[Aldous is in a music video taking place in a gun battle in an African village] [Singing]
I have crossed the mystic desert. To snap pictures of the poor. I've invited them to brunch. Let them crash out on my floor. There's sunshine in my veins My kitchen's filled with flies. I'm crying out in vain Like a little African child. Trapped in me. There's a little African child trapped in me. All of these blowjobs in limousines. Why do they matter, what do they mean. To the little African child trapped in me?
Z Zoe
This is Zoe Salmon, and I'm on the set of international rock star Aldous Snow's new music video, African Child.
I was watching the news one day and I saw footage about, well, a war in I think it was Darfur or Zimbabwe or Rwanda, one of them. And I just thought, "This isn't right, is it?" And I made some phone calls. It turns out, it isn't.
Z Zoe
Aldous' longtime girlfriend and mother of their son, Naples, model pop star Jackie Q.
Jackie He's really passionate. He's never been to Africa, but he's really passionate about it. And about, like, potentially going there.
When they were putting together this costume, I said, "Imagine an African, white Christ from space." And this is what they came back with, an African, white space Christ. That's how it... Well, that's just the concept, you know. Obviously, I'm not saying I'm an African, white space Christ. That would be... That's not for me to say. That's for other people... That's for other people to say if they think I'm... They think I'm like Jesus. [Sings] Ride me inside me supertight. Boom boom. Shake the room like it's dynamite. Ride me inside me supertight. Boom boom. Shake the room like it's dynamite. Ride me inside me supertight. Boom boom Shake the room like it's dynamite.
Z Zoe
Jackie, you've had multiple hit singles, an amazing modeling career, and your very own perfume line. How do you find balance with your family life?
Jackie Naples is a darling.
Jackie He's so gorgeous. And Aldy's the best father.
Z Zoe
What do you love most about Aldous?
Jackie I just love his energy and insight. The way he says my name and...
Z Zoe
You have a huge album coming out right now, African Child. Everyone is so excited about it. You must be, too.
When people look back at musical history, they'll say, "Sergeant Pepper, African Child." That's what they'll probably say. [Sing] Trapped in me...
...
B Brooke
Jackie, Aldous, welcome back to Showbiz Tonight. Great to see you! How are things going, Aldous?
Fantastically. To tell you the truth, Brooke. I'm happy in a way I didn't think was truly possible for me.
B Brooke
Great. And you, Jackie?
Jackie I'm actually a bit bored, you know. We've been sober now seven years together. And it's been a real adjustment for me, you know, the difference in lifestyle. You know, he works out all day getting every part of his body really hard. Except one part's missing, you know? One part. I think that through all that...
Jackie. Have you been drinking today?
Jackie I've had a few **** drinks, yeah. Just a few drinks.
Jackie But that... You know, whatever. You know, arrest me. But it's really boring.
Jackie [To the hostess]
The old Aldous would have, you know, had his way with you. Would've bent you over that pretty little chair and had his way! And now we'd be having a three-way! You'd be coming over for a cognac later, I'll tell you that, sweetie! But that's not happening anymore!
Do you want me to start drinking again?! Is that what you'd like?! Do you want to return to that?!
Jackie Maybe you should!
I'll do lines off her forehead while I'm in her up to my nuts! If that's what you want! I'm just saying!
Mario of Extra: [To viewer] Tell you what, time to invest in Jack Daniel's, 'cause Aldous Snow is off the wagon!
[Aldous is partying with P!nk]
Drinking gin at half past 5:00. Chatting up the bird with the dodgy eye, I vomit Jager on her pasty thighs Do a runner when her fella arrives Drop the pills, I'm off me crust. Meet the lads, I'm coming up
Billy Bush of Access Hollywood: The misbehaving singer appeared on MTV News this weekend to leak some exciting info.
[Repeatedly over montage of antics]
Let's get ****..., let's get **** up on the town...
V Voiceover
Aldous Snow's father and former manager, Jonathan Snow, has written a tell-all book.
