Hey hey hey hey easy easy, whats going on here?
ST Street thug
Mind your own **** business old man.
Oh my god, you're a dude. I was like, what the hell, I mean your voice was much deeper that your bone structure.
Casey These assholes are trying to steal my iPhone.
Wait, you have an iPhone? Aren't you homeless?
Casey So? **** you dude. [Note:Not clear who she says this to]
Okay, this was fun, carry on.
Wait, no. These guys are picking on this girl, and it's not fair.
ST Street thug 2
What the **** are you gonna do about it white boy? You some type a hero? [Note:The street thug is caucasian]
No, he's not a hero, he's just a dumb kid. I got an idea, leave the girl alone. You three just move along huh? What do you say? Move along?
ST Street thug
What are you, some kind of cop?
No, he's not a cop. He's actually really cool. He's a drug dealer.
ST Street thug
Really? [Holds up a switchblade]
ST Street thug
Give me your bag pack.
ST Street thug
Oh, there's not gonna be a fight. See, you either give me your backpack, or I'm gonna stab you in the **** neck, and take it.
Whew. So it's a real Sophie's Choice here huh? Alright, okay, back pack it is you want... [David swings it at a street thug, and runs into alleyway, with street thugs in pursuit of him]
Casey [Casey walking down the street in nonchalant tone]
Hey sorry, I dropped my phone. Are we still out tonight or what? [David is caught by the thugs and his apartment is cleaned out of marijuana and cash.]
I can help. I'll call the cops. [To David slumped on apartment floor]
[David tries to convince Rose to come with him on the trip but Rose declines]
So, what has she said?
The **** do you think? She said no.
Cool. So it's like I guess a father and son bonding trip to Mexico.
Are you kidding me? You and me traveling alone in a van, it's gonna look like pervert Olympics. No way, absolutely no, we need a girl, and unless you can think of someone that can leave town tommorow. I'm ****.
Casey [Casey is prying open cash deposits with a crowbar]
I don't get it. Whats in it for me.
Well I'm thinking, maybe a roof over your head, some hot food, that'd be good right?
Casey Ok, but for a $1,000.
Ok, a $1,000 but that's it.
Casey And if we get caught, I'll say you drugged and kidnapped me. cool?
Yeah, it's cool, yeah, it's fine but that's it. Kenny meet your new sister.
This is great. I always want a sister. [Tightly hugs Casey]
Casey Get it off me, get it off, get off.
[David, Kenny and Casey are waiting in a barbershop]
So Casey, I guess it's nice for you to get your hair cut. I mean you being homeless and all I guess.
Casey I'm not homeless ****tard, I have a home, but I left it because my parents...
Oh my god, shut up shut up shut up okay, please? Alright, I don't need to hear your heart bloodbath story right now okay? I mean, I rented Precious on Netflix and I still don't watch the **** thing. Actually here, you know what? Just to give me a little peace and quiet, go buy your self some new clothes, you know, the kind of stuff that loved children are wearing. Not this garbage alright? Thank you whoaa whoa whoa stop stop stop. [Grabs Kenny and Casey] Kenny, you're fine. You already look like total dipshit. Here, you take it, you gonna need that [Hands cash to Casey] You look like Eminem from 8 Mile. [Casey flips David off] Kenny, go with her, make sure she doesn't steal the money. And stay the **** out the Hot Topic.
B Barber
David Clark, okay, what are we doing today?
Yeah, I say give me some that says; "I get up every morning at 5.30 and commute for an hour and a half to some bullshit job and my jag off boss expect me to kisses balls all days just so i can afford to keep my ungratefull screaming kids decked out in Dora the Explorer shit and my wife working off a fat ass to self health videos until the day I get up the courage to put a shotgun in my mouth"
CM Corporate man
[Points to head]
Uh, umm... right here.
Yeah, that's it, that's the one.
[Kenny has accidentally hit Casey in the face and Rose in the breast]
Don't think that you could ever...
Whoa whoa whoa, family meeting, lets go, get in the back go.
[David starts herding Kenny, Casey and Rose to the back of the plane]
I didn't mean to hit her.
Casey He hit me in the **** face sir,
Are you from Mars? No one wants to hear it. [In the plane galley] What the ****?! Are you kidding me with this shit!
