Sherman Klump / Buddy Love I'm thin!
Most-quoted character in The Nutty Professor (1996): in 18 of its 23 quotes
Most scenes with: Carla Purty (5), Jason (3), Ana Klump (2)
Ok, fat jokes! You wanna do fat jokes? Alright! Your mother's so fat, the bitch needs Thomas Guide to find her asshole! Alright! Wait, wait, wait, your mother's so fat, after sex I roll over twice, and I'm still on the bitch! Your mother is so fat, she fell in the Grand Canyon and got stuck! Reggie's mother's so fat, that the bitch gets her toenails painted at Earl Scheib! Earl Scheib! At Earl Scheib! Reggie's mama is so fat, her blood type is Rocky Road! His mother is so fat, her belt size is Equator. Get it, equator.
More lines from Sherman Klump / Buddy Love
6 quotes Sherman Klump / Buddy Love Sherman Klump / Buddy Love NO TITTIES! NO TITTIES! NO TITTIES! [to an attractive woman next to him] Not you, me. I’m talking about me. My titties are gone. Your titties are lovely. What’s your name?
Sherman Klump / Buddy Love I heard of dreadlocks, but shitlocks?
Sherman Klump / Buddy Love If you give me a moment, I believe I can try to explain. My research is, um... Well, when I started out, I wanted to help people. But I became desperate and selfish. What I did was wrong. Buddy's who I thought the whole world wanted me to be. He's who I thought I wanted to be. And sometimes when you want something so so bad, you do just about anything to get it. But I learned one thing from Buddy. I learned that life isn't about being happy with how much you weigh, but just being happy with yourself. I'm terribly sorry about all of this, I hope I haven't ruined everybody's evening. Please excuse me. I'm sorry.
Sherman Klump / Buddy Love The truth is, Carla, I'm a big man. Now I will lose weight, but I'm always gonna be big no matter what I do. So anyone I end up with is just going to have to accept me for who I am. More importantly, I'm going to have to accept myself for who I am.
Sherman Klump / Buddy Love Why, thank you very much, I'm fatter-I'm flattered!
Scenes with Sherman Klump / Buddy Love
11 scenes Sherman [sadly]
Thank you for the dinner, Mama.
[concerned]
Sherman, what's wrong with you? Baby, you still worried about what your father said in there? [understanding] Ohhh...Son, listen to me you arespecial. And when the Good Lord made you, he made you beautiful inside and out. You can do anything Sherman...all you have to do is believe in yourself and you can do anything.
Reggie Warrington Whoo-whoo! It's a full moon tonight! I think I found where they hid Jimmy Hoffa!
Sherman Klump [pretending to laugh]
Yeah! Yeah, that's a good one there.
Reggie Warrington Oh boy, you got more crack than Harlem! Boy's so fat, every time I turn around, it's his birthday! Boy, you gotta put a belt on with a boomerang!
Sherman Klump Okay, now, alright! That's it, got me!
Reggie Warrington Oh no. No, I ain't got you yet! Should I get him? [crowd cheers] SHOULD I GET HIM?! [crowd cheers again]
Reggie Warrington Oh, look at this, he' with a woman too! Oh, no! Who's sucking who's titties over here?! Last time he got a breast, it was in a bucket of KFC! Extra Krispy! Every time he goes to sea world, they tame him! He must be on that new diet, Slim Slow! He go outside with a red shirt on, all the kids in the neighborhood shout "Hey! Kool Aid!" Yeah, man! I bet I cut his fat ass open, he'll bleed chocolate milk! What would you do for a Klondike bar?! Now we know what's been eating Gilbert Grape, don't we?!
Buddy Love [arriving to "The Scream" for his date]
You are too fine to be giving me curbside service!
Buddy Love What are you talking about leaving? We just got here!
No, you just got here, I've been waiting for you for almost an hour!
Buddy Love Hey, now they say anticipation helps make the appetite grow stronger, if you know what I mean.
Anticipate the night alone.
Buddy Love Hey, hey, let's just have a meal together! Why you leaving? Hey-what, do you want me to beg you?! I get down on my knees! I'm begging in front of all these people! You think I care that all these people are watching? I'm sorry! I'M SORRY!!! I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW THAT I WAS LATE, AND I'M SORRY!!! My car ran out of gas! I needed fresh drawers! My mother's sick! The car broke down on the street! I'm so sorry!
Buddy Love No, listen, you gotta hear me out! Now, I am sorry! I don't know why this happened tonight! Of all nights, this has to happen to me tonight! WHYYYY?!
Okay.
Buddy Love WHYYYYYY?!
Okay!
Buddy Love WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!
Okay, okay, okay!!!
Buddy Love [instantly changes mood]
Okay good, let's eat! I am SO hungry. Hey, don't let the tears fool you, I'm a tooth chipper.
[looking at Buddy's plates]
Six T-Bones, five baked potatoes, and two servings of Creamed Spinach. I have NEVER seen anyone eat so much. You are so lucky to stay so thin.
Buddy Love Oh, "lucky" has nothing to do with it. It's a matter of recombinant ribonucleic acids unzipped by a radioactive guanine peptide.