J Jonathan
Well, I managed Aldous for the first two years of his career.
Yeah, he managed me while I was in his testicles! The minute he ejaculated, the management ended! No, I don't **** miss it! I'll show you what it's like!
V Voiceover
Yeah, you're watching Aldous Snow on TMZ!
[Repeatedly over montage of antics]
Let's get ****..., let's get **** up on the town..., let's have fun..., let's have fun up on the town..., called a cab, back to mine. Same routine every time.
[Aaron is at a lunch with Aldous and his bandmates at an upscale hotel]
Hey, so, Aldous, for the Today Show, they want to know what song you want to play.
Say it was up to you, Aaron, what would you have me do?
That's your call. You're the artist, you know, whatever you feel like playing. I'd be really interested, 'cause you're, like, a legitimate enthusiast. I'd like to know what you'd be into doing. If I had to choose, all-time favorite would be The Clap. That's a classic. You know, that's... That's, like, my childhood right there, you know.
Okay. Well, I suppose the obvious choice is African Child, right?
Yeah. Great tune. Yeah, I love African Child. The song's awesome. I brush my teeth to it, you know? I think maybe we should run to the airport right now, 'cause we're getting close.
Change it to the next one. Should we get out of this bourgeois shithole?
...
B Bandmate
[Aaron is drinking with Aldous and his bandmates at an outdoor patio]
I disagree with what you're saying!
Bollocks! I disagree highly!
[Aaron is out in the streets with Aldous and paparazzi swarming]
Hey, move into... Make Aaron famous. Aldous, here!
Hey, look, the car service is here, with all the bags.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Change it to the next one.
So we're going on the next one?
This is why we delay flights. For this! [They walk into nightclub]
[Walks up to Tom Felton of Harry Potter fame]
What's up, man? Hey. I’m at a table in the back with Aldous Snow.
TF Tom Felton
[Unimpressed]
Great.
Feel free to bring Professor Snape. [pause] We’ll play some late night Quidditch.
TF Tom Felton
Just...leave it. [He walks away]
Right? Not everyone cares. [Spots Aldous making out with a woman] Excuse me. Aldous. Hey. [Uses hands to separate woman's face from Aldous' face] Sorry. Excuse me. Sorry. Excuse me.
What? What are you doing?
Listen, hey, listen. It's just getting super close to that 12:00 a.m. Flight.
Aaron. I don't... See them two girls? Just there? I want to **** them two girls. Do you?
Yeah, they seem awesome. They seem, like, cool. Sure. Why not? I don't want to think about that right now, man. That's cool. I just want to leave here, please.
You're in a long-term relationship, right?
No, just ended, actually. See, my...
Brilliant! So, doesn't it make sense that we would stay here and have possibly the time of your life?
Okay. What'd you prefer, blonde or brunette? Blonde or brunette?
Thank you. Cheers. Do you want to go to the loo for a minute?
[A hooker is hyper-vigorously riding Aaron in a washroom stall while repeatedly yanking the flush chain]
Oh, yes! Oh, God. My butt's getting wet! My butt's getting wet! I'm falling in the toilet! I'm falling in the toilet! That was great. Awesome.
Chase me! [They run down hallway] It's better than Christmas! [Aldous jiggles hooker's breasts in a taxi-cab]
Jackie No, shut up.
Go on, Aaron, give her both barrels!
All right. Can you give me the key, please?
I love you. We've seen not much of that today. Toss it! And there it goes. The hoop goes wide. Oh, no.
We're fine. We got 35 minutes to catch an international flight.
I wouldn't worry about it. Your mouth is smiling, but your eyes look all sad. Why?
Do you mind driving faster, please?
LD Limo Driver in London
Would you like me to take the Chiswick roundabout through Hounslow and Staines?
What is this, **** Middle Earth? Just take us to the airport, okay?
Run! Run! Run! Run! Just, try and keep up.
