N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #

[David, Kenny and Casey are waiting in a barbershop]
Kenny: So Casey, I guess it's nice for you to get your hair cut. I mean you being homeless and all I guess.
Casey: I'm not homeless ****tard, I have a home, but I left it because my parents...
David: Oh my god, shut up shut up shut up okay, please? Alright, I don't need to hear your heart bloodbath story right now okay? I mean, I rented Precious on Netflix and I still don't watch the ****ing thing. Actually here, you know what? Just to give me a little peace and quiet, go buy your self some new clothes, you know, the kind of stuff that loved children are wearing. Not this garbage alright? Thank you whoaa whoa whoa stop stop stop. [Grabs Kenny and Casey] Kenny, you're fine. You already look like total dipshit. Here, you take it, you gonna need that [Hands cash to Casey] You look like Eminem from 8 Mile. [Casey flips David off] Kenny, go with her, make sure she doesn't steal the money. And stay the **** out the Hot Topic.
Barber: David Clark, okay, what are we doing today?
David: Yeah, I say give me some that says; "I get up every morning at 5.30 and commute for an hour and a half to some bullshit job and my jag off boss expect me to kisses balls all days just so i can afford to keep my ungratefull screaming kids decked out in Dora the Explorer shit and my wife working off a fat ass to self health videos until the day I get up the courage to put a shotgun in my mouth"
Corporate man:[Points to head] Uh, umm... right here.
David: Yeah, that's it, that's the one.

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