Captain S. Putty quotes from Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers (2022)
Played by J.K. Simmons
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Ugh! Stupid glass. OK, I'm out. [runs off]
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[last words as he's defeated] Any last words? What? I can't hear you! No? OK, bye-bye, you're dead! [yelling]
Scenes with Captain S. Putty
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[Chip and Dale find out from the police that Monty has been kidnapped by the Valley Gang]
Captain Putty: Well, it eats me up inside to have to tell you this, but if he's been taken by the Valley Gang, I doubt we can help you. We've been trying for years to track those sleaze bags. A fella named Sweet Pete runs the whole operation, and he's always once step ahead of us.
Chip: What, so that's it? I-I thought that cops were supposed to serve and protect, not give up and move on.
Putty: Hey, I'd give anything to make a case against those scum. Sweet Pete's got his fingers in every illegal business from bootlegging to stinky cheese, getting rich while we look like we just fell off the turnip truck.
Ellie: [pops up from out the window, scaring Putty] All done, sir.
Putty: Oh, you scared the beans out of me, Steckler!
Ellie: Sorry, sir. I searched the perimeter. No clues.
Putty: Yeah, of course not. Why would there be? 6 missing toons in a month and not one clue.
Ellie: Well, maybe we should chick in with the neighbors? See if anyone saw anything?
Putty: Oh, yeah. You think? Why don't you just leave the real detective work to me, okay? [laughs]
Ellie: Right, sorry, sir.
Putty: Sheesh!
Sock Puppet Cop: Chief, the press are outside waiting for a statement.
Putty: [groans] Do I have anything on my back? [shows Ellie his back, which has a Monopoly iron and a bird officer stuck to it]
Ellie: Yes, sir. It looks like a Monopoly game piece and Officer O'Hara.
Putty: Officer...? What the...? [pulls O'Hara off his pack] Ugh, just want one day where my shirt stays clean. Okay, pack it up, boys. Let's go.
Captain Putty: Well, it eats me up inside to have to tell you this, but if he's been taken by the Valley Gang, I doubt we can help you. We've been trying for years to track those sleaze bags. A fella named Sweet Pete runs the whole operation, and he's always once step ahead of us.
Chip: What, so that's it? I-I thought that cops were supposed to serve and protect, not give up and move on.
Putty: Hey, I'd give anything to make a case against those scum. Sweet Pete's got his fingers in every illegal business from bootlegging to stinky cheese, getting rich while we look like we just fell off the turnip truck.
Ellie: [pops up from out the window, scaring Putty] All done, sir.
Putty: Oh, you scared the beans out of me, Steckler!
Ellie: Sorry, sir. I searched the perimeter. No clues.
Putty: Yeah, of course not. Why would there be? 6 missing toons in a month and not one clue.
Ellie: Well, maybe we should chick in with the neighbors? See if anyone saw anything?
Putty: Oh, yeah. You think? Why don't you just leave the real detective work to me, okay? [laughs]
Ellie: Right, sorry, sir.
Putty: Sheesh!
Sock Puppet Cop: Chief, the press are outside waiting for a statement.
Putty: [groans] Do I have anything on my back? [shows Ellie his back, which has a Monopoly iron and a bird officer stuck to it]
Ellie: Yes, sir. It looks like a Monopoly game piece and Officer O'Hara.
Putty: Officer...? What the...? [pulls O'Hara off his pack] Ugh, just want one day where my shirt stays clean. Okay, pack it up, boys. Let's go.
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[Chip has been captured and is about to be bootlegged by Sweet Pete]
Chip: Where's Dale?
Sweet Pete: He'll be here. Keep your pants on.
Chip: I don't wear pants.
Sweet Pete: Yeah, I noticed. It's not something to brag about. [chuckles]
Chip: What do you want?
Sweet Pete: I want you to stop messing with my business. You exposed everything, now I have to move all this stuff, and start over. It's super annoying. Ah, you should have just let me bootleg you when you came to my office. Could've saved us both a ton of headaches. [picks up an eraser] Besides, I was always more of an Alvin and the Chipmunks person.
Chip: You monster!
[As Sweet Pete goes to erase Chip's mouth, Ellie comes up behind him holding a gun]
Ellie: Freeze, Sweet Pete.
Sweet Pete: Nah. How about you freeze?