PA PA announcer
Final boarding call... Just keep up.
Aaron. Aaron. Aaron, you're sleeping. Stop sleep. Aaron, you're asleep. You're asleep. You're asleep, Aaron. Here's your drink.
Don't sleep so often. Cheers, mate.
Thank you for waking me up.
Why do you think people keep saying my music's shit?
I don't think that's the case. Is it? Is that the case?
Yeah, a lot of negativity. Lot of sniping and snidey remarks. People are, " Yeah, he's shit, he's a has-been, he's over, "he's in his greatest hits era." Don't listen to that shit.
Do you love the album African Child?
Yeah, of course. I love African Child. It's awesome.
Aaron. NME said that African Child was the most detrimental thing to happen to black culture since the Rodney King beatings.
I read in Rolling Stone that African Child came third behind famine and war as the thing that had been most damaging to African life.
I find that hard to believe, but they say any press is good press, right? I mean...
Come on, mate. You know, open up.
It seems as if on your last album you kind of went in the studio and just did whatever the producer asked you to do.
Right. Yeah, no, that's exactly... This is good.
Aldous Snow needs to be two guitars, a bass and a drum kit and his incredible voice.
Vocals, yes! Yes. And that's it. And that's what we want to hear. That's what I love.
That's what all your fans love. It's just every artist has this one album that's just not good, and that's it. Honestly, I listen to that and I'm just like, "What is this piece of shit I'm listening to? Do I even know this artist? "What the **** was he thinking?"
Don't **** talk to me like that, you little prick.
In future, if someone asks you to give them a critique of their work, don't rip out their **** gizzards and hold it in front of their face. What are you? What do you know?
I'm sorry. Look, I don't know what I'm talking about.
Yeah, what you did was very spiteful. But it was also very brave and very honest, and I respect you for doing that, but the content of what you said has made me hate you. So there's a layer of respect, admittedly, for your truthfulness, peppered with hate. Hateful respect.
IF In-flight movie doctor played by Sarah Marshall
Scalpel! Now! But, Doctor!
Hey, I think I used to have sex with her. Yeah, yeah. No, I did, I did.
Love is blind Love is blind, love is blind
Thank you. Thank you for that. I'll use it. I would grind that. I would ride the shit out of her. [Aaron's phone rings] Don't take it. Who is it? Sergio?
Listen, I'm just calling 'cause I wanted to apologize. I just slept for, like, 20 straight hours and I'm feeling really bad, and I just wanted to say I'm sorry about what happened. I was out of my mind.
Yeah. Thanks. So, I'd like to make it up to you when you get back from your trip.
I would like to make it up to you.
Fun Daphne got us tickets to Radiohead. Wait, what's up?
I thought we broke up. You broke up with me, right?
Aaron, we live together. We have a home together. How could you think we were broken up?
Because that's what you said.
You really think that we're broken up right now? What have you been doing?
You know, you're so holier-than-thou about being a doctor. You know, just 'cause you're a doctor doesn't make you a good person. The Nazis have doctors, Daphne. They had Nazi doctors that fixed Nazi legs so they could walk around being angry, okay? So... What are you talking about?
Aaron! Is it your girlfriend? Let me have a go. Aaron is very busy now. Press seven for fellatio. Here you go. Don't hang about.
You know, here's some medical advice from your Nazi doctor. Herpes is incurable. I labored under the myth of monogamy for seven years with Jackie and it was pointless.
So you only slept with Jackie?
No, I slept with other people but I always told her about it. Monogamy. I realize now my dad was just a realist. I used to be angry... All right, love. I used to be angry 'cause he abandoned me, but really, he was just being a realist. You can't remain in that situation.
Your dad lives in, in Vegas, right?
Mmm-hmm. That's right, yeah. He lives there, yeah.
You should invite him... Your dad should... Nice. You should invite him to the show. You want me to get on that?
I don't know if we really have that type of relationship, you know, me and my dad. He always wants something from me. It's a bad idea.
