Kenny quotes from We're the Millers (2013)

Kenny

Hey, David.

David

Hi, Kenny.

Kenny

So I heard you and Miss O'Riley fighting.

David

Its called flirting, Kenny. you'll learn about it in college. What the hell you doing up. Its almost two am. Where's your mom?

Kenny

Uh, She went for a drink with a friend.

David

When?

Kenny

Last week. So I got my whole place to myself. Rolling Han Solo for the weekend. Um, speaking of rolling, I was wondering...

David

I don't sell to kids, Kenny.

Kenny

I'm 18, Im gonna get my own place soon. I'm not a kid, David.

David

Yeah, you are, take care.

David

Goddammit, Kenny. [David follows Kenny]

David

Hey hey hey hey easy easy, whats going on here?

Mind your own **** business old man.

David

Oh my god, you're a dude. I was like, what the hell, I mean your voice was much deeper that your bone structure.

Casey

These assholes are trying to steal my iPhone.

David

Wait, you have an iPhone? Aren't you homeless?

Casey

So? **** you dude. [Note:Not clear who she says this to]

David

Okay, this was fun, carry on.

Kenny

Wait, no. These guys are picking on this girl, and it's not fair.

What the **** are you gonna do about it white boy? You some type a hero? [Note:The street thug is caucasian]

David

No, he's not a hero, he's just a dumb kid. I got an idea, leave the girl alone. You three just move along huh? What do you say? Move along?

What are you, some kind of cop?

Kenny

No, he's not a cop. He's actually really cool. He's a drug dealer.

Really? [Holds up a switchblade]

David

Goddamnit, Kenny.

Give me your bag pack.

David

I don't wanna fight.

Oh, there's not gonna be a fight. See, you either give me your backpack, or I'm gonna stab you in the **** neck, and take it.

David

Whew. So it's a real Sophie's Choice here huh? Alright, okay, back pack it is you want... [David swings it at a street thug, and runs into alleyway, with street thugs in pursuit of him]

Casey

Hey sorry, I dropped my phone. Are we still out tonight or what? [David is caught by the thugs and his apartment is cleaned out of marijuana and cash.]

Kenny

I can help. I'll call the cops. [To David slumped on apartment floor]

David

No.

Brad

Although you are forgetting one thing.

David

What?

Brad

You don't have a **** choice.

Kenny

So, now you gotta be an even bigger drug dealer?

David

Drug smuggler, Kenny, there's a difference.

Kenny

Well, you know you probably gonna get searched at the border, I mean, no offence, but you look like a total drug dealer.

David

No shit. Thanks dude.

Kenny

You could wear a disguise.

David

What?

Kenny

A disguise.

David

Okay, thats what I thought you said. So, a disguise, so what I should dress like, I dont know, whats hot this halloween these days. Maybe I could wear a mask like Bane, from Batman something like that on some of my **** face. [Puts on Bane voice and hand up to mouth] "Oh there's no drugs in here, you have nothing to worry about"; Yeah, good idea.

Hey, pardon me, sure hate to bug you fellows but I'm trying to get the fam off to the zoo and I'm all lost so if you could help..

David

Yeah, **** off real life Flanders.

David

Holy **** shit! Thank you dick heads!

Kenny

So, what has she said?

David

The **** do you think? She said no.

Kenny

Cool. So it's like I guess a father and son bonding trip to Mexico.

David

Are you kidding me? You and me traveling alone in a van, it's gonna look like pervert Olympics. No way, absolutely no, we need a girl, and unless you can think of someone that can leave town tommorow. I'm ****.

Kenny

I know a girl.

Casey

I don't get it. Whats in it for me.

David

Well I'm thinking, maybe a roof over your head, some hot food, that'd be good right?

Casey

Ok, but for a $1,000.

David

Ok, a $1,000 but that's it.

Casey

And if we get caught, I'll say you drugged and kidnapped me. cool?

David

Yeah, it's cool, yeah, it's fine but that's it. Kenny meet your new sister.

Kenny

This is great. I always want a sister. [Tightly hugs Casey]

Casey

Get it off me, get it off, get off.

Kenny

So Casey, I guess it's nice for you to get your hair cut. I mean you being homeless and all I guess.

Casey

I'm not homeless ****tard, I have a home, but I left it because my parents...