...And what does that mean?
Buddy Love I dunno, I was just trying to sound extra intelligent. Gotcha! You gonna eat that?
Buddy Love Ok, fat jokes! You wanna do fat jokes? Alright! Your mother's so fat, the bitch needs Thomas Guide to find her asshole! Alright! Wait, wait, wait, your mother's so fat, after sex I roll over twice, and I'm still on the bitch! Your mother is so fat, she fell in the Grand Canyon and got stuck! Reggie's mother's so fat, that the bitch gets her toenails painted at Earl Scheib! Earl Scheib! At Earl Scheib! HAHAHAHAHAHA! [walks onto the stage, still laughing hysterically]
Reggie Warrington Hey, hey, get off the stage, man! You ain't in show business.
Buddy Love Reggie's mama is so fat, her blood type is Rocky Road! His mother is so fat, her belt size is Equator. Get it, equator. Let's give a big round of applause for Reggie's mama's ass, that brought us so much joy tonight. That's a big ass!
Reggie Warrington ENOUGH! SILENCE! I can't take this shit no more! Now you done talked about me enough, boy! I tried to be peaceful, but now it's time for Reggie to "Karatacize" your ass!
Buddy Love Whooooo!
Reggie Warrington Aw yeah.
Buddy Love [Reggie takes off hat, revealing his ridiculous-looking hair, and Buddy and the audience start laughing.]
Oh, Reggie! I've heard of "Dreadlocks", but "Shitlocks?!" That's not your hair! Take that pile of shit off your head, man! You’re craz- you just go too far with the comedy!
Reggie Warrington [karate yells]
Come on! Come on!
Buddy Love What’s that?
Reggie Warrington Aw yeah, that’s my style boy, you didn’t know Reggie studied.
Buddy Love What style is that?
Reggie Warrington It’s called "kick your ass style", boy!
Buddy Love Oh shit.
Reggie Warrington Reggie done studied on the streets!
Reggie Warrington [Reggie tries to kick Buddy, but Buddy grabs his foot, and flips him over. Buddy laughs hysterically, Reggie glowers, and turns back around]
Aw, you quick, but I’m quicker. Watch my feet.
Buddy Love Well come on with it.
Reggie Warrington Imma come on with it, Imma come on with it, Imma co-[karate yells again]
Buddy Love [Reggie tries to punch him, but Buddy grabs his arm, twists it, and bangs his head on the edge of the piano. He and Buddy sit at the piano.]
Ladies and gentlemen, me and Reggie wanna send one out to a very special lady in the house tonight! [to Carla Purdy] Loving you, is easy ‘cause you're beautiful! Do-do-do-do-do! Reggie?
Reggie Warrington [Buddy cracks Reggie's hand]
AAAAAUUUUUUUGGGHHHHHH... leggo.
Buddy Love That was pretty! Ladies and gentlemen, Reggie has left the building! Thank you, and good night!
[Buddy throws Reggie into the piano.]
Buddy Love Carla, are you ready to go upstairs? [Carla slaps him] I guess not. Hey, wait, Carla! Where are you going? What's your problem?
Buddy Love Oh, well, I was thinking after dinner, you'd want a little group activity. After all, Buddy does have a lot of love to give.[winks at her]
Ooh, you are one sick, twisted freak!
Buddy Love Hey Carla, where you going? Wha-? Go on, leave! There's more titties over here anyway! Yeah. More titties!
Buddy Love Ladies and gentlemen, for my final demonstration - look out, David Copperfield - I'm about to make a 400-pound fat man... disappear FOREVER! [produces a vial of serum]
[off-screen]
NOOO!!! [enters the auditorium; angrily advances towards the stage] Wait! I can not... let you do this... any more! This... has got... to stop! [runs onto the stage; stands next to Buddy and points at him] This man is trying to kill Professor Sherman Klump!
Oh, that's it! I'm glad I brought my knife! [reaches into his pocket]
Mama Klump
Mm-hmm. And I got my razor. [opens her purse]
Buddy Love Oh, sure thing, hamster boy! But first, a short musical interlude! [punches Jason, sending him flying into some trombones; the audience gasps]
Buddy Love Sherman is GONE! Disappeared! [more gasps; Mama and Papa Klump look at each other in confusion] And that's a pretty good trick for a man with an ass as big as his! [his watch beeps] Ooh, I'm late for an appointment. Ladies and gentlemen, say goodbye to Sherman Klump! [prepares to drink the vial, but Jason pops back up]
I hate being called "hamster boy". [punches Buddy, causing him to drop the vial; the audience gasps again. He then clutches his fist in pain]
Buddy Love [amused]
You just don't know when to quit, do you? [goes to punch Jason again, but Sherman's fist appears instead of his; the audience gasps once more]
Buddy Love
[During this fight, the alternating control of Klump/Love's joint body is represented by Love's normal face bulging out to resemble Sherman's]
SHERMAN, DON'T DO THIS! YOU NEED ME!!!!!
Sherman Klump
NO, I DON'T!
Buddy Love
[slaps Sherman]
You fat ass!
Sherman Klump
[slaps Buddy]
Tinkerbell!