Well, I'm sure he'd love to come see you perform.
Let's put it this way. If I had a concert, my dad would come. He would come, like, five hours early and ask all the roadies what town they were from, and if he knew anybody from their town.
He's good. He's a good man.
Yeah. Yeah. I hate to be a downer, but it's getting really late. We have a flight early in the morning. Do you mind if...
Yeah, yeah, right. Hey, Aaron! Have you ever drunk w:absinthe|absinthe]], like from the 1900s?
Picasso drank it. [To bartender] Oi! "Absinf-fuh"!
All right, well, we'll take one shot and then we'll go back to the hotel?
Just a little sip of naughty water, and we go back to the hotel. Simple.
[Aaron and Aldous then embark on city-wide mayhem spree of outright over-the-top insanity]
Aaron! You lost control, mother****er. Stampin' on an African child!
BB Bespectacled bald man in BDSM gear
Do you like it when I whip you, Aldous?
Whee! Whee! Look, I'm eating my own head. I accept your apology.
...
[Aaron pocket dials Daphne asleep]
I accept your apology. Hello?
He's the best. Hello? It's sort of like... I'm basically like his new producer or whatever. It's sort of like... I'm basically like his new producer or whatever. That is so amazing for you! Hello? Why are your boobs different sizes? 'Cause the left... I don't care either, Daphne. You live in Seattle, I'll **** live in New York.
[Aldous is watching a home video of him and Jackie]
Look how beautiful you are. Do you see how beautiful you are, Jackie? I like being so close. You're so beautiful. Jackie Q, Jackie Q, I love you Jackie Q. **** hell. Jackie Q, Jackie Q at the barbeque.
Jackie You silly bastard.
I love you. Why don't we make a sex tape?
Jackie 'Cause I don't want to make a sex tape.
Yes. **** hell. Come on, it'll be fun!
Jackie Please, Aldous, come on. I will not call you.
Jackie Please, Aldous.
...
[He calls her asleep in bed]
Jackie?
Jackie Is that you, Aldous?
No, Aldous Snow has got better things to do first thing in the morning than call up an ex-girlfriend.
Jackie What are you doing? Where are you?
Just in our old flat, actually. In New York. You with anybody?
Jackie Some affable nitwit.
Where are you now, Jackie?
Jackie Los Angeles.
Jackie Sleeping next to Lars Ulrich.
Lars Ulrich? From Metallica?
Jackie Yeah. Why.
What's Lars packing in the drumstick region?
Jackie I can't tell you that right now. He's sleeping right next to me. What are you so interested in Lars for, Aldous? You jealous? I miss you, Aldy.
Jackie I miss you.
Listen, why don't you be a good girl and put the phone down next to your vagina, 'cause I need to talk to her. Hello? Is that Jackie's vagina?
Jackie Hello, Aldous.
All right. How are you? I've missed you.
Jackie I'm very well, thank you. I've just come back from Brazil.
Jackie It's quite wet down there, actually.
Jackie I really miss your ****, Aldous.
I'm gonna come and see you, Jackie.
Jackie I don't think you should, but I do, I really miss you, Aldous.
I'm stuck here with a hard-on. I don't know what to do with it.
L Lars
Hey, babe. Who's on the horn?
Jackie It's Mum. She's just calling up from London.
L Lars
Let me take care of this. Oi, Aldous. It's Lars.
"I'm ashamed that you're with a drummer, Jackie. "I'd always dreamed that you would marry a front man. With charisma. Razzmatazz. Rough around the edges, but with stars in his eyes, you know."
L Lars
Jackie, your mom kind of sounds like a Monty Python skit.
Jackie Give me the phone back.
L Lars
Okay. Okay, okay, sorry.
Jackie Darling, I've gotta go, all right?
I'll see you later. I'm coming to see you. Don't say anything else, all right? I gotta go. Bye.
...
[To Aaron]
Get up. I can't be here anymore now.