Casey Relax, Dorothy, Jesus, we're not at the border yet, who cares what these people think.
It's about not drawing attention to ourselves, you little hobo.
Hey, don't talk to her like that!
Rose, relax okay, the only thing you need to worry right now is making people believe you could actually be someone mother, okay.
Are you kidding me? I can do this shit in my sleep. [They hear a flight attendant coming in so Rose has grabbed all their hands to join in a prayer circle] Lord we thank thee for the blessing on this family vacation may David find his bliss and bring all of us home safely may Kenny and Casey fortified their sibling bond over the warm glow of our devouted hearts and made this entire airplane find safe passage and aboundant full of life even the jews...amen
FA Flight attendant
That was a good one, that was beautiful, I wish my family was more like that.
[Casey and Scottie P. are about to leave]
Wait a second, hold on come here. I'd like to have a little chat with your friend
Casey Are you kidding me?
I am not kidding you. Would you please have a seat?
Casey What is going on?
So, Scottie P., what exactly do you for a living?
Casey Oh, Mom!
I work for P&J Amusements. I maintain the monkey maze, if you know what I'm saying.
What the hell is a monkey maze?
Oh, it's like terrifying death trap, but, for little kids.
Hey, thats are some cool tats, man.
Ah, for real, thanks bro. You see the cobra?
What is these one? Whats the one right there?
Oh, these, thats my credo. [Pulls down shirt collar to reveal "NO RAGRETS"]
No regrets; How 'bout that you have no regrets?
Casey Dad... [Casey flips off both David and Rose behind Scottie P.'s back with both hand]
Like not even single letter?
No way... uh huh, at least, not me [laughs].
Casey Dad... I love him.
I think he's great. I think he's real winner Casey. If I were you, I wouldn't use protection, have fun. Scottie P. you're the man [High fives him]
Yeah? For real. Nice meeting you man. Alright, you too. [Casey gets on Scottie P.'s motorcycle and he speeds off, narrowly missing people on the campsite]
[To Rose]
Come on, she'll gonna be fine. Tattooed kid on a motorcycle, no helmet. Actually, she might already be pregnant.
We didn't know if you were dead in a ditch. You couldn't've called?
Or some of those damn text messages you always sending out there; "hey its me casey, im not dead in the ditch lol, a little pig with a **** smile, #YOLO".
Casey Whoa, was that so hard to say, thank you, appreciate that.
Unbelieveable, she learned a new word Rose. Thank God.
Casey "I'm sorry", He will be great.
Oh, there he is. Kenny, oh my god you looks so much better.
Yeah, doesn't he looks better?
Yeah, he looks like a thousand bucks. Lets go come on.
Hey, take it easy. Would you just relax? Oh, hurt my elbow.
David, look what's happened to you, when you running around like a crazy person.
What are you talking about? He's fine, come on. Come on Ken doll hop hop buddy, here we go here we go.
What the hell is wrong with you?
Whats wrong with me? Look this job has a deadline and in four **** hours alright, and if you thinking I'm gonnna lose half a million dollars pay day because of one of Kenny's boo boos then you're out of your goddamned mind.
Whoa, wait a second, you're making half a millon dollars on this deal?
Rose, listen to me, I can explain it.
You're making $500,000 and giving me only $30,000?
Casey $30,000? I'm only getting $1,000!
You guys are getting paid?
What, come on girl. You texting me girl. You know what's up?
Scottie! Hey! get you hands off of her! Come here Casey. [To Scottie P.] And you put your hands on her one more time. I swear I will rip that **** tattoo right off your chest! You know what I'm saying?
You know what? Why don't you leave the girls alone man?
What do you gonna do about it? Eye brows?
One...two... [Rose immediately punches him]
Broke my nose. How aggresive, woman. You know what I'm saying? [Scottie P. walks away]
Casey Are you okay?
Casey That was awesome, you just **** decked him!
Yeah, well I just dealt with him like the assholes like him at work. Come on, let's just get outta here. Thanks for the back up, Kenny. What's with the count? If you gonna punch somebody, you punch 'em on the one.
Well, David told me to count.
David? David hasn't punch anybody, ever. I think the exit is this way.
Casey Go **** yourself.
This is what I miss right? The ping pong action. The repartée. Casey says; "Go **** yourself" then you go **** yourself, and then Rose, you say; "you go **** yourself", then Kenny's like; "I don't wanna **** anybody".
