Ladies and gentlemen, for my final demonstration - look out, David Copperfield - I'm about to make a 400-pound fat man... disappear FOREVER! [produces a vial of serum]
Jason [off-screen]
NOOO!!! [enters the auditorium; angrily advances towards the stage] Wait! I can not... let you do this... any more! This... has got... to stop! [runs onto the stage; stands next to Buddy and points at him] This man is trying to kill Professor Sherman Klump!
Oh, that's it! I'm glad I brought my knife! [reaches into his pocket]
MK Mama Klump
Mm-hmm. And I got my razor. [opens her purse]
Jason [to Buddy]
Hand over the vial now!
Oh, sure thing, hamster boy! But first, a short musical interlude! [punches Jason, sending him flying into some trombones; the audience gasps]
[angry]
BUDDY! What has gotten into you, and where's Sherman?!
Sherman is GONE! Disappeared! [more gasps; Mama and Papa Klump look at each other in confusion] And that's a pretty good trick for a man with an ass as big as his! [his watch beeps] Ooh, I'm late for an appointment. Ladies and gentlemen, say goodbye to Sherman Klump! [prepares to drink the vial, but Jason pops back up]
Jason I hate being called "hamster boy". [punches Buddy, causing him to drop the vial; the audience gasps again. He then clutches his fist in pain]
[amused]
You just don't know when to quit, do you? [goes to punch Jason again, but Sherman's fist appears instead of his; the audience gasps once more]
I lost 300 pounds in 30 seconds! [he took a megashake] Thanks, Megashake!
Jason [angrily; about Sherman]
YOU TRICKED HIM!
Oh, you damn right, hamster boy. I knew Sherman was gonna go soft on me. That can wreak havoc on a man's sex life. [laughs] See, I've done some calculations of my own. If I drink 500 milliters of formula, I'll have enough cellular stability to be rid of Sherman's ass forever!
Jason No. You drink that much formula at one time and it will kill you!
If I drink it all at once, yes. If I drink half now and half later, that's completely safe. And at midnight, I don't have to worry about turning into no Klumpkin. Now if you don't mind, I have a date at the alumni ball, and you have a date with linoleum!
Jason Who?
[Buddy punches Jason, who falls to the floor in a heap]
BL Buddy Love
Ladies and gentlemen, for my final demonstration: Look out, David Copperfield, I'm about to make a 400-pound fat man... disappear forever! [produces a vial of serum]
Jason [off-screen]
NO-O-O-O-O-O!!! [enters the auditorium; angrily advances towards the stage] Wait! I cannot... let you do this... anymore! This... has got... to stop! [runs onto the stage; stands next to Buddy and points at him] This man is trying to kill Professor Sherman Klump!
CK Cletus Klump
That's it, I'm glad I brought my knife. [reaches into his pocket]
AK Anna Klump
Mm-hmm. And I got my razor. [opens her purse]
Jason [to Buddy]
Hand over the vial now.
BL Buddy Love
Oh, sure thing, hamster boy, but first, a short musical interlude. [punches Jason, sending him flying into some trombones; the audience gasps]
[angry]
Buddy! What has gotten into you, and where is Sherman?
BL Buddy Love
Sherman is gone, disappeared! [more gasps; Anna and Cletus Klump both look at each other in confusion] And that's a pretty good trick for a man with an ass as big as his! [his watch beeps] Ooh, I'm late for an appointment. Ladies and gentlemen, say goodbye to Sherman Klump! [prepares to drink the vial, but Jason pops back up]
Jason I hate being called "hamster boy". [punches Buddy, causing him to drop the vial; the audience gasps again. He then clutches his fist in pain]
BL Buddy Love
You just don't know when to quit, do you? [goes to punch Jason again, but Sherman's fist appears instead of his; the audience gasps once again] It's too late, fat boy. It's over! [struggles to punch Jason] Let go! Let go! [Sherman grabs Buddy's neck, choking him]
AK Anna Klump
My goodness!
BL Buddy Love
[still choking]
Give it up, fat boy, it's over!
SK Sherman Klump
[appears]
It ain't over 'till the fat professor sings!
BL Buddy Love
Ohh, let go of my hand, you fat moth--
SK Sherman Klump
[threateningly]
Say one more word, Buddy, I'll tear your arm off!
BL Buddy Love
Time... we...take... Nestea... plunge! [punches Sherman's stomach]
AK Anna Klump
Whoo! [faints as Buddy Love punches Sherman 3 times; sobs]
CK Cletus Klump
We gon' get the hell outta here in a second; it's okay.
AC Anna Clump
[Buddy tries to drink the vial that almost kills Sherman, but he grabs Buddy's hand again and drops the vial on the floor, which Sherman stomps]
Aah!
CK Cletus Klump
Sweet Jesus!
BL Buddy Love
SHERMAN, DON'T DO THIS! YOU NEED ME!!!!!
SK Sherman Klump
NO, I DON'T!
BL Buddy Love
[slaps Sherman]
YOU FATASS!
SK Sherman Klump
[slaps Buddy]
TINKERBELL!
BL Buddy Love
[slaps Sherman]
BLUBBERBUTT!
SK Sherman Klump
[slaps Buddy]
FEATHERWEIGHT!
CK Cletus Klump
Somebody better call an Exorcist!
BL Buddy Love
Sherman! SHERMAN! YOU CAN'T BEAT ME!!!!!
CK Cletus Klump
This is some scary shit!
SK Sherman Klump
[punches Buddy eight times]
YES, I, CAN!!!!!
AK Anna Klump
[Buddy's watch beeps; he starts to feel dizzy]
Sherman, come back here! [claps her hands] Sherman!
BL Buddy Love
[clutches his head]
What's happenin' to me?! Everything's gettin' real dark! Oh! I feel real jiggly! I'm blubbifyin'! Sherman, you needed me; I taught you to be confident! You needed me, Sherman! Sherman! No matter what, no matter what... you got to strut.