[In limo]
I can't believe we're actually on time for a flight.
[To chauffeur]
Hey, can you pull over, mate?
Actually, we, we have a flight to catch.
Yeah, no, just pull over here off Linden. I want to get a pretzel. [Aldous mingles with shady-looking men who hand him a rubber-wrapped ball]
Dude really wants a pretzel. He's not getting a pretzel is he?
LC Limo chauffeur
Not the kind you put mustard on. [Aldous comes back and gets in limo]
TA TSA agent
[Aaron and Aldous are waiting in line at the airport]
Next in line! You two traveling together? Okay. You mind coming in back for a quick exam? Just come this way, please. Thank you.
[Produces a red wrappered ball from his mouth and drops it into hand]
I need you to put this into your bottom hole.
Put this into your rectum.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What the ****, man? What are you doing? We're in the middle of the airport!
It's a necessary part of your job, Aaron. Don't be complicated.
I won't do it. I won't do it. No.
Put it in! Relax your anus. Stop! Just stop! Aaron! If you don't do it, I ain't gonna do the concert. I'll just get on a plane and go back to London. The only logical thing to do in this situation is to put this deep in your asshole.
TA TSA agent
Please keep the line moving, sir.
[Holds up phone]
My phone is ringing.
Your phone is not ringing.
It's not Sergio. There's no one there! Aaron, stop pretending to talk to Sergio! Right, mate. Hello!
[Answers while at the fridge of his house kitchen and immediately shouts to sons jumping on couch in family room]
Hey! The couch is not for jumping! [To Aaron] Aaron, my superstar. Great news. The concert sold out in 10 **** minutes.
Hey, so I'm having a possible health issue with the talent.
What kind of health issue? His eyes ain't rolling to the back of his head, are they? [To wife] No. Babe! I don't see no string cheese! All I see is Babybels and chocolate pudding!
Sergio's wife: Baby, look in the dairy drawer! Next to the Go-Gurts.
I don't see no Go-Gurts! You need to put these shits where I can see them.
He wants me to put drugs up my ass. And I don't know what to do.
Then you put the drugs up your ass.
Please don't make me do that.
This is the opportunity that you've been waiting for. You are now in the power position. You hold all the power in your ass.
Yes, that's what we do. It's only a little bit of heroin in your ass. Nobody's gonna die. You know what you signed up for. [Hangs up and walks over to sons in family room] It's Biggest Loser time, it's Biggest Loser time, it's Daddy's favorite show It's Daddy's favorite show.
Aaron! Come on, mate, we ain't got all day. It's not recreational! It's not meant to be a hobby! Just get it up! Close the door behind you! Hurry up!
[Aaron and Aldous are seated in the gate departure lounge having miraculously eluded security interception]
Why did you do this to me?
Are you sure you should be doing this stuff?
Have you got an anti-drug message that you're gonna convey now?
I just feel like it couldn't hurt to not be on heroin.
Couldn't it? You know, I used to be sober. When I was sober, I was worried about, "Is this the twilight of my career? Is the mother of my child a cruel, evil, brilliant, savant, idiot genius?" You know, "Am I bringing up my kid the right way?" Now, I'm just worried about drugs.
IYour life's to-do list must be a baffling document.
You're worried about so many things, Aaron. You're worried about will we get to the show? Will I perform well? Will you get the credit that you deserve? Mine has on it but one word. Do you know what that word is?
Oh, no. I have to sneeze.
I have to sneeze. But I'm terrified that my bowels will evacuate if I do.
If you sneeze, it is very important that you clench at the same time. Aaron.
I'm gonna sneeze. I'm gonna clench and sneeze.
Dude, I'm gonna clench and sneeze.
Don't close your eyes. It's impossible to sneeze if your eyes are open. Open your eyes. You're being selfish.
I'm gonna clench and sneeze.
I think I broke a rib.
...
I'm just checking if flight 51 is on time.
CI Check-in agent
Let's see.