David

Oh my god, shut up shut up shut up okay, please? Alright, I don't need to hear your heart bloodbath story right now okay? I mean, I rented Precious on Netflix and I still don't watch the **** thing. Actually here, you know what? Just to give me a little peace and quiet, go buy your self some new clothes, you know, the kind of stuff that loved children are wearing. Not this garbage alright? Thank you whoaa whoa whoa stop stop stop. [Grabs Kenny and Casey] Kenny, you're fine. You already look like total dipshit. Here, you take it, you gonna need that [Hands cash to Casey] You look like Eminem from 8 Mile. [Casey flips David off] Kenny, go with her, make sure she doesn't steal the money. And stay the **** out the Hot Topic.

David Clark, okay, what are we doing today?

David

Yeah, I say give me some that says; "I get up every morning at 5.30 and commute for an hour and a half to some bullshit job and my jag off boss expect me to kisses balls all days just so i can afford to keep my ungratefull screaming kids decked out in Dora the Explorer shit and my wife working off a fat ass to self health videos until the day I get up the courage to put a shotgun in my mouth"

Uh, umm... right here.

David

Yeah, that's it, that's the one.

Rose

Don't think that you could ever...

David

Whoa whoa whoa, family meeting, lets go, get in the back go.

Kenny

I didn't mean to hit her.

David

I don't care.

Casey

He hit me in the **** face sir,

David

Are you from Mars? No one wants to hear it. [In the plane galley] What the ****?! Are you kidding me with this shit!

Casey

Relax, Dorothy, Jesus, we're not at the border yet, who cares what these people think.

David

It's about not drawing attention to ourselves, you little hobo.

Rose

Hey, don't talk to her like that!

David

Rose, relax okay, the only thing you need to worry right now is making people believe you could actually be someone mother, okay.

Rose

Are you kidding me? I can do this shit in my sleep. [They hear a flight attendant coming in so Rose has grabbed all their hands to join in a prayer circle] Lord we thank thee for the blessing on this family vacation may David find his bliss and bring all of us home safely may Kenny and Casey fortified their sibling bond over the warm glow of our devouted hearts and made this entire airplane find safe passage and aboundant full of life even the jews...amen

That was a good one, that was beautiful, I wish my family was more like that.

Rose

We didn't know if you were dead in a ditch. You couldn't've called?

David

Or some of those damn text messages you always sending out there; "hey its me casey, im not dead in the ditch lol, a little pig with a **** smile, #YOLO".

Casey

Whoa, was that so hard to say, thank you, appreciate that.

David

Unbelieveable, she learned a new word Rose. Thank God.

Casey

"I'm sorry", He will be great.

David

Oh, there he is. Kenny, oh my god you looks so much better.

Rose

Yeah, doesn't he looks better?

David

Yeah, he looks like a thousand bucks. Lets go come on.

Kenny

Hey, take it easy. Would you just relax? Oh, hurt my elbow.

Rose

Are you okay?

Kenny

I think so.

Rose

David, look what's happened to you, when you running around like a crazy person.

David

What are you talking about? He's fine, come on. Come on Ken doll hop hop buddy, here we go here we go.

Rose

What the hell is wrong with you?

David

Whats wrong with me? Look this job has a deadline and in four **** hours alright, and if you thinking I'm gonnna lose half a million dollars pay day because of one of Kenny's boo boos then you're out of your goddamned mind.

Rose

Whoa, wait a second, you're making half a millon dollars on this deal?

David

Roughly.

Rose

I can not believe you!

David

Rose, listen to me, I can explain it.

Rose

You're making $500,000 and giving me only $30,000?

Casey

$30,000? I'm only getting $1,000!

Kenny

You guys are getting paid?

Scottie P.

What, come on girl. You texting me girl. You know what's up?

Rose

Scottie! Hey! get you hands off of her! Come here Casey. [To Scottie P.] And you put your hands on her one more time. I swear I will rip that **** tattoo right off your chest! You know what I'm saying?

Scottie P.

Oh, really bitch?

Rose

Yeah, bitch!

Kenny

You know what? Why don't you leave the girls alone man?

Scottie P.

What do you gonna do about it? Eye brows?

Kenny

One...two... [Rose immediately punches him]

Scottie P.