Buddy Love
[slaps Sherman]
Blubber butt!
Sherman Klump
[slaps Buddy]
Featherweight!
Somebody better call an exorcist!
Buddy Love
Sherman! Sherman! YOU CAN'T BEAT ME!!!!!
This is some scary shit!
Sherman Klump
[punches Buddy several times]
YES... I... CAN!!!!!
[Buddy's watch beeps; he starts to feel dizzy]
Sherman, come back here! [claps her hands] Sherman!
Buddy Love
[clutches his head]
What's happenin' to me? Everything's gettin' real dark! Oh, I feel real jiggly! I'm blubbifyin'! Sherman, you needed me! I taught you to be confident! You needed me, Sherman! Sherman, no matter what, no matter what... you got to strut.
You know something I couldn't stand about Buddy?
Sherman Klump What's that?
He was too damn scrawny.
Buddy Love I lost 300 pounds in 30 seconds! [he took a megashake] Thanks, Megashake!
Buddy Love Oh, you damn right, hamster boy. I knew Sherman was gonna go soft on me. That can wreak havoc on a man's sex life. [laughs] See, I've done some calculations of my own. If I drink 500 milliters of formula, I'll have enough cellular stability to be rid of Sherman's ass forever!
No. You drink that much formula at one time and it will kill you!
Buddy Love If I drink it all at once, yes. If I drink half now and half later, that's completely safe. And at midnight, I don't have to worry about turning into no Klumpkin. Now if you don't mind, I have a date at the alumni ball, and you have a date with linoleum!
Who?
[Buddy punches Jason, who falls to the floor in a heap]
Buddy Love
Ladies and gentlemen, for my final demonstration: Look out, David Copperfield, I'm about to make a 400-pound fat man... disappear forever! [produces a vial of serum]
[off-screen]
NO-O-O-O-O-O!!! [enters the auditorium; angrily advances towards the stage] Wait! I cannot... let you do this... anymore! This... has got... to stop! [runs onto the stage; stands next to Buddy and points at him] This man is trying to kill Professor Sherman Klump!
Cletus Klump
That's it, I'm glad I brought my knife. [reaches into his pocket]
Anna Klump
Mm-hmm. And I got my razor. [opens her purse]
Buddy Love
Oh, sure thing, hamster boy, but first, a short musical interlude. [punches Jason, sending him flying into some trombones; the audience gasps]
Buddy Love
Sherman is gone, disappeared! [more gasps; Anna and Cletus Klump both look at each other in confusion] And that's a pretty good trick for a man with an ass as big as his! [his watch beeps] Ooh, I'm late for an appointment. Ladies and gentlemen, say goodbye to Sherman Klump! [prepares to drink the vial, but Jason pops back up]
I hate being called "hamster boy". [punches Buddy, causing him to drop the vial; the audience gasps again. He then clutches his fist in pain]
Buddy Love
You just don't know when to quit, do you? [goes to punch Jason again, but Sherman's fist appears instead of his; the audience gasps once again] It's too late, fat boy. It's over! [struggles to punch Jason] Let go! Let go! [Sherman grabs Buddy's neck, choking him]
Anna Klump
My goodness!
Cletus Klump
Damn!
Buddy Love
[still choking]
Give it up, fat boy, it's over!
Sherman Klump
[appears]
It ain't over 'till the fat professor sings!
Anna Klump
Aah!
Buddy Love
Ohh, let go of my hand, you fat moth--
Sherman Klump
[threateningly]
Say one more word, Buddy, I'll tear your arm off!
Buddy Love
Time... we...take... Nestea... plunge! [punches Sherman's stomach]
Anna Klump
Whoo! [faints as Buddy Love punches Sherman 3 times; sobs]
Cletus Klump
We gon' get the hell outta here in a second; it's okay.
Anna Clump
[Buddy tries to drink the vial that almost kills Sherman, but he grabs Buddy's hand again and drops the vial on the floor, which Sherman stomps]
Aah!
Cletus Klump
Sweet Jesus!
Anna Klump
Sherman!
Buddy Love
SHERMAN, DON'T DO THIS! YOU NEED ME!!!!!
Sherman Klump
NO, I DON'T!
Buddy Love
[slaps Sherman]
YOU FATASS!
Sherman Klump
[slaps Buddy]
TINKERBELL!
Buddy Love
[slaps Sherman]
BLUBBERBUTT!
Sherman Klump
[slaps Buddy]
FEATHERWEIGHT!
Cletus Klump
Somebody better call an Exorcist!
Buddy Love
Sherman! SHERMAN! YOU CAN'T BEAT ME!!!!!
Cletus Klump
This is some scary shit!
Sherman Klump
[punches Buddy eight times]
YES, I, CAN!!!!!
Anna Klump
[Buddy's watch beeps; he starts to feel dizzy]
Sherman, come back here! [claps her hands] Sherman!
Buddy Love
[clutches his head]
What's happenin' to me?! Everything's gettin' real dark! Oh! I feel real jiggly! I'm blubbifyin'! Sherman, you needed me; I taught you to be confident! You needed me, Sherman! Sherman! No matter what, no matter what... you got to strut.