Hello, gorgeous. That flight to Vegas left yet?
CI Check-in agent
Not yet.
Well, stick us on that then, please.
CI Check-in agent
Two first-class tickets?
Yeah. Yeah, switch us onto the Vegas flight, me and him.
CI Check-in agent
All right.
It was your idea. That's not what I meant. I meant after the show to see your dad.
You didn't specify. He didn't specify.
Yeah, well, I... You know, I did that special favor for you earlier. So, maybe you could return that favor and we could just go to LA.
You know. The favor that I did earlier.
My mind's a blank. Oh! He means the heroin.
His bum's all full of heroin. He doesn't mean that.
I'm a terrible drug addict. Mule!
CI Check-in agent
Perfect.
...
[Aaron and Aldous are airborne in the plane]
All right, I want my package now.
I'm not gonna give you the drugs until we're in Los Angeles, post-show.
Just to clarify, are you saying you're withholding my narcotics?
You made a huge tactical error and now I'm in control.
[Aldous is chasing Aaron around in an overly opulent hotel room]
Are you ticklish?
Seriously stop! Seriously stop! Seriously stop! Seriously stop! Seriously.
[Aldous has restrained Aaron silhouetted behind a curtain veil and his arms deep in Aaron's pants]
Seriously, seriously stop! What are you doing? Stop! No! No! Let go! You're crazy! No! No! No!
Good girl. Wasn't painful, was it?
In future, if you find yourself in a situation... What are you doing? [Aaron grabs the package ball, rips it open and stomps the contents around on floor] Get the ****... You little wanker. I just need you to go and score for me, Aaron.
We're in Vegas. I don't know peeps out here, you know?
It's not a **** game, Aaron! Don't put yourself between me and my problem or I'll **** destroy you! Go on now! Why are you still here?! Why are you still here?!
Just calm... Just calm down.
It's not a joke! It's not funny! Spilling my narcotics, **** me around! I need you to sort me out! You spilled my medicine! You need to remedy it! This is calm. Twenty minutes ago, I was even more calm when I had my fingers in your asshole. You don't want to wait around for another half-hour, son, 'cause I'll be **** you up.
B Brian
[Aaron walks up to casino concierge Brian at receptionist desk]
Hi. Can I help you?
Yes. I am trying to look up a friend of mine who's staying at the hotel. I don't know what room he's in.
B Brian
Okay. What's the last name?
Can you find that guest for me? Can you find that guest for me?
B Brian
Okay, I see what you're doing. I don't think it's funny, to be honest with you. I mean, you come here, you ask me for, if somebody named Heroin has checked in the **** hotel, 'cause you wanna buy drugs and that's how you do it? You pretend that it's the last name of a **** guest? Are you out of your mind?
I don't know. I just, just, just... I just... I'm looking for my friend Heroin. Do you know him?
B Brian
Yeah, I do. He'll be out back of the Spice Market Buffet in 20 minutes.
...
[Aaron is riding in Brian's heavily modded vehicle with pounding techno music]
I feel like I'm in 2 Fast 2 Furious.
...
R Roommate
[Holds up knife]
Yo, Brian, give me my money or I'm gonna stab you in the **** stomach, all right?
B Brian
Get out of my room, dude. What are you gonna do?
What... I'm not, like, involved in this.
...
B Brian
[Aaron is driving the vehicle with Brian holding his bloodied chest]
Oh, my God!
B Brian
You take a right on North Casino Way!
Every street's called Casino Way!
...
B Brian
[Aaron dumps Brian generally near the E.R. door and then runs away]
God, why didn't he take me all the way to the door?
...
Jackie [Aldous is watching a music video by Jackie Q in a music video]
One, two, three, four. It's just like coming in the back door. Five, six, seven, eight. Feels great. A ring, a ring around my dirty posie. My rear pocket is so fit and so damn cozy. Ring, ring, ring around my posie. All the boys in town say I've the tautest of posies.
