Officer O'Hara.
Putty: Officer...? What the...? [pulls O'Hara off his pack] Ugh, just want one day where my shirt stays clean. Okay, pack it up, boys. Let's go.
Megamind (2010) as Warden
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Warden: Apology accepted.
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Megamind: Any chance you could give me the time? I don't want to be late for the opening of the Metro Man Museum.
Warden: [looks down at watch] Oh, no. Looks like you're gonna miss it... by several thousand years.
Megamind: Oh, am I? [evil chuckle]
Warden: [looks down at watch] Oh, no. Looks like you're gonna miss it... by several thousand years.
Megamind: Oh, am I? [evil chuckle]
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Megamind: Warden! Warden! Listen to me! You have to Iet me go! Tighten has to be stopped!
Warden: Sorry, Megamind. You still have 88 Iife sentences to go. Plenty of time to reflect on what you've done.
Megamind: You want me to say it? I'll say it! Here it is, from the blackest part of my heart: I AM SORRY!
Warden: Not buying it.
Megamind: [sighs] I don't blame you. I've terrorized the city countless times. Created a hero who's turned out to be a villain. I lied to Roxanne, and...my best friend Minion, I treated Iike dirt. Please don't make this city... don't make Roxanne pay for my wrongdoings.
Minion: [removing the Warder disguise] Apology accepted.
Warden: Sorry, Megamind. You still have 88 Iife sentences to go. Plenty of time to reflect on what you've done.
Megamind: You want me to say it? I'll say it! Here it is, from the blackest part of my heart: I AM SORRY!
Warden: Not buying it.
Megamind: [sighs] I don't blame you. I've terrorized the city countless times. Created a hero who's turned out to be a villain. I lied to Roxanne, and...my best friend Minion, I treated Iike dirt. Please don't make this city... don't make Roxanne pay for my wrongdoings.
Minion: [removing the Warder disguise] Apology accepted.
Spider-Man 3 (2007) as Jameson
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Betty: Your shots are so good.
Peter: I'd love to shoot you sometime.
Brant: [aroused] Peter Parker. Peter...
Jameson: Parker! Miss Brant, that's not the position I hired you for.
Peter: I'd love to shoot you sometime.
Brant: [aroused] Peter Parker. Peter...
Jameson: Parker! Miss Brant, that's not the position I hired you for.
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Eddie: [to corrupt Peter, during his promotion party in his staff position] Well, good morning. It's a beautiful day, huh? What was that you said? I'd never get that picture? [points to his picture of Spider-Man robbing a bank] There's your hero.
Peter: Huh. I never thought he'd really do that!
Eddie: See? Right there. You made a judgment call. You gotta see it as it is.
Peter: It's funny you should say that, because I was looking through some old photos and it looks very, uh... [straightens his collar] similar.
Eddie: [chuckling] Okay. Well, I gotta get back to work.
Peter: You're trash, Brock.
Eddie: Excuse me?
Peter: [hurling original picture with Brock's re-edit] Your picture's a fake.
Eddie: Parker, you are such a boy scout. When are you gonna give a guy a break?
Peter: [angrily shoves him against the picture shattering the glass which attracts the attention of everyone in the room] You want forgiveness? Get religion.
Robbie Robertson: What's going on here?
Betty Brant: Are you guys alright?
Eddie: [fake chuckling] Yeah, we're just horsing around. [quietly to Peter] Look, I'm begging you: if you do this, I will lose everything. There won't be a paper in town that'll hire me.
Peter: You should've thought of that earlier. [lets go of Eddie and walks towards Robbie]
Robbie: What are you doing, Peter?
Peter: [hands photos to Robbie] Show this to your editor. Tell him to check his source next time.
[In Jameson's office, Jameson looks at the fake photo Brock made and the original he faked it from]
Robbie: [To Jameson] It's a fake. Empire State Photographic Department confirms it.
Jameson: [To Brock, angrily] Pack your things. Get out of my building.
Eddie: I was just–
Jameson: You're FIRED!
Robbie: [To Jameson, as Eddie leaves] You know we're gonna have to print a retraction now.
Jameson: I haven't printed a retraction in TWENTY YEARS!
Peter: Huh. I never thought he'd really do that!
Eddie: See? Right there. You made a judgment call. You gotta see it as it is.
Peter: It's funny you should say that, because I was looking through some old photos and it looks very, uh... [straightens his collar] similar.
Eddie: [chuckling] Okay. Well, I gotta get back to work.
Peter: You're trash, Brock.
Eddie: Excuse me?
Peter: [hurling original picture with Brock's re-edit] Your picture's a fake.
Eddie: Parker, you are such a boy scout. When are you gonna give a guy a break?
Peter: [angrily shoves him against the picture shattering the glass which attracts the attention of everyone in the room] You want forgiveness? Get religion.
Robbie Robertson: What's going on here?
Betty Brant: Are you guys alright?
Eddie: [fake chuckling] Yeah, we're just horsing around. [quietly to Peter] Look, I'm begging you: if you do this, I will lose everything. There won't be a paper in town that'll hire me.
Peter: You should've thought of that earlier. [lets go of Eddie and walks towards Robbie]
Robbie: What are you doing, Peter?
Peter: [hands photos to Robbie] Show this to your editor. Tell him to check his source next time.
[In Jameson's office, Jameson looks at the fake photo Brock made and the original he faked it from]
Robbie: [To Jameson] It's a fake. Empire State Photographic Department confirms it.