[Ellie hears a gun clicking and sees Putty aiming his own gun at her]
Putty: Drop it, Steckler.
Ellie: What, Captain Putty?
Chip: Dale was right. Oh, how cliché.
Captain Putty: I know. It is a bit unoriginal, right? Sweet Pete, remember when you first approached me to turn bad, be a bad guy, work with you, and I was like, "Come on! That's too predictable!"
Sweet Pete: Yeah. And what did I say?
Putty and Pete: "If it ain't broke…!" [they both laugh]
Ellie: How could you?
Putty: I know, I know. It's terrible. I am so ashamed, but I had no choice. My mother needed an operation. See, she got injured playing a game of Operation. She got too close to the sides and, uh... [pretends to sob] ...She got buzzed really bad. [laughs] Oh, I'm sorry. I couldn't do it any longer. Money! I'm a Greedy little Smurf who did it for the money!
Chip: Hilarious.
Putty: Yeah, but I had you going there for a second, didn't I? "Hello, I think I just saw Peppa Pig heading into Nickelodeon Jr." [chuckles]
Ellie: [realizes] It was you? You gave the fake tip, you derailed the whole investigation, and-and worst of all, you made me doubt myself.
Putty: Oh, come on. Don't be so fragile.
Chip: Where's Dale?
Sweet Pete: He'll be here. Keep your pants on.
Chip: I don't wear pants.
Sweet Pete: Yeah, I noticed. It's not something to brag about. [chuckles]
Chip: What do you want?
Sweet Pete: I want you to stop messing with my business. You exposed everything, now I have to move all this stuff, and start over. It's super annoying. Ah, you should have just let me bootleg you when you came to my office. Could've saved us both a ton of headaches. [picks up an eraser] Besides, I was always more of an Alvin and the Chipmunks person.
Chip: You monster!
[As Sweet Pete goes to erase Chip's mouth, Ellie comes up behind him holding a gun]
Ellie: Freeze, Sweet Pete.
Sweet Pete: Nah. How about you freeze?
[Ellie hears a gun clicking and sees Putty aiming his own gun at her]
Putty: Drop it, Steckler.
Ellie: What, Captain Putty?
Chip: Dale was right. Oh, how cliché.
Captain Putty: I know. It is a bit unoriginal, right? Sweet Pete, remember when you first approached me to turn bad, be a bad guy, work with you, and I was like, "Come on! That's too predictable!"
Sweet Pete: Yeah. And what did I say?
Putty and Pete: "If it ain't broke…!" [they both laugh]
Ellie: How could you?
Putty: I know, I know. It's terrible. I am so ashamed, but I had no choice. My mother needed an operation. See, she got injured playing a game of Operation. She got too close to the sides and, uh... [pretends to sob] ...She got buzzed really bad. [laughs] Oh, I'm sorry. I couldn't do it any longer. Money! I'm a Greedy little Smurf who did it for the money!
Chip: Hilarious.
Putty: Yeah, but I had you going there for a second, didn't I? "Hello, I think I just saw Peppa Pig heading into Nickelodeon Jr." [chuckles]
Ellie: [realizes] It was you? You gave the fake tip, you derailed the whole investigation, and-and worst of all, you made me doubt myself.
Putty: Oh, come on. Don't be so fragile.
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[The firework launches towards the exhaust pipe, while Dale holds on]
Dale: [screams, laughs] WHOO! HOLD ON, CHIPPY!
[However, the firework loses attitude and heads towards a window]
Dale: [gasps] Uh-oh. [screams]
[The firework smashes through the window, bumping into the walls and the ceiling. It knocks Jimmy into the window]
Sweet Pete: [chuckles]
[In the bootleg machine, Chip's head is about to touch the lasers]
Chip: [whimpers in fear]
[Dale falls off the firework, which it gets stuck into the machine. It malfunctions and the clips open, freeing Chip]
Sweet Pete: No! No, no, no, no! Come on!
Putty: Hey, hey. Fix that. You should fix it.
Sweet Pete: [sarcastically] Oh, yeah. Thanks for the input, genius.
Dale: Ellie!
Ellie: Dale.
Dale: Hey, are you okay? Where's Chip?
Ellie: He's still in the machine.
Chip: [coughs] Over here.
Dale: Chip, you're okay!
