Aaron
Hey, so, Aldous, for the Today Show, they want to know what song you want to play.
Aldous
Say it was up to you, Aaron, what would you have me do?
Aaron
That's your call. You're the artist, you know, whatever you feel like playing. I'd be really interested, 'cause you're, like, a legitimate enthusiast. I'd like to know what you'd be into doing. If I had to choose, all-time favorite would be The Clap. That's a classic. You know, that's... That's, like, my childhood right there, you know.
Aldous
Okay. Well, I suppose the obvious choice is African Child, right?
Aaron
Yeah. Great tune. Yeah, I love African Child. The song's awesome. I brush my teeth to it, you know? I think maybe we should run to the airport right now, 'cause we're getting close.
Aldous
Change it to the next one. Should we get out of this bourgeois shithole?
...
I disagree with what you're saying!
Aldous
Bollocks! I disagree highly!
Aaron
Oh, no.
...
Aldous
Hey, move into... Make Aaron famous. Aldous, here!
Aaron
Hey, look, the car service is here, with all the bags.
Aldous
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Change it to the next one.
Aaron
So we're going on the next one?
Aldous
This is why we delay flights. For this! [They walk into nightclub]
Aaron
What's up, man? Hey. I’m at a table in the back with Aldous Snow.
Great.
Aaron
Feel free to bring Professor Snape. [pause] We’ll play some late night Quidditch.
Just...leave it. [He walks away]
Aaron
Right? Not everyone cares. [Spots Aldous making out with a woman] Excuse me. Aldous. Hey. [Uses hands to separate woman's face from Aldous' face] Sorry. Excuse me. Sorry. Excuse me.
Aldous
What? What are you doing?
Aaron
I'm so sorry. Excuse me.
Aldous
What's this?
Aaron
Listen, hey, listen. It's just getting super close to that 12:00 a.m. Flight.
Aldous
Aaron. I don't... See them two girls? Just there? I want to **** them two girls. Do you?
Aaron
Yeah, they seem awesome. They seem, like, cool. Sure. Why not? I don't want to think about that right now, man. That's cool. I just want to leave here, please.
Aldous
You're in a long-term relationship, right?
Aaron
No, just ended, actually. See, my...
Aldous
Brilliant! So, doesn't it make sense that we would stay here and have possibly the time of your life?
Aaron
****!
Aldous
Okay. What'd you prefer, blonde or brunette? Blonde or brunette?
Aaron
I don't know.
Aldous
What was your ex?
Aaron
Brunette.
Aldous
Blonde it is.
Aaron
Here we go!
Aldous
Thank you. Cheers. Do you want to go to the loo for a minute?
Aaron
Why?
Aaron
Oh, yes! Oh, God. My butt's getting wet! My butt's getting wet! I'm falling in the toilet! I'm falling in the toilet! That was great. Awesome.
Aldous
Chase me! [They run down hallway] It's better than Christmas! [Aldous jiggles hooker's breasts in a taxi-cab]
Jackie
No, shut up.
Aldous
Go on, Aaron, give her both barrels!
Aaron
All right. Can you give me the key, please?
Aldous
I love you. We've seen not much of that today. Toss it! And there it goes. The hoop goes wide. Oh, no.
Aaron
We're fine. We got 35 minutes to catch an international flight.
Aldous
I wouldn't worry about it. Your mouth is smiling, but your eyes look all sad. Why?
Aaron
Do you mind driving faster, please?
Would you like me to take the Chiswick roundabout through Hounslow and Staines?
Aaron
What is this, **** Middle Earth? Just take us to the airport, okay?
Aldous
Come on!
Aaron
All right, sir.
Aldous
Run! Run! Run! Run! Just, try and keep up.
Final boarding call... Just keep up.
Aldous
Aaron. Aaron. Aaron, you're sleeping. Stop sleep. Aaron, you're asleep. You're asleep. You're asleep, Aaron. Here's your drink.
Aaron
My leg.
Aldous
Don't sleep so often. Cheers, mate.
Aaron
Thank you for waking me up.
Aldous
Why do you think people keep saying my music's shit?
Aaron
I don't think that's the case. Is it? Is that the case?
Aldous
Yeah, a lot of negativity. Lot of sniping and snidey remarks. People are, " Yeah, he's shit, he's a has-been, he's over, "he's in his greatest hits era." Don't listen to that shit.
Aaron
I love all your albums.
Aldous
Do you love the album African Child?
Aaron
Yeah, of course. I love African Child. It's awesome.
Aldous
Aaron. NME said that African Child was the most detrimental thing to happen to black culture since the Rodney King beatings.
Aaron
Are you serious? Yeah.
Aldous
I read in Rolling Stone that African Child came third behind famine and war as the thing that had been most damaging to African life.
Aaron
I find that hard to believe, but they say any press is good press, right? I mean...
Aldous
Come on, mate. You know, open up.
Aaron
It seems as if on your last album you kind of went in the studio and just did whatever the producer asked you to do.
Aldous
Right. Yeah, no, that's exactly... This is good.
Aaron
Aldous Snow needs to be two guitars, a bass and a drum kit and his incredible voice.
Aldous
Vocals, yes! Yes. And that's it. And that's what we want to hear. That's what I love.
Aaron
That's what all your fans love. It's just every artist has this one album that's just not good, and that's it. Honestly, I listen to that and I'm just like, "What is this piece of shit I'm listening to? Do I even know this artist? "What the **** was he thinking?"
Aldous
Don't **** talk to me like that, you little prick.
Aaron
I'm so sorry.
Aldous
In future, if someone asks you to give them a critique of their work, don't rip out their **** gizzards and hold it in front of their face. What are you? What do you know?
Aaron
I'm sorry. Look, I don't know what I'm talking about.
Aldous
Yeah, what you did was very spiteful. But it was also very brave and very honest, and I respect you for doing that, but the content of what you said has made me hate you. So there's a layer of respect, admittedly, for your truthfulness, peppered with hate. Hateful respect.
Aaron
I'm sorry.
Aldous
It's over.
Scalpel! Now! But, Doctor!
Aldous
Hey, I think I used to have sex with her. Yeah, yeah. No, I did, I did.
Love is blind Love is blind, love is blind
