Carla Purty
Six T-Bones, five baked potatoes, and two servings of Creamed Spinach. I have NEVER seen anyone eat so much. You are so lucky to stay so thin.
Buddy Love
Oh, "lucky" has nothing to do with it. It's a matter of recombinant ribonucleic acids unzipped by a radioactive guanine peptide.
Carla Purty
...And what does that mean?
Buddy Love
I dunno, I was just trying to sound extra intelligent. Gotcha! You gonna eat that?
Buddy Love
Carla, are you ready to go upstairs? [Carla slaps him] I guess not. Hey, wait, Carla! Where are you going? What's your problem?
Carla Purty
THEY'RE my problem! You can handle all three of them, huh?!
Buddy Love
Oh, well, I was thinking after dinner, you'd want a little group activity. After all, Buddy does have a lot of love to give.[winks at her]
Carla Purty
Ooh, you are one sick, twisted freak!
Buddy Love
Hey Carla, where you going? Wha-? Go on, leave! There's more titties over here anyway! Yeah. More titties!
Buddy Love
Ladies and gentlemen, for my final demonstration - look out, David Copperfield - I'm about to make a 400-pound fat man... disappear FOREVER! [produces a vial of serum]
Jason
NOOO!!! [enters the auditorium; angrily advances towards the stage] Wait! I can not... let you do this... any more! This... has got... to stop! [runs onto the stage; stands next to Buddy and points at him] This man is trying to kill Professor Sherman Klump!
Papa Klump
Oh, that's it! I'm glad I brought my knife! [reaches into his pocket]
Mm-hmm. And I got my razor. [opens her purse]
Jason
Hand over the vial now!
Buddy Love
Oh, sure thing, hamster boy! But first, a short musical interlude! [punches Jason, sending him flying into some trombones; the audience gasps]
Carla Purty
BUDDY! What has gotten into you, and where's Sherman?!
Buddy Love
Sherman is GONE! Disappeared! [more gasps; Mama and Papa Klump look at each other in confusion] And that's a pretty good trick for a man with an ass as big as his! [his watch beeps] Ooh, I'm late for an appointment. Ladies and gentlemen, say goodbye to Sherman Klump! [prepares to drink the vial, but Jason pops back up]
Jason
I hate being called "hamster boy". [punches Buddy, causing him to drop the vial; the audience gasps again. He then clutches his fist in pain]
Buddy Love
You just don't know when to quit, do you? [goes to punch Jason again, but Sherman's fist appears instead of his; the audience gasps once more]
Carla Purty
You know something I couldn't stand about Buddy?
Sherman Klump
What's that?
Carla Purty
He was too damn scrawny.
Buddy Love
Ladies and gentlemen, for my final demonstration: Look out, David Copperfield, I'm about to make a 400-pound fat man... disappear forever! [produces a vial of serum]
Jason
NO-O-O-O-O-O!!! [enters the auditorium; angrily advances towards the stage] Wait! I cannot... let you do this... anymore! This... has got... to stop! [runs onto the stage; stands next to Buddy and points at him] This man is trying to kill Professor Sherman Klump!
That's it, I'm glad I brought my knife. [reaches into his pocket]
Mm-hmm. And I got my razor. [opens her purse]
Jason
Hand over the vial now.
Buddy Love
Oh, sure thing, hamster boy, but first, a short musical interlude. [punches Jason, sending him flying into some trombones; the audience gasps]
Carla Purty
Buddy! What has gotten into you, and where is Sherman?
Buddy Love
Sherman is gone, disappeared! [more gasps; Anna and Cletus Klump both look at each other in confusion] And that's a pretty good trick for a man with an ass as big as his! [his watch beeps] Ooh, I'm late for an appointment. Ladies and gentlemen, say goodbye to Sherman Klump! [prepares to drink the vial, but Jason pops back up]
Jason
I hate being called "hamster boy". [punches Buddy, causing him to drop the vial; the audience gasps again. He then clutches his fist in pain]
Buddy Love
You just don't know when to quit, do you? [goes to punch Jason again, but Sherman's fist appears instead of his; the audience gasps once again] It's too late, fat boy. It's over! [struggles to punch Jason] Let go! Let go! [Sherman grabs Buddy's neck, choking him]
My goodness!
Damn!
Buddy Love
Give it up, fat boy, it's over!
Sherman Klump
It ain't over 'till the fat professor sings!
Aah!
Buddy Love
Ohh, let go of my hand, you fat moth--
Sherman Klump
Say one more word, Buddy, I'll tear your arm off!
Buddy Love
Time... we...take... Nestea... plunge! [punches Sherman's stomach]
Whoo! [faints as Buddy Love punches Sherman 3 times; sobs]
We gon' get the hell outta here in a second; it's okay.
Aah!
Sweet Jesus!
Sherman!
Buddy Love
SHERMAN, DON'T DO THIS! YOU NEED ME!!!!!
Sherman Klump
NO, I DON'T!
Buddy Love
YOU FATASS!
Sherman Klump
TINKERBELL!
Buddy Love
BLUBBERBUTT!
Sherman Klump
FEATHERWEIGHT!
Somebody better call an Exorcist!
Buddy Love
Sherman! SHERMAN! YOU CAN'T BEAT ME!!!!!
This is some scary shit!
Sherman Klump
YES, I, CAN!!!!!
Sherman, come back here! [claps her hands] Sherman!
Buddy Love
What's happenin' to me?! Everything's gettin' real dark! Oh! I feel real jiggly! I'm blubbifyin'! Sherman, you needed me; I taught you to be confident! You needed me, Sherman! Sherman! No matter what, no matter what... you got to strut.