Chip: Yeah. You came for us. I never doubted you, buddy. [blows mouth and his real right ear, which the Snoopy ear is gone due to one of the lasers in the machine, grows back]
Ellie: See? He understood the clue.
Dale: Of course, it was obvious.
Ellie: In "When You Fish Upon a Star," Gadget was double-crossed. Just like us.
Dale: Right. Totally.
Chip: You had a completely different take, didn't you?
Dale: Yes, mine involved Thai food.
Sweet Pete: [grabs Chip] Stop! Or I'll erase him right here.
Dale: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay.
Ellie: Wait. Let's talk about this.
Dale: Listen, I get how you feel. Things didn't work out the way you wanted, right? You had big hopes and dreams and, well... then the world just sort of breaks your heart.
Chip: And it feels like the only emotions you have left are anger and loneliness. But you're not alone. None of us are.
Sweet Pete: Wow. It's true. You two really are the worst actors in Hollywood. [laughs]
[The machine magnets Putty's phone onto the glass]
Putty: Hey! What the… No!
[The machine also magnets Putty's gun onto the glass. Ellie's necklace rises]
Sweet Pete: What the…
[The machine magnets several metal pots]
Sweet Pete: [yells] What is going on with this thing?!
[The machine explodes, pushing Ellie, Sweet Pete, Dale and Chip]
Putty: No, no, no, NO! [falls after the window gets destroyed by the explosion]
[The firework gets unstuck and dashes outside and explodes into a shape of Mickey Mouse's head, as the Walt Disney theme song plays]
Dale: [screams, laughs] WHOO! HOLD ON, CHIPPY!
[However, the firework loses attitude and heads towards a window]
Dale: [gasps] Uh-oh. [screams]
[The firework smashes through the window, bumping into the walls and the ceiling. It knocks Jimmy into the window]
Sweet Pete: [chuckles]
[In the bootleg machine, Chip's head is about to touch the lasers]
Chip: [whimpers in fear]
[Dale falls off the firework, which it gets stuck into the machine. It malfunctions and the clips open, freeing Chip]
Sweet Pete: No! No, no, no, no! Come on!
Putty: Hey, hey. Fix that. You should fix it.
Sweet Pete: [sarcastically] Oh, yeah. Thanks for the input, genius.
Dale: Ellie!
Ellie: Dale.
Dale: Hey, are you okay? Where's Chip?
Ellie: He's still in the machine.
Chip: [coughs] Over here.
Dale: Chip, you're okay!
Chip: Yeah. You came for us. I never doubted you, buddy. [blows mouth and his real right ear, which the Snoopy ear is gone due to one of the lasers in the machine, grows back]
Ellie: See? He understood the clue.
Dale: Of course, it was obvious.
Ellie: In "When You Fish Upon a Star," Gadget was double-crossed. Just like us.
Dale: Right. Totally.
Chip: You had a completely different take, didn't you?
Dale: Yes, mine involved Thai food.
Sweet Pete: [grabs Chip] Stop! Or I'll erase him right here.
Dale: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay.
Ellie: Wait. Let's talk about this.
Dale: Listen, I get how you feel. Things didn't work out the way you wanted, right? You had big hopes and dreams and, well... then the world just sort of breaks your heart.
Chip: And it feels like the only emotions you have left are anger and loneliness. But you're not alone. None of us are.
Sweet Pete: Wow. It's true. You two really are the worst actors in Hollywood. [laughs]
[The machine magnets Putty's phone onto the glass]
Putty: Hey! What the… No!
[The machine also magnets Putty's gun onto the glass. Ellie's necklace rises]
Sweet Pete: What the…
[The machine magnets several metal pots]
Sweet Pete: [yells] What is going on with this thing?!
[The machine explodes, pushing Ellie, Sweet Pete, Dale and Chip]
Putty: No, no, no, NO! [falls after the window gets destroyed by the explosion]
[The firework gets unstuck and dashes outside and explodes into a shape of Mickey Mouse's head, as the Walt Disney theme song plays]
Other characters in Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers (2022): Chip · Dale · Ellie Steckler · Sweet Pete · Gadget Hackwrench · Bob the Viking · Jimmy the Polar Bear · Zipper · Bjornson the Cheesemonger · DJ Herzogenaurach · Monterey Jack