'Cousin' Avi Russians. Anti-semite cossack sluts.
Played by Dennis Farina 
Snatch (2000) · 129 quotes
Snatch (2000) · 129 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Snatch (2000): in 22 of its 129 quotes
Most scenes with: Bullet Tooth Tony (9), Doug the Head (4), Vinny (2)
Yes, London. You know- Fish, Chips, Cup o' tea, bad food, worse weather, Mary **** Poppins, London!
More lines from 'Cousin' Avi
7 quotes 'Cousin' Avi 'Cousin' Avi I'm getting heartburn. Tony, do him something terrible.
'Cousin' Avi 'Blagged'? Speak English to me Tony, I thought this country spawned the ****in' language and so far nobody seems to speak it.
'Cousin' Avi [After Rosebud has been badly injured in capturing Boris:]
First we get the stone, bubi, then we'll get you to a doctor. And not just any doctor boychik, im gonna get you to a nice Jewish doctor. [To Tony] Find my friend a nice Jewish doctor!!
'Cousin' Avi (to the 3 black robbers)
**** you! (to borris who comes in the other side of him telling him to give the stone) ya know what... **** you too!
'Cousin' Avi Shut and sit down you big bald ****.(Talking to doug the head after he found out franky four fingers was at a bookies)
'Cousin' Avi (Regarding "Boris the Blade")
Sneaky ****in' Russian.
Scenes with 'Cousin' Avi
14 scenes Avi [On learning that Franky is making his way to a boxing match - and gambling]
Did he have a case on him?
Yes. He had a case.
Avi And this schmuck is gambling? You're talking about Franky "I've got a problem with gambling" **** Four Fingers, Doug!
Avi, I'm not telepathic.
Avi Well you're plenty **** stupid, I'll give you that. Do you have any idea why they call him Franky "Four Fingers", Doug?
No I have no idea.
Avi Well because he makes stupid bets with dangerous people, and when he doesn't pay up, they give him the chop, Doug! And I'm not talking about his **** fore-skin either!
Avi [To his aide 'Rosebud']
You gotta toothbrush? 'm goin' to London. [Into phone] You hear that, Doug? 'm comin' to London!
Avi Shut up and sit down, you big, bald ****. [Doug sheepishly complies] I don't like leaving my own country Doug, and I especially don't like leaving it for anything less than warm, sandy beaches, and cocktails with little straw hats.
We've got sandy beaches...
Avi Yeah? So who the **** wants to see 'em?
Avi [After hearing about Bullet-Tooth Tony surviving after being shot six times]
Six times!?
In one sitting.
Avi So what should I call you, "Bullet"? "Tooth"?
You can call me Susan if it makes you happy.
A bookie's got blagged last night.
Avi Blagged? Tony, speak English. I thought this country spawned the **** language, and so far nobody seems to speak it.
Boris the Blade? As in... Boris, the Bullet-Dodger?
Avi Why do they call him the Bullet-Dodger?
Avi How do we wanna get rid of him? [talking about Boris in the carboot]
Do you want to shoot him?
Avi It's a little noisy, isn't it?
Do you want to stab him?
Avi That's a little cold-blooded, isn't it?
Rosebud [in the backseat, taking the blade out of his jacket]
I'll cut him. I got a blade.
Yeah, that's the spirit.
You. Want a knife?
Avi Me? No, not me. I wouldn't know what to do.
It's a knife, for God's sake. What's you used to keep you fork company for all these years? The sharp side, the blunt side. What do you want, a lesson?
[The car crashes into a pole]
Avi [after coming to, and being told to get out of the car]
What about Rosebud?
You can take him with you, if you like. [Looks back at Rosebud, who drove a sword through his chest during the crash, and is now stone dead] Which bit do you want to take?
Avi [Contemptful and fed-up]
**** you. Shoot me.
I will! I'll shoot you!
[Vinny and Sol fumble with their guns; Tony, hearing the shouting, approaches from another room. Boris enters, brandishing an assault rifle]
Give me case, or I shoot you.
Avi You know what? **** you too. Go ahead and shoot me, you'd be doin' me a favor, you wretched ****! Go ahead!
[from another room]
Avi? Pull your socks up!
[Avi, Vinny, Sol and Tyrone stare at one another, then fall to the floor. Tony shoots through the wall and into the room, wounding Boris]
Avi? Where's the case?
Avi [on the floor face-down]
Put the gun away.
What's Boris doing here? Boris, what are you doing here?
**** you!
Don't take the piss, Boris.
I'll show you... now...!
For ****'s sake...
[Takes careful aim and shoots Boris one more time; looks down at Tyrone] [Contempt]
**** you, an' all.
[Casually pulls the trigger, only to learn that he has run out of ammunition] [Exasperated]
You lucky bastard!
Avi Tony.
What?
Avi Look in the dog.
What you mean, 'Look in the dog'?
Avi I mean, open him up.
It's not a **** tin of baked beans! What do you mean 'open him up'?!
Avi You know what I mean.
[Appalled]
That's a bit strong, ain't it. I don't know about this.[hesitated, but gets the dog anyway, ready with a blade]
[the squeaky toy in the dog makes the dog squeak when he's barking]
It's **** squeaking!!
Avi You never heard a dog squeak before? Gimme the goddamn gun!!
American Customs official
Anything to declare?
Avi Yeah. Don't go to England.
Avi [On learning that Franky is making his way to a boxing match – and gambling]
Did he have a case on him?
Yes. He had a case.
Avi And this schmuck is gambling? You're talking about Franky "I've got a problem with gambling" **** Four Fingers, Doug!
Avi, I'm not telepathic.
Avi Well, you're plenty **** stupid, I'll give you that. Do you have any idea why they call him Franky "Four Fingers", Doug?
No, I have no idea.
Avi Well, because he makes stupid bets with dangerous people, and when he doesn't pay up, they give him the chop, Doug! And I'm not talking about his **** foreskin either! [to his aide "Rosebud"] You got a toothbrush? I'm going to London. [into phone] You hear that, Doug? I'm coming to London!
Avi Shut up and sit down, you big, bald ****! [Doug sheepishly complies] I don't like leaving my own country, Doug, and I especially don't like leaving it for anything less than warm, sandy beaches, and cocktails with little straw hats.
We've got sandy beaches …
Avi Yeah? So who the **** wants to see 'em?