Jameson: [To Brock, angrily] Pack your things. Get out of my building.
Eddie: I was just–
Jameson: You're FIRED!
Robbie: [To Jameson, as Eddie leaves] You know we're gonna have to print a retraction now.
Jameson: I haven't printed a retraction in TWENTY YEARS!
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Jameson: [To Eddie] You want a staff job, [to Peter] you want a staff job. Doesn't anybody care about what I want?
Hoffman: [briefly entering] I do.
Jameson: Shut up. Get out. I want the public to see Spider-Man for the two-bit criminal he really is. He's a fake, he's full of sticcum. Catch him in the act; Spider-Man with his hand in a cookie jar. Whoever brings me that photo gets a job. Well, what are you waiting for? Chinese New Year? Go, go, go!
Eddie: I'm on it, boss!
Peter: [after they both leave Jameson's office] You'll never get that shot.
Eddie: Oh, we'll see.
Hoffman: [briefly entering] I do.
Jameson: Shut up. Get out. I want the public to see Spider-Man for the two-bit criminal he really is. He's a fake, he's full of sticcum. Catch him in the act; Spider-Man with his hand in a cookie jar. Whoever brings me that photo gets a job. Well, what are you waiting for? Chinese New Year? Go, go, go!
Eddie: I'm on it, boss!
Peter: [after they both leave Jameson's office] You'll never get that shot.
Eddie: Oh, we'll see.
Thank You for Smoking (2005) as BR
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50 million dollars?! Are you out of your **** mind?!
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The rest of you people go slam your **** brains against your desks until something useful comes out!
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BR: We don't sell Tic Tacs, for Christ's sake, we sell cigarettes. And they're cool, available, and addictive. The job is almost done for us.
Spider-Man: Far from Home (2019) as J. Jonah Jameson
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There you have it, folks: conclusive proof that Spider-Man was responsible for the brutal murder of Mysterio, an interdimensional warrior who gave his life to protect our planet, and who will, no doubt, go down in history as the greatest superhero of all time! But that's not all, folks. Here's the real blockbuster! Brace yourselves, you might wanna sit down.
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[Mid-credits scene.]
Pat Kiernan: We come to you now with revelations about last week's attack in London. An anonymous source provided this video. It shows Quentin Beck, aka, Mysterio, moments before his death. A warning: You may find this video disturbing.
[Cut to altered footage of the Tower Bridge battle.]
Beck: I managed to send the Elemental back through the dimensional rift, but I don't think I'm gonna make it off this bridge alive. Spider-Man attacked me for some reason! He has an army of weaponized drones, Stark technology. He's saying he's the only one who's gonna be the next Iron Man, no one else!
E.D.I.T.H.: Are you sure you want to commence the drone attack? There will be significant casualties.
Spider-Man: Just do it. Execute them all.
[The faint sounds of rocket fire and explosions echoed through the bridge. Cut to voice-over as Peter and MJ watch.]
Pat Kiernan: This shocking video was released earlier today on the controversial news website, 'TheDailyBugle.net.'
[Cut to J. Jonah Jameson news screen.]
J. Jonah Jameson: There you have it, folks: conclusive proof that Spider-Man was responsible for the brutal murder of Mysterio, an interdimensional warrior who gave his life to protect our planet, and who will, no doubt, go down in history as the greatest superhero of all time! But that's not all, folks. Here's the real blockbuster! Brace yourselves, you might wanna sit down.
[Cut back to altered footage of the Tower Bridge battle.]
Beck: Spider-Man's real– Spider-Man's real name is– [The footage cuts out for a second, before it abruptly restores] Spider-Man's NAME IS PETER PARKER!
[Peter's picture appears on screen. Cut to Peter.]
Spider-Man: [Horrified] What the fu-?!
Pat Kiernan: We come to you now with revelations about last week's attack in London. An anonymous source provided this video. It shows Quentin Beck, aka, Mysterio, moments before his death. A warning: You may find this video disturbing.
[Cut to altered footage of the Tower Bridge battle.]
Beck: I managed to send the Elemental back through the dimensional rift, but I don't think I'm gonna make it off this bridge alive. Spider-Man attacked me for some reason! He has an army of weaponized drones, Stark technology. He's saying he's the only one who's gonna be the next Iron Man, no one else!
E.D.I.T.H.: Are you sure you want to commence the drone attack? There will be significant casualties.
Spider-Man: Just do it. Execute them all.
[The faint sounds of rocket fire and explosions echoed through the bridge. Cut to voice-over as Peter and MJ watch.]
Pat Kiernan: This shocking video was released earlier today on the controversial news website, 'TheDailyBugle.net.'
[Cut to J. Jonah Jameson news screen.]
J. Jonah Jameson: There you have it, folks: conclusive proof that Spider-Man was responsible for the brutal murder of Mysterio, an interdimensional warrior who gave his life to protect our planet, and who will, no doubt, go down in history as the greatest superhero of all time! But that's not all, folks. Here's the real blockbuster! Brace yourselves, you might wanna sit down.
[Cut back to altered footage of the Tower Bridge battle.]
Beck: Spider-Man's real– Spider-Man's real name is– [The footage cuts out for a second, before it abruptly restores] Spider-Man's NAME IS PETER PARKER!
[Peter's picture appears on screen. Cut to Peter.]
Spider-Man: [Horrified] What the fu-?!