Broke my nose. How aggresive, woman. You know what I'm saying? [Scottie P. walks away]

Casey

Are you okay?

Rose

I'm fine.

Casey

That was awesome, you just **** decked him!

Rose

Yeah, well I just dealt with him like the assholes like him at work. Come on, let's just get outta here. Thanks for the back up, Kenny. What's with the count? If you gonna punch somebody, you punch 'em on the one.

Kenny

Well, David told me to count.

Rose

David? David hasn't punch anybody, ever. I think the exit is this way.

David

I have returned.

Casey

Go **** yourself.

David

This is what I miss right? The ping pong action. The repartée. Casey says; "Go **** yourself" then you go **** yourself, and then Rose, you say; "you go **** yourself", then Kenny's like; "I don't wanna **** anybody".

Rose

We're not getting in the RV.

David

What? okay, okay. I know whats this is about, and I get it. We gonna split the $500,000, evenly, between the four of us. You guys get what i'm saying here. Kenny, you wanna be like this. Thats a lot of video games kiddo. Casey, you can buy a house, run away from it, you know what i'm mean? Like whatever. You get $125.000, You get $125.000, you get a... you know, I'm like ****in' Oprah here. You know, like if she was a white dude at a carnival. Okay look, what do you want? you want me to beg? Kids, what do you think?

Kenny

Hey, David.

David

Hi, Kenny.

Kenny

I heard you and Mrs. O’Reilly fighting.

David

It’s called flirting, Kenny. You’ll learn about it in college. What are you doing up? It’s almost 2. Where’s your Mom?

Kenny

Uh, she went for a drink. With a friend.

David

When?

Kenny

Last week. Uh, so I got the whole place to myself. Yeah. Rolling Han Solo for the weekend.

David

Mm-hm.

Kenny

Um, speaking of rolling, I was wondering if…

David

I don’t sell to kids, Kenny.

Kenny

I’m 18, I’m gonna get my own place soon. Not a kid, David.

David

Yeah, you are, take care.

Casey

Give me my **** phone! You guys are such assholes!

Hey, baby.

Kenny

Leave her alone.

Oh, I’m sorry, baby.

Kenny

Unhand her. Hey, leave her alone. (grunts)

David

Goddamn it, Kenny. (David follows Kenny)

**** tough guy, huh?

You don’t have to…

David

Hey! Hey, hey, hey. Easy, easy. What’s going on here?

Mind your own **** business, old man.

David

Oh, my God, You’re a dude. Ha, ha! That scared me. I was like, what the hell? I mean, your voice was much deeper than your bone structure.

Casey

These assholes are trying to steal my iPhone.

David

Wait, you have an iPhone? Aren’t you homeless?

Casey

So? **** you, dude.

David

Okay, this was fun, carry on. Come on, let’s go.

Kenny

Wait, no. These guys are picking on her and it’s not fair.

What the **** are you gonna do about it, white boy? You some type a hero?

David

No, he’s not a hero, he’s just a dumb kid. I got an idea. Leave the girl alone. You three just move along. Huh, what do you say? Move along?

What are you, some kind of cop?

Kenny

No, he’s not a cop. He’s actually really cool. He’s a drug dealer.

Really? (Holds up a switchblade)

David

Goddamn it, Kenny.

Give me your backpack.

David

I don’t wanna fight.

Well, there’s not gonna be a fight. See, you either give me your backpack, or I’m gonna stab you in the **** neck and take it.

David

Whew. So it’s a real Sophie’s choice here, huh? Alright. Okay, backpack it is. If you want… Run, Kenny! (David swings it at a street thug, and runs into alleyway, with the street thugs in pursuit of him)

You’re dead meat!

Casey

Hey, sorry, I dropped my phone. Are we still going out tonight or what?

David

**** shit! Shit!

David

Oh, shit. Sorry, this is **** dumb. (lands on the dumpster feeling hurt)

Whoa-ho-ho, mother****er.

We got you now.

David

Unh! (He is caught by the thugs and his apartment is cleaned out of marijuana and cash.)

Do whatever’s in the safe too.

Look at that.

David

It’s not even my money. If you take that, my boss will kill me.

Kenny

Are you okay, David? I can help. I’ll call the cops. (To David slumped on the apartment floor)

David

No, I’m okay.