[Aaron enters]
Aldous. I couldn't get what you wanted me to get. Sorry.
Yeah, I forgot I asked you to do that. No, that's all sorted. Turns out, it's quite easy to get drugs in Las Vegas. Why do you look so flustered? All right, just change and we'll get going, shall we? Looking forward to seeing me dad.
Thanks again for the suggestion.
Jackie [Jackie Q in the music video]
By posie, I'm talking about my asshole. Jackie Q!
[Aldous arrives at Jackie's residence, knocks on door and she answers]
Good morning, beautiful. Fancy an orgasm? 'Cause I knock them out, like, for free.
Jackie I told you not to come here.
Jackie Get in here, Aldous.
Jackie [Aldous is performing cunilingus on her on a couch with a blanket over his head]
I gotta stop now. We're done. All right. [Aldous takes off blanket]
Hey. Steady! That's not fair. I haven't finished. I got a busy day!
Jackie What, you want to have a wank and then just rub my tits or something?
Jackie Please?
Jackie Please?
I don't want to rub your tits and wank.
Jackie I'll tell you a sexy story.
Jackie! Darling. That's not fair. That's not equal. Reason within.
Jackie What about a BJ? Just a quick one.
Will you do my balls as well?
Jackie Yeah, ****, all right.
Will you put your fingers up my bottom?
Jackie All right, yeah. Later. What are you even doing here, Aldous? Why are you in LA?
I'm here because I've been thinking about you the last few days. I want to be with you, Jackie. I know that now.
Jackie You on a Jeffrey?
I'm not partying anymore. I'm in a clean zone. I have been for a while.
Jackie Well, that's perfect, because... I'm actually a different person. A very different person.
I want to be clean with you. You're the love of my life.
Jackie Aldous, I've been doing kabbalah. It's an ancient religion. It's brought to light all the mistakes that I've made. For all those mistakes, I am sorry.
Don't be sorry. Let's get married. I love you.
Jackie Yeah, and I was going to get married, but then you went to rehab for methamphetamine, I was taking a lot of E, and we had to reschedule.
Come off, 'cause that's not important.
Jackie Aldous! This has been the best four months of my life. I've realized you aren't capable of happiness. It's why your music's so shit. It's been years since I've seen you laugh or cry in a real way. You just numb yourself with drugs.
I was clean for seven years...
Jackie And you did yoga for five **** hours a day! That's mental. There's nothing in this world that you can't turn into heroin. The other day, Lars cried for three hours.
Jackie It was beautiful! And cleansing! And more intimate than anything you and I have ever shared.
We share a son. That is a bit more intimate than a crying drummer.
Jackie Naples is not your son.
Yes, he is. Yes, he... Jackie, why... Don't say things like that in an argument, 'cause, like, you can't come back from that. That's horrible.
Jackie He's not. Do you remember that photographer, Fernando? Do you remember when Fernando and I went and spent that month together in Naples? I'm so sorry, Aldous. I was 19 at the time, and I was so in love with you, and I thought you would break it off with me, and then you turned out to be such a good father. And then he just kept looking more and more Italian. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so glad we finally got to have this conversation, darling. Namaste.
This is not an appropriate time to say namaste.
...
One day you'll have to find a wife or a partner.
Don't choose a woman like your mother.
I mean, your mother is a wonderful mother, but she is a terrible human being.
Well, yeah, because if she wasn't terrible, Naples, why would she have torn my heart up?
Why are you so moody today?
I'm not moody. I'm just... I'm all right. Do you love me?
I do love you, Dad. I do love you, Aldous. Why do I have to call you Aldous? You are my dad. Aldous. Dad. Aldous. Dad.
Right. I'll see you later. [They hug]
You gonna be okay, Aldous?
Yeah, yeah, I'll be fine. I'll forget that the last seven years has happened.
L Lars
Babe? We should really get back to Naples. He's waiting back there for us.
So why don't you go and sue Napster, you little Danish twat?