We're not getting in the RV.
What? okay, okay. I know whats this is about, and I get it. We gonna split the $500,000, evenly, between the four of us. You guys get what i'm saying here. Kenny, you wanna be like this. Thats a lot of video games kiddo. Casey, you can buy a house, run away from it, you know what i'm mean? Like whatever. You get $125.000, You get $125.000, you get a... you know, I'm like ****in' Oprah here. You know, like if she was a white dude at a carnival. Okay look, what do you want? you want me to beg? Kids, what do you think?
I heard you and Mrs. O’Reilly fighting.
It’s called flirting, Kenny. You’ll learn about it in college. What are you doing up? It’s almost 2. Where’s your Mom?
Uh, she went for a drink. With a friend.
Last week. Uh, so I got the whole place to myself. Yeah. Rolling Han Solo for the weekend.
Um, speaking of rolling, I was wondering if…
I don’t sell to kids, Kenny.
I’m 18, I’m gonna get my own place soon. Not a kid, David.
Yeah, you are, take care.
Casey Give me my **** phone! You guys are such assholes!
ST Street thug
Hey, baby.
ST Street thug
Oh, I’m sorry, baby.
Unhand her. Hey, leave her alone. (grunts)
Goddamn it, Kenny. (David follows Kenny)
ST Street thug
**** tough guy, huh?
ST Street thug 2
You don’t have to…
Hey! Hey, hey, hey. Easy, easy. What’s going on here?
ST Street thug
Mind your own **** business, old man.
Oh, my God, You’re a dude. Ha, ha! That scared me. I was like, what the hell? I mean, your voice was much deeper than your bone structure.
Casey These assholes are trying to steal my iPhone.
Wait, you have an iPhone? Aren’t you homeless?
Casey So? **** you, dude.
Okay, this was fun, carry on. Come on, let’s go.
Wait, no. These guys are picking on her and it’s not fair.
ST Street thug 2
What the **** are you gonna do about it, white boy? You some type a hero?
No, he’s not a hero, he’s just a dumb kid. I got an idea. Leave the girl alone. You three just move along. Huh, what do you say? Move along?
ST Street thug
What are you, some kind of cop?
No, he’s not a cop. He’s actually really cool. He’s a drug dealer.
ST Street thug
Really? (Holds up a switchblade)
ST Street thug
Give me your backpack.
ST Street thug
Well, there’s not gonna be a fight. See, you either give me your backpack, or I’m gonna stab you in the **** neck and take it.
Whew. So it’s a real Sophie’s choice here, huh? Alright. Okay, backpack it is. If you want… Run, Kenny! (David swings it at a street thug, and runs into alleyway, with the street thugs in pursuit of him)
ST Street thug
You’re dead meat!
Casey (walking down the street in nonchalant tone)
Hey, sorry, I dropped my phone. Are we still going out tonight or what?
(to the street thugs as he swings his backpack around)
Oh, shit. Sorry, this is **** dumb. (lands on the dumpster feeling hurt)
ST Street thug
Whoa-ho-ho, mother****er.
ST Street thug 2
We got you now.
Unh! (He is caught by the thugs and his apartment is cleaned out of marijuana and cash.)
ST Street thug
Do whatever’s in the safe too.
ST Street thug 2
Look at that.
It’s not even my money. If you take that, my boss will kill me.
Are you okay, David? I can help. I’ll call the cops. (To David slumped on the apartment floor)
NF Natalie the Flight Attendant
Hi, you folks have everything you need?
Oh, you betcha! Yeah, we’re heading out on a family vacay here, you know? Off to see grandma, huh?
N Natalie
Well, you have a lovely family.
Oh, thank you very much. Yeah, this is my son, Kenny Miller, right here. And my lovely daughter…
Casey Casey?
Casey. Casey Miller. That’s right. And I’m David Miller. We’re the Millers. Yeah, now, you know, I got my hands full here. Couple of kooky teenagers.
Casey Yeah, I’m going through all those typical teenage girl issues like finals and college applications…and am I gonna get asked to prom. Plus, I haven’t gotten my period in two months…which is really weird, because I’ve mostly just been doing anal.
Oh, that’s enough. Well, thank you for your help, Natalie